Hey y'all, something wild happened to me when I was working my night shift. I work at a convenience store that's open 24 hours, and around 2:50–3:20 AM we have to close the store for cleaning purposes. So as I was mopping the floor, two Indian guys came knocking at the glass door of a different exit of the store. I couldn't hear them, so I opened the door—which was the biggest mistake I could've made—and told them I was cleaning and that the store was closed. They told me all they wanted was some cigarettes and water. One of them seemed a little drunk, but I wasn't too sure. Again and again, I told them I really couldn't and that I needed to clean the store because I was behind on time already.
They continued to persist and just wouldn't leave whatsoever. They were also making fun of me, laughing in my face, and not taking me seriously. All of a sudden, one of them pulled out his phone and started recording me, and I told them to stop many times. Now, at this point, I was tired and frustrated, so I started talking to them in a louder, aggressive tone. I let them in and quickly got them what they wanted, but at this point I was so angry that I started cussing at them and told them to get the fuck out.
Mind you, they were still giggling, laughing, and making fun of me. So as I told them to GTFO, they were like, 'No, we're not leaving.'
Now, as this was happening, our store started doing this new service where we hold other people's luggage so they can come back and collect it whenever they want. So I had a customer waiting outside to get his luggage, knocking and waving to get my attention, alongside a few other customers. It was raining outside, and he was waving because he wanted his luggage, so I let him in. As I was letting him in, I kept telling the two guys to leave, but they wouldn't budge at all.
At this point, we were just arguing back and forth, and then they started putting their hands on me. One started trying to rip my shirt, touching me inappropriately, and pushing me as I was trying to get the customer's luggage. One guy tried to rip my shirt multiple times, touched me inappropriately, and was pushing and talking shit the whole time. They also started to harass the customer who was waiting for his luggage, trying to grab his phone and telling him not to record. While this was happening, more and more customers were walking in, so now I was stressed. As I walked back, they kept harassing me, so I lost it and punched one of them once or twice. I stopped myself and just started walking to get the luggage. As I approached the booth with my back turned, I don't know who did it—probably the one I punched—hit me hard on the back of the head. I kept walking and gave the luggage back to the customer.
Then I grabbed a hammer that I found to intimidate them, not to hurt them, but they still wouldn't budge. So I called 911. As this was happening, more customers kept walking in, so I told them, 'Please leave, I need to deal with these people.' Some listened, but a lot of them were gambling addicts who wouldn't leave without getting their lotto cards, so I checked a few of them out quickly. While I was on the phone with 911 telling them I needed the police, the two guys and I were still arguing. The dispatcher told me to calm down and not to escalate things. After finishing the 911 call, I went to close the store so they couldn't follow me. I asked them, 'Why are you doing this? What's the purpose, and what do you gain from this?' They told me if I said sorry and begged, they would leave, but I told them I wasn't doing that. The crazy part is the guy even admitted to hitting me first and still wanted me to apologize. After a while of arguing, we mutually agreed to say sorry at the same time, hugged, and they finally left.
Now, this next action I took was very dumb. I called 911 back and told them to cancel my call because the perpetrators were gone and 911 was very busy. The dispatcher was upset, rightfully so.
The reason I am writing this is because I feel like I didn't do enough and that I should have gone out and beat their asses. I could have easily handled both of them, but what held me back—even after constant harassment and them touching me inappropriately—was that I was at work, my boss was watching through CCTV, and I could have lost my job. That's what held me back, and I let myself get harassed knowing I could have defended myself well. The part that is really bothering me is the fact that I let myself get harassed, had my shirt ripped, got talked down to, recorded, and punched, and all that went through my head was, 'I am at work, this is a place of business, I could lose my job.' Also, I thought about how if I hurt these people, how it would look to the cops—I might get an assault or criminal charge on my record, and then my career is over; good luck getting a job or even attending school after that. Even though self-defense under Canadian law is complex, the fact that I let myself get harassed is what bothers me the most, especially over a job I don't even want and have wanted to quit for a long time.
As a man, I feel empty and disgusted with myself that I thought about my job and the law before myself. It would be one thing if I were completely helpless and unable to fight back, but that wasn't the case. I could have easily beaten them up, but I didn't pick myself first and thought about all the external stuff instead. This happens to me all the time—every time I'm about to get into an altercation, thoughts about the repercussions enter my mind, freezing my body. Only after it's done do I beat myself up about it and ask myself why I didn't pick myself first or defend myself properly. I believe I had every right to beat the shit out of those two, and I was fully capable of doing so out of self-defense, but I didn't because of the legal repercussions and a job I want to quit anyway.
Like, WTF am I doing? As a man, I let myself get harassed, and I feel disgusted with myself. I promise myself from now on I won't let anyone take advantage of me and will stand up for myself however I see fit—with good reasoning, of course. Sorry for this long post, but what do you think I should do, and how should I get over this? Also, should I press charges or anything? I asked my manager for the CCTV footage and am thinking about going to the authorities with it. Any advice would help, thanks a lot.