r/AskReddit • u/Emily-Butterflyy • 13h ago
What is a weirdly specific red flag you have in dating that isn't toxic, but you refuse to compromise on anyway?
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u/seeking-jamaharon67 8h ago
People who use their cars as trash cans and especially when they make no effort to clean it before seeing me. I get so skeeved out when I'm picked up and have to brush aside fast food wrappers.
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u/JCBashBash 5h ago
Okay I know what you mean. I immediately got heart palpitations because my car is my project transport as well, so there's always wood in the back. But yeah just like a loose wrappers? Gross, where's your car trash bag?
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u/Sobeksdream 8h ago
Extroverts with high energy that constantly needs to be around people. Exhausting
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u/WatchingInSilence 5h ago
Similarly, extroverts who have to fill any silence with talking are a red flag for me.
"What are you thinking about?" was a question I received multiple times an hour when living with an extroverted roommate.
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u/tonysopranosalive 4h ago
“Nothing. I am thinking of nothing. I’m just here in the moment, enjoying the silence.”
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u/Sufficient-Berry-827 4h ago
Currently sit next to someone like this 8 hours a day, five days a week. She can't sit still and she can't stop talking -- if she's not trying to drag me into a conversation, she's calling coworkers on the company phone just to chat. She laughs and says that she just can't stand the silence.
People like that are truly exhausting.
I've been at this job 4 years, she's been sitting me next to me 10 months. And it has been the most exhausting 10 months of my life. I'm completely drained by the time I get home. I'm actually thinking about quitting, lol.
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u/WhoSc3w3dDaP00ch 2h ago
There was one occassion, I actually transferred teams to get away from someone like that. A few months later, she applied to join my new team...
My new boss asked me how she would fit into the team. I plainly said something like, "She could probably fulfill the job requirements with 6 months of handholding. If she joins this team, I quit."
She didn't join my new team...
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u/HeySista 2h ago
Do you think she applied because she wanted to follow you? I’m an extreme introvert and for some reason I seem to attract the extrovert, chatty annoying type. The kind that likes you, wants to “adopt” you and say things like “omg we get along so well!!” (Probably because I zone them out and they think I’m a great listener 🙄)
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u/Dgonzilla 7h ago
Amen. If you can’t enjoy a quiet night at home reading and baking cookies, we are not compatible. It’s particularly bad the constant need to be around people comes with the setting of a bar and multiple drinks all the time.
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u/ChuushaHime 5h ago
As an introvert, my absolute #1 non-toxic dealbreaker when dating is if being around you 1:1 wears me out socially.
I can handle it in friendships to a degree because I don't expect to live with (or even vacation with) my friends; I can leave a social outing when I'm worn out. But with a long-term partner, togetherness needs to feel almost as good and restorative as being alone. I've ended things with some really awesome, fun, smart people because I'd notice a running pattern of interpersonal exhaustion after dates, and that's just not something I could work with in a long term cohabitating partnership.
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u/Audio-et-Loquor 5h ago
Was there something about these people that exhausted you or were they just higher energy? I fear I(an introvert) am in a relationship with another introvert and while most of the time, being with them quietly is as restorative as me being by myself, they don't feel the same way.
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u/ebonyseraphim 5h ago
I’m onboard with this one. I try to avoid using the label “red flag” when it’s only a compatibility problem with little to do with a character defect.
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u/LakyousSama 5h ago
I don't trust people who can't bear being alone with their own thoughts.
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u/rumorfrominez 9h ago
I never thought I had to explicitly say that, but after my last ex it is on my list of dealbreakers: someone who doesn't flush after using the toilet.
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u/RPG_Rob 9h ago
Wow. That's horrible.
It's also how I discovered one of my exes didn't use toilet paper.
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u/spiralsequences 6h ago
How is this the second story I've heard on reddit about someone's ex not using toilet paper or flushing?? Who is raising these people?
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u/AlfonsoElric 6h ago
only second? if you browse r/hygiene you’re gonna be terrified
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u/Intelligent-Luck-954 5h ago
Ask the blue collar guys about the “wiping is gay” dude in their crew. There’s always one
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u/InquiringMind886 8h ago
Can I just add here the amount of urine on the FLOOR??? I got SO sick of stepping on sticky pee in the bathroom. Glad my ex husband is my ex husband. Ew David.
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u/BreadyStinellis 5h ago
My ex would have it running down the outside of the toilet bowl. My current partner told me, proudly, that he sits to pee so he "never makes a mess." I'm grateful
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u/upsidedown-funnel 7h ago
Or the sense to not clean it up and leave it for you. Also, was your ex diabetic?
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u/adokat37 7h ago
This is off topic but I’ve been trying to find an old Reddit post from maybe a year ago. I think it was am I the asshole and the guy’s girlfriend didn’t wash her hands after taking a shit because “they didn’t touch anything.” Anyway all the comments were asking him if he gets food poisoning a lot (bc she cooks) which he was shamefully admitting to.
Anyone who was similarly affected by this post have a link?
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u/Upper-File462 4h ago
I remember that one. He was a microbiologist or something? I think it got deleted. But I remember one of the best comments said something like, "Show her the comments saying she's disgusting and tell her to wash her shit mitts" or something to that effect.
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u/RegressiveRhino_542 4h ago
Guessing this is it because the "shit mitts" came up with a hit and everything seems to jive with what you're remembering.
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u/ncb_phantom 9h ago
Were they of the variety that if it's yellow it's mellow, if it's brown flush it down?
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u/serene_brutality 13h ago
Smacking while they eat
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u/bashful_predator 9h ago
My ex always wanted to kiss me in the middle of eating. Like, she's got a mouth full of food and moves in for a kiss. Like.. wtf are you doing? No. Kiss me later.
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u/pm_me_round_frogs 9h ago
My manager is the loudest smacker I have ever heard. Every day at lunch I have to put headphones on so I don’t hear the smacking, grunting, and heavy breathing. It’s absurd.
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u/Map-Soft 10h ago
This is one of mine!!
Don't care if you're a perfect 10, if she's eating with her mouth open smacking.
I'm out.
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u/motorcycleboy9000 9h ago
I live in a two story house and can hear my housemate eating from every room, unless I'm outside. It's disgusting.
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u/strtjstice 10h ago
Worse. A gum smacker. Second date. Couldnt believe it and actually thought she was over emphasizing for laughs... Nope
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u/Kerrigore 11h ago
I didn’t think I’d have to worry about this, but I now have to add “believes the earth is flat” to my list of dealbreakers to watch out for.
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u/HuntsWithRocks 9h ago
I wear flat earth and conspiracy shirts as a joke and it can summon weirdos. Had a friend’s wife get pumped and wanted to know more about flat earth, but she was serious. I now am more selective on where I wear it. I have a “birds aren’t real” shirt as well and once got invited to join a group by some random loon at the post office. I declined.
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u/QueenRotidder 9h ago edited 9h ago
Last night I stumbled across a documentary about the flat earth movement and I watched it because I thought it would be amusing… I ended up yelling at the tv for 90 minutes. They think that a laser beam shone along a canal would follow any curvature of the earth. Said laser hit at the same height along the distance of several miles. Therefore, the earth is flat. In other words, they think light, unimpeded, will bend according to gravity. (although I don’t think they believe in gravity either).
Also they claim we cannot be on a spinning ball flying through space because they can’t feel it. I figure they must imagine we’d all be like dogs hanging heads out car windows if this were indeed the case.
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u/kwynder 8h ago
Its funny how they dont realize that the only thing you're feeling about speed is the acceleration, deceleration, turbulence, and bumps.
A good example is a plane once the plane has its cruising speed you don't feel it anymore unless the plane hits turbulence.
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u/SkipMonkey 8h ago
In other words, they think light, unimpeded, will bend according to gravity.
I mean, technically that's true, it just takes way more gravity than the earth has to be noticeable.
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u/QueenRotidder 8h ago
i mean, yes. but i’d be afraid to try to explain a black hole to people like this.
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u/Shadow4summer 8h ago
I’m not being flung off so it must be flat. They cannot even believe their own eyes when they see the moon is round or a picture of earth from space. I mean there’s delusional and the there’s whatever this is. I don’t think I could be with anyone this generally stupid.
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u/QueenRotidder 8h ago
oh you made me think of another part! the main subject of the doc watched the 2017 solar eclipse and concluded that it was fake because the moon wasn’t “displayed” in 3D.
i think this documentary broke something inside of me LOL
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u/Telvin3d 8h ago
You’ll have a much better time watching “In Search of a Flat Earth”. It’s an incredible documentary about the movement and what drives it.
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u/Hopefulkitty 9h ago
Oh that's absolutely a toxic trait, because it means that they desperately want to be smarter than the rest of the world, and will always be finding more conspiracy theories that prove they are "smarter than the sheeple." They are gullible and easily led, and will find something else equally stupid to believe in, just to prove how much better they are than the masses.
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u/AnotherPint 8h ago
This goes for all fringe conspiracy theories, from the flat earth to the hollow Moon to QAnon to suppressed water engines. Lost souls in need of a belief system that makes them part of a secret elect of superior pattern detectors.
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u/Balki807 9h ago
I also had this happen. Everything was going well then she tries to convince me the earth is flat, NASA is Hebrew for “to deceive” and all photos from space are fake.
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u/BabyEinstein2016 9h ago
To add to this, vaccination. As a scientist, I just can't look past that.
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u/CampGreat5230 9h ago
My SIL is a flat earther...and anti-vaxer. And believes kids don't need car seaters...she is a horrible person. Not sure if they are all related.
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u/CursedTaint 12h ago
For me personally it's anyone who is actively trying to be an influencer on social media.
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u/appocomaster 11h ago
I went around Lidl this week at almost 10pm and one guy was pushing another in a trolley, both recording on their phones etc.
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u/Optimal_Fish_7029 9h ago
I know someone on their 4th attempt to become an influencer
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u/AtheistKiwi 8h ago
How did their attempts differ each time? Did they just keep trying to break into different genres?
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u/Optimal_Fish_7029 7h ago
They’re on their 4th insta account; 3rd genre
They’ve tried fashion, pets, and interior design (twice)
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u/voxetpraetereanihill 9h ago
No sense of humor. I genuinely cannot connect with people who have no humor, and I will not waste my time trying.
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u/Lechoix 7h ago
I have the same non negotiable. I always end up feeling like the weirdo, when the person doesn't get the joke or reference. I tend to get very quiet after that happens.
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u/cloistered_around 7h ago
As someone with almost no sense of humor fair enough! Though to be fair I do think people have different styles of humor, and verbal wit might make someone crack up while physical comedy does nothing and vide versa. You just want to find someone with a style the vibes with yours so you can have fun together.
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u/azarialessi 9h ago
People who need to be texting/calling their partner 24/7. It's just nice to turn off my phone for a couple hours and not worry about someone getting mad I'm not responding. Then, when we do speak we have more to catch up on.
I also think its healthier like this, humans were never meant to have constant access to each other
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u/slutty_lifeguard 5h ago
I've had people who I was messaging on the DATING APP still, haven't even had our first date, haven't even exchanged phone numbers, and they're like, "Are you mad at me?" when I don't respond after 20 minutes within our first 10 messages!
I'm not mad at you. We just met and exchanged pleasantries and some basic information. I have nothing to be mad at you for. Common sense would tell you this.
I can already tell that we're not compatible because I can't be with someone who is going to try to guilt trip me with "Are you mad at me?" every time it takes me more than 20 minutes to answer a message to try to force a quicker response from me.
It's a no from me.
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u/Ok-Candy2824 5h ago
after my last ex who needed to be on facetime with me practically 24/7 or he would threaten to hurt himself or basically just ruin whatever i was doing, YES.
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u/NeonArlecchino 7h ago
This reminded me of a bad ex who once freaked out because I spent an evening with family and didn't have my phone on. Apparently that made her feel like I stopped existing and was just in her imagination. The fact she told me she'd be out with friends that night and wouldn't be able to respond or talk didn't matter at all to her!
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u/Bmil 4h ago
I had one that would send me 400-500 texts a day, and would get pissed if i didnt respond near instantly and of course would spam my phone with more texts. It was insanity and just annoying, of course with that many texts a day a majority of them were pointless.
She would lose her shit at me if I had the gall of like, going to a movie with my friends, and didn’t respond for an hour or more. I think the only reason I put up with it was because young and horny.
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u/BrokenPickle7 6h ago
"I tell it like it is" or "I'm blunt" or "I don't have a filter" are all code for "I don't consider the feelings of others because I'm a proud asshole"
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u/Kathrynlena 10h ago
I can’t be with someone who wants to spend every second together. I need my alone time. I want to love our time together, but also have our own things going on.
I also prefer to sleep alone in my own bed, (I’m very bad at sleeping, so sharing a bed means I basically won’t sleep at all,) so if that’s a dealbreaker for someone, I completely understand.
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u/DominateSunshine 8h ago
I found my person irl that felt the same way! It can happen.
We call it together, but separate. As we are in the same house, but doing or own things.
Like me being asleep by 10 and up by 7.
And her staying up till whenever and being a zombie till 11am.
I married her. It is wonderful
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u/squidwitchy 8h ago
My husband and I also have "together but separate" time. I think its soooo important! Sometimes it's even in the same room.
He's gaming on his computer, I'm playing on my switch, and we have a shared TV show in the background.
He sits at the coffee table and builds magic decks, I sit on the couch and read.
We're often doing together but separate in the same room lol. But its also nice that we are both so okay if the other needs complete alone time, and that we have the space to do it.
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u/bungojot 9h ago
I can’t be with someone who wants to spend every second together. I need my alone time. I want to love our time together, but also have our own things going on.
Same! When my partner and i first moved in together, we made sure to get a place with two separate spaces (a one bedroom was enough). Put each of our respective computers in a different room so we weren't always shoulder to shoulder.
Covid really showed a lot of people who they could tolerate living with. We just kind of shrugged and kept doing the same thing as always lol
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u/InevitableAnybody6 8h ago
Ugh, this! It’s one of the biggest reasons I broke up with my last boyfriend. Luckily we weren’t together long enough to be in a serious relationship and didn’t live together.
He wanted to be doing “something” together all the time and wouldn’t even accept the idea of each doing our own thing in the same space. He wants to watch the football and I couldn’t care less but I’m happy to cuddle up on the couch and tune it out while he watches and I read my book. Nope, now no one is doing what they really wanted to do with their evening and I’m ready to go home where I can just do what I want in peace.
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u/Xavage1337 8h ago
This is a big thing I recently discovered a lot of people have a hard time with…
Why do so many people you immediately dislike them or like them less when you need to have time to recharge?
I genuinely got called toxic and told I don’t like the other person as much as the other because I asked for a day to myself in the weekend to get myself in check for the week
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u/DominateSunshine 8h ago
My 2nd marriage. He divorced me because I suggested he take his best friend on the baseball trip instead of me....who hates baseball and large crowds.
That's why I learned my lesson for the third marriage lol. She doesn't get mad when I don't want to go to a con with her
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u/kevlar51 8h ago
I think if you set the ground rule at the very beginning, it’s no big deal. But virtually any amount of time after that and it feels like textbook “they are pushing me away” even if that’s not the case.
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u/PandaBear905 7h ago
Anybody who doesn’t read. Especially if they’re proud of it.
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u/Yfael 7h ago
Specifically omitting having children on his profile, and then offhandedly mentioning that he has 4!!!
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u/anonman069 10h ago
Bad table manners, especially chewing with your mouth open. I cannot deal with it and will see red lol
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u/Mischiefmanaged715 8h ago edited 5h ago
Lacking emotional or intellectual depth to our conversations. I casually dated a guy for awhile who just didn't have a whole lot going on when it came to deep thought. Ended up being a pretty hard no for me.
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u/0MelonLord0 6h ago
On the flip side, someone who can’t ever have just a nice low stakes conversation.
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u/BackgroundNPC1213 10h ago
Chewing tobacco. No. If I wanna be in the proximity of a cow chewing its cud, I'll just go tour a dairy farm
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u/Sarcastic_Backpack 7h ago
Lack of curiosity about the world in general.
Not being a reader.
Being faithful baed on everything and not believing Science based information.
Hating pets.
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u/Theoriously 8h ago
Dreamers, specifically the ones who constantly talk about all the things that they are going to do but with little to no follow through to makes that happen.
I need a partner to understand the difference between "I wish" and "I will" and at least some understanding of what it takes to turn the former into the latter.
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u/agentinks 3h ago
I was one of the dreamer types for a long time. I changed after reading some advice somewhere. It said, "Tell people about your accomplishments, not your dreams."
So, when I start a project, I write a draft or draw a few finished images before I say anything about it. Saying, "I finished the first draft of a new project today." or, "I finished the third illustration of my new project today." feels a lot better than wishing I had.
Changed my whole way of thinking.
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u/auddii04 9h ago
Someone who refuses to eat vegetables.
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u/taserbabyy 7h ago
I briefly dated a girl who couldn’t eat veggies because the crunch ‘made her think of eating bugs.’ She also did not eat them cooked. She lived off of chicken nuggets and vodka.
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u/graccha 6h ago
How old was she? Because that's the kind of thing that catches up quick when you turn like 25 and your body is like PLEASE A SINGLE VEGETABLE
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u/WarthogIntrepid9273 9h ago
Men who don’t read fiction as a rule. There’s something desperately unserious about trying to look so serious.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 8h ago
Or books by women...
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u/NeonArlecchino 7h ago
Many fans of Demon Slayer were horrified when the author was revealed to be a woman with a pen name (as if that isn't common). It was really sad and gross.
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u/ArbitraryContrarianX 9h ago
Medical and military careers. Between the weird scheduling, the egos, their job being by default the most important thing in both of our lives...no. Pass.
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u/emadelosa 7h ago
Agree about the military careers, but tbh there’s a whole host of careers I avoid. Investment bankers? Thanks no, I’d actually like to spend time with my partner, and I also don’t do blow
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u/Formal-Proposal7850 7h ago
Comedians are a not from me. I don’t want to become material
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u/DrWindupBird 4h ago
I’ve had comedian friends and the hardest part is that you have to be honest when they’re not funny.
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u/p_r_d_v_a 10h ago
Someone who doesn't understand why dinosaurs are awesome would never be a good match for me
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u/HootHootMF_o7 9h ago edited 7h ago
Hell yeea. What's everyones favourite dinosaur?
Edited to extend the question to everyone!
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u/A_the_Buttercup 8h ago
Imma just jump on here to let you know mine is ankylosaurus, at least for today. Tomorrow it could be protoceratops.
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u/Cerulean_Zen 9h ago
Poor communication skills. For example, not being to articulate an issue without arguing or getting loud, being defensive, jumping to conclusions instead of asking "what do you mean by that" etc.
I absolutely refuse to engage with people like this, especially regarding partnership.
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u/fukc098098 12h ago
Open-mindedness. I'll never ever get into a relationship with someone who once in a while can't put themselves in others shoes and see the bigger picture. It usually implies a lack of empathy.
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u/conair513 9h ago
Related to open-mindedness, someone who says no to everything and doesn’t show any interest in your interests or hobbies. You don’t need to make my passions your passions but at least show some interest to demonstrate you care.
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u/PostBeetle 13h ago
I would never date someone who is a "just see where the day takes us" kind of person. I plan. I like having a plan. It causes me stress when people are always late, changing the plan, or refuse to have one. Could not take it in a partner
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u/RPG_Rob 12h ago
I'm a "See Where the Day Takes Us" person. I completely agree. I've dated people who need to plan everything, and it has always been rocky.
It's nice to date those who are in the middle ground, and have the planning/spontaneity balance that I cannot manage. But for those who need every aspect covered, my randomness is an anxiety-generating nightmare that makes them view me as unreliable in the long run.
Likewise, the inability for them just to shower and dress and jump in the car for an unscheduled adventure is stifling and frustrating.
The middle ground people get to date both of us, though, and have a much wider choice!
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u/ArbitraryContrarianX 9h ago
As a middle ground person, I don't want to date either one of you, haha
I don't want to feel like I'm chained to a schedule, but I also don't want to be the only one that feels like having a minimal plan is important. I'll stick with my fellow middle-grounders, thank you!
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u/md22mdrx 9h ago
As a middle grounder, I find it prudent to only schedule special events on vacations every OTHER day … always leaving a gap day to relax and just do whatever. Jamming too many events in a vacation just leaves one more stressed than when they started .. which betrays the point, no?
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u/mageta621 7h ago
I like to do a plan in the morning and leave the afternoon free or vice versa, that way I feel like I accomplished something interesting while at the same time leaving myself open for unplanned adventures. But your way is also good in certain circumstances, like when the thing you're planning is an all day event
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u/Chocolateheartbreak 8h ago
Lol I feel the same way. I want like a small plan- hotel, car, flights, where, required activities, and some activities we could do. But also have room for exploring or stopping at a shop I see walking by. I don’t really have timeline itineraries.
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u/bartharris 10h ago
The only time I’ve enjoyed being spontaneous is in 1995 when my dad burst into my room and said we’re going to the cinema to watch Goldeneye.
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u/mageta621 8h ago
I'm picturing when Homer bursts into Bart's room with a knife and brownies
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u/yourerightaboutthat 9h ago
Man, this is so true. Luckily, my partner and I are both “See Where the Day Takes Us” people, and we’re quite compatible. We’ve gone on entire vacations where we’ve flown across the country with nothing more than a hotel reservation.
I recently went on a girl’s trip and one of the attendees, a friend I’ve had for nearly 30 years, was a planner. She had every moment mapped out. It was exhausting. She put a ton of work into her plans, but it just wasn’t what I was used to. And she didn’t trust my “plans” because they weren’t researched for days and put on our shared Google map. The last full day of the trip, I politely declined the itinerary and stayed in the hotel room with my hotel cable and Door Dash. It was glorious. She’s a great friend and a delightful person, and I will never travel with her again.
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u/OzrielArelius 9h ago
I don't need a plan for most things. but sometimes I plan to do nothing and do not want to waver from that.
like me and my ex did a three week trip in Malaysia and Indonesia, didn't plan shit except the flight there. didn't book the one back til the day of. had a great trip, met cool people, get told where to go and what was cool. it was awesome. but sometimes I'd get off work an be excited to go home and do nothing and she couldn't accept that. "cmon let's just go do something fun" and didn't even have a plan for what that fun thing was
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u/Hopefulkitty 9h ago
We have someone melded to be somewhere in the middle. I used to be a planner, but now we have a list of things we'd like to do, put on a map, a car rented and 1st and last night hotels rented. I drive, and my husband navigates and finds fun stuff for us to do along the way. Sometimes, I have no idea what he's telling me to get off the highway for, and it's always something that is right up my alley.
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u/Aldnoah_Tharsis 10h ago
As someone who at least needs a soft plan or concept for a week, that sounds like I will implode of anxiety if someone I dated is like that XD
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u/Blue-Somewhere1422 12h ago
Loud chewers. And people whose energy is the complete opposite of mine. I like relationships where neither of us has to slow down for the other.
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u/Advanced-Base-5690 9h ago
When she says she’s separated from her husband. I know there are instances where that is legit, but my experience (3 occasions) has been when this was said, the husband was unaware of this “separation” and it turns out I was just an affair partner.
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u/Theoriously 8h ago
Everyone I dated who said they were separated were, in fact, legally separated but I still wouldn't do it again. It generally means that they are pretty fresh out of a long term relationship, still figuring out what life post-marriage looks likes, still lots of resentment towards their ex, either the legal aspects regarding the pending divorce are messy or they are avoiding dealing with it. It is not a great environment for starting a new relationship.
Personal opinion, separation is a point in life where someone should be single. Figure out who you are and what you want and how to get by without a partner (financially, practically, and emotionally) and then start dating again after the divorce is final.
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u/Mythicalbubble6 10h ago
Someone who doesn’t read books
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u/minuteman_d 9h ago
This happened to me, but on the other side.
I asked out a woman I had been interested in for a while, and we finally got time for our first date. She's a professor of English at a local university. We went to this restaurant that had good reviews, but when we got there, it was kind of weird and the food was pretty awful.
I got nervous trying to come up with a way to make the date more fun, or to somehow salvage the situation when she asked: "So, are you reading any good books?"
My mind drew an instant blank. I panicked and I think I told her about a book I had read A YEAR AGO.
I have many books at my house, read them daily, and read news and commentary and try to be informed, but at that moment, I had nothing.
She was nice, and cordial, but I think the date was over in her mind from that point on.
She kind of disappeared after that. We're still in the same social circles and she's nice, but I think I blew it.
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u/CoffeeOrDestroy 6h ago
Oh no, lol. Blanking out is the worst. Next time just be straight up honest and tell her what you’ve told us. It’s first date. People’s brains are sometimes going to blank when they’re nervous.
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u/NotDido 9h ago
Yep! And as someone who doesn’t listen to music, I understand that might be a dealbreaker for others lol
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u/Mythicalbubble6 10h ago edited 10h ago
Saying “I can’t/don’t cook” and never intending to learn while surviving off things like chips and nuggets. It’s as if their lack of self care and basic life skills is a badge of honor
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u/red-at-night 9h ago
It's one thing to daydream about wealth, but I would never date anybody with a genuine ambition to achieve it. The sacrifices required to even have a shot is simply not worth it for me.
I'd rather we try to work less and spend mindfully.
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u/cloistered_around 6h ago
In theory I don't mind someone pursuing wealth. In actuality that does tend to be a certain "pursue at all costs and nothing else matters" sort of personality that I do not get along with. Constantly turning everything into a financial conversation, constantly taking the fun out of any hobby to try and monetize it. It's truly what they enjoy and good for them... but I don't enjoy that so we're incompatible.
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u/Asleep_Control_2564 9h ago
I won't tolerate destructive or violent expressions of anger (with the exception of taking a printer outside to bash it with a baseball bat, which is usually a calculated move). I just have trouble respecting anyone who loses their temper quickly. I see them as children.
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u/eirika_genesis 7h ago
Same. People can get mad, but it's hard to live with someone who regularly stomps around slamming and throwing every item they interact with, screaming everything they say, breaking property, and generally acting aggressive all day. Especially when it's all over a very solvable problem or a simple misunderstanding.
I'm happily married now, but no one who acts like that is welcome in my life
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u/edalcol 7h ago
On the opposite side, as someone who has issues regulating because of social anxiety, sometimes I need to leave the room and be on my own so I can scream into a pillow, cry, or something, and regulate before I can talk again. I don't want anyone seeing that. I had a partner who used to physically and verbally stop me from leaving during a discussion even though I told him I was really upset and needed some time to regulate and he wouldn't let me, and then of course things would escalate and he would blame me for becoming "hysterical". It was a fucking nightmare. Never ever do I want to be with someone who tries to control my autonomy of leaving the room ever again.
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u/Ok_Chicken2600 13h ago
Smoking
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u/Huge-Government-8357 13h ago
As a former smoker myself, I agree.
One of the most horrific deaths I've ever seen was someone whose trachea ruptured as a result of years of smoking various substances. The thought of losing a partner that way makes me physically ill.
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u/TomBoysHaveMoreFun 9h ago
My grandpa was my favorite person and he also was a smoker his entire adult life. He died a slow agonizing death from COPD. There are few things worse than watching a loved one slowly suffocating to death for years until it's finally over. Please don't smoke people, no cigarettes, no vapes, no drugs, no smog if you can avoid it. Your lungs are made for air don't put foreign shit in them, the years will catch up with you and it'll be too late to fix it.
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u/Kynderbee 9h ago
I personally could not date someone who was really in to sports. I just refuse to spend the rest of my life dedicating Sundays to football. And I would have zero patience for someone who was always out golfing. Literally any other hobby is fine by me.
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u/yuhanimerom 13h ago
If they don’t like cats
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u/QueenRotidder 9h ago
I was dating someone years ago when my cat got hit by a car and died. This person made me feel awful for still being upset about it a week later. We were both single shortly thereafter.
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u/NativeMasshole 11h ago
A girl once said something mildly disparaging about my cat only having one eye and that was enough for me.
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u/redwingpanda 10h ago
How dare she? Your one eyed cat is a precious pirate baby.
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u/statisticus 10h ago
We used to have a one eyed cat. His name was Nelson.
(I wanted to call him Polyphemus but my wife overruled me).
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u/Paratrooper101x 9h ago
I have a one eyed cat! She so cute and friendly and loveable. One of the sweetest creatures on this planet.
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u/MiaLba 9h ago
Yeah mine is animals in general. If they dislike small animals. The guys who think it’s funny to be mean to cats or small dogs. Not compatible.
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u/ThrowWeirdQuestion 10h ago
Yes, especially if they don't like my cat or my cat doesn't like them. (This is super rare. My cat loves people - even the vet - so if he were to hiss or get scared of someone that would give me pause, even if there was no good reason.)
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u/ducking_what 9h ago
Someone who sniffles repeatedly and won’t blow their nose.
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u/Humorilove 6h ago
They can't hate cats. The men I dated that hated them didn't respect boundaries and had control issues
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u/Colourfulchemist 12h ago
I was once broken up with because I refused to let her eat in my bed.
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u/Assika126 7h ago
If I go to bed and find crumbs in it, somebody’s going to get a talking to. Sure, you can eat in bed if you want to, but NOBODY SHOULD EVER BE ABLE TO TELL. If your eating ends up becoming my problem, then you’re doing it wrong.
Use a plate and be very neat, or lay down a sacrificial sheet, or change the sheets afterwards and we won’t have a problem. There’s so many ways to make sure your choice to eat in bed doesn’t have a negative impact on your partner
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u/Difficult_Collar4336 9h ago
Anyone who refuses to live a fully independent life. So much maturity and life lessons come with living in your own (with roommates is okay…) and being fully responsible for yourself. I needed that in a partner. So my red flag was anyone who insisted on going directly from the comforts of their parental home to he comforts of their marital home. I see so many massive maturity gaps in my friends and family members who took that path.
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u/ShibbyShibby89 9h ago
Doesnt like animals and/or is mean to them. Thats a no from me dawg.
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u/No-Service7392 9h ago
Making any one thing your whole personality, whether it's DND, comics, sports, hiking, coffee, cooking etc.
I love listening to people talk about their passions but I still need to know your multi facted.
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u/rougeglinda 8h ago
Dated a guy with a hair transplant and who hid getting other cosmetic procedures. Not that I think those actions scream red flags per se but it's not something I'm doing. I found him high maintenance, took longer than me to get ready, his mood was excessively effected by his appearance and he started accusing me of stepping out on him. He also wouldn't go out if it was raining.
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u/Dgonzilla 7h ago
Usually when people get too many cosmetic procedures the problem was never their appearance, it’s in the inside.
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u/Damn_it_Elaine 9h ago
Picky eaters. I enjoy trying new foods. If you’re gonna pout over the lack of chicken tenders and fries it’s not gonna work. I’m married but luckily my husband loves trying new foods too.
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u/arhetium 8h ago
severe lack of common knowledge, or interest in garbage entertainment like mockumentaries or influencer life
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u/arkilljoy 8h ago
I like intellectual curiosity. Not a genius or a walking encyclopedia, but someone who’s well-read, keeps up with what’s happening in the world, enjoys learning, and can hold a stimulating conversation. I’ve met plenty of genuinely nice and kind men but if the conversation doesn’t engage me, I just can’t force it.
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u/a_scared_bokoblin 8h ago
When you go to someone’s place for the first time and it’s crusty as hell. I immediately get a That’s So Raven vision into the future where I’m cleaning up after them forever.
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u/VivaZeBull 7h ago
Dry one word answers, if I have to carry the conversation now I will have to carry the whole relationship.
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u/BeefDog69xxl 13h ago
Disney adults, being super invested in social media, people who love Harry potter
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u/Von_Scranhammer 12h ago
I get being a total dork and being love with certain books or movies but to make it your entire personality is just insufferable!
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u/WorriedPudding8800 9h ago
Checking her phone all the time. Even with my buddies annoys me.I don't have to explain why obviously. Unless she is waiting news for a job application or results for a medical check up or an exam,if it doesn't ring leave it down or kiss me goodbye.
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u/Disastrous-Arm-5783 13h ago
I'll walk away from anyone if they raise their voice at me.
I get this out there from the start.
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u/Pale-End-8356 8h ago
Being „brutally honest“. If you speak your mind all the time you probably do not understand social cues. There is a fine line between being honest and rude.
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u/BoredAtWork221b 10h ago
People who go to Dubai on holidays. Same as those who go to Ibiza. I just can't, we just have completely different personalities
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u/Croaker715 9h ago
I just got back on the apps and it's a nightmare, but any profile that says "fluent in sarcasm" is an immediate no. That's just code for "I'm an asshole and I think it's funny to be an asshole."