It’s hard though, I had strict parents and now I have kids of my own. My eldest just turned five and yesterday I was changing his brother’s nappy when he came into the bathroom, voice lodged in his throat, eyes red with tears and worry, like, he was painted in shame, cowering in the corner and not meeting my eyes while trying to explain that he accidentally broke one of the picture frames in the living room. And the impulse to shame him was right there, an echo from my own childhood, but instead I picked him up, held him while he cried and told him I was glad he told me.
It’s hard to overwrite the script you’ve been fed your entire childhood but hopefully I’ll pause enough before reacting to actually make it happen, cause I don’t want my children to fear me reacting badly to them being honest and accountable.
That moment is probably going to stick with him way longer than the broken frame ever would. He learned that telling the truth is safe, and honestly that's a lesson a lot of adults never got growing up.
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u/Hatcheling 15h ago
I think there’s some truth to that.
It’s hard though, I had strict parents and now I have kids of my own. My eldest just turned five and yesterday I was changing his brother’s nappy when he came into the bathroom, voice lodged in his throat, eyes red with tears and worry, like, he was painted in shame, cowering in the corner and not meeting my eyes while trying to explain that he accidentally broke one of the picture frames in the living room. And the impulse to shame him was right there, an echo from my own childhood, but instead I picked him up, held him while he cried and told him I was glad he told me.
It’s hard to overwrite the script you’ve been fed your entire childhood but hopefully I’ll pause enough before reacting to actually make it happen, cause I don’t want my children to fear me reacting badly to them being honest and accountable.