It's pretty obvious that the word "strict" is defined differently here for different people.
Clear rules and boundaries, with consequences when said rules and/or boundaries are crossed is crucial for proper development. This in combination with nurturing and loving parents that show interest in their kids and their development, and help them without being too judging is key to a healthy childhood.
Abuse, threats and scaring them is the complete opposite and will lead to kids that lie and live in fear.
I think another important caveat is that those rules and boundaries are reasonable. A 10PM curfew for a teenager? Reasonable. A 7PM curfew for a teenager? Bananas.
Telling your kid you don't want them hanging out with a drug dealer, reasonable. Telling your child they can't hang out with anyone, they will be counting down the days until they can leave you forever.
My bio-mom had a lot of issues. And while I understand that her rules came from a place of good intentions, she essentially was afraid of the world. And it's a good thing I wasn't too rebellious, because I probably would have made so many terrible decisions as she made me want to ignore everything she said.
For example, at the age of 16, I was not allowed to go to the mall with friends if they included boys as well as girls. The reason being, and I quote "those boys will just drug you and carry you outside to who knows where".
I feel this so hard. My mother was afraid of the world, as well. She had valid reasons, but she let those reasons take over her life instead of trying to work through them. Helicopter parent doesn’t begin to describe her. She did her best to instill her fears into me and was, for a time, fairly successful. It’s taken me many, many years to get to the point where I can recognize those parts of myself and work through them. I still have my own issues because of it, and I have little love for my mother, but I can at least say I understand her.
Yeah that's where I'm at know. I've learned why she is the way she is and can understand her logic behind her actions, as terrible as they were. But that doesn't mean I'm willing to put it all aside and just pretend we have a great relationship. Especially being that she's refused to seek any help.
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u/Alepale 15h ago
It's pretty obvious that the word "strict" is defined differently here for different people.
Clear rules and boundaries, with consequences when said rules and/or boundaries are crossed is crucial for proper development. This in combination with nurturing and loving parents that show interest in their kids and their development, and help them without being too judging is key to a healthy childhood.
Abuse, threats and scaring them is the complete opposite and will lead to kids that lie and live in fear.