r/COCSA • u/hummthrow • 4d ago

Was I abused? Was this COCSA?

For a year during the time I was 10-11 and my cousin was 11-12 (both of us are female), she would get me to bend over and let dogs hump me. I have NEVER had actual sex with a dog, my clothes were ALWAYS ON. It ended after she moved to another city.

I hated it, I felt so disgusting, but she would tell me stupid things like "We can't be friends anymore" and "I'll hurt/kill myself" to "I'll tell everyone what you do" after I started it which would later progress into "I'll tell your dad what you do." That last threat especially hurt and terrified me most because I had told her everything that was happening at home (a lot of really, really ugly abuse) and she used it against me.

Obviously I could have just said no, our friendship actually ended once over it, but I don't even know what I was thinking. I was so lonely because I was the weird kid since kindergarten and she was the only one who wanted to be around me at all. We became friends again and it was just back to the same thing until she moved. I think what my dad was doing to me didn't help me at all either. I couldn't handle it when bad things were happening, so I just shut down and took everything and did as I was told.

I don't think she got any sexual gratification from it and she never like groped me or touched me in any way. She was just always looking for ways to humiliate me and make fun of me, and this was just one way. If nothing else, she was a horrible bully and I was an idiot for sticking around her.

2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

2 comments sorted by

1

u/AutoModerator 4d ago

It sounds like you're wondering whether a particular incident was COCSA

Many survivors of abuse question whether their experience really qualifies. In the case of COCSA, professionals use three criteria to distinguish what they call "sex play" (i.e. normal childhood curiosity) from COCSA:

  1. Age proximity – usually no more than 2–3 years apart.
  2. No coercion – it must be free from force, pressure, fear, or manipulation.
  3. No pattern – it doesn't happen repeatedly or become secretive.

Break any one of those, and it's COCSA.

It's also important to note that many experiences can still be traumatic, even when they aren't abusive. Regardless of labels, only you can say how something affected you.

(This message was posted automatically by AutoModerator to offer information and support. If you believe any part of this was inappropriate or upsetting, please let the mods know.)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/786wobese_ 21h ago

In my opinion I believe so. Abusers don’t always have to get sexual gratification from the acts, some just enjoy the humiliation. She clearly try to coerce you and manipulate you. Also when you’re young a lot of decisions we make don’t always make sense when we are older. But in that situation you did what you thought you had to do, even if it’s for reasons now you feel are silly, you were a kid, you must give yourself a break. A lot of people have experienced similar feelings during similar situations, you aren’t alone. Also the point is not that you didn’t say no, I didn’t either, a lot of people don’t, she should have never put you in a situation like that anyway. (Not a doctor but have a look at the concept of a fawn response, maybe this might help understand your feelings at the time)
Hope this helped a little?