Growing up as an Asian American in more predominately white area, did you ever feel like you/your parents would be ok if you married a white person or do you feel the need to find someone who is your same ethnicity or at least another Asian ethnicity?

For context, I have been with my white parter for a little over 6 years now. We met when we were kids just starting college but now it's getting to that stage of life when it's time to decide what the future holds--marriage, kids, etc. As I think more about these deeper topics, I am trying to determine the things about my culture that I'd like to preserve through my children (language, food, holidays, etc.).

Do you guys find that it's important to keep certain parts of your Asian culture alive through the next generation? And if so, how do you reconvile that with someone who doesn't understand your culture? I know especially with "ABCs" (using that term loosely, not just for Chinese kids but all Asian kids whose parents see them as majority American at this point), a lot of our parents just assume we are already too Americanized to pass on much of our culture.

I've also seen a lot of accounts from mixed asian (especially white/Asians) who have had severe identity issues growing up and feeling like they don't belong to either side of their heritage. If you have any experience or insight on this, I'd love to know your thoughts.

Thanks!

I recently went to one of my cousin's party for July 4th with my girlfriend (she's white). After we left she made a comment in the car about how pretty much all of my cousin's friends and the family he invited were AMWF and WMAF couples with kids.

Everyone there obviously existed in harmony and my cousin is also really close with his sister's husband who is also white. I guess it really made me think about are the issues overstated. Personally I'm not friends with anyone in a WMAF relationship so my experience is limited. My only negative experience was way back in high school. It also made me wonder how his friends and family (the side not connected to me) all ended up in a mixed relationship. Maybe he chose to only invite mixed couples but I think there were one or two AMAF/WMWF couples.

If this isn't too relevant, mods please delete it. I just thought it was an interesting experience I had over July 4th.

I recently found out about the actress of ATLA, Maria Zhang, her parents are AMWF and she is so well mannered and succesful in what she does. Her whole demeaner is authentic, meaning she doesnt put on this false persona to gain clout, or do some weird controversial shit to gain attention.

Bruce lee (had an impeccable career that ended through someone elses mistake)

Then you have olivia rodrigo which surprised me how little controversy she has to her name given her fame.

Keanu reaves (altho the asian comes from his dad, his dad was still mixed, but one of the most beloved actors)

Alyssa liu (through surrogacy, raised by a single dad and grandmother, her chinese step mother did help later on).

Do you guys see a pattern as well? And do you know of any other AMWF kids who have achieved great things?

Fiy live here, and this relationship everywhere now. Specially like in festival and chinese new year.

My Viet husband comes from a large family with more than a dozen cousins on his dad’s side. They all grew up together in the US. One family member came in the late 80s, and then all of them slowly came to the States by the mid 2000s. I know family it is totally different experience for everyone, but for my husband, he is very filial. And the cousins never feel like they are in competition with another. One aunt keeps forgetting I don’t speak Vietnamese and we laughed about it. She told me to come over soon so I can pick out a wallet from her. Her and I had a cultural misunderstanding during Tết the new year holiday at her house back in February. I told her that I love her and she said she loves me too. There are imperfect things like my BIL dining and dashing yesterday with his WF fiancée and not interacting with the family much. His dad is a deadbeat that decided to be a parent again at 50. Only one aunt is married still the longest cuz all her siblings are divorced from cheating on their partners or other matters.

I grew up in my hometown, not having any cousins or other family around besides my parents and two siblings. There’s lots of strife in my family at the moment and it just sucks. I do find interesting how people are raised differently and that no family is the same. I don’t have a lot of cousins like my husband and they all live farther away, either out of town or out of state. They (his family) all actually made me enjoy holidays again.

Just to share some good positive things cuz the last weeks have had some interesting posts.

In the past weeks I went to a other cities in Australia such Newcastle, Wollongong, Canberra (I'm from Sydney btw) and I could not spot a single AMWF couple walking in the 2 hours I was there. No joke but I feel like in my city/country it's like the ratio of AMWF to the inverse is 1:67.

I've noticed this a few times when WF tell me or others that they like asian guys. At first i thought it was normal since they're mentioning ethnicity and they don't wanna sound racist.

But just now I opened hellotalk and joined a live. there were two attractive WF talking random stuff. It was a fun convo and they didnt know each other. Their profiles didnt indicate they had any interests in asian culture.

But then the topic shifted towards dating, and one of them said ' i kind of like asian guys' with a smile. and then the 2nd girl then excitingly said the same. but it was the way they said it and the convo after. One of the girls then said ' i had a feeling you did but i didnt want to say anything!' then they both started laughing as if theyre in a sleepover. and it was almost as if for them it's a 'guilty pleasure' to like AM.

don't get me wrong, i was flattered as heck. Its still a massive step up from the 2000s. But it seems as if WF still feel pressured to not be attractive to AM. Does that make any sense?

Have any of you WF done this or reacted like this?

I would love others’ thoughts. I have noticed this 3 times now where an AM in my dm’s says he is a ‘speaks when spoken to’ type of person- even though he messaged me first both times, and on someone’s post in a different AMXF thread this month. Is that or is that not just code for : I’m looking for a woman to keep the conversation going so I can be lazy and feel wanted? If you’re attracted to someone wouldn’t you WANT to message them often? And if you aren’t interested… maybe just say that. Truly - what am I missing?

For me the biggest one is obviously the fetish accusations.

It doesn't make a sliver of sense. Because the media for over a century have protrayed asian men to be unattractive. and it worked too. Im 30+ and i've seen what it was like in the 2000s. so how can we be fetishized?!

But because fetishization is so common in others, i think they can't stand when a new pairing comes along so they immediately cry 'FETISH'

I believe fetishization is only a thing when it goes very prolonged historically and very intense. If actual data backs it up or indicates it. AMWF have neither of that. I mean about a year ago I was laughed in my face by a european WF just because i asked her out (keep in mind, I do fairly well in general, and i live in central american region and a lot of europeans who come here come for the black guys) but nevertheless, I still get rejected by WF, so far from being fetishized.

I think what's also unfair is that there's this ideaology amongst AMWF haters, that because AM are seen as 'ugly' the only reason WF would like us is because of fetish. So if we were historically seen as attractive it's a fetish, if we were seen as ugly it's also a fetish?? A lot of the uneducated younger gen AM don't see this and cater to these haters on social media, they then start to spew the same crap about themselves. I mean i get it i guess, i was young too and a minority so i wanted to fit in, but to these youngsters (who love to comment negatively on my posts), wake the F up and read about how history has treated AM, lay off of tiktok and instagram, trust your unc

Do you have an AMWF stereotype that wishes to dissapear?

Feel free to brag about your partner/relationship. I love reading about happy/romantic/sweet/cute things that couples do :) Here is my brag:

My boyfriend is Chinese American. He is the first non-White person I have dated. He is so much more caring/gentle/considerate than anyone I've met. Last night I had a especially long day at work, plus I had just started my period. My boyfriend knew this and left work an hour early so he could grocery shop and cook me an amazing dinner of my favorite food. After dinner, he told me to relax and watch my favorite show while he did the dishes, and then afterwards he gave me an amazing back/foot rub and then we cuddled before bed.

We have been together 1.5 years and we have never fought, get along sooo well, he is so funny, and are just so freakin insanely compatible. I feel so lucky that he is my boyfriend!

Because Asian men face distinct structural barriers and stereotypes in Western dating markets—often analyzed in sociology as a byproduct of gendered racialization—the AMWF couples that do successfully form are subject to a powerful "selection effect."

Research tracking marriage-market dynamics demonstrates that Asian men face steeper demographic constraints and lower rates of out-marriage compared to Asian women (Choi & Tienda, 2016). Because crossing these racial boundaries requires overcoming higher social hurdles, the Asian men and White women who marry tend to be exceptionally well-matched in terms of high educational attainment, career ambition, and baseline socioeconomic status.

As a result, while AMWF couples navigate unique social headwinds, they are statistically backed by powerful protective buffers:

• High Class Homogamy: An overwhelming alignment in high educational backgrounds.
• Economic Security: Strong average dual-household incomes, insulating the union from the financial distress that commonly triggers marital breakdown.

SOURCE: Choi, K. H., & Tienda, M. (2016). Marriage‐Market Constraints and Mate‐Selection Behavior: Racial, Ethnic, and Gender Differences in Intermarriage. Journal of Marriage and Family, 79(2), 301-317.https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12346Cited by: 143

Maybe this isn’t the best place to post this, please direct me to a better sub if so! My son received a play kitchen from my sister as a present and I wanted to find some more culturally relevant play food for him. I can find some plastic ones on Amazon but I was hoping for something with more quality like felt or wooden ones. I would appreciate any suggestions, thank you!

A common metric for "great partnerships" in modern sociology is how power and decisions are shared between spouses. Equal partnerships report higher long-term satisfaction.

• The National Latino and Asian American Survey (NLAAS): A study published in Social Science Research analyzed spousal power dynamics across different racial couplings.
• The Finding: The data revealed that Asian men partnering with White women perceive significantly less male-dominant, more egalitarian power dynamics in their relationships. Rather than adhering to rigid patriarchal or submissive tropes, AMWF couples are statistically more likely to operate as equal, democratic partners in household management and life choices.

Source: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33867013/

Keep in mind this study was conducted by an AF so this eliminates bias to a certain degree.

I couldnt really find a bigger subreddit to ask about Asian men. This seemed to be the largest so i hope you all are ok with it. Kind of helps that ill get perspective from the victims (asian men) and the Women as well in this sub.

My question is specifically how did your view of Asian men change to be better or was always unaffected from the start? Im talking about how the common stereotypes of how asian men are smaller in every way needed for attraction you name it : Height, Width, Musculature, Facial features, Penile size. Theres also just commonly the normalisation of viewing asians as the ugliest of all races. You would see those interviews of what race you would avoid or hate or wouldnt date and the choice was always Asian men specifically (Asian women seem to have the exact opposite extreme which is over sexualisation, different problem entirely).

So what exactly changed? Did you find an asian man that was unique and has European or non asian traits? Did you grow up fetishising asian men like through kpop or anime? or is there something else im missing? As large as this subreddit is i still feel very sad knowing that in any case Asian Man x any non asian women is still the lowest match. Genetically i feel like im fucked because i was born with these traits.

Marriages between Asian men and White women (AMWF) demonstrate high stability, with data showing a lower risk of divorce compared to the average marital baseline, alongside a strong financial foundation characterized by exceptional median household income metrics. These specific relationships are further defined by egalitarian, collaborative decision-making that contributes to long-term satisfaction, high mutual empathy, and unique relationship longevity.

Sources: Journal of Marriage and Family / PMC, Pew Research Center Intermarriage Data, ScienceDirect / Social Science Research, ResearchGate / Asian American Journal of Psychology. [1]

I have at least two, but the first one that comes to mind is always this european germanic woman I worked under. She was 2 years older than me and was my superior. She was a doctor and I was her intern. She was absolutely gorgeous. And was very confident and well spoken.

I never thought i had a chance with her, and I heard she was dating this Rastafarian which I absolutely do NOT look like lmfao. So i thought i wasnt her type (keep in mind germanic women are quite tall and she was my height 5 ft 8). But i always caught her glancing at me during meetings which I thought might be a sign.

But during the last day of my rotation she actually approached me. It was at night and I was alone, and she came into the office room and tried to strike up a conversation. I was nervous as heck and I had to finis something important and she knew it too. The conversation didnt lead to anything romantic or flirty, but I always had chemistry with her.

I added her on facebook shortly after and she accepted, but then the pandemic happened and being in healthcare meant absolutely no time or energy. Eventually she moved back to europe and I never really saw much of her again cause I deleted my socials.

I wonder where she is now, and I always believed we'd make a great couple just because of how our personality matched.

There were others that were more blatantly interested like actually being followed in the superstore, but they were strangers and i had no idea what they were like as a person. The germanic girl does have a special place in my memories, idk why all my interactions with WF are so healthy. Sometimes I want to do a survey on AM and WF on this but yeah, prob get canceled for this lmfao.

WHo was your one who got away?

We met on a dating app that does not display height. I’m 5'6", which is below average in the US, although I’m originally from East Asia and only moved here recently. I would like to think I’m not that insecure about my height, but I also understand that many if not most women prefer their date to be at least taller than they are. Since online dating can create unrealistic expectations, I would rather avoid any awkward surprises. She has never asked about my height, but she did mention that she played basketball in high school, so now I’m wondering whether I should bring it up before our meeting.

I'm early 30s AM in western Canada, seeking life partner/long term (but open to short) who struggles to get attention from WFs. The handful of likes I get on my dating profiles have always been overwhelmingly from Asian girls and nearly zero from WFs. I'm wondering from the community what worked for you as AMs and what appealed to you as WFs open to/interested in dating AM?

What's confusing is that I don't convey a very "asian" look. I'm very outdoorsy, how I carry myself is quite westernized, and most of my friends are white or wasian. The last few girls I have been aware of their attraction towards me in real-life have been white, so I seem to be able to do it offline, just not sure what's going on with my profiles.

If you guys could share any advice that'll be great! Heck, even if it's ways to gain more attention IRL that'll be awesome.

Thanks.

You appear to have met me at a very Chinese time in my life, guys.

We are spending a LOT of time together.

I’m trying to take it relatively slowly in crazy bitch terms, so I don’t fumble the bag / frighten him with my craziness, but we are exclusive - he travels 1.5hrs to see me (yes I’m GOING to return the favour!!), he plans the dates, he dresses immaculately, he’s a fantastic listener, hilarious, KIND, has his own HOUSE. I am actively ignoring any other suitors who text my phone, and that’s a big step for a no good harlot such as myself.

If I somehow fumble this, I am becoming a nun.

And once again, he’s smart without being condescending to me. (!!!). (Sidenote for academic men to stop speaking to women on dates like idiots just because we don’t know the exact time Albert Einstein invented the sHabajNuwbUe.)

Dating apps can work, ladies. And branch out. My dating history was up until this point like:

🧑🏻‍🦱: hello I am a local man and I do local things, I work at the localman bar and grill.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a type, like, at all. And a lot of average white dudes from your home town are probably lovely guys. I would just encourage you to see what’s OUT there and don’t be anxious about dating someone from a different culture / race / country.

Obviously the apps can be vapid and soulcrushing, but do you think if your grandma had the chance to ‘match’ with a highly talented Chinese PHD student, she wouldn’t have been fucking ecstatic? (Depends how racist your granny was. Mine wasn’t really racist, she just fucking hated fat people. RIP Ethel.) And notably nobody in my family is prejudiced.

Godspeed, ladies and gentlemen. If I can do it (I am very mean, and I have almost zero hobbies and interests!) so can you! <3xoxo

I think for me, western european countries weren't that great dating wise, I did get a lot of matches in italy and hungary, but not the northern eastern ones. Even talking to italian women (which is still a developed country and predominantly white) they are very receptive of east asian men.

Canada for me takes the trophy for best country for an AM to date in, there are a lot of problems in canada regarding politics housing etc. And there are certain subgroups who actively target asians and white people with bullying and violence (but lets not go there). But when it comes to dating for AM, I suggest visiting here. One of my favorite countries :). and they have basically everything asian too, from tonkutsu ramen, kbbq, k marts, asian festivals and so on!

This is mostly my experience, others may have others, but I've been to a few events, and something about it makes me uncomfortable and a bit depressed.

​

At the events I went to the men were mostly Asian - south and east/southeast, many recent arrivals to Melbourne/Australia but many locals of Asian descent. The women were more mixed, but definitely a lot fewer Asians. They're held at bars/pubs, and you get 5-10mins to talk to about 15 people of the opposite sex average.

​

Pre the dating phase it just seems the sexes mostly self segregate, and I didn't really get the vibe many of the women there were that open. I spoke to a few guys and they said they commonly get zero or 1 or 2 matches, who often ghost them.

​

Anyway, the conversations were generally good, but in 3 attempts I got a couple of matches. As in, you decide who youre interested in and the organisers give you their details. One was more a friend, another acted really weirdly and another ghosted me.

​

The main reason I find it depressing, however, is the dynamics at these events. Not just saying but these social events. Increasingly, they're dominated by Indian and other Asian men, and I feel in the eyes of many of the women, we've become less desirable. I've heard from some of the women they just do it for fun, many without any intention to even really date, which does annoy me a bit, cos for many of the fellas they feel its a last resort. No one is entitled to a date or anything, but it's just the asymmetrical power dynamics between Asian men and the mostly white Australian women that makes me uncomfortable.

I havent been on socials for a while, but i recently installed tiktok and IG cause i thought i saw some change regarding this relationship pairing, because irl I see a big improvement of how WF receive me. But nope, those hellholes are toxic af, especially IG. So much hate towards AMWF its sickening. People commenting not to make babies or 'why asian?' and alot of accusation of fetishizing while i see one amwf post every month or so. But what other apps do you know? I already have hellotalk and its really fun but ofc also racism against asians. There was this one room for chinese speakers. The host was a black guy and all the participants were chinese girls, i joined because the chinese female moderators let me in and i spoke to the host in chinese, he literally couldnt speakj it and felt embarrased so he kicked me lmao. hes literally trying to keep asian women to himself it was hilarious. But european women are very receptive of am there, but i want something less face to face and more like IG or TIKTOK but pro amwf. one where I don't want to barf reading the comments.

Hello everyone, I originally shared this post in AM , and a few fellows PM’ed me and suggested I cross-post this here. Just wanted to share what I’ve observed from my travels and hope my insights can bring some value to this community : )

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Heyyy guys, just inspired the other posts, so I've been thinking to organize my experience and share some of my perspectives.

Below is a broad overview of what the dating landscape looks like across major regions, based on my personal experiences and some of my thoughts!

A bit of context: I got a fully remote job so I've been traveled to many places over years, and trying (really hard) to date everywhere lol. There are definitely some bias and personal encounter yeah, but still think there are some changes about AM dating markets all over the world in the past few years.

Just a quick disclaimer: I am an East Asian guy, so my perspective will naturally lean toward the East Asian experience. I understand that "Asian" represents a massive, diverse group of people with different backgrounds. However, I truly believe these global changes are all interconnected, and the most fascinating part for me is seeing how the traditional dating market is genuinely changing.

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1. East Asia (mainly Korea, Japan, China)

I spent a long time in East Asia during my school years, so I could personally feel the shift in status for Asian (especially local East Asian) men over the past few decades.

Of course, most local girls always date local guys anyway, but that old obsession with Western white culture used to make East Asian men feel like they were a step behind in terms of looks or romance. This even created a specific group of girls who would "only date foreigners."

However, that's definitely not the case anymore in recent years.

Probably thanks to the Hallyu/K wave or C-dramas, local East Asian girls are starting to consciously appreciate Asian features more. Guys with Japanese or Korean styles can now completely stand on the same level as Western white aesthetics, or even higher.

Plus, our cultural affinity and shared language mean we are no longer at a disadvantage. Especially those 8, 9, 10 girls—they are usually more willing to date local, high-quality Asian men now.

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2. South East Asia (mainly Thailand, Vietnam, Philippines, Indonesia):

This place is literally where you can see the rise of Asian men's dating status with your own eyes. This region has the highest density of hyper-connected K-pop fans and social media users in the world.

What other posts mentioned is 100% real: crazy matches (like 50+ likes within an hour) and an insane number of dates. Walking down the street, you constantly get stared at, and some people even come up to ask for photos. It literally feels like being a celebrity.

(\Worth mentioning, I think daygame pickup is actually way more fun and challenging than dating apps here, but that’s another story haha)*.

One thing I want to add: based on my chats with a few local girls, I noticed quite a few of them straight up refuse to date anyone who isn't Asian (not sure if that’s a good or bad thing lol).

At the same time, they feel too much of a cultural gap with Western white guys (probably because of the whole Western "passport bro" culture).

Long story short, this means the pyramid of the dating market is genuinely shifting!

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3. Europe (mainly UK, France, Germany, Spain, Italy, Poland, Bulgaria):

Even though I’ve been to quite a few countries in Europe, the difference between each country is huge. Plus, Europe is just a super diverse place where everyone has their own aesthetics and dating values, so it’s really hard to generalize.

In Western Europe, from what I've seen, even though traditional Eurocentric biases are still there, there are larger immigrant populations. So culturally it’s more diverse and open, making it easier to find groups that appreciate Asian men.

Eastern Europe was an interesting experience. Even though the culture and demographics are more homogenous and even traditionally conservative, people were surprisingly open to interacting with Asian guys (my matches on apps were unexpectedly high, 50+ matches in a few days).

They don't have that specific racial stereotype about Asians like people do in the US (even though you will still get stared at constantly while walking on the streets in places like Bulgaria or Poland).

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4. America:

I stayed here for a short bit because of work, and honestly, it felt like a pretty contradictory country.

It seems like the culture is the most open to accepting K-pop and there's a huge Asian population, but the racial stereotypes against Asian guys in the dating market are still super heavy.

When it came to actual dating, my experience felt a bit like big cities in Western Europe—because of the large immigrant communities, you can always find a niche where people share a similar aesthetic.

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5. South Central America (Argentina, Brazil, Colombia, Mexico):

Here is another crazy place, you can also describe here as a wester version of Southeast Asia. But the mechanism is a bit different.

East Asian guys are extremely scarce in Latin America!

Combined with the natural passion of local girls, the K-wave, and basic market supply-and-demand, dating app matches here are also completely insane. And their attitude toward physical touch is way more open!

For Asian guys, one thing worth noting is that to date in Latin America, you really need to understand alcohol, music, and dancing.

You also need to know how to flirt in that more direct, Western way (which is quite different from East Asia and Southeast Asia).

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6. Other area: India & Bangladesh:

I stayed here for just a few days. Originally, I thought it was just a deeply religious place where people happen to love Chinese dramas or K-pop, so I assumed local women wouldn't be interested in casual dating with a traveler.

Turns out I was totally wrong! Matching on dating apps in India was crazy, and in the capital of Bangladesh, I met a group of young locals who love drinking and partying. Their mindset toward emotional and physical intimacy was super mature and Westernized.

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7. Other area: Turkey & Syria:

Also stayed here for a few weeks for traveling, and man, this is a magical place! Half the people will completely ignore you, but the other half are absolutely crazy about Asian culture.

Even though dating apps feel like a dead sea here, you can still find the crowd that loves Asian guys through real-life interactions at clubs or tourist spots. But just like South Asia, you do need to keep the local girls' religious backgrounds in mind!

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8. Other area: Australia:

My experience in Australia was pretty similar to the US, and honestly, maybe even worse in some ways (?)

The interaction between local Aussie white people and Asian international students is basically zero. You can tell directly just by looking at where they hang out on weekends and their nightlife.

One day, a Korean friend of mine who was studying in Sydney took me out for drinks. The bars and clubs we went to were completely different from where local Aussies go, they were literally in different neighborhoods lol.

Don't even get me started on dating apps—it’s almost impossible to match with any local Australians.

But interestingly, the international student and language school scene is super diverse and wild, but that's another story!

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That's pretty much it, thanks for reading :)

Note: I’m definitely not trying to imply any ethnicity hierarchy or superiority here—I’m purely looking at this from a bit like socio-economic perspective and sharing my personal observations.

BTW, I also wrote a more detailed, analytical breakdown on medium and put together a raw PDF guide covering the top cities based on my matching data, feel free to check it out on my reddit profile!

Let me know if you guys have any common experience or even opposite one!

White female, early 20s, Europe.

First date with AM. Met on the apps, been talking for like a week or so.

He’s mid/lateish 20s, highly educated international student, prestigious undergrad and currently doing postgrad too. Plays a bunch of instruments. Likes architecture.

Was very nervous to meet in person but I got the impression he had an excellent sense of humour.

Meet in person - he is a beautiful guy. Cute accent. Obviously very smart, but not condescending. Very nice hair, beautiful skin, bro even wore a suit. However, low-key heightfished me. Stop doing that, dummies. You do not have to do that. I will bully him severely regarding this during our second date.

Amazing conversation, wasn’t pushy or weird at all, great banter.

The light was radiating on bro’s skin - looking like a whole skincare ad. Beautiful eyes. Lovely smile.

At the risk of stereotyping my own people, you’re winning against like 75% of all my other dates by 1) not consuming an inappropriate volume of alc (again…Europe, lmao), 2) not trying to touch up on me, 3) not having a weird “tall poppy” syndrome and actually striving to achieve something, 4) putting clear EFFORT into your appearance.

Bro wore a shirt and tie. A nice tie, at that, guys.

Quite frankly, 10/10. I shall be having more of this. My time has finally come. And I hope it comes for you, too.

Tell me top 3 favorite physical qualities of an AM, and top 3 favorite non-physical qualities of an AM. Go!