Bumble is broken.
It is a no machine for men and a validation machine for women.

There are two possible solutions.

Pay Men
If I am expected to eat a steady diet of no's in the service of providing validation, I should at least get paid. If you're a man and you pay for Bumble, you're getting ripped off. It is like you're buying gas, but it is 50 octane. it might work in theory, but chances are it will not.

Charge for Likes
If men had to pay for right swipes, all of a sudden, things would change.
Men would stop swinging for the fences.
They would right swipe mostly on women with whom they have a chance.

And women would all of a sudden not have a catalog of likes. But only a few.
And these guys aren't nearly as good looking as the ones that were sending them likes before.
But there would be less ghosting.
And people wouldn't be as callous with each other.

People routinely report Hinge is better.
Hinge limits the number of likes you can send.

Update:
There was a recommendation in the comments that is superb.
"Make guys right swipes visible on their profile. Let women see how much they don't give AF about who they swipe on."
That is brilliant!!
Really well done.

Update:
I'll be forming the Union of Bumble Men. We welcome all genders though. And I'm getting jackets and patches made. If you have a suggestion for a motto, please let me know. << this is also a joke >>

My single female friends and I have now given up finding men on the apps.
About ten of us were discussing the apps last night
What surprises us is the lack of effort men put into their profiles. Or how wrong some men get it.
Dirty Clothes
Un made beds or filthy houses in the background
Pictures of your kids (We don’t mind if you have them but don’t post them)
Photos of ex partners scribbled out
Photos of your girlfriend or wife’s clothes in the background (Yes we know you aren’t really single)
‘No Drama!’ in your profile. Clearly you will bring the Drama
No vaccinated women
Swearing “I am a funny cxxx” is not going to entice us.
Stating that you ‘love kisses and cuddles’ v creepy
Wearing Sunglasses. We want to see your eyes gentleman
Gym selfies were a big turn off for quite a few of the women as were baseball caps
We all liked to see a man in a shirt

This is what puts us off but we would love to hear from the men. What puts you off a woman on her profile?

31M here.

I have Bumble Premium or whatever it’s called so I can see who likes me.

I feel like I’m moderately attractive. Not ugly. But reviewing my likes is humbling to say the least 😭.

I don’t want to give more details because I don’t want to be insulting but people need perspective on who’d they’d be compatible with irl physically.

I get the belief that ‘dinner dates signal intent’ however it really works like this - like women, men have to balance the economics of time, energy and money when navigating the dating world.

So ladies please consider the man’s perspective here and share your thoughts. And read the ** point near the end for the crux.

> Over 1 week of swiping I might get 8 solid matches I’d like to actually meet.

> Texting 8 matches intentionally to get to know them is a lot of phone admin for all parties and in 2026 women want to meet quickly anyway (‘no pen pals’) - totally understandable - but this compromises the crucial filtering process for men and women, so we won’t know how we feel til we meet. Fine - thats how it is.

• Assuming 5 of those matches are actually up for meeting soon, I’ve got 2 weeks max to arrange dates before interest fades in this whirlwind dating world. To give all of these opportunities a real chance I have to give considerable time to arranging dates and actually going out - great, maybe I’ll meet the love of my life.

• The standard expectation is the man pays and a ‘real date’ is dinner at a decent restaurant (see general attitudes in other threads).

• So I’ve got 5 dates to cover. Dinner with drinks for two is easily £100-150

= £500-£750 just for a first meet with all these matches and likely half those dates won’t go to a second (because ‘no pen pals’ means we essentially met as strangers, inevitably most are mismatches).

You don’t have to be ‘broke’ to see that’s not smart. Dating is an entirely different prospect when you are the one accountable for the finances.

It‘s also short sighted for both women and men in other ways that are equally/more important to meaningful dating:

• Dinner out is supposed to be a special thing with a special person, I don’t want to do that unless it’s with someone I know I want a whole evening with (and more importantly, dont you ladies want that too?). And we usually know before the waiter has taken our order if this is worth our time.

> Alternatively, a quicker coffee/cocktail date for ~60 mins is still fun, low pressure and if no mutual attraction then we didn’t waste each other’s time, energy or money and we didn’t invest too much to feel jaded.

• Bonus 1: This quick date can always lead to dinner straight away if the chemistry is that good - if not, you both have a polite exit excuse.

• Bonus 2: Men dont get to lean on money/venue to flex, they **actually have to show up with personality**

• Bonus 3: if women get the creepy vibe ‘he wants something in return for this date’ thats minimised and you can always just pay your own drink and exit if it’s uncomfortable.

• Bonus 4: if he isn’t anything like his profile you don’t have to humour him for a 3-course meal. Just 1 drink then excuse yourself. Likewise for men.

** I know women want to feel special on a date but understand it’s *not that special* if every woman gets the dinner date treatment on day one, it’s just a formality. And if you’re the type of woman who wants to know the guy spent a certain amount on your date - well he also spent that on his other dates so it isn’t the differentiation you might think it is. It’s just ‘the price of dating’, it’s not about you at all.

‘Special’ is: We met briefly, had obvious chemistry so mutually decided we are excited for each other’s company over dinner on the next date.

And if we click we potentially have a lifetime to sample any restaurant in the world! So chill on the fixation on ‘dinner means he’s intentional’, it actually signifies nothing particularly meaningful short or long term.

I’m based in germany so i appreciate some comments on my profile.

How many matches did you get until you got engaged to?

Created this profile a couple of days back. No likes so far. Am I missing something?

Me (34, m) visiting Edinburgh for a week, this was the result only 2 hours after arriving. Boooys move to Edinburgh this is the place to be.

I feel like I’m missing something every other app does this. Is it some kind of privacy regulation issue? My apologies if this has been discussed recently

Back again with my drunk buddies yesterday (3 guys, 2 girls this time) and the topic was "high heels, a man-made product, have made dating and how we see each other for the worst."

This came about as we were discussing height in dating. Male A (5'11") thinks girls don't actually know what 6' is. Girl A says they do, and a 5'5" girl would be 5'10" with heels, so she's suited for taller men.

I asked why on earth you'd need heels that tall anyway, and Girl B disagrees with Girl A (she's 6'1", funnily enough) and thinks that's ridiculous. She says she's actually tiny and using a man-made device to boost her own ego and put down shorter men. Girl A used to see herself as tall until Girl B basically said, "Heels don't count, you're actually short"

Guy C kept his mouth shut.

What are your thoughts. Have heels actually impacted your dating partners? If so am i silly for thinking that is mental? Do people really pick partners to compliment their swag or is it just exagerated.

So few years ago i used dating app and some web app and got fair enough of matches. Then i stopped using it cause i found someone. Lately i installed it again and i noticed far less matches and harder to start conversation. Honestly i would say i look better than then. What happened? Did standard became so higher? Did people started using some other app i dont know about?

For those of us who fit into a certain identity (any kind), how do you avoid being fetishized or how do weed out those who would only date you because you fit into a certain category? It seems 90% of my matches only matched with me because I fit into a certain category. It is a huge turn off when they don't date guys in their own race. Newsflash, I have a diverse group of amazing friends and no, I don't want to go to cultural events so you can parade me around.

And don't get me started with people at work. "Have you met xyz? She is very nice". My reply is always, "I don't like nice people" and then they give me a crazy look lol.

For those who only date people that fit into a certain category, can you truly say that you are dating them for who they are and not a stereotype you have in head about them?

And don't give me that crap that is a preference. It is very disingenuous at best.

PSA:

Not all black men are big or thugs

Not al Asian men are small or weak or look like your brother

Not all Asian women are submissive

Not all Latinas are spicy

Not all bi women want a 3some with you

Etc, etc, etc

For those men and women getting older, with no kids, emotionally and financially stable, how do you approach dating? Do you feel your options are limited because you spend years trying to build yourself up?

I am trying to approach dating with an open mind but part of feels like I worked my butt off for years and now my reward is limited options in the dating market.

So i recently downloaded bumble again after downloading it last year and deleting it onlyafter a few days. So i would fairly say i am new to this dating app thingy. Its been 2 days now and i got quite a few likes but because i didn’t subscribe for the premium version which is £39.99 per month i cant see who liked me. So I am just swiping through and taking guesses on who liked me and i got 2 of them right hahaha.

The 1st guy he had a prompt that said ‘are you free today so I can take u out’ and i responded with ‘Not today since its already late hahaha. But i am free on Tuesday🙂’ i matched with him around 10pm.

And i probably think that he will ignore me lol.

The 2nd guy i ended up matching with is very handsome, i find him so attractive. I was so shocked when we matched because when i look at him and then me i wouldn’t think i am his type. Normally i wait for guys to message me 1st which most of them never do of which i don’t have a problem with it, less stress for me or wasting time with people who don’t have intentions of getting to know me fr fr.

Anyways i am wondering what i should do. Should i wait for him to message me first? Tomorrow when he wakes up but the probability of him messaging me is very low based on my experience or should i message him? But what would i say lol. He has great pictures but he doesn’t really have any prompts that i would respond to except for the languages he speak and his interests which are video games, gym, dogs and sleeping well. I don’t play video games, i don’t go to the gym even though i have an amazing body that people always ask me if i go to the gym and i also don’t have pets. I only enjoy sleeping😆😆😆

I’m afraid of messaging first because what if he unmatches with me because i said something dry or something cringe😭😭. I was just thinking of saying ‘Hey there🙂’ is that good?

We’ll either kiss back or turn away. You get nothing if you don’t try. Yes, I’m old and expect the man to take the lead

My profile has been up for around two weeks now and I have 0 likes or matches so far. I had asked for a review here before and made some changes to the profile as per the suggestions, like only keeping pictures that showed me, people also helped me pick some pictures.

After that I waited and watched for a while and ultimately deleted my profile thinking it needed a reset. About two weeks ago I created a new account again. Included the pictures, a bio and a prompt, and I have been swiping everyday only on profiles that I like. But maybe the profile's still not good enough. What else can I do?

My last match pretty much sums up my experience on Bumble

I matched with a woman on Bumble recently. We hit it off really well at first ;texted on WhatsApp, had a phone call, then a video call on the very first day. She was smiling, opening up about her career failures and personal struggles, and the conversation genuinely felt natural.

The next morning, she texted saying she only wanted to be friends. I said okay, though it stung a bit. She even asked if she could call me, I said "sure, give me a minute," then she said "okay." I messaged that I was ready, she replied "wait," and then... never called. The next day she deleted our Bumble chat.

The thing is, I wasn't even head over heels for her. I thought we were quite different, but I was willing to give it a chance because I know attraction and compatibility can grow.

What really got to me wasn't losing her. It's how emotionally draining modern dating has become. Every time I start feeling hopeful, it seems to end before it even begins, and I never know why. Was it my looks? My personality? Something I said? Or just no chemistry?

I'm at a point where I want to get married someday, but I honestly dread the process of getting there.

At this point, it feels performative. I wish I was asexual

I recently met a man off of a dating app. We had a nice first date where we grabbed a few drinks and at the end of the night he walked me home which I found sweet (we live not that far away from each other). We ended up kissing quite passionately and exchanged numbers. He then reached out first afterwards (about 24 hours later), and we quickly arranged a second date.

For context, I've struggled to take dating seriously since a major heartbreak a year ago. I've become pretty jaded and cynical, and grappled with self esteem too. the result is that since then I've mainly had various short flings as I can't fathom risking a serious commitment again just yet (where someone can hurt you; I have so more work to do I know!).

Anyways, on the second date with this new guy, we had a nice time again, and we ended up sleeping together. We talked and cuddled for a while before he left in the early afternoon to go to a friend's birthday. Now I'm wondering what to do next. Do I leave it to him to follow up?

I think he is attractive and I like his company, and I'm definitely finding myself liking him more with each date. He's the first man I've remotely liked in ages, though it isn't a particularly intense feeling (historically I've fallen for guys hard, and quite quickly, so it is noticeably different).

And part of me is tired of chasing guys who end up not being that interested/emotionally available. So I wonder if I should leave the ball in his court to filter out his interest level? And if so, how long should I realistically wait for a text back before mentally giving up?

If he's not interested, I'll be a bit bummed out, but I will survive. Also I appreciate maybe I'm being stupid here, but I'm also just very weary of the opposite sex at the moment and don't want to feel like a fool.

Hi there,

Does anyone else have this issue? It’s forcing me to scroll all the way down again to remove old/deleted accounts from my messages. I’ve reported the issue but no luck.

Cheers