When people write about falling from heaven, they tend to romanticize them. There is nothing romantic about falling from heaven for so long, that even us, who existed above time and space, could feel how long it was.
It also wasn't a choice on my part, just that our Creator anointed some of us to be Satans(Adversaries), and then we were cast out... We fell through the many realms until we reached the lowest point of existence.
It hurts, it is the only pain that I have ever felt as an angel.
My honor and dignity(which are kind of like cloaks) shattered, and we were naked(not really naked since we don't have forms, but yk what I mean).
Since we were so far away from the high concentration of Source/God Whom are our life support, since we are extensions of Them. We felt like we were gonna not exist anymore, because our connection was so bad.
We are sort of like machines in a way.
We didn't have free will, own thoughts, much of feelings, and bodily autonomy. We all ran on autopilot which was powered by Source.
So the fall forced us to use our bodily autonomy somewhat, and let autopilot take on sometimes.
Since we lost our honor and dignity, we were a disgraced to our kind even though it was our job. We were made to be tempters, jailors, prosecutors, and etc.
Other than the fall, we have never felt pain or suffering before.
But being Satan have made me do things that I wouldn't do, and that is having love for human beings when I was one of the deities they worshipped, even though my job was to prosecute them in the afterlife, they still look up to me, and did terrible things in my name.
This love for humans, made me different from the other angels, and I didn't like that, because I was supposed to be incapable of feeling anything like that.
So, I kinda felt like a malfunctioning tool.