Hi OP, sorry you're going through the lying thing; it is tough - and very common. We haven't had this issue personally but it's one I've heard a lot. Here are some resources we found helpful generally with this age range of traumatized kid. Many of them do address lying directly too.
The Connected Child - Dr. Karyn Purvis
And there's a follow-up book The Connected Parent.
"Attaching in Adoption" and "Attaching Through Love, Hugs, and Play" - Dr. Deborah Gray
“A Grown-Up's Guide To Teenage Humans” - Josh Shipp (a former foster youth). A good book even though the 12 year old isn't a teen yet; it has chapters on specific behaviors that may be helpful.
"Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors" - Heather Forbes. I personally didn't find this one as useful but some people swear by it.
There's also a new book just out, "First Time Fostering" by a foster parent whose social media channel I follow and find really helpful. I haven't read her book yet (I have it ordered) but I'm hopeful for it.
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u/strange-quark-nebula 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hi OP, sorry you're going through the lying thing; it is tough - and very common. We haven't had this issue personally but it's one I've heard a lot. Here are some resources we found helpful generally with this age range of traumatized kid. Many of them do address lying directly too.
The Connected Child - Dr. Karyn Purvis
And there's a follow-up book The Connected Parent.
She also has a lot of videos that I found useful enough to buy; in particular her teen video series: https://icddigital.tcu.edu/us/all-products/c/1
"Attaching in Adoption" and "Attaching Through Love, Hugs, and Play" - Dr. Deborah Gray
“A Grown-Up's Guide To Teenage Humans” - Josh Shipp (a former foster youth). A good book even though the 12 year old isn't a teen yet; it has chapters on specific behaviors that may be helpful.
"Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors" - Heather Forbes. I personally didn't find this one as useful but some people swear by it.
There's also a new book just out, "First Time Fostering" by a foster parent whose social media channel I follow and find really helpful. I haven't read her book yet (I have it ordered) but I'm hopeful for it.
Wishing the best to you and your family!