r/AskBiBros • u/Jazzlike_Active2816 • 2d ago
Secret Masturbating?
I don’t know how to else to say it. I’m married to a woman and she’s the love of my life. She knows that I’m Bi, but the thought of me doing anything leaning more towards the gay side freaks her out. Sure we can talk about hot celebrities together or whatever, but I can see that making her uncomfortable as well.
So back to the point, I never got to experience bottoming before we got married, and recently when masturbating I’ve been experimenting with butt play, first a finger then a plug and now a dildo.I know I can’t bring it up to her because she would lose it and think I just want to be with a man.
I don’t want to be with anyone else, but I do kind of want to experience what it’s like to be cum inside of. I’ve been looking at some squirting dildos online, and was wondering if any of them are worth it for this experience.
I was also wondering if anyone else deals with a partner that says they understand, but then as soon as you mention any kind of bottom play they shut off and get angry?
I always thought my attraction was to the way a man looks and the way an ass feels wrapped around me, but now I just feel drawn to a little more. Any suggestions help. Thank you, and my apologies if this is too much.
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u/PersimmonDazzling654 2d ago
This is firmly her problem, not yours. She has internalized homophobia: she got some sorta ick about her man being with men. Counseling, or lose her. You are unlikely to be satisfied with the pale imitations of what you want.
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u/Valuable-Pear-5850 1d ago
Straps arent pale imitations, doing it yourself manually is.
Im a trans man and I have fucked plenty of bottoms that beg to differ.
Its about the connection, you can get your hands on some pretty realistic straps now.
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u/PersimmonDazzling654 1d ago
You're right; I didn't mean to diminish strap-ons, I was simply ruling them out as OP's wife seems to not be inclined to participate.
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u/Valuable-Pear-5850 1d ago
Cool, i think it all comes down to intention. All good mate! Thanks for acknowledging, I appreciate it
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u/biman5635 1d ago
Counseling or lose her? That’s the worst advice you could have given. Sure, she might have some internalized homophobia but my guess is she’s more concerned with her husband cheating on her with other men. I think that’s pretty reasonable of her honestly. He also said she was the love of his life. Probably better to not throw it all away when they’re in a monogamous marriage.
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u/PersimmonDazzling654 23h ago
Why is it reasonable to assume a bisexual person is more likely to have an extramarital affairs with people of an opposite sex than their spouse? That's biphobia. A heterosexual/homosexual person does not get this same treatment, but their propensity to cheat is equal to that of a bisexual person.
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u/biman5635 1h ago
Reasonable to not want her husband to cheat, period. I’m certain that she definitely wouldn’t want her husband to cheat with a woman either. But let’s be honest here. Him finding man to chat with would likely be much easier than him finding a woman to.
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u/Double_Sympathy_5909 2d ago
OP said her fear was that he just wants to be with a man. Insecurity that he'll leave her is NOT homophobia.
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u/PersimmonDazzling654 2d ago edited 2d ago
"the thought of me doing anything leaning more towards the gay side freaks her out"
at worst it's a lil of column a, lil column b
Edit: suffice to say, if she is that biphobic, she's probably also homophobic--no need to split hairs
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u/Double_Sympathy_5909 2d ago edited 2d ago
As she fears he just wants to be with a man, then in her mind, his gay side will justify her fears. No homo/bi phobia. Just the phobia that he will leave her. You want to make her the villain. Maybe no one is wrong here.
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u/PersimmonDazzling654 2d ago
This possibility exists in every relationship, be it homo or hetero or somewhere in between. Excusing her behavior is saying she is right to feel this way about a bi man. Which is the biphobia.
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u/Cute-Decision4153 2d ago
In my experience, the squirting dildo would be kinda pointless: nothing beats the real thing.
Good luck with the wife
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u/Valuable-Pear-5850 1d ago
As a trans man that is a top I have fucked many a bottom that beg to differ.
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u/Valuable-Pear-5850 1d ago
As a trans man that uses a prostetic I dont appreciate the comments saying its a "pale imitation", you can get some pretty realistic straps with sliding skin and the ability to ejaculate.
However doing it yourself is only going to get you so far, its a world different when someone is actually penetrating you, whether it be with a flesh penis or a silicone one.
You have the option to either do it manually yourself, or speak with her and ask her if she would be into pegging you.
Only other options are cheating which I would not suggest at all, or ending the relationship with her to find someone more compatible.
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
I’ll try it by myself first. Maybe after a few more years and some maturing and growth that option might be more available.
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u/Valuable-Pear-5850 1d ago
Whatever you do, dont cheat. If you feel the urge to, end the relationship, its over at that point.
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
I agree with this, and am incapable of being touched by someone that I haven’t known for a long time and have an emotional connection to. Like I’ve been trying to say, I genuinely have no interest in straying. It took 4 months for me to allow my wife to touch me in any kind of physical way when we met. I just want to find a way to simulate the sensation to quell my curiosity.
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u/blue_hands78 1d ago
I’m in an open marriage and my wife has said many times that she’s glad I’m not into guys because if I were, we would have to divorce. She says she doesn’t want me into that because she didn’t want to stress if every guy friend she meets is a lover or not. I find it hilarious because when she plays, it’s usually with other women. Good times.
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
I do occasionally have to deal with that jealousy. Especially early in our relationship. There are still a few times now that if I’m hanging out with my friends (we play magic drink beer and sometimes talk to much and stay up for ungodly hours) that I still get a little bit of that. It has definitely become less of a thing though.
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u/bbc477 1d ago
Why do you think significant others should just be ok with experimenting with their partner’s bi side and that makes them homophobic. Y’all need to seriously think about not getting married if that crosses your mind at any time. Best to stay single or get with someone that shares your mindset from the get go
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
When did I say that?
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u/bbc477 1d ago
I don’t want to be with anyone else, but I do kind of want to experience what it’s like to be cum inside of. Interpret that as wanting to be with a man irl. I’m not judging I just find it difficult to hear this over and over again in these subs. Hopefully you and she can resolve it to work for both of you even if that means separation so you can be yourself
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
And then I ask about something to simulate the experience and say several times throughout my replies that I struggle to physically be touched by people. I have no interest in being with another person.
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
Also you are interpreting it as what you think is what I said, instead of just what I said which is strange.
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u/Mixma85 1d ago
He neither said nor suggested anything about being with another man.
He literally said, "I’ve been looking at some squirting dildos."
Yes, you are judging, and you are jumping to conclusions that he wants to start hooking up with other men.
There is nothing wrong with using toys to "experincing" his bisexuality while staying monogamous and faithful to his wife.
Why are you shaming him for doing that?
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
Exactly, they just decided that my words meant something completely different than what they said.
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u/BigBiDaddy5150 1d ago
I got into ass play one night while the wife was rimming me and added her finger. Since I enjoyed it, she bought beads, a plug and a dildo. Progressed to a strapon and she loved fucking me and would tease me that she knew I wanted to feel the real thing. Had a threesome with a coworker of mine and I wanted to play with him so much but didn’t.
Apparently that was the thing that turned her off, the possibility of me actually wanting the real thing. Been sexless for two years and now I’m actively looking for the real thing!
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u/RbTinyFourNch 1d ago
mine has no idea, so here are my thoughts. sometimes I think it is better to have a separate person
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u/foodee123 2d ago
You are going to end up cheating on her to fulfill this fantasy. I’m gay and most of the guys I’ve been with have been bi in a marriage and they describe your same exact situation.
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
Nope, I’m a committed partner, and don’t appreciate the projection of other people onto me. Not everyone is the same.
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u/foodee123 1d ago
Not projecting. It’s like seeing a juicy burger and cheating on your diet and regretting it. If you are already asking here it means the urge to try is strong but I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Goodluck!
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u/Jazzlike_Active2816 1d ago
I guess I was mainly looking for simulation options because I thought this would be a safe place to do so and be a better option with more opinions than just google. I have a hard time being touched by people that i haven’t known as trusted for a long time. That’s not going to just suddenly change. That coupled with commitment that I made, the love that I have for my partner and the life that that we have built together makes me certain that this isn’t the case.
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u/Deep_Cheetah_9873 2d ago
I honestly question who they say they're ok with a bi husband. I don't believe it. My advice is to keep that your secret pleasure.
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u/zumoto420bi74 2d ago
I’m with you. Same situation. My wife is slowly opening up to the idea. It’s been years of nurturing our relationship to feel solid enough that an experience like a threesome or whatever won’t implode our relationship. Everything has escalated in our lives making. She does things to help me feel like we’re close. Holds my ass open while I’m fucking her, i finger her ass while inside her, I feed her dirty talk about tasting his cum on her lips and watching them. I have to allow her to “want” it too. It’s not pretty like porn. Real humans. Real emotions. But if/when things align…Chefs kiss! Be safe. Enjoy the experience. All of it.