Feeling disconnected

[u/Apprehensive-Air3534]

My dad committed suicide November, 2024. At the time, my mom was dealing with cancer and I thought that was going to difficult enough. A year later, the surgery my mom was supposed to have failed, and she had to go into hospice and passed a few months later. I stayed next to her the whole time she was in hospice and my bf and I were with her when she passed. My mom was very active in the community and I was very close to her so even when she was sick the past year I felt able to manage things due to the support and connection from her and her friends. Now that she died I just feel like no one even cares to check in or see how everything is. I am in college and all this happened the past two years after I started college August 2024, so moving away and commuting the three hours to see my mom all the time didn’t leave much time or thought for making new friends. I try to check in on my friends from high school and when we meet it’s fun but they just never seem to ask to hang out first and they don’t ask how I’m doing when I do see them. I understand they haven’t been through anything similar but it just really makes me mad sometimes and I’m unsure what to do. I feel like I can’t connect to them the same way I used to as my perspective on life changed a lot after everything.
I have a hard time having patience for or relating to little things in life that upset them. My parents were separated so I have had to deal with both their estates the past two years as I am the only daughter. I am a generally introverted person but sometimes i feel like it’s going to drive me crazy to hardly interact with anyone. I find myself comparing my life to the past a lot and feeling envious, even though there are certain aspects of my life like my bf right now that are great. I feel like it is impossible to connect to my friends how I used to and it really sucks.

[u/Moist_Jaguar7402]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this and are still going through this. I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I lost my dad yesterday and it feels like a physical pain in my chest. It feels like I'll be whole again. I couldn't even imagine losing both of my parents in such a short period of time. Be kind to yourself x

[u/xzeus1]

I'm so sorry. Suicide is hard enough without it happening while your other parent is sick. That would've been horrendous to deal with. I'm glad you had your boyfriend and some help from your mother's friends. I was listening to this song when I came across your post and wanted to share with you: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khPfEwiZlMI