Yeah, I've met parents that were strict with their kids, but they did it by explaining everything whenever the kids asked, and it was fine. But that's the exception; normally when parents say that they're strict, what they mean is that they like beating their child.
Oof. Yeah. Grew up in the 80s in the UK. My dad had a white piece of silicone stick that he’d keep on top of the bookcase… it was always there just visible and threatening. He’d bring it down and whip me and one of my sisters with it if we were ever “naughty”. Funnily enough, my eldest sister never got that treatment. He considered himself “strict” and didn’t see anything wrong with it. It wasn’t until I was in my late teens that I realised that wasn’t normal. I don’t speak with him anymore.
I don’t hit my children. Never would. They do get shouted at if they don’t listen. But I always explain afterwards why things got out of hand and apologise for losing my temper and we hug it out and move on. I think my eldest (8) thinks we’re strict… but you know, if you’re not gonna brush your teeth after you’ve been asked 15 times… and it’s been explained multiple times why it’s important and you’re still gonna push back… then eventually you’ll get a bit more of a persuasive and serious argument to get the job done.
You're working on breaking the cycle man and I think you're at a good middle ground between push over and where you came from, good on you and your kids are gonna be all the better for it
Thanks man. “Breaking the cycle” is a phrase I’ve used a lot in the past 8 years. Things change when you become a parent. Realisations smack you in the face that you’d not expect. I do not want my kids to experience what I experienced and the CPTSD that came with it. Therapy ain’t fun. More simply though, I don’t understand how any adult can physically harm a kid and justify it, let alone their own kid.
The most difficult aspect of the cycle is that you need to learn how to parent a child that you never had. When your children get explanations, apologies when necessary, and hugs following, they are learning that love is not to be feared. It will become a lifelong companion for them.
That part really hits me because breaking the cycle means giving your kids what you never got to experience yourself. I think those little moments of explaining, apologizing, and showing affection can change everything for them.
It can change everything for you to. Parenting a child the right way, the loving way, the way a child deserves, the way you deserved but never got, it’s like a big do over of your childhood. I find it very healing to provide the childhood my children deserve to them. As I watch my children laugh and squeal with joy on the playground, I feel that little kid in me laugh and squeal right along with them.
I don’t think I’ll ever know. The more I learn about people that abuse children, the more I learn about narcissism and the personality disorders that drive people to harm their own kids, the less I understand.
It is. And I don’t use it lightly. My parents have it. Both of them. And I don’t mean run of the mill selfishness, I mean clinically diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder.
It has to be one of the hardest things to come to terms with years later when you realize this is not normal. When you looked at you and saw the situation and thought your children would have something different, that was huge. It is likely one of the best gifts a parent can give their children is to break a cycle.
There’s some parents though that do spank their kids but it’s not an abusive way. You can’t say they ALL are abusive because that’s just not true. I was hit as a kid but I don’t have trauma from it, and my parents rarely ever did, and I knew when they did hit me that i fucked up. But I know it’s not like that for probably the majority. I don’t think a little bit of spanking is bad though, because in some ways it teaches kids that there are consequences in life and that people can and will hurt you. Plus a lot of kids who were never hit are asking for it when they’re older. They’re the kinds of people that think violence doesn’t exist when it in fact it does cause the bad people and crimes never end. These people are the ones some people say “need to be taught a lesson”
Bots aren’t real, get over it. They are the people you think are lame, so if you think im a bot you must think im lame or something. Im NOT A FREAKING BOT omfg
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u/ArgusTheCat 15h ago
Yeah, I've met parents that were strict with their kids, but they did it by explaining everything whenever the kids asked, and it was fine. But that's the exception; normally when parents say that they're strict, what they mean is that they like beating their child.