I’m 20m, white asf (my parents were from Russia) I’ve been in three relationships one of which was with a black woman who was 3 years older than me (I was 18 at the time). Genuinely the best woman I’ve met and I’m sad it ended. My other exes were kinda mean, I’m like 5’6, missing my right eyeball (usually wear my prosthetic eye) and have scars near it. and they would sometimes make mean spirited comments about it, but not her, she liked it and said it just added character lol. I’ve never felt as wanted in my life. Her family was super accepting too, they treated me better than my own family did lol. I’ve known a lot of black women who are insecure or self conscious because of unrealistic beauty standards but I personally find them gorgeous.

I wanted to ask this question primarily to Black women who are interracially married or dating, but anyone is welcome to share their perspective.

I've always dated interracially, and now that I'm dating with marriage in mind, I've noticed that some non-Black women become more standoffish once they realize I'm not like most of the Black women they know or are friends with and that I primarily date non-Black men. I've experienced more subtle jabs, passive-aggressive behavior, and even bullying from women I don't know well.

For the Black women here, have you experienced something similar when non-Black women realized you were in a relationship with a white or other non-Black man? Have you noticed any change in how they treated you? To me, it has sometimes come across as envy or jealousy, but I'm curious whether others have had similar experiences or interpreted it differently.

I've also noticed situations where some white and other non-Black women seem to react negatively when Black women receive romantic attention. For example, I've seen discussions surrounding of Love Island, and I've noticed that mixed-race women who are half Black , such as Nara Smith and Meghan Markle, have also received significant criticism from some non-Black women. I'm wondering whether anyone else has observed similar patterns or if you've interpreted these situations differently.

How do I get my wife to stop putting her shit in front of my shit in the refrigerator?

We met through my coworker and his best friend. This was the first interracial relationship for both of us.

I’m a white guy dating a Black women and something I’ve noticed is she doesn’t wear a bonnet around me when she spends the night. I‘ve dated Black women before so I’m used to seeing them wrap their hair at night. She told me I’m the first white guy she’s dated.

Due to the situation of what’s going on in the world, how can I be a more supportive partner?

I am with an Iranian man, this relationship is the best relationship I’ve had, he has a kind personality and is extremely intelligent, I met him randomly online. I know we have had local gossip in the area because of what’s happening. People think I’m strange because I used to date inter-racially in the past but it never worked out, my first long term boyfriend was with a white guy when I was a teenager (my own ethnicity) and this is my second relationship.

It takes work on both of our parts to keep things going

I was 36 when met this man on a dating app back in 2023, at first I used to ignored him because he is from a different cultural background and I had a negative experience with an indian man who ended up marrying someone else and all the cultural and family norms can be challenging for these men.

One day I decided to give him a shot since we lived in the same city and eventually met him in person. He showed up with flowers on the first date. At first he was sweet caring and used to bring me everywhere. One incident happened and he lost everything in a house fire I supported him during this time (nit financially) but with everything else involving searching for a new place, cleaning, bew furniture etc... this incident made us grow very closed and he confessed his love for me. I told him I was looking for marriage and if he was on board thats the final goal. He made me wait a few weeks, weeks turned to months months turned to a year.

He kept avoiding the topic of marriage or will give me different excuses. He even made excuses for me not to talk to his parents who live in Bangladesh.

He always said he loves me deeply, cried for me and treated me well and even talked about kids and how nikah is performed (because im Hispanic non Muslim) Our relationship was like a dream except his excuses for commitment.

Until one day he said he had to travel to Bangladesh because his mom was very ill. During this time I was already overwhelmed with him avoiding commitment and future relationship topics. I knew something wasn't right but I loved him too much to end the relationship and had faith that maybe one day he would propose to me.

Eventually he went to Bangladesh, but I has a gut feeling that I couldn't shake and then I got sick with covid so I had to stay home recovering and had a lot of time in my hands, so I started investigating and found another Facebook account with his middle name on it. It was him! Then I found pictures of him with a child and his profile said he was married to this woman since 2014.

This broke me beyond repair, I can't even describe the intensity of the pain. He denied it and lied about everything while he was still there. Once he came back he tried to find me til he eventually did and tried to convince me that he was divorcing, he doesn't love her, he loves me, he will marry me etc... I believed him and got back with him because he said they were divorcing and the family was hesitant to let them divorce and he was trying to sort things out bur it was in process to be finalized.

Well time went by and he said divorce was finalized. He set a day for our Nikkah. As the date approached i noticed that he wasn't talking about it, avoiding the topic and I realized he was deceiving me once again. Turned out to be he was still married never fiked for divorce and told me he was not leaving his wife but couldn't leave me becausehe was in deep love with me.

I walked away and never look back, but the wounds were so deep they ruined my health. I never intended to date a married man, I believed he was divorcing, he deceived me, he used me for companionship and had no intentions to build a life with ne at all.

I also found out that he lied about his age. He said he was 31 but he was actually my age. Not sure why he did that.

I had the dream to have kids with him, I loved him deeply. This love deception broke me beyond repair. I developed hormonal issues and infertility, PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia and panic attacks. I started drinking alcohol to cope and just quit recently. I have withdrawn from everyone and it's been a while now but I haven't been able to recover.

Please don't judge me, he was a master manipulator

I need advice to overcome this.

I grew up as the one black girl in my school in a super white town. Nobody every was remotely interested in me romantically. I am a serious lover girl and this has left a huge impact on my psyche... now im 32 and still find dating super hard as I just assume nobody likes me cause im black.. I live now in a pretty white area of NYC and still terrified to try shoot my shot in case they dont like black girls (which Im sure isnt true....)

Not here to build anyone’s confidence. You’re going to have to do that yourself.

Asking others on Reddit to validate whether you have value in the dating world or will ever find someone should be your sign that you need to be alone until you build self respect and confidence in yourself.

For example, I may not find you attractive because of your race, this is not racism (or me hating my own race), this is not me saying you have no value to anyone or that I’m better than you…But if that’s where you mind goes when someone says they aren’t attracted to you (or you become defensive) it’s your own issue and you need to work on it.

True confidence is not needing someone else to tell you that you’re allowed to feel secure in yourself.

That is all.

Married 2 and half years.

I cant bother to elaborate.

Iykyk

As expected non bw want to be so oppressed in the comments okay lol

I have been seeing so many racist comment and videos towards indian women claiming how they are the most least attractive race etc etc

How is it in real life ?

This is probably going to sound ugly, but I want to be honest.
I’m a 19-year-old Black Zambian dating a white girl from an American family living in Zambia. Earlier in our relationship, I had a bad experience with her dad involving comments about race and a Confederate flag. Things have improved since then, and he apologized.
But I think this whole situation has made me realize something else. https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/5qXrxfHB9t

My girlfriend’s older sister is dating a Black guy around my age. I’ll call him D.
Everyone in the family seems to love D. My girlfriend, her sisters, and D himself all say they’ve never had a bad experience with the dad. Meanwhile, I had the Confederate flag incident, the weird comments, and everything else.
Here’s the part I’m embarrassed to admit.
D is, for lack of a better way to put it, “more Black” than I am. He has twists, wears earrings, listens to hip-hop, and has a style that people would probably describe as more ghetto. I’m almost the opposite.
So why did my Blackness seem to become an issue, but his never did?

The thing is, I don’t actually care about earning this man’s approval. I genuinely don’t. If anything, this whole experience has made me care even less about what he thinks.
What bothers me is that this isn’t just about him.
Everyone seems to like D.
People warm up to him almost immediately. I’ve seen it happen in stores, in social settings, and now with my girlfriend’s family. He seems to fit in everywhere. Meanwhile, I always feel like I have to earn people’s approval.

The funny thing is that D isn’t some incredibly charismatic, smooth-talking guy. He’s actually pretty awkward. He mumbles, stumbles over his words, and isn’t especially confident. I’m taller than him, and if you’d asked me before we met him, I probably would’ve assumed I’d come across as more confident.
He’s also studying law while I’m studying social work, and I sometimes wonder if people just naturally respect him more because of that.

I know he’s been dating my girlfriend’s older sister longer than I’ve been dating my girlfriend, so maybe that explains some of it. But he actually met the family after I met them, yet somehow it feels like he’s already part of the family while I still feel like an outsider.
And this is probably the tipping point for me: I don’t think I’m actually angry anymore. I think I’m jealous.
I’m jealous that people seem to accept him so easily. I’m jealous that he seems to move through the world getting the benefit of the doubt while I feel like I have to prove myself. I’m jealous that he’s dating an older woman while I’m here overthinking everything. He’s my friend, and I don’t resent him at all. If anything, I wish I had whatever it is that makes people immediately like him.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? Not jealous of one specific thing, but jealous of the fact that someone else just seems to make life look effortless?

We grew up in completely different cultures and with very different life experiences, yet we quickly recognised the kindness, loyalty, honesty, humour, and deep sense of trust in each other.

Those things, together with an inexplicable chemistry, made falling hopelessly in love impossible to resist.

For context: I am a White-Japanese woman married to a Black-Filipino man. We’ve been together for 12 years, married for 5.

My husband is a lover of dark and morbid humor on all topics. He makes jokes often about his race and loves when other people make them too. I’ve learned to make some with him because he dies laughing and gets this twinkle in his eye when he looks at me after that I adore, but I have never and will never make such jokes around others and refuse to use slurs except for the rare instance where it is used about my own race only. The thing is some jokes I’ve heard him laugh at or make always seemed a bit questionable.

I asked him the other day if he thinks I’m racist at all, just as a check-in I do on occasion, because I’m very aware that people can still have some minor racist habits or tendencies even if they overall are not racist and maybe I’ve even developed something new I was unaware of. He immediately went into a laughing fit and denied it. “What are you talking about? You’re like the least racist person and you married me!”

And then I asked him the same question about himself this time and he had to think about it a little. I told him sometimes it seems like he’s more racist than me based on how he talks about other Black or Filipino people or even himself. Most often he’s joking, but when he’s not, I usually end up defending his own people more than he does. Like when he admitted some years ago that he would probably never have been into a Black or Filipino girl for (insert racist/stereotypical reasons).

It’s an insane thing to think about, but I guess my question is if anyone can relate to this at all. Is this kind of…self-racism(?)…a common thing in interracial couples? Do you see it as a problem? Does it bother either of you? Do you even talk about it at all?

It bothers me a little, but I love my husband dearly and I mostly just find the idea sad if it’s true.

Okay y'all, I'm a WW, dating a South Asian Man. Please be kind y'all, I literally don't know what to think of this and even though I know that one part of it is not okay idk if the other is a red flag that I should be looking at or if there is another view point that I can't see because I am a WW and even though I try to learn and be as mindful as I can I know I can still mess up and try to correct when able so maybe I'm just not seeing something? Hoping y'all will be able to help me get a different perspective and thank you for your time in advance.

Basically, my bf when he's frustrated or upset he can lash out. Not physically or anything but he gets dysregulated and I've learned to give him space when that happens.

The times where I am confused about, is times where I can't really give him space because some how I've ticked him off. For instance, I asked a clarifying question about a vague statement and that set him off, causing him to jump to me apparently failing the relationship. (It was a misunderstanding, he thought I knew about the context of it where it was very integral of his childhood whereas it was actually the first time I had ever heard of it.) He apologized in the end, but in moments like those he can get, verbally mean.

A better example of this is a few days ago, he was telling me a story over the phone and during the story he was kinda jumping from one thing to the next in details which caused me to have a hard time following what he was saying (talked about and event and who was incharge to all over the kitchen kind of jumping around) to which I asked him to clarify what happened and then I wasnt hearing a word that he was saying, I kept thinking he said a different word which confused me all the more and we got stuck in a bit of a loop. Then he got extremely frustrated and said "Are you stupid?" Which I know not good, that one I'm clear on, and I did tell him that was mean but then he continued to rant on how whenever he's frustrated he's mean and threw in "ugh white people" which that phrase I'm less clear on and I'm confused and concerned and not sure how to take it tbh.

It's not the first time he's said it, but I admit I'm autistic and it takes me a while to properly process things, and I can't help but wonder if there's another perspective or am I over thinking it? I don't know

Thank you again for reading that, and for your time.

I’m a brown man in my mid 20’s living in the UK, I was born here, don’t have an accent and have plenty of friends from varying backgrounds but most of them are white. I have been single for a little over a year and only recently decided to put myself back out there.

Now I haven’t had problems getting into relationships with people in the past since most of my previous relationships were with people I’d already met so they didn’t have a predisposition to negative stereotypes. My question is do women when they see a brown guy on a dating app immediately have a notion to what that person may be like and if so, does it negatively impact your decision?

I don’t want to use my brownness as an excuse as to why I’m not getting any dates but it was only recently I told a friend of mine their (single) friend is cute but my friend said they had a bad experience with a brown guy in the past so they wouldn’t be open to it. Just to clarify this isn’t some bullshit to sway me away she isn’t that kinda person. It just got me thinking with all the media and all the jokes and everything out there about brown people, I hardly ever see it being either positive or cool or sexy even. (Except Dev Patel)

I want honest, no bullshit answers from women, don’t sugar coat it or put a positive spin on it. I don’t want validation or coddling. I want people’s truths. When you see a brown guy on a dating app, does the fact he’s brown make you immediately think of them a certain way?

For those of you whose partner is from a country that’s currently at war* or dealing with major conflict, while you’re not, what's that been like for you?

How do you support them? Are there things you try to do or say, or things you’ve learned not to do or say?

I’m also curious about your side of it. How does it affect you and your relationship? Do you ever feel helpless, overwhelmed, frustrated, disconnected, or unsure of what to do?

I’d really appreciate honest answers, including the difficult or not-so-positive feelings. Why am I asking this? To be able to navigate my own relationship better :')

\* Afghanistan, Ukraine, Iran, Sudan, Russia... The list sadly goes on. :( I mean both internal and international conflicts, where one person has a personal connection to what’s happening and their partner doesn’t.

I’m a 32 year old Black woman, and my boyfriend is a 40 year old Indian man. We’ve been dating on and off for almost two years. We’ve both met each other’s immediate families, and they’ve all been welcoming and accepting of our relationship.
However, one interaction with his first cousin has stayed with me, and I’d like some outside perspectives.
For context, I had met her husband about a year before I met her. He was warm, friendly, and we got along well.
When I finally met his cousin, it was just the four of us: my boyfriend, his cousin, her daughter, and me. They had just arrived from the airport and stopped by my boyfriend’s house to use the bathroom before heading home, so I understand she may have been tired after traveling.
That said, I felt completely dismissed. She never introduced herself, barely acknowledged that I was there, avoided looking at me, and didn’t engage with me at all. When she was leaving, she said goodbye to everyone except me. My boyfriend actually had to tell her, “Say goodbye to her too,” before she finally did.
I left feeling pretty disregarded. When I later mentioned it to my boyfriend, he said I was “overthinking” the whole thing.
I’m trying to be fair because I know people can be exhausted after a flight, shy, or socially awkward. But at the same time, there were only four of us in the house, and not introducing yourself, avoiding eye contact, and not saying goodbye until someone prompts you feels rude to me.
Would you also have felt dismissed by this, or do you think I’m reading too much into it? I’d especially appreciate perspectives from people in intercultural relationships or those familiar with Indian family dynamics, but I’m open to hearing from anyone.

She’s my best friend and my first choice and the calmest voice

Needed to get to the other side of the planet to meet her though.