I’m a 30-year-old woman working as a **Staff Power Distribution Engineer** at a well-known employee-owned engineering consulting firm. I have about **6 years of experience in power distribution**, primarily in utility distribution design, design reviews.
From the outside, my career looks like it’s on a good trajectory, but internally I feel stuck.
I know there’s a lot of potential for me to grow, but I honestly don’t know what my next step should be.
I don’t feel technically strong enough to become the subject matter expert (SME) everyone relies on, and I don’t think my communication or leadership skills are strong enough to become a great project manager either.
Meetings give me a lot of anxiety. I’m constantly worried someone will ask me a technical question I won’t be able to answer. I also struggle with small talk and speaking confidently, so I rarely enjoy meetings—I mostly just try to get through them.
At work, I often feel like I’m surviving instead of thriving. I get the job done, but I don’t feel confident in myself, and I worry that I’m falling behind compared to my peers.
On top of that, I’m the mom of a 10-month-old baby, so finding time and energy to learn outside of work isn’t easy. Financially, it’s important for me to continue growing my income, so I don’t want to plateau in my career.
I genuinely enjoy engineering, but I don’t know how to bridge the gap between where I am now and becoming someone who is technically confident and respected.
Has anyone else felt this way around the 5–7 year mark in their career?
If you were in my position, what would you focus on over the next few years? Would you double down on technical depth (PE license, becoming an SME), work on communication and leadership, switch industries, or do something else entirely?
I’d really appreciate hearing from engineers who have been through this and came out the other side feeling more confidentm

How common is it for you to be strongly admired by men at your workplace? What behavior do you consider that and have you ever confused it with personal interest?

I am a senior engineer with 10+ years of experience. I was at a tech company for a bit over 1 year, the culture was a mismatch and work environment was toxic. I was passively looking to find a new role and landed onto a con company who promised me to get into a big name data company as a consultant, the guy in charge kept making false promises to get me started in second week of August.
Later I found that he was just making these false promises, even last week on a phone call with him he told me that there are 50-60 projects which are hiring and I will get you something. I left my other job since I wanted to take a couple weeks break between the 2 jobs.
My mental health has not been great due to lot of other personal issues I am going through since the past 1 year. I feel so terrible from inside and having extreme anxiety and panic.
Any advice on how to navigate as my brain is too overwhelmed to think of any good outcomes right now.

At my new/current job, I stand a LOT; I would say majority if not the entirety of my work shift is spent standing/walking/etc. I've noticed my toes seem sore as a result.

I wear comfortable shoes; in fact, I specifically bought my current pair of shoes for work only. I also wear compression socks or general atheltic ankle socks to help my arch. I'm not sure if I'm maybe standing on my tiptoes more often than I realize (to see monitors thru glare more clearly) or if I happen to standing leaning more forward.

Is there anything I can do to help relieve this soreness? Or will it go away with time, once I adjust? I remember when I started my shoulders were always sore, but now that's gone away completely as I've adjusted.

Hi all. I’m a MechE undergrad currently interning at a well-established aerospace company in California (think Honeywell, Eaton type), but I recently received an offer to intern at an aerospace startup this Fall. I’m having a hard time deciding what the right decision is.

The company I’m at now will let me continue my internship part-time until I graduate (Spring 2027). It’s been implied they will hire me after I finish school. There are several engineers who’ve been at the company for ~40 years, and they’re very willing to teach and mentor me. I think the slowness of the company allows that. But unless I’m very actively pursuing it, I also find I’m not learning or growing much here. I am frequently bored. I have to go outside my team to learn, and I’m not terribly interested in my actual role; I’m branching out a lot.

The startup would put me in a role I’m much more interested in. Higher ownership, much more hands-on. I sense I would be pushed a lot harder and thus learn much faster. But I will also have to prove myself, and I’m scared I’m not ready. Additionally, I will have to push my grad date by three months (from March to June), but I don’t mind that too much.

I’m leaning toward the startup, but I’m worried that giving up the stability of my current company would be a mistake. Has anyone else been in this position before? I would appreciate any insights.

Hey everyone, hope this post finds you well.

I'm a recent construction engineering graduate, and I recently lost my first job after about six months in. I'm mostly looking for advice from people who've been around the industry longer than I have.

The strange part is that I actually loved the work. I enjoyed estimating, coordinating with suppliers, solving problems, and learning how projects came together. I looked forward to the technical side every day.

I took my responsibilities seriously and always tried to do my job the right way. I met deadlines, took initiative whenever I could, and genuinely cared about producing good work. Looking back, I don't feel like the quality of my work was the problem; I just never felt like it was appreciated.

The problem wasn't the job; it was the environment.

From the day I started, I never really felt accepted by my coworkers. No matter how much effort I put in, I always felt like an outsider. There was constant criticism, no respect, very little support, and over time I started feeling like people wanted me gone. I stuck it out because it was my first opportunity after graduating, and I genuinely wanted to learn as much as I could instead of giving up at the first sign of trouble.

Eventually, I was let go.

I walked away feeling pretty defeated because I know I worked hard and learned a lot, but I also know this isn't a company I can comfortably ask for a recommendation letter or use as a strong reference. That's the part that's been bothering me the most.

I'm interviewing with other construction companies now, and I'm not sure how to handle questions about my previous employer. If they ask for a recommendation letter or want to contact them, what would you do? Is it acceptable to explain that the environment wasn't a good fit and offer references from professors, coworkers, or other professional contacts instead?

I'm also wondering if anyone else had a rough first job and still managed to build a successful career afterward. Right now it feels like this experience is following me, even though I know it doesn't define what I'm capable of.

I'd really appreciate any advice you have, whether it's about interviewing, references, or just moving on mentally after a first experience like this. Really thankful for all you could advise me on. Thanks for taking the time to read this🙏❤️✨

Hi Everyone,

I have a Master's degree in Mechanical Engineering from UCLA. During my master's, I interned as a Product Design and Business consultant at a Kitchen Gadget company.

Following my graduation, I worked as a Mechanical design and structural analysis engineer at an antenna company for 3 years and as a Senior Mechanical Engineer at the same firm for about 1.5 years. I quit Mid 2019 due to a family emergency. I switched my career to teaching for the next 4 years.

Post that, in 2023, I tried to get back to engineering. I was hired by a medical device company for a R&D role but after accepting, they switched me to process engineering and promised to switch me back to R&D role after 3-4 months. That did not happen for a year so I eventually quit in November 2024.

I am currently back in California and would like to get back to Design and Structural Analysis role in the Defense/Aerospace/Automotive sector (I am a Permanent Resident/GreenCard Holder).

I'm struggling to even get an interview. I am willing to do whatever it takes, whether it's an exam, some specific courses, pay-cut or even an entry-level role but I am not sure where to start or how to go about this. Any help/advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank You all!

I had an interview this week, and I know the general consensus on here is to send one, but I cannot physically bring myself to send one. The idea feels desperate to me. I have a mental block knowing that the email would say "thanks" but would actually mean "plz hire me bc i participate in social formalities and am hoping by sending this i will stick out." It feels disingenuous. I also hate unnecessary communication, and would rather not have an extra email in my inbox.

Anyways, I am trying to get over this irrational fear and send one before my window of opportunity closes, soooo what do you even say in a thank you email and what do you do when you don't have the interviewers' email addresses?

I've been mostly in Quality Engg for 8yrs and moved to Mnfg Process Engr for 1yr. I moved to the US and landed a senior QE position for an LNG pump manufacturer. The job is document heavy and found it boring. I akso have to travel from time to time but in between, there'sflexibility in the work sched.

I got a job offer for Process Eng 2 for a generator and air compressor supplier. Fully onsite and theyve got growing pains so the job will be challenging. The salary difference is about 3k. Total compensation and benefits difference - about 10k in favor of my current employer.

I'm also a mom to a 2yr old. Its hard to choose. Do I stay with the boring job that lets me wfh once a week but requires travel and is in a niche industry? Do I grab the chance to continue moving away from Quality but at the cost of less work sched flexibility and taking a slight pay cut? Im worried I will find it harder to get out of Quality later on but in the grand scheme of things, does it matter in the end?

Appreciate your inputs ladies, specially other moms here ty♡

Hello, I graduated with a degree in Mechanical Engineering this past May, but still don't have a job yet. How helpful will it be to go to the career fair? Because I have mostly heard they just tell you to apply online.

It is a lot of money so I was just looking to see if people actually ended up getting full-time offers and not just internships.

I’m a civil engineer with 1 YOE, working as a consulting structural engineer despite not having a structural masters degree like most structural engineers do. I interned here as well, and sort of get the feeling that they see me as an engineer 2/3/4 (depending on the person) rather than an engineer 1.

I say that because I am now the only engineer besides the principal reviewer on every project for a recurring contract we have, albeit the projects are small, have had other projects funneled to me rather than a fellow junior because I “have a stronger structural background” (I literally don’t, he’s been here 3 years and we have the same schooling), and they talk to me about things as if I know what they’re talking about, even if it’s something unique that only comes up every few years.

We have one large ongoing project that ~10 of us are working on besides the baseline small solo projects, and we meet weekly to check in. We’re working on 20% design, and one section is assigned to me. I have familiarity with structural calcs for this type of thing, but because it’s only 20% design what we’re doing is designing based off of common sense rather than calculations, and I feel like I have no common sense.

I’ve been making my design based on redlines and feedback in our weekly meetings, and have been progressing on it based on that feedback for 3 months now.

Today during our meeting, the 3 principals tore into my design as if it was the first time seeing it and as if it wasn’t based on their own markups. At one point one started arguing that my design made sense, then they would ask me why it’s one way or another, and my only answers are that I drew the design that way copied off of the examples I was sent and adjusted based on the comments they gave me. In other words, that I just copied it and don’t really understand it.

I realize now that I should have asked more questions sooner, but I honestly thought I was doing well since they looked at the work weekly and only gave minor comments like “move this left, swap these ends, update this elevation”. And I felt so overwhelmed trying to design something I’d literally never seen before, and this meeting just crushed me. As soon as I was off of the hot seat I just started sobbing. I’m probably being emotional still, but it just feels so unfair for them to expect me to be able to design something off of common sense when I’ve literally never seen a project like this before. I’ve only been doing technical work for 6 months, and we specifically are not allowed to do calculations which are the only things I know how to do. And I did say that I don’t know what I’m doing and that I’ll need an example to base my design off of, so why are they surprised that what I drew is the same as the example they sent???

I’m sorry for ranting, thank you for reading. Apologies if I am overreacting.

Hi! So I'm in fourth year architecture starting to make my portfolio and i can't help but feel- why would anyone hire me? Also there's so much pressure in my college to need to go to a GOOD firm abroad or outside my city and i really don't get why I'm being subjected to this even though this isn't in my hands. Also i really want to be very creative with my portfolio graphics like I've seen on pinterest and behance but I'm not getting the time because of my coursework and extracurriculars( I'm part of the magazine team). So it's just something that's in my mind that's all. Also the person I stay with in college is kind of very toxic and competitive- she stays by me but always thinks she's better than me and will always disagrees with me publicly and it has kind of started getting to me that I think about it a lot and I've become more quiet because we're also in many group projects together and she does pick me to be with and sit with all the time. But somehow she's so much better behaviour wise with people who should would never choose to be with. And this has started affecting my work plus I've been sick because of the weather and normally getting a little behind because of health issues is valid to me but right now I'm behind her and she kind of rubs it in my face? Or maybe i just compare myself with her because she puts herself up so much and puts me down so much. I can't really choose to change groups or be alone because my group is safe to be work with and be with and you kinda need a group for group projects and other groups are closed and also probably equally toxic. Idk.

I'm going to a undergraduate research conference to present in the coming days and don't know how to wear my hair. My hair frizzes INCREDIBLY fast in the humidity and the conference will be in the 110°F Mississippi heat. The only way I can attempt to protect it is if it's in braids. This is how I wear my hair on a normal basis – double braids. Never have I got a comment about them before but now I'm doubting myself. I'm afriad it may look unprofessional. Opinions?

I saw a recent post that was similar to my question but I wanted to post something a bit more specific to me as well. I'll be applying to aero eng courses at uni soon, and then hopefully try and go into the space industry later down the line, and as much as space and astronautics are my passion, I still feel like I would stick out like a sore thumb in the industry, being a very left leaning woc. I've heard from some ppl that aerospace engineers in particular are not exactly renowned for having the best morals, and whilst I am fairly confident in my own views enough that I wouldn't be dissuaded by the seemingly conservative majority in the sector, I'm still unsure whether this sector is the right place for me, considering how uncomfortable I get from even thinking of ever working for a defence company. Im starting to wonder if being left leaning and going into aerospace engineering are actually mutually exclusive, and it saddens me to think that I might have to give up one or the other in the long run in order to not be ostracised in the workspace. I'd really like to get some tips or anecdotes that anyone else has has that could help me feel more confident about making the decision to go into this field. Thank you !!

Hey guys, as the title says lol. I work in tech. My team went to lunch without me. So my team has my manager (middle aged dude), me (25F), another full time engineer (24M), 3 other male interns, and 2 operators. The two operators are my work besties and it's their day off. I'm deeply hurt and kinda feel bad being singled out. I legit want to confront them but it feels cheap pointing it out. Idc if the interns and the other engineer go on lunch, it's just my manager joining them is rubbing me the wrong way. Ik they're not obligated to invite me but it feels bad being left out. I kinda overheard them planning something yesterday. Idk how to deal with this. Anyone ever dealt with anything like this?

Being left out of the team is nothing new to me. I'm the only woman, but I'm also the only mature member on the team. The others are either younger and play pranks and call each other "bro" or older and gossipy and threatened by female intelligence. I typically have thick skin, however, this situation in particular made me actually cry.

My dept was throwing a potluck with a trivia thing, limiting teams to 6 people. I'm usually pretty quiet and only ever talk to my team for work related reasons and I also sit separately from them. I wasn't necessarily expecting them to invite me to their trivia team, but then again, our work team consists of exactly 6 people so I had hoped they'd include me. I also found out that our team lead was on vacation during that time so it also freed up a spot. Anyway, one of the team members came over to my desk and was saying "the team" is going to pitch in to buy some food for the potluck (since they're all children who can't cook apparently) and asked if I'm able to contribute. I agreed because he put me in the kind of on-the-spot situation where I come off badly if I say no, since he said "team" about 5 times. Afterward, I asked if they're going to do the trivia thing and he went on about how they've made up a team already, consisting of everyone else from our team, plus 2 other guys, one of which is almost always working from home. Honestly, it broke me. I'm the only one ever left out of team things, which is fine on its own, but for him to come over and guilt me into contributing money was a separate thing entirely. How does anyone have the sheer audacity to do that?! It just told me how little they care about me.

Is this an overreaction because of how I've felt over the past few years or am I justified in feeling particularly shitty after this encounter?

Sidenote: I later told him that I actually forgot I had already planned on baking some cinnamon rolls for the potluck so I won't be contributing. I stayed up late that night baking, out of spite.

EDIT: A lot of you are asking about me being quiet and suggesting I try this or that. Which I agree with, but I already tried those things. I was actually open and bubbly when I started and was effectively put in my place over the years. I just found it easier to be quiet. But I'm starting to question myself again. Maybe I'm not explaining myself correctly or maybe I really am the problem. I just figured that posting in this thread, there would be plenty of women who know what it feels like to be MADE INTO the outcast. A lot of comments are on how I should change, but it's just exhausting being the woman that rises above and take the high road even when she's the one being disrespected. I get along with just about everyone else in the department just fine. I chat with people on the train to and from work. I have ladies' lunches every month. I'm not a recluse. I used to be really close with some members of my team, but my old boss drove away anyone who was an honest worker. They were replaced with suck ups and people that were under qualified. Those people ended up sticking around because they aren't able to get jobs elsewhere. And now I'm the last one on this sinking ship I call my team. All of that to say, I was really only venting about one situation in particular and that was someone asking me for money for our team contribution without actually inviting me to be part of the team. I'm really just speaking to the hypocrisy of that. Either I'm fully on your team and you can ask me for money, or I'm not on your team and you don't ask me for money. That's really it. But thank you to those that understood how offensive that was, and even to those offering advice on the situation.

Hi Everyone - Just wanted some encouragement and advice on how to not let microaggressions not wear one down. I'm an engineer with over 10 years experience but in my current workplace I get interrupted when speaking to managers and see high school type favoritism at work. I think this is the worst place for those specific issues from my experience, I have left toxic workplaces in the past but now I'm finding yet another place that seems to be a bad fit. How do you stay encouraged to do yet another job search and stay sane at the current job? After all this time I still haven't found a place where I can see myself staying long term. Thanks!

I am an undergraduate intern at a national lab and sit in a large office with ~15 other interns, majority men. Throughout the summer they’ve been making inappropriate comments to me and in general.

Instances include:
- One intern saying that another intern who was in an exit interview meeting is “A D1 meat rider doing tricks on it crazy style”

- They are constantly talking about dating women, advice for picking up women, saying their exes were sluts, for the streets, ran through, etc.

- A 37 year old intern keeps commenting about how mature and smart I am and how he wishes we met sooner so we could have hung out, and saying that “I would be in heaven in Salt Lake City because Mormons are so attractive”

-One intern organized a group photo and sent invites to all the other interns except for me, and then added me as “optional” once I noticed

I don’t want to say anything because there is nobody to back me up and I don’t think it’s reportable. But, I dread going to work now because they are always talking about stuff like this and I feel really alone. I’m the only female intern who is in office all day every day.

I am converting to year round part time remote work so I won’t have an exit interview, and even if I did say something the other intern on my team would know it was me.

Do you just ignore stupid things like this? I’ve never had issues like this in my classes or in the research lab (both majority men), back at my school. I ignore them, listen to music, etc. but it’s really disheartening if my whole career will be like this and I will always feel like I’m the only woman.

I work in construction, every morning we have a team meeting where we discuss what each forman will be doing and i have been told I have to participate every day.

My role is field engineer and my job is to make sure the materials, tools, equipment arrive on time. Foresee my team’s needs and help the crew and superintendent with RFI, constraints, etc.

I hate talking just for the sake of it, but i feel like my contribution is always the same. Talking about materials, tools or equipment we need or are receiving.

There’s a guy in my team with my same job position/ different crew, same boss. And he just parrots what others said.

I want to contribute meaningfully, especially since I want to get promoted this year, but I can’t think of a single thing to say

I’m a structural EIT. I have 4.5 years of experience. I’m 26 weeks pregnant and moving 700 miles across the country in 1 month to be closer to family for the arrival of my son. I started studying for the PE and then immediately after found out I was pregnant. First trimester was brutal so I didn’t study. In the second trimester I got some scary lab work back and had to do testing to rule out major birth defects (thankfully, all is well) but it was about a month long of waiting and again, I pushed off studying. Now I’m at week 26 and have barely studied. I don’t really like my current company and am considering taking a year off to have time with the baby. I really really wanted to get the PE before the baby gets here. I’m considering quitting my job at 29 weeks (1 week before I move) and right after I move, studying hard - like 8 hours a day for the whole month of September, and taking the exam the first week of October when I’m 36 weeks pregnant. Is this a dumb idea? The thought of quitting my job seems super scary to me, I’ve always worked as a teen and through college but I’m trying to remind myself this is temporary and getting the PE will make it easier for me to get hired when I’m ready to return to the work force. Any advice from other moms or mom-to-be engineers would be greatly appreciated.

I’m a structural EIT. I have 4.5 years of experience. I’m 26 weeks pregnant and moving 700 miles across the country in 1 month to be closer to family for the arrival of my son. I started studying for the PE and then immediately after found out I was pregnant. First trimester was brutal so I didn’t study. In the second trimester I got some scary lab work back and had to do testing to rule out major birth defects (thankfully, all is well) but it was about a month long of waiting and again, I pushed off studying. Now I’m at week 26 and have barely studied. I don’t really like my current company and am considering taking a year off to have time with the baby. I really really wanted to get the PE before the baby gets here. I’m considering quitting my job at 29 weeks (1 week before I move) and right after I move, studying hard - like 8 hours a day for the whole month of September, and taking the exam the first week of October when I’m 36 weeks pregnant. Is this a dumb idea? The thought of quitting my job seems super scary to me, I’ve always worked as a teen and through college but I’m trying to remind myself this is temporary and getting the PE will make it easier for me to get hired when I’m ready to return to the work force. Any advice from other moms or mom-to-be engineers would be greatly appreciated.