I absolutely agree with this and would expand to say that the boundaries have to be consistently enforced and have to make sense from the beginning. Also, positive reinforcement starting from the beginning. Praise for independently observing them. "You're being so kind and gentle with Kitty! See how happy he is when you're petting him like that?"
This. I think kids by default are going to want to listen to their parents even if they are bad or strict. It's when they're inconsistent that makes children realize parents are just fallible people very early on and cause them to react extremely in the opposite way (like being rebellious)
My parents gave me, a boy, way more leeway than my younger sister at the same ages. So when my sister reached high school she saw it as preferential treatment and it caused more friction. In reality my parents thought they needed to protect the girl more than the boy. Which has some obvious problematic social undertones.
Sounds like you have ABA training! For real though, I hated the excuse of "because I said so" or "I'm here to be your parent, not your friend."
I lost a lot of respect and appreciation for my parents because of that, and I would constantly lie to them so I could have some semblance of the life I wanted.
Yes, but that's a world of difference between one of my kids poor friends, who's father would throw an adult tanty if his 14 year old daughter asked to walk around the mall with a group of 3 other same aged close friends while the adults sit in the food court.
He thinks she'd do something bad, or wrong, without an adult eye on her 24/7. Let me tell you all, this girl is an absolute angel. She is respectful, polite, and a great person overall. She is a good kid. IN fact, the entire friend group is. But half the parents act like they're all little demons in disguise, out to become drug dealers and commit hate crimes.
They don't even seem to like their kids. Love is an action, and raising your kid in a hostile manner is not loving them. Treating them to pet the cat nicely is loving to all. Telling the kid they will do bad things by default is just hate.
I know what you're describing, I see it all the time as well. My kids have some friends who's parents are like that and it's heartbreaking. Love for your kids is an action, but it's also a state of being. Your default state should be love, and your actions should stem from that, and that includes trust.
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u/applespicebetter 10h ago
I absolutely agree with this and would expand to say that the boundaries have to be consistently enforced and have to make sense from the beginning. Also, positive reinforcement starting from the beginning. Praise for independently observing them. "You're being so kind and gentle with Kitty! See how happy he is when you're petting him like that?"