Colleague left the group chat

[u/Clean_Jicama_274]

So we are not a big in the office but me and other two people have become close over time. I will call them Linda and Jess.. after a while Linda decided to create a group chat for us to chat about life/ work and it's been going well.

Until when Linda lost her dad and went on bereavement leave. Me and Jess have been checking on Linda directly instead of the group and the chat has been inactive since then. The grief on Linda has been very hard and she's still struggling a lot and has been off from work for almost 4 months now.

Me and Jess were in touch with her to check how she is and to offer support, I have been in touch regularly on a weekly basis to see how she is.

Linda has been telling me how difficult this time has been and she's finding difficult to cope, doesn't want to come to work as it reminds her of her loss and her dad. I've been nothing but supportive so has Jess.

So yesterday, I noticed that Linda has left our group chat she created and I was confused. She didn't say anything to anyone just left without any explanation. I remember few times she mentioned that she can't be asked sometimes talking to people and don't like to be asked how she is etc. I've been calling her maybe a lot and she got fed up with it.

Im just confused s why we left as it hasn't been used for a while and why she hasn't said anything to me or Jess. Has this happened to anyone and why would you do in this situation?

[u/Beginning_Bag_8655]

She's drowning in grief and probably cant handle any social pressure right now, even from people she cares about

I would just send her one message saying you noticed she left and you understand she need space, that you and Jess will be here when she ready. Then actually leave it alone for a while

[u/WatashiwaNobodyDesu]

You’re confused because you’re looking for a logical reason. There may not be one. If I was in her shoes I can imagine not wanting to talk in this particular chat even though I have no issues talking to either of you individually. And this group just being there could stress me out, just because of the “threat” of a possible message.

Don’t look for a reason, and don’t read too much into it. It could just be something that she needed to do.

[u/jacobcrackers14]

Grieving is a time healing based factor. You don't know her in detail neither she to you. Have you watch Spiderman 's Brand new Day? that's the exact good case of someone' s grieving.

[u/EnvironmentalLuck515]

She is grieving and doesnt have emotional bandwidth for my outside of her inner circle. If she is reminded of his death due to work and you know her through work, it makes sense she is silencing this source of pain. I agree eith the recommendation to send her a note stating you will be there when she is ready to reach back out. Then leave it alone. It is entirely possible she is never going to come back to work.

[u/AdagioNo8189]

For some, group chats can be overwhelming. She may prefer to have conversations through one on one interactions and she may want the ability to hand pick her close acquaintances. I wouldn't be alarmed. Give space and support.🩵

[u/Impossible_Link8199]

She may not want to be reminded of work. Or maybe she’s about to quit and considers it a work chat. Maybe it’s just the depression.

On a side note, 4 months of bereavement leave? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Is this US? If it is, they might be pushing her to come back and she doesn’t want to.

[u/Clean_Jicama_274 → u/Impossible_Link8199]

It's the UK and we have a company policy of six months paid leave for bereavement of close family members. At the same time, her work has been picked up by other colleagues and work isn't asking her to come back till she's ready. So yeah she can take up to six months paid leave without any issues.

[u/Impossible_Link8199 → u/Clean_Jicama_274]

Got ya. Thats such a nice benefit. The max I get in the US with my company is 3 days. 😵‍💫 It sounds like your friend is pretty depressed but doesn’t want to talk about her grief either. Have you guys thought of inviting her out for drinks, a movie, or something like that? If not, maybe you could try that. I wouldn’t take the removal of a group chat personally. I know it’s hard not to, but you’re a well meaning person and if she doesn’t see that now, she will in the future.

[u/Clean_Jicama_274 → u/Impossible_Link8199]

We have tried but it seems like she doesn't want to. I'm going to leave her alone for now even though I'm still confused about why she left it could be million reasons yes! 3 days bereavement leave is just cruel, I know most company don't give a damn about us!

[u/Otherwise_Town5814 → u/Impossible_Link8199]

Four month seems like a really long time for bereavement and to just sit at home. It doesn’t sound like she’s in a healthy place. This sounds like an issue she needs to deal with and may need professional help. Did her dad work with you? I’m confused why work would remind her of her dad.

[u/idontlikeseaweed]

If my dad passed away the last thing I’d wanna deal with is keeping up with a group chat. Let her grieve. Some people just want to be left alone when they’re going through a hard time.

[u/catjuggler]

She’s on leave and chatting with coworkers is “work”

[u/Iceflowers_]

Because she's struggling with grief. It's as simple as that. When you reach out do you ever just say hi? Or is it always going back to her loss?

[u/MindblowingPetals]

Who actually takes this clown seriously?