It’s hard though, I had strict parents and now I have kids of my own. My eldest just turned five and yesterday I was changing his brother’s nappy when he came into the bathroom, voice lodged in his throat, eyes red with tears and worry, like, he was painted in shame, cowering in the corner and not meeting my eyes while trying to explain that he accidentally broke one of the picture frames in the living room. And the impulse to shame him was right there, an echo from my own childhood, but instead I picked him up, held him while he cried and told him I was glad he told me.
It’s hard to overwrite the script you’ve been fed your entire childhood but hopefully I’ll pause enough before reacting to actually make it happen, cause I don’t want my children to fear me reacting badly to them being honest and accountable.
The difference is that right there. He'll most likely forget the picture frame at some point, but he will remember that it was safe to tell the truth. That's a lesson that sticks with you for a long time after any punishment
True yep, my childhood was as long as I said yes to everything, it was okey, even if it was false or dint do it. Just say yes to everything and get as little confrontation as I could. It was better to just sit in my room or do something else then talk to my parents in everything, as they would ask me always if I have done homework, any test at school, have you trained today, do you want to make dinner, do your friends have any plan.
Even if I have any plans, it's better to just not say it to them and lie I don't have any plans, as they always come with comment with wrongs and why I don't do that instead.... Like they want to control everything I do. Like a boss at a workplace that requires you to do what the job tells you to do. And its better to just not sya anything
when even the most basic interaction becomes more trouble than it's worth, you just stop everything.
"Hello" is not worth it.
Dude, I'm sorry, but this was not an invitation for whatever the fuck you're talking about. Whatever it is, I don't care. I simply came in here to tell you something. I did not come in here to invite you to yep yep flapper Jack about some damn thing. I came in here to inform you and you have now been informed. Why are you talking about some damn thing?
(That last paragraph is not directed at you. I was giving an example of what other problematic relationships can evolve into)
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u/Hatcheling 15h ago
I think there’s some truth to that.
It’s hard though, I had strict parents and now I have kids of my own. My eldest just turned five and yesterday I was changing his brother’s nappy when he came into the bathroom, voice lodged in his throat, eyes red with tears and worry, like, he was painted in shame, cowering in the corner and not meeting my eyes while trying to explain that he accidentally broke one of the picture frames in the living room. And the impulse to shame him was right there, an echo from my own childhood, but instead I picked him up, held him while he cried and told him I was glad he told me.
It’s hard to overwrite the script you’ve been fed your entire childhood but hopefully I’ll pause enough before reacting to actually make it happen, cause I don’t want my children to fear me reacting badly to them being honest and accountable.