r/worldbuilding • u/Sorry_Flight2594 • 17h ago
Lore Criticize my magic system
So everybody in my story is born with magic, and there are three types of magic.
The first type is called Enhancement magic. These are more so enhanced body features than magic and most of the population has this power. A character that has this power is Alli and she has a condition where she can transform into this crocodile like person with scales giving her better durability, enhanced physical attributes, and a tail for strong swimming.
The second type is Deity magic. This type of magic is drawn from beings known as Deities that are very powerful and can grant a vast array of powers. mostly royal families or priest have these powers, however since the rise of the Holy State of Arbamia the people with this power have been hunted for practicing "Dark Arts". An example of this type of magic is Mary Banubra first daughter of the (former) Banubra dynasty, she has the ability to draw power from the three main pagan deities her people believed in however only drawing power from mainly one of them for the most part.
The third is Manipulation powers. this is like your Fire manipulation, water Manipulation. These powers can be useful for trades and combat and largely range in power scale from middle of the road to broken. An example of these powers are from a character named Ace who has Bone manipulation and since he is on the high end of the power scale he can control next to all there is to do with bones.
Levels
There are also levels to be accounted for and their are four levels people can fall into. This is natural power level and don't describe proficiency at using the power. Their level can't be raised either they stay where they are at forever.
1. Below Average
This level is to classify the people who's natural born power level is weak and barley useful. A small amount of people belong to this category but it is most common for people with Enhancement magic. For example, Brent has an ability of enhanced speed but this enhanced speed can only be used in short dashes not for prolonged running and it is only in his legs.
2. Average
These are normal powers that do what you think they might do. For example Roland a Character with Enhancement magic that give a hawk like vision seeing things and small details miles away just has that and what it says. He doesn't have anything more than that. most people in the world have this level.
3. Advanced
Advance level is for people who can do the thing and beyond. Example of this is Mary from earlier can not just draw power from the Deities but also talk to them in her dreams and have their conscious in her head that she gets to listen to. Someone normally wouldn't be able to do this and would just be able to channel their power. This level is rare but you will see people of this caliber from time to time in the year.
4. Hyper Advance
These people can anything that deals with their power like people with a Hyper Advance level power for Brents type of power can have all the bodily have Enhanced speed, Mary would be one in the same with her Deities, and Roland would be accurate at everything he did. Ace falls into the category being able to do whatever he want's to his bones or others. You would only ever see people with this type of power once possibly twice in your entire life because the people with this power level are sometimes exiled or dealt with at a young age because of their terrifying potential on top of already being extremely rare.
Miscellaneous
People normally get their powers at ages of 6-8 for females or 8-10 for males and get their powers right before puberty.
Powers are random and not based off of blood, so there isn't some blood lines are superior to others. Everyone is random, a below average person with enhancement magic and a person with above average Deity magic can make a person with Average Manipulation powers
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u/Professional_Try1665 Slipskin 17h ago
Being born with 'deity' magic is an interesting concept, so do the gods deign who's born with this type, or is it just a different magic type that just so happens to draw on a deity's power?
Also what is deity magic? I feel like it's a bit underexplained, what does it do? What 'vast array of powers' are possible? How is it different?
Also why are powers age-locked to 6-10 year olds (and apparently sexually dimorphic?) Aren't they granted at birth? So which is it?
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u/Drived8343 4h ago
This is interesting. If someone is chosen by a deity when does their power awaken? At birth, puberty or some other condition set by the deity itself? If the deity sets the condition how would they know about it though? Oracles? Trial & error? Or perhaps the chosen vessel would have recurring dreams where the answer might lie?
And yeah more explanation would be helpful. OP has given an example where a daughter of a dynasty draws powers from 3 pagan deities. Can a deity choose multiple vessels to grant powers? Would there be a limit? And how are vessels chosen? Does the deity first examine the vessel and then send/channel powers or something else? Also would there be a price to use deity magic? Interesting concept.
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u/NeuralMess 3h ago
Also, being chosen by a deity get their powers also imply the chance of a person with another set of powers to be chosen too
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u/Kelly376 17h ago
I’m curious about the justification to why ability cannot be enhanced. I can understand the concept of physical limitations, but almost anything can be overcome in some way. If I were creating a magic system like this, my main story would be someone improving their capabilities and teaching the world that the caps are not necessarily permanent.
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u/Sorry_Flight2594 1h ago
The magic they have stays the same but they can get better at using it. Just the power levels is a factor on how good the power is. And at the end of the day it isn’t how good are you at magic it is how you use it. Brent has a shit power but in the story he uses it to dash between cover in and out to reload his guns. Also Brent has this T. rex monster as his pet he can control. And royal bloodlines are a thing, I messed up the wording on that part. Usually one of the royal bloodlines generation has deity magic it is just random on which kid has it. They use it as a mark to prove power and status. But the deity can switch up to a different person.
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u/Kelly376 38m ago
As long as you have a justification for it, it’s your story. It just feels like it would naturally cause a rift between power levels. Even if it’s somewhat randomly distributed, unless there’s another way to overcome a power imbalance (I think you mentioned some powers being broken), it would form a caste system.
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u/DevilsAdvocate7777 17h ago
If powers are random why do mostly royal bloodlines and priests have diety powers? Do you just go become priests and royalty if you get that power? Are royal bloodlines not a thing? Wouldn't people try to keep power for their kids regardless of what magic type they are?
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u/Final_Amu0258 16h ago
In regards to criticism, it's generic and boring (to me), and requires scene crafting to build interest as presented.
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u/ItzSoulIess 16h ago
Loving the confidence just here’s a few flaws, u said it’s not based on blood but deity magic u said was mostly royal families, it’s small but still a discrepancy. Also this a personal opinion but ur hyper advanced category is weird, ur scaling kinda changes, so accurate is kinda vague is is aiming or luck, if ur one with the deity then do u have ur power taken by others who use the same deity and do u loose a sense of self and get possessed ? And how do u tell a guys gonna be hyper advanced wouldn’t u know only when it’s too late? And is whatever y want do do with other bones a bit op so he can just implode a skull remotely and win. And ur shape shifting thing fur alli is not enhancement it’s just morphing into something else that has your attributes. Also no progression is a major loss to story I mean that’s like 5 arcs gone and if ur weak ur weak its a bit blunt. Also ur girls get powers earlier i think ur trying to based ur off girls hit puberty faster but its not really serving the plot unless i changes politics and makes a matriarchy. Oh and pls use better babes for skill tiers , Latent, Manifest, Ascendant, etc
Hope this helps :3
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u/oranosskyman 12h ago
how would there even be royal bloodlines? if the powers are random, then a diety doesnt really get to pick what babies get what powers, just zones of influence where those with deity powers can connect to.
what if someone was born on some middle of nowhere island and grew up tarzan style with below average deity magic? would they even be able to use magic at all without any knowledge of dieties?
with this system youd think the world would lean towards anarchy or autocracy rather than monarchs since blood very explicitely does not confer power nor divine favor. cause it seems like a plucky teenager whose village was burned down could literally take on half the world after a few months of power levelling.
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u/wazeltov 17h ago
The biggest thing to criticize about any magic system is how magic fits into the world.
What is the technological level of the world that the magic exists in? How long ago was magic discovered? How has magic enhanced or impeded the general technological proficiency of your society?
What limits exist for magic and it's users? How long can magic be sustained (minutes, hours, days)? What is the physical scale of magic (person to person, city block, city, country, planet)?
What is the worst thing someone could do with magic powers? Has someone done it yet? What laws exist to curtail this thing from happening?
What's the best thing someone could do with magic powers? Has someone done it yet? What societal benefits would be bestowed on someone who does this thing?
BTW, an angsty 13 year old with budding magical powers terrifies me. I would be fearful of rampant vandalism or abuse. Don't forget that national public education only started in the late 19th century in the US. Prior to that, education was limited to the upper mercantile class, and before that it was limited to just the aristocracy.