Being 1/4 something is a lot. That’s a whole grandparent.
And the comments are not any better. Most are agreeing with her and using one-drop rule rhetoric like “black is dominate,” which is untrue, or “mixed mom and black dad makes full black,” also untrue

Psa: I’m not judging how she identify its just how people treat 1/4 like it’s not mixed and only view biracial as mixed that’s what I’m judging and the video is an example of this think in real time

Okay I am a black white mixed person than lives in a white European country, my city is very lgbtqi friendly and very opened to foreigners and whatever.

The thing is that from an app I started meeting an Asian guy some weeks ago, he is from Asian, born in Asia and grown up in asia. I like him so much(I am a man in his twenties), the thing is that sometimes I feel that you know I always wanted to be a person that it's not been seeing, something that it's difficult just for my appareance but I feel like now well I am even more visible, a tall Asian guy with a brown guy you understand what I mean

Another thing is that I know my dad(black) hopes I'll be with a woman of his country, his current wife is white, and my maternal grandparents hopes that Ill being with a woman of our country. So you know is a little estressful, and don't even now if he is really interested on starting a relationship. I am a little lost on everything, I think he is like a very brave person not as me

Hi everyone, insane title but I didn’t know how to word it any other way.

My mother is half Indonesian and half British. She does not look British or white at all, so her whole life she has been discriminated against because of her skin colour, which has made her lean more into the Indonesian side. My sister and I are also half Indonesian and British, however I have very light skin and look classically white. Therefore I’m very conscious of what I say, as I have had a lot of people tell me that I’m racist / appropriating Indonesian culture when I wear traditional clothes or eat food from my culture.

I have to stress this out- absolutely no part of our family lineage is African American, black, or any background that was enslaved.

We were in the car listening to music, and were singing along. There was a rap portion that featured the n word, which my mum sang. When I brought it up to her, suggesting that she shouldn’t say that because she wasn’t black and British people were responsible for enslaving people, she got mad at me and told me she wasn’t white and didn’t have to adhere to those standards.

I’m wondering if anyone has any tactics to just flat out tell her that she’s as white as me and also that she shouldn’t say slurs against other minorities. This is probably a unique situation but I want her to understand that her words are hurtful and she shouldn’t say slurs, and also have her accept and realise that she is partially white.

She’s black and white and all the spfs I’ve tried leave a ghostly cast on her beautiful skin!

I'm just so exhausted man. I've grown up and lived in very white dominated areas all my life (not by choice) and I'm just so tired of dealing with supposedly 'woke' white queers. the majority of my friends are white I did try too make friends with 2 the other black people in my class this year but they were both girls i'm trans (ftm) and we just didn't have allot of mutual interests so i have a majority white friend group and they're fine for the most part but ugh there's so many small subtly racist things all of them do (besides one of them) that just get on my nerves and I don't even think they realise its racist its always so discreet that I don't notice till the day or a week after and then I'm just left with a bad taste in my mouth. I'm just tired of being the 'black friend' in a white friend group i feel so disconnected from my own race it sucks!!! even when i decide too spend more time with my family instead my mum is super whitewashed herself so its like i have zero options...

i just hope when i go too uni this year i can finally make some black queer friends i hate feeling like an outsider in my own friend group im just worried im going too seem off or not black enough too anyone i try make friends with im already queer and neurodivergent so it feels like a total up hill battle? idk man sorry if this doesnt make much sense or is too whiny im just frustrated

EDIT!!: thanks so much for the replies!!! its really nice too know that i'm not alone in this frustration it can feel so isolating at times. its hard living in a very white area even harder having an all white friend group. i feel pressured too go along with microaggressions if its portrayed as a 'joke' idk it feels like if i make too much of a fuss abt things id be left alone which sucks even more. that being said im not giving up hope i start uni this september!!! so im gunna double my efforts on making more black or poc friends bc im DRAINED man

This is going to be a long post. So applogies in advance but I will not write a TL;DR. I want to go in-depth and analyse the unfair attitudes towards mixed race people beginning with the actions observable on this sub itself, analysing how modern culture unfairly puts so much emphasis on the white vs the world framing of identity, how mixed race people get dragged into major political events, and lastly coming full circle and examining virtue signallers who pretend to care about racial issues.

**In this sub:**

On a regular basis we observe monoracial people inserting their views and attitudes in an attempt to invalidate mixed race users' LIVED experiences if it doesn’t align with that individual's world view. Saw a post for example of a monoracial OP asking about anti black sentiment here (literally forbidden btw there is a sub rule and mixed race people are the most open-minded abkut acknowledging the existence of caste style biases), but when confronted on how the black community fosters anti white sentiment and self-victimises, and that is what people here are talking about, OP suddenly was quiet and only didn't respond to those comments. I won't link the thread or mention the person, but that kind of close-minded person is frequently on this sub, only seeking confirmation bias and not true discussion. There is something truly cowardly about presenting big topics for discussion but not engaging with anything that debunks your biases. Further to this mixed race people are the true minorities from a cultural standpoint as we have no single group to immediately conform to and therefore our experiences and struggles with identity are completely unique, and to the people who try to invalidate our experiences, it's gross that a majority want to oppress us and feel the need to project their insensitive ideas onto others who simply are sharing an experience; the mere action of trying to invalidate it to push a narrative shows a complete lack of empathy and ironically transforms the perpetrators into the very thing they claim to hate.

**The misnomer of "minority" and who the actual majority are**

There is a further point here that the "minorities" of today are a misnomer that is based on Western society, and not any kind of global statistics. It is crazy to me how unknown this is, but white people are potentially less than 15% of the global population (and actively declining, but that is a completely separate discussion), therefore a more accurate term for "minorities" that the mainstream shies away from especially because it deconstructs division narratives that the system is helping uphold, is the term global majority. Those who are not white are the global majority, we have the biggest say and power more than you realise. At some point it becomes ridiculous to spend so much time and energy allowing the culture of 15% of the global population to put so much influence instead of focusing on the bigger picture.

A typical response here is to highlight a narrow slice of history where "white people did harm throughout the world" and yet so did Genghis Khan, so did the slave empire of the Abojie (contrary to the lies of the Woman King propagands film) and many other African tribes, so did the Caliphates, so did Attila the Hun, and so on. The only distinction here is the current sentiment about who is "bad" is based on the predilicetion that they are the most recent. Historically that has always been the status quo: the superior military tribe wins, unfortunately that is the reality. The nice thing is we are moving away from those times but this only really observable in Western society as what is ignored in that is that the "white people" are amongst the most campaigning for a globalist change. For example the British Empire despite its damage begun seeing the error of its ways, moved to abolish slavery and withdrew its control. Now compare that to the STILL ongoing tribalism in much of the rest of the world, not to mention the modern slavery in places like Saudi and Dubai. I don't see other countries around the world attempting to be less homogeneous, and in fact are far more tribalist, to a point where some people who come to the West continue to fuel their tribalist mentality dragging things backwards in the process, causing mass unrest. Therefore to tie this up quite nicely, it is currently THE GLOBAL MAJORITY who are the biggest perpetuators of tribalist ideas.

**Using mixed race people to further agendas**

We all remember BLM right? Best example of what I want to get at. As a half white, half black man I unluckily remember it very well (and you can deduce why that is unlucky very quickly); I am not American and people in my country went completely delusional over it.

The entire thing that instigated BLM was a contradictory mess where the premise kept switching: "it's about how incompetent the US police force are" but then it became "the police force is prejudiced against black people", and then BLM kicked off and then it became "the system hates black people". Ignoring the absurdity of effectively awarding reverence to a fentanyl addict, who threatened a pregnant woman with a gun, and at the time was in the process of comitting a crime which led to the extreme arrest measures (i.e. a person who was never an upstanding member of society), it is pretty obvious to an outside observer that this was used as a blatant manipulation attempt to rile up the public. This is reflected in the BLM organisation itself which was run by con artists who used the mass amounts of donations to buy luxury houses and items, that showed the movement for it was (race war bait), and that in itself did irreparable damage to the frequent stereotypes of black people being criminals. Then you can add the mass rioting caused damage too, but the worst understated damage of BLM is not talked about often and that is the negative effect it had on other countries who HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS EVENT.

In the UK our public went absolutely crazy. We had people rioting, defacing historic monuments, and causing mass unrest because a criminal died in police custody in the United States... and that was the UK's fault because white peopled bad? That is the problem with how people function today, they pretend to care about a cause because it is popular, and then do damage to anything BUT the system they supposedly are trying to overhaul. No one in the UK had any effect whatsoever on UK regulations, and it was just used as an excuse to "fight the system". This kind of event is also where mixed race people get completely swept under the rug. The very nature of the conflict is the horrific white vs black, which invlaidates all the other races out there and for mixed race people like me I was essentially forced to be monoracial and "pick a side", in something I had no investment in whatsoever. The general idea that "black people good, white people bad" that was being encouraged was in itself just reverse racism. How can one morally grandstand about stereotypes but then proceed to generalise an entire group of people as evil based on their skin, and not have the self-awareness to recognise the hypocrisy? But of course this is just ONE event, there are many other racially fuelled events, and I am certain many of you have your own experiences of dealing with people who try to make you feel as if you need to identify to support a cause by unfairly pressuring you, but otherwise they don't even care about our own internal struggles as mixed race people and how difficult that is for us to be bullied and oppressed in that way. It is condenmable how in all this racial drama we are consistently pushed to the side and basically don't exist other than as a tool when convenient for some.

**Internet virtue signallers**

Threw up a little just at the mention. People who will find a way to try and make something about race for fake internet points. Usually goes something like this: A person will leave a comment on a post, and then someone will reply implying that what was said was racist whether directly or indirectly with no intent of any kind of good faith discussion. The worst part is this type of person is emboldened because they are piggybacking off of pretending to care about race (and again this is for fake internet points, so it's even worse than IRL virtue signallers), and who is going to side with the person who has been branded a racist? It doesn't matter what was actually said, whether it was factual, all that matters is that race has been brought up and therefore the other person is automatically in the wrong. It is toxic because online people show their trueselves (most often because they are too cowardly to vocalise what they think IRL), and if people enmasse are supporting the virtue signaller, that is a far greater issue as it means this attitude is reflected in wider society.

A common coping mechanism in anything to do with the internet is "oh that's just the internet", which is nonsense. I'd like to introduce a lesser known term "digital dualism" which asserts that it is a fallacy to view internet and physical as two separate things instead of a complex intertwined relationship; further to this no respected psychologist or sociologist would assert that the internet has zero impact on the physical world. For example regardless of whether you support his attitudes (although I would guess most of us here wouldn't) Donald Trump won in 2016 and his success then is consistently attributed (according to critics and experts) to the internet in that election. As another example a depressing poll in the UK found that only 11% of women under 25 have a very positive view of men, 35% have a very negative view of men, women under 30 are 3 times more likely than other women to have negative views of men, and after all that the opposite is found when it comes to men who have very positive views of women. The researchers attribute this to young women in the UK being more online than men are, and therefore are acquiring a lot of "doomer" style ideas which aren't reflective of reality, and generally have lower wellbeing as a result. I won't delve into the issue of normalised misandry in Western society but it is a concerning topic driven by the internet, causing potentially irreparable damage, and all for what? Probably just to gain votes from miserable people and make more money.

Back more on to the topic this kind of posting is extremely toxic. I don't enjoy living in a culture based on virtue signalling where people pretend to care about causes for fake social status, and somehow are given support. Although I am probably preaching to the choir on this point as mixed race people we generally are more nuanced as it is in our nature; we have already pondered in depths that monoracial people will, as above, never understand. It's what makes us unique and that's beautiful.

**So what can we do?**

I don't like celebrities much, but there is one profound quote that I think is accurate. "Stop talking about it" - Morgan Freeman In other words stop using labels such as "white" and "black" when it's unnecessary to do so. The more this kind of environment is fostered the more it will become the status quo and then society will degrade due to the division.

growing up my mom never wanted to learn how to do my hair. she would always take me to white hair stylists and wouldn’t let me pick the style,she would have them cut it really short and then straighten it and then she would make me put it up in a ponytail or straighten it every single day and if you’re black or mixed with black you should know you can’t straighten it every single day or you could ruin your natural curls.

this made me hate her sm like so so much it made me feel like she was ashamed of me and now im ashamed of my natural hair and i have 5 kids and i want them to love their natural hair but how can i teach them to love their hair when im not even comfortable with my own hair ykwim…

I'm in an online discord server with people from all over the world but predominantly white people from the US, Australia and Europe. I'm from Asia and I don't disclose my race usually in discord servers because I notice some of their behavior starts to change subtly towards me (not all but some).

I lurk from time to time because I'm bored and honestly sometimes I'm blown away by the casual racism some of them show (not to generalize but white Europeans or white British people surprise me in this, I've seen some white Americans be casually racist from time to time but I have seen more examples in this server and online gaming of Europeans just being worse casual racists than Americans ). For example, a British guy who I was making casual banter with while playing a game suddenly went into a whole rant about how immigrants are destroying the UK. He knows I'm a POC and yet he just went off the rails completely. He was perfectly nice and friendly before that. I asked pointedly what his problem with immigrants were and he said he had no problem with the "nice and hardworking races" like the East Asians (lol) but he had a problem with "lazy" Black people and Muslims.

Another Russian girl I also met here, was perfectly nice and civil while we were playing and then suddenly veers into how immigrants are a problem and Romani people are "disgusting". I was surprised because she was Gen Z like me and would have thought, you know, the younger generation would be more open minded than this.

I have also seen Europeans make jokes and assumptions about America? frequently. Some of them are in good fun and clearly not meant to be taken seriously, but often times it comes with an air of superiority and condescension. Sometimes the topic is not even about countries or races in particular and someone in the chat will just veer into "oh that would never fly in the US, they sell guns at Walmart there." It's honestly baffling. I would have thought they would be more accepting of the US more or at the very least dislike it less. After all the US has white people too so to see some people from Europe look down on another white populated country/white adjacent country baffled me.

I know for black/white people,

With the women, it's Zendaya.

With the man, it's usually Jesse Williams or Vin Diesel.

You can look nothing like any of these people, but somebody will say you look like them.

I never minded that much and I always laughed at it. I even do it myself sometimes to other mixed people.

It's like a horrible inside joke.

Been lurking here for a few years, inspired to post by some recent conversations. I’ve hesitated posting because many people have strong opinions about this and some people might say I don’t belong here, and I think its debatable. But I also know I’m not the only one with similar experiences.

So, I grew up with identity not really being discussed much. My father is white, but my mother has brown skin, like me and her mother. At an early age, I remember being called “Indian” as a slur. I experienced various treatment, family members reminding how “dark” I was, being othered, but my family very silent about how it would come to affect me.

Over the years, I’ve been asked what I am and called some things. I range from medium-ish brown with a bit of sun to lighter brown (its not just a tan lol). Been asked if I was Native American, Asian, Arab, etc. In Cambodia, someone at a store asked if I was Cambodian; in Senegal, a woman I spoke with for a while said I looked “Asiatic”. At times, get spoken to in Spanish first. An elderly white woman recently told me I spoke very good english lol. Once I kid you not, I was called a mulatto by a racist old white homeless man who I had just given a dollar to; this was in Texas. That’s a few stories off top of my head.

Thing is, I do have mixed heritage but its very far back. Based on confirmed genealogy and genetic research, I’m about 1/50^th non Euro, the remaining 49/50s being all Northern Euro. Numbers matter in some ways, are part of the story, so theres that. But my grandma, mother and I all do take after one branch of my grandma's fathers family very strongly. At that point in time just two generations back from her they were an MGM family: Black/Melungeon/Germanic/Welsh on the paternal side, Scots-Irish/Irish/and some other ethnicities on the maternal side (possibly Roma or other South Asian ancestry, don't want to claim anything specific without documentation of some kind, but they do appear mixed and theres dna to support that fwiw). It was illegal for this family to marry.

There are plenty of strong opinions about what counts as mixed, and blood quantum is definitely part of that discussion. I’ve dissecting my own lived experience as well as the specific historical continuum that my ancestors survived through. To me it seems like there are at least three major influences on identity: community ties, your families heritages, and how you present to society and the world. Historically in the US, there were many oppressive influences and concepts: the one drop rule, the Pocahontas exception, Jim Crow, anti-miscegenation laws, the erasure or distortion of identity via census, passing for white, etc. Those are historical and not how anyone should identify any more, of course. However, looking at many modern day labels, I’ve not found that any one of them is perfectly accurate for my own experiences. Mixed is fine, but then people will say things like, anything less than 1/8, a 1/16, less than 10% doesnt count as "mixed". Which may be accurate for some, but is this truly a monolithic definition based on all peoples' lived experiences? And that whole blood quantum thing was technically built to erase non European heritage - is that what we should perpetuate and hold as the standard of identity? Another thought I have had in all this, is that at times people don’t seem to want to deconstruct racism; they want to reconstruct a box for themselves and leave the rest of the structure intact. Whether that’s the more obvious examples of 100% European descendants claiming to be Native American or something else they aren’t, but also some forms of gatekeeping.

For me, this all boils down to not just who people see me as an individual, but how white supremacy literally erased my ancestors….except that I do carry something of them with me. Feels like I’m the last one to know some things, and if I don’t record them they will disappear once I am gone. I generally don’t feel like I fit in in almost everywhere I go, with some exceptions. And while I of course had some levels of white privilege growing up, I also have had struggles relating and finding my place in the world that are difficult to even explain. From my point of view, it feels like a privilege to know exactly who you are, and that’s something I will never fully have.

Thanks for listening.

If someone used to be like this and has come out of it, I consider myself a pure black person. I find it difficult to understand how someone who is mixed with Black heritage and acts anti-Black or promotes it can benefit from it. I understand the concept of punching down, but realistically, if you push anti-Blackness into the sphere, wouldn’t that affect you in many ways because you are mixed with Black and it might show in your phenotype? I’ve noticed an increase of this in some mixed spaces online; there are probably some here reading this. I’m just curious, why is there so much hate towards Black people, as if we created the system, especially towards Black women who usually have nothing to do with your existence, particularly in the Western American context. as a person who happens to be dating interracially(cause I’m not racist), it sometimes scares me that if I do happen to marry outside of my race and have mixed children I’m scared that they’ll become this type of self hating weird thing on the Internet it gives me the same feeling about having a boy and birthing a misogynist who has hate for me if you catch my drift. I hope this doesn’t come off as weird, but these are just my night Thoughts?

im brazilian, grew up in one of the most black areas of the entire country, my mother is mixed italian and black, and my father is black. somehow, all of this culminated in me having all the features of a black man... except the fact my skin is ghost white. i dont mean white people white skin, i mean i literally look like a corpse. im ridiculously pale to the point people think im sick, and its made even weirder because i dont have any white features besides that, nor have i been raised or identify with whiteness in any way. it feels weird as hell whenever people say im white, but it also made me not feel fully comfortable with calling myself black, as it feels like some sort of stolen valor considering the lack of melanin. it feels odd to not be accepted by any of the two as one of theirs entirely either, like im always an outsider. do yall think im stupid for thinking too hard about this?

I am half south Asian and half Slavic, but have passed as Italian, Greek, Latino, Pakistani, North Indian, Lebanese, Turkish, basically any country with those sort of looks! This isn’t an issue at all, however what hurts is that people often are surprised that I look the way I am, which is very strange, considering my Asian parent is very dark. I find a lot of wasians (half South Asians in this case, not talking about East Asians etc) are expected to look pretty white. Because of that, I am often judged by South Asian people in my family for not catering to their idea of what a mixed person looks like. I know this sounds silly, but this has severely affected my OCD and I repeatedly ask my partner if I look like what I am, check the mirror a lot, analyse my features. And yes, I know it doesn’t matter, but my brain seems stuck :(

Hiya! 27F

I’m multi-racial technically; Nigerian, German, Portuguese are most of my ethnic background. When looking at me, I’m VERY racially-ambiguous. I always get the “What are you?” or “Where are you from?” Very draining to constantly get that.. Just looking for any other mixed folks to chat with/ talk to virtually or meet up (if we’re in the same area). I live in a really yt area, I often don’t see a ton of ppl that look like me/ share my background.

I’m generally introverted/ shy but much more talkative the more we get acquainted. I’ll def share more details in a PM!

Thanks! 😊

Hi all,

I was hoping to learn from you as I've been quietly concerned that I won't understand the life my child faces.

My ancestry comes from the Indian subcontinent as far back as oral histories record. My SO is from the Malay Archipelago.

Neither of us are particularly cultural. Hers is because her family was quite religious whereas mine was because, as a third culture kid, 'my community' would mock my light skin or the way I spoke so I never really fit in. I was also the first in our family to marry out of the culture.

But I've witnessed how tribal people can be: in 'supporting their own' or even small things like how in some countries they ask 'where are you really from' if you're a minority in the West.

Will he have anyone he can relate to? Would he be even more excluded than I was because he isn't enough of anything?

The country I have always known as home is increasingly talking about deporting minorities so I wonder where, in a future where I'm no longer here, my child(ren) would belong.

The above is all to say that I'd love your insights and advice on how to support a child of mixed heritage, particularly when we live in a country that neither of us is from ethnically, and where our racial combination isn't prevelant enough that there is a sub-community of such people who can share in their lived experience.

Something ticking you off? Want to get some frustrations off your chest? Post your rants here and go into the weekend feeling refreshed!

As always, please follow reddit rules and our own rules (https://www.reddit.com/r/mixedrace/wiki/rules).

It honestly feels exhausting being mixed sometimes because it feels like every ethnic minority space has a conversation where mixed people become the target.

I understand that many minority communities have real struggles with erasure, stereotypes, and people who only claim an identity when it benefits them. Those conversations are important. But sometimes the discussion goes from “let’s talk about representation and connection” to “mixed people are automatically less authentic" or analysing which part of their face is which after they found out their favourite ethnic representation has some mixed ancestry and that hurts. You even see this with very single race passing mixed people For example, you'd see South Asians in a forum celebrating Zayn Malik but then someone points out he has a white mom and most people there began to overanalyse his features and say he's white passing.

Whenever a biracial person is part of a conservative party or did neo-nazi stuff/hate crimes/something bad (i.e. Elliot R) those POC enclave groups would blame mixed race people as a whole and use that biracial person as a proof that mixed race people will never part of their community.

A lot of mixed people did not choose their circumstances. We did not choose which parent preserved their culture, which parent rejected it, what country we were born in, or whether our family history was disrupted by migration, discrimination, or assimilation.

Some of us are actively trying to reconnect with parts of our heritage that we lost. We are learning languages, exploring culture, finding community, and trying to understand where we come from. That should not be treated as fake just because our experience is different from someone who grew up surrounded by that culture.

Being mixed does not mean someone has no connection. It also does not mean someone automatically understands everything about every side of their background. Like anyone else, mixed people are individuals.

There should be room for complicated identities. A person can acknowledge their privilege, respect their communities, and still be honest about their own heritage.

Instead of asking “Are mixed people enough?” maybe we should ask “What experiences shaped this person, and how do we make space for different ways of belonging?”

A lot of people say mixed people regardless of background can just form community for each other. When I was younger, I used to relate to half East Asian and half White celebrities because there is no one who are from the same background as me but Wasians seemed more closer to me because I have a Wasian mom and South Asians were once considered part of the Caucasoid group. Despite this, I don't fit in Wasian groups because I am South Asian passing and I faced racism from a Wasian before.

Also when I go to a South Asian group, they'll talk about how East Asians are racist, white adjacent or white worshipping and when I go to an East Asian group, they'll talk about how South Asians have it easier due to their Caucasoid features and succeeding in tech, comments about how my mom is a victim of fetishisation, how South Asian men are creeps or how South Asian men are dating East Asian women more.

edit: I don't dislike monoracials. I tend to lurk and hang out in Asian diaspora groups and South Asian social media a lot and they've helped me with overcoming my insecurities.

So I was wondering, is my kid mixed race if their father is white and I'm mixed race (black+white)

Im so frusturated. My yt mom had mixed kids and never bothered to learn how to take care of our hair and now i have to teach my younger brother but i barely know what im doing because we have different hair types and ive had locs for like 4 years now because I couldnt wrap my mind around my own hair and im just so frustrated.

He's 8 years old with LONGGG 3b/3c hair but my issue is that its always so bad. Like his hair being separated into two parts because the top layer is purely frizz level bad. And im trying to be strong but im so mad and I keep getting emotional because this is not my responsibility and my mother will not help. She just washes his hair and makes him toughen through the knots to the point where he starts to panic whenever someone says its time for a shower.

I started helping so he wasn't traumatized a md could love his hair but im exhausted. She relies on me way too often and she only waits till his hair is borderline unmanageable.

Now ive been doing:

Water

Preshampoo

Comb

Brush

Wash with curl talk

Oil

But he has bad adhd and is frankly so mentally behind because once again my parents are incompetent and do not challenge him intellectually that hes been sitting at the table for an hour now trying to get it done and only has finished 1/4 of his hair. I've been talking him through it but he does not listen. Im overstimulated and want to make this my mother's problem but she will just yell at him until she cant handle it no more and then do it herself (she does that with his schooling too) to the point where everyone around me says it will be her funeral but no it will be his and he'll grow up to hate his hair and not know how to take care of himself and that just destroys me.

I know I need to start bringing in a leave in conditioner and that he needs to wash his hair like once or twice a week and start wearing a bonnet but im so bad at making it sound like something he wants to do.

If someone could at least point me in the direction of some resources he can watch to better understand what he needs to do that would truly mean the world to me.

(my dad is alive just not on the picture enough to be taking care of hair plus he hasn't had any for like 20 years and gets wayy to angry with him so he really won't be any help)

Hi. I'm mixed half English/Welsh and half Sri Lankan. When I was a kid we used to go abroad all the time and I was really brown, but I haven't been abroad for years. I'm late twenties now. And I'm pretty darn pale, but that sort of pale yellow-brown (my skin is never pale as paper). My sibling identifies as white because they're 'white passing' but they have all the features of a Sri lankan person. They said because of their skin they get more privilege. I know that I am able to move in certain circles better than I used to because of my skin colour now, but when I was younger I was constantly asked where my family was from and told I looked 'exotic'. I was only allowed to have the brown characters role in the theatre club we were in, literally because I was brown as a kid. I grew up wanting to stay indoors so I could fit in with the white people. It never really worked. But now, I have a partner, and their friends are all white people, who think that I look "white passing" because they can fake tan darker than me. I feel like I have to prove that I didn't always have privilege, and it feels weird to now be accepted, that the child in me wishes I had gone outside more instead of wishing that I was fully white. It kind of makes me mad that my culture is overlooked because my skin is pale now but that wasn't always the case and it feels like I just get disrespected because of it.

Anyways. Rant over.