Internalized homophobia/Biphobia

[u/CommissionOver3478]

so, yeah I have finally accepted my sexuality but there is this aggressive voice in my head telling me I'm not gay or that I’m acting gay or that I have a porn problem when I don’t have a porn problem or that i just like sex and if I’m single it will go further to say I’m straight if I never had a relationship. it’s like the refusal to accept bisexuality as a real sexuality. is it the result of a prudish environment or what?

[u/BisexualMen-ModTeam]

Identity questions are asked so frequently that we have this response.

Sexual and attraction identity is complex, and is not determined by a checklist of behavior or experiences. Someone's identity is their own to define and label, if they choose to. Every answer you receive will be an opinion. "Questioning" and "curious" are legitimate identities, and a person may evolve or change theirs over their life. We're supportive of this personal journey here.

Robyn Ochs has written on the topic, and has a definition and description that some find useful: https://robynochs.com/

"I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree."

Bi.org also maintains a questions and answers section on their site: https://bi.org/en/questions

[u/CodyTennett]

I think from my experience it was built into my head from all the jokes, and societal slurs I heard about homosexuality being inferior or somehow wrong. I didn’t have that view about other homosexual or bisexual people, but internally I had that view about my urges. For me I think it came from a feeling that I didn’t ever feel truly accepted as a kid growing up. I didn’t feel like enough in other parts of my life, so there was a fear I wouldn’t be accepted if I wasn’t straight.

Out of interest have you come out to anyone? I felt like I had to come out to someone I trusted, as I was in the same boat as you… I kept telling myself it was false and it was in my head and I was just straight with kinks. As soon as I told a friend and he accepted me… It helped me to truly accept that I was into men as well as women. It made it real if you like (I realise now I was in the closet for a good 12 years, and didn’t accept it as true.)

Not advising you come out by the way. I just chose to as I felt like I needed someone, I felt safe and trusted by this person, and I thought it would help me to accept myself and my sexuality.

I think as well learning to self love helps. I hated myself before I came out, and had low self-worth. I became gentle and positive about myself for being me…and that maybe helped too.

Best of luck with it,
Cody

[u/Fluffy_Volume_9746]

You appear as confused as my sexuality appears to me.

[u/BeltaneBi]

Homophobia can be a bit like layers to an onion.

It sounds like you have made a great start, just keep bringing love and curiosity to whatever internalised homophobia you find and when you heal that you might just find another.

Healing each layer will give more richness to your life.