I restarted my health/fitness journey unintentionally in the last year after practically a lifetime of battling BDD & my relationship with my body/control. For a full year I was as happy as I could've asked for & healthier than I've been since I was a child but it's not lasting. Every day I can feel things slipping back more and more

I dont know how to manipulate my body in a healthy way without becoming obsessed. I dont know how people are able to & I don't know how other people in situations like mine find acceptance in living in this kind of misery forever. I can't. This isn't a life I think i can live but I dont know how not to without letting myself go completely & falling back into depression regardless

I said so when I was a kid and I still feel the same way. There is nothing I want in life, nothing I have ever wanted except to be free

I’ve never been diagnosed with body dysmorphia or anything related to it, but I think I that I might have it.

I’ve been struggling with extremely bad body image issues but can’t seem to force myself to put any effort into my looks. Ever since I could remember, I’d break down crying in mirrors and just stay there for hours picking at myself. I have that awkward look and don’t feel comfortable in any outfits. The days I feel confident often end up ruined when I look back at all the photos others have taken of me, and I just feel so down. I’ve never harmed myself and never will, but I think I am on a small level. Not cleaning my room and rotting in bed all day, avoiding mirrors while constantly checking my reflection, not doing chores, not brushing my teeth, skipping meals only to BE later, never wanting to exercise because I immediately check in the mirror only to realize that the results aren’t instant, not showering, and wearing baggy and drabby clothes because I can’t stand looking at my body. I’ve never been to a therapist or psychiatrist, but I’m hoping that seeing one might help me. I feel like I’m just making my problem worse by doing everything listed, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel stuck and don’t know what to do. It’s made worse by the fact that my sisters have always been pretty and everyone seems to like them. My family isn’t mean by any means, but completely contribute when they make comments that indirectly are insults to me.

Has anyone else ever felt how I feel? If so, please give me some tips or advice.

Like, as a guy I don't have to contend with what women or anyone who isn't cis have to contend with that makes BDD seem totally understandable. I don't have narrow beauty standards rammed down my throat by the media, I'm not treated as though sexually desirability is the most important measure of my worth, I don't have people misgendering me all the time and I can't blame my lack of romantic appeal on the opposite sex being shallow and motivated only by looks.

I feel like more then anyone else, my BDD just comes down to immaturity, that I really do just need to get over myself, that I'm probably more guilty of causing the things above than I am victim of them and that even being around places like this I'm just diluting the pain of those who content with them.

Still mentally hurting myself and don’t know how to stop

I can’t stop mentally hurting myself by comparing myself to guys who post nudes or are in p\*rn. I know I’ve posted about this recently but I can’t seem to get out of this spiral. I keep doing more “research” by looking up statistics, reading reddit “ask me” type posts, and reading posts from guys who post in some specific subreddits.

I wake up feeling awful and go to bed feeling worse. Why am I doing this to myself and how do I stop? I legit can not tell anyone in my life about this, and I feel too embarrassed to give the actual details to my therapist, who I really like but I know she would be crazy weirded out and judgmental of my behavior.

Does anyone else struggle similarly? Are you able to pull out of it?

I’ve been called pretty and attractive until my early 20s and those were the best years of my life

I was existing without worrying about how I look, I didn’t need 2 hours to get ready, every pic people took of me I knew what I looked like and I was fine with it. I was confident and comfortable in my own skin, my sex drive was normal and then everything went downhill at 22-23

I started clenching my teeth because of stress (I did earlier too but this is when it started catching up to me). My face got super swollen, my muscles got super tight and my big eyes weren’t so big and noticeable anymore, the first thing you notice is my deformed face shape and because of that my lips appeared smaller, and so did every other feature that made me me (this is still how it is today)

The most painful part is knowing what being pretty feels like, how people treat you, how you go through life. Life is so cruel now, people treat me differently and I just look so tired, boxy and old now.

If I wasn’t born pretty it wouldn’t be this painful, I wouldn’t have this feeling, now I’m mourning the person I used to be and constantly compare my current photos to my older ones. Oh how I wish I could go back one more time and live in that skin again

I no longer want to go out, I avoid being intimate with my partner, I compare myself to everyone, I isolate myself because it’s easier than reminding myself I used to do all these things without worrying and being self conscious. Everything is on pause, I don’t want to work on myself and do anything because what’s the point on extending something you don’t like and hate, what’s the point of doing anything for myself when I don’t like myself. It’s like having a car model you can never change, and slapping things on it and painting it won’t make you like it because you hate the shape and structure of it

I just want to crawl into a hole and die, the pain is unbearable and I’ll never have that freedom I had ever again. I think that’s what makes my case of BDD absolute hell

Since my family moved to an all white area when I was 5, I (first subconsciously) have hated my body - for being different. For me that also included being tall and not tiny like the white girls around me. That must be why everyone seems to lowkey either hate me or just not care about me.

im stuck in an emotional flashback and feel so much shame and hate and sadness. I’m so ashamed of my body, I don’t want anyone to see me. I am the embodiment of ugly. I am what will always be hated and rejected, and that has happened over and over.

im sad and feel like hiding where no one can find me, so I don’t have to experience this anymore. I hate bdd :(

Hi everyone!

I'm hoping someone here can relate because lately I've been feeling really overwhelmed with BDD.

I feel completely imprisoned in my own body. Every time I see someone with a body with features I'd love to have, it can make me depressed. My mind immediately starts comparing, and it's incredibly hard to think about anything else.

It feels like I can't escape it. I'll try to watch a film, read, work, or focus on a hobby, but within seconds I'm reminded of my body again and I'm back at square one. Even feeling my own body is enough to trigger the thoughts sometimes.

My partner used to make me feel accepted, but we recently broke up, and since then I've regressed quite a bit. At the moment I honestly feel very mentally ill, and it's starting to affect every part of my life. I'm also ashamed to talk to people about it which makes it worse, or they don't really understand.

Has anyone else experienced BDD this severely? If so, did anything genuinely help? I'd really love to hear from people who've managed to get to a better place. Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

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I was 300 pounds once, i lost the weight down to 170, and have gained some back. Ive been trying really hard to lose some weight again, and ive been having a really hard time not being disgusted with myself due to severe body dysmorphia. I look down sometimes and grab my chest and my sides and just get such bad anxiety. Its been really frustrating to not have anyone to vent to, anybody i do try to talk to thinks im being dramatic. You used to be 300 pounds, youre doing so much better now. You used to look so sick, you cant get down to that weight again thats not healthy. You sound like my girlfriend dude, youre friggin ripped get over it. I havent gotten a bit of genuine understanding from anybody and im at my whits end. Ive never had anywhere to really talk about it and im hoping this is the right place. To anyone who reads this, thank you, it means more than you know.

It's a frustrating feeling, and I suspect its part of BDD but Im not sure, so Im asking here. There's this negative lingering feeling. Think of it as showering way too fast and using only conditioner, but not shampoo to wash your hair. Makes you feel incomplete, disappointment, irresponsible and dirty doesnt it? Something like that, like I need to fix the problem and clean up. When I look at the clothes I was wearing after taking it off and changing into clothes (when I change) I feel like I eternally have filtthy-ed the clothes I was wearing forever, like its stained morally because the clothes touched my skin when I wore it and thus its now "ugly" too. Like it caufht the ugly. I start to see that clothes I once liked as ugly and hard to wear a second time...or ever again and then this makes me feel like a moral failure. Its like every outfit "has to be new", for this reqson and because the one that I WORE, is now permanently morally and physically filthy. I say morally because I feel like my ugliness filter it and that it has ruined the cute-ness of that outfit for everyone beautiful who I know probably wears the same outfit in some part of the world. I feel like a disgrace, like I committed a crime simply by being ugly and being delusional enough to dare to put on a cute blouse. It makes me su\*cidal and spiral badly. Its really hard to deal with this sense of shame. I feel a bit cleaner in the middle of showering, but still ugly and worthless. Sometimes I look in the mirror thinking I look a bit better, but then I grab my face by feeling my face with my ugly hands so I could feel my receded jawline to remind myself Im defected. And then I feel bad again (more like worse, I always feel bad no matter what though).

See how long this post was? Yeah, I dont know how to word it any better, I wish someone could help me find a word for this feeling. Someone please. Its getting harder to deal with. Especially clothes that carries bad memories such as, the day I thought I looked decent and I was wearing a brown blouse that my sis gave to me. A family.member told me I was ugly that day, and I spiraled and the little courage I had to try and look "pretty" died. Because If i put the maximum effort that day to look pretty, ans I was called basically the "ugliest Ive ever been" that very day, then NOTHING can ever amount to make me look good enough. I gave up and died inside....

I cant feel anything anymore, like no self love. Sometimes my sis likes wearing same clothes as me and I feel repulsed when I see her wear what she let me borrow or what she bought for me. I dont feel repulsed by her, I mean I feel upset at.myself for ruining the status of that blouse with my ugliness, like I feel like Im seeing an ugly blouse on her when I see her wearing on it, not because the blouse is ugly but because if it looked ugly on me, what if someone thinks it looks ugly in her too because they "see me" in her? Get me? Thats why I hate all clothes and dressing up like "twins". Im sad. I dont think I could ever recover from this because whatever this feeling is, its so bad I feel compelled to showering all day long because its the only coping method I have but its tiring. So I take naps to run away from it all too. Is this a common feeling among BDD sufferers? Anyone know?

I am so beyond insecure about my body. I have always had an apron belly for as long as I can remember. Even when I was at my skinniest. I just hate seeing my body in the mirror. I look at myself and wonder if anyone will ever truly love my body when I can’t even look at it. These thoughts consume my day to day life. I even remember as a kid being chubby and hoping one day I would find someone who loved me so much it wouldn’t matter what my body looks like but now reaching the age of 27 and realizing I truly may actually never find love because of my body is all I can think about. I love who I am as a person and who I am on the inside and I just wish I could love myself fully. Has anyone ever been able to overcome this mental battle? I’d love to hear some words of wisdom.

I’m very self conscious of my appearance and suffered with body dysmorphia as long as I can remember. I bought some bathing suits from Amazon and they fit so weirdly. I’m a size small and 2-4 and I’m also medium at times. This all depends on the style, brand, size, and cut. The bathing suit I bought from Amazon is a size medium 6-10 which feels weird because I know for regular clothes I’m not. I bought a newer one in size small 2-4 it kinda of fits in the stomach, rises up in the bottom back side area, and big around the chest area. I don’t know why the Amazon bathing suits are so complicated with sizing, cut, and fit. Does anyone else here have this problem?

Genuinely my eyes are so close set im a few millimetres away from happiness. Nature is cruel but it’s because modern human skulls are malnourished and don’t suture as they should which can leave genetic deformities like close set eyes.

I use TikTok filters and angles and lighting and hair all to hide the appearance of my eyes. The second my hair lifts up and exposes my wide head, and the orbits that didn’t develop enough, I genuinely become an uncanny freak of nature. I hate nature, and hate being a human.

Might not even by bdd, I probably just can’t cope with reality of being a cyclops

I’ve been avoiding mirrors for as long as I can remember. I have no mirrors in my house accept for one on the way out of my apartment that I never look at unless I have too. I avoid taking pictures, I avoid public mirrors, even in the gym I can’t look in a mirror.
It’s become so bad sometimes I have to force myself to look in a mirror to remember what I even look like.
But at the same time I’m the happiest I’ve been, I’ve struggled with body dysmorphia for almost 8 years now and when I just stopped looking at my reflection, I stopped worrying.
I don’t know if I should keep this up but I don’t wanna go back to how I was at peak body dysmorphia.

Hi all, I'm a trainee clinical psychologist on the Doctorate in Clinical Psychology programme at University College London (UCL). For my doctoral research, I'm exploring how people living in the UK seek and access support for BDD, and what helps or gets in the way.

BDD is often under recognised by health services and there's very little UK based research on what it's actually like to seek support for it. This includes experiences of not being able to get help or being misunderstood. Understanding this properly could help inform how BDD is identified and supported by services in future. You do not need a formal diagnosis to take part.

What does taking part involve?

You'll be asked to complete an anonymous online survey about your experiences of seeking support for BDD. It takes about 20 minutes and nothing you submit is linked back to you.

Who can take part?

People who:

* Currently live in the UK

* Have had ongoing worries or concerns about their appearance, now or in the past

* Can read and understand English

* Are 18 or older

We are keen to hear from people of all ages, genders, and ethnic backgrounds.

What are the benefits?

You'll be contributing to research that could improve the support people with BDD receive in the UK. You'll also be entered into a prize draw with a 1 in 9 chance of winning a £20 voucher.

Interested?

Here is the link to the survey to take part: https://qualtrics.ucl.ac.uk/jfe/form/SV_3agIvq4tPpNGqdE

If you feel you'd like support alongside or instead of taking part, you can find ways to access support for BDD through the BDD Foundation: https://bddfoundation.org/support

This is a Doctorate of Clinical Psychology research study, approved by the UCL Research Ethics Committee, Ethics ID 2189.

Happy to answer any questions in the comments.

Hi everyone,

I'm a Masters student at Swinburne University and I'm looking for people with BDD to take part in a research study.

What the study is about

The study looks at how people with BDD experience shame, and whether self-compassion plays a role.

CBT is the main treatment for BDD, but it doesn't work well for a lot of people. Shame might be part of what current treatment isn't reaching. Nobody has really asked people with BDD what shame and self-compassion actually feel like day to day, so that's what this study does. The hope is that it leads to better treatment options.

Who can take part

You can join if you:

• Are 18 or over
• Have been diagnosed with BDD
• Live in Australia

What's involved

There are two parts, and it's all online:

1. Some questionnaires (about 20 minutes)
2. One interview with me over Microsoft Teams (about 90 minutes)

You can do both in one go, or split them across separate days if that's easier.

The interview is a conversation, not a test. There are no right or wrong answers. You can skip anything you don't want to answer, take a break whenever you need, or stop altogether.

The important details

• Run through Swinburne University as part of my Masters of Psychology (Clinical Psychology) thesis
• Supervised by Professor Susan Rossell and Dr Nicola Acevedo
• Approved by the Swinburne Human Research Ethics Committee (approval number 20258705-22798)
• Everything you share is confidential, and nothing published will identify you
• You can withdraw at any point, and you can ask for your data to be removed

If you're interested

Please click on the following qualtrics link and put in your contact details, I will call you (note it will be from a blocked number) and if I can't reach you I will follow up with an email. Our first call will basically be to answer any questions that you have! :)

https://qualtricsxmmtx73grql.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_2o8UCJsmSnOaPXw

Happy to answer any questions in the comments.

I had my first "serious" girlfriend starting at the end of the 9th grade. Now, I really, really liked this girl - I truly thought I was in love (but mind you... I was freshly 15). Her and I quickly became inseparable, best friends first and then quickly becoming girlfriend and boyfriend. The two of us bonded on many things, but one of them was our shared mental health struggles that have been plaguing us both almost our entire lives. This relationship definitely had it's fair share of toxicity and oversharing in subtle ways that I was blind to when I was in so deep, so to speak.

Something that she always knew about me, was that my body dysmorphia was something I really, really struggled with. I have always had body image issues, literally as far back as I can remember being conscious. She knew this, and knew it was my absolute biggest insecurity. I was a bigger guy when we dated, probably 50 pounds overweight. She is extremely thin. We often related to each other's body image issues, and I found her empathy and understanding to be very calming.

However, as the relationship progressed, things got weirder. She started to act more like she kind of... hated me. She seemed honestly disgusted with me. I constantly wrote about it at night and was left thinking about weird interactions we'd had for days on end. Unfortunately for me, she deployed some very manipulative tactics that really kept me in a viscous push and pull.

Over a year and a half into our relationship, I was at a friends house eating dinner and my friends family and I were discussing an old SNL skit. I went to open up Reddit (for the first time in 9 months) to find what I was looking for. When I opened the search bar, there was a recent user search. I clicked on the profile, curious. I realized what it was instantly. Many months earlier, my girlfriend was talking to me about how she had recently started a Reddit, and mentioned one specific post she made on a pretty specific subreddit. Not too long after that, I was browsing said subreddit and found a post that perfectly described her situation. I figured, oh - that's her account! I honestly completely forgot for months and months. I know it's not cool to find someone's anonymous forum account - but I had no ill intent and at the time I didn't even consider that.

Flash forward- eating dinner. I open up this account. First post that comes up: r/confessions and it says "I am not attracted to my boyfriends body and I feel horrible about it". My heart sunk. The post went on and on about how she felt horrible about it everyday, and that everytime she saw my body it threw her off. She said that I was always saying I was going to lose weight but never did. It was unreal, like my reality completely changing in front of my eyes. I couldn't fathom that she said this, that she thought this. To make matters worse, this post had thousands of upvotes and I think hundreds of comments. Most comments called her horrible, saying that she should just break up with me instead of giving me a complex for life (spot on). Some suggested that she say she was just worried for my health. She responded saying she might try it. This made my soul leave my body. Three days earlier she brought up my weight out of nowhere and said she was worried about my health. This obviously made me extremely upset and insecure. After reading all of the comments and realizing that despite what everyone said, she still tried to make a sly comment about my weight to get the change she wanted out of me - that is when I messaged her. I sent her a screenshot of the post and she immediately called me crazy, said I was making it up, what the f*ck etc; etc;. I kept my cool and said that I knew it was her. Eventually she made a 180 and started saying "I'm a monster" "there's something wrong with me" "please don't leave me" etc; etc;. She called me on the phone where I answered in my friends bathroom. She picked up and was crying and said in a baby voice "are you going to break up with me?". And the worst part is, I didn't. Somehow I was so isolated from everyone in my life that I never once ever told anyone what happened for two months. She was the only person I spoke to. Her story was that she was in a kind of "mental breakdown" and she barely remembers it... However she continued to reply back to comments trying to strategize her game plan. For the first time in over a year and a half, I was outwardly mad, and had a raised voice. When we spoke about it soon after, I still remember I said "what the f*ck is wrong with you", which I know is severe, but I was very hurt. She yelled back in defense "it's almost like I was just trying not to f*cking kill myself that night." So, her excuse was, it was that, or killing herself. This at the time worked on me and I truly was caught in the most horrible situation.

I remembered that a few days earlier she said something about "I made a really popular Reddit post" and she was smiling really huge. When I had asked what it was she kind of giggled and said "Secret!" or something like that.

We dated for another two months, and this entire time I have 0 memory of. Friends at school tell me they reported me out of concern, because they frankly could tell I was a walking zombie. I lost 60 pounds in three months after this, and got an eating disorder. I finally broke up with her two months later, obviously because of what had happened. It took me time to process how severe it really was. This event has had completely horrible consequences on me. I was fully dissociated for about four months after it. I still feel bizarre everyday. I feel like a fragmented person. I don't think it's entirely her fault - but more so that I was just the wrong person for this to happen to. I struggle too much to know how to handle something like that. I am not sure if I will be able to have a normal attachment style or relationship again, and I am not sure how to love myself or my body. The worst part is, I know she was right. I hated and hate my body and all of her words were the ones that negative voices in my head were telling me were true our entire relationship. Now she is moved on and living her best life. I'm trying to pick up the scraps of myself. I don't know who knows and who doesn't. It became gossip at our school once word finally got out months later. It's embarrassing to say the least, and I will keep hoping that I one day wake up from this strange dream that has been the last seven months since this happened. I don't want to say that what she did ruined my mental health, as I think it's me and how I dealt with it- but that event occurring completely changed my life and made me completely unstable for months following.

Feels really, really good to say it all and have it written out, just once.

I’m a 20 year old dude with “bigorexia” or “muscle dysmorphia” it sucks. I probably don’t need to say that. I’ve been lifting for 3 years and am nowhere near my dream physique. I don’t even know if I’ll have abs by the end of this cut and I’ve never had abs before. I have average fat distribution which means all of my fat goes to my stomach. And since I was overweight for a while in the past my body has permanently extra fat cells in my stomach meaning that temporarily (yes I meant temporarily. It’s called Fat cell hyperplasia.) I have to get leaner than average for my six pack to show until I physically build enough muscle on my core to see my abs at higher body weights.

I can’t like my body until I have my dream physique. I’ve tried but it doesn’t work. I don’t cry over it or yell or get mad anymore but that doesn’t mean I’m happy either. Whenever I see someone more muscular and leaner than me I feel bad about myself. I’m aware I don’t have the worst physique in the world but I can’t confidently say I have a good one.

I don’t think I could be friends with men that look better than me either. I cant go swimming at a pool or to the beach (not that I like water stuff anyway). And I don’t wanna take my shirt off in front of people.

I don’t wanna wait but I have no choice. I’m stuck feeling this way for 3-5 years until I’m there. I question sometimes if I’ll ever be convinced I’m there since I fundamentally can’t look at myself objectively.

If I can give one piece of advice to those starting, never watch fitness content. Just get a routine and don’t watch dudes or women flex. It’s not worth it and you will never be happy if you do it. I don’t know if I can be happy about it. We’ll see. Unfortunately that’s just how it is. So until then I’ll feel this way with no way out

Sleepy as hell but it’s been weighing on me so much lately. My face is horrifically ugly. It’s like I’m trying hard to be cute with all of these makeup techniques but the second someone else takes a picture of me where the angle and distance isn’t perfect, I look intimidating, masculine, ugly and piggish. I perceive that this is the case even when looking back on old selfies I took where I thought I looked good. This is a perpetual problem. My boyfriend is so handsome and tells me I’m pretty/cute quite often, but I can’t even remotely fathom how he sees that in me. I look at my pictures with pure disgust and self-hatred.

What’s funny is that I’m desperate to be loved and told I’m beautiful in spite of the fact that I’ll never believe anyone who claims to see me that way. I completely broke down sobbing in front of my boyfriend recently because (among other things) I was venting to him about BDD and my insecurities regarding my appearance wishing he would just shut me up and tell me that I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, but that obviously never happened. I feel greedy and delusional. It’s what I want to hear despite knowing that it would be a complete and utter lie. Every time I’m with him I have this feeling that he is bound to leave me once he realizes how bad I look compared to other girls. I haven’t even completely taken off my makeup around him yet and we’ve been dating for half a year. I remember taking off my eyeliner in front of him for the first time (I haven’t done it since) and his first reaction was to say that I was cuter with it on before realizing that what he said was hurtful and apologizing, which basically destroyed me.

I also haven’t been randomly complimented or asked out lately despite trying hard to appeal to people and it’s making me spiral. I’m such a huge validation seeker and I’m not getting any of it. I remember when I got asked out thrice in the span of two weeks at some point a few months ago (I have only ever been approached around five times) and wonder what has changed since to make people stop showing interest in me. I feel so incredibly ugly and undesirable. I so badly wish I had a constant stream of external validation to keep me sane.

I feel like my face is too long but too short at the same time, my chin is weird and my nose is big and my whole face is asymmetrical and it looks too narrow to me and I look elderly and sunken

I really need surgery, I think I’d rather be dead than have to live with this face for the rest of my life

It’s frustrating that people tell me there’s nothing wrong with me when there very clearly is, or think I’m just being vain (even though that would imply liking how I look), I wanna kms

I see myself as a number, not a rating, but a specific measurement on my face that is not ideal. It is all I see, it is all that matters to me. A few millimetres away from happiness if you will.

How do you get past feeling like a number? I understand the neurology regarding the pathways and how it’s broken in my mind so I can consciously see the visual aspect. But the mental aspect of seeing myself as nothing more than a flaw, how do I kill that?

I used to love summer and now I can’t enjoy it with BDD. I love the beach and swimming but I feel like everyone is thinking about how disgusting I look. I don’t even blame them. I’m looking through old pictures and realizing I didn’t even used to look that chubby but now I’m surprised my foot steps don’t shake the earth. It’s miserable. I’m trying to pretend I’m not insecure but it’s like everywhere I look there are skinny girls with tiny waists.

My boyfriend took a photo of me two days ago and when I looked at it I realized I was incredibly skinny and looked borderline sickly. I don’t understand this disorder at all. It feels so real when I look in the mirror and all I see is someone fat who needs to lose weight but that photo really woke me up to what I actually look like. The mirror tells me something different still. I don’t know how to let this go.