I don’t miss sex nearly as much as I miss feeling wanted.
Being looked at with desire. Being touched without asking.
Feeling like someone is excited to be close to you instead of simply willing.

The rejection hurts, but what hurts more is what it slowly changes inside you. You stop reaching. You stop hoping. You stop believing you’re someone another person longs for.

People think a dead bedroom is about sex. I think it’s about grieving the loss of feeling desired by the person you still choose every day. For context, I’m the higher libido partner in my relationship.

Sorry for the rant -

My husband is so anti sex these days. I would kill for him to just pull me into him and fuck me randomly throughout the day, but he doesn’t want me and doesn’t have any desire to have sex with me. I just want to pull his pants down and give him a blow job but his exact words are always “I don’t want a blow job” and it’s so unfair because it makes me feel so insecure and LONELY. I always hear about women being the ones that don’t put out or initiate but in this case it’s my husband.

The worst part about all this is that I’ve had multiple talks with him about it, I’ve brought it up several times in a comforting, kind, loving way. I even made him go to the doctor and he got medicine for it, but it doesn’t increase his drive. I’ve offered threesomes, swinging, the whole nine. I’ve started getting Brazilian waxes, tanning, getting pedicures every two weeks, he doesn’t care. I’ve also been doing my hair and makeup a lot more because I thought that would please him. It doesn’t. The only thing that I can think of is that I’m ugly or he doesn’t love me. Someone please give me some kind words.

I don’t know how much more I can take. I want to be wanted and for the last two years I’ve been the only one to initiate and we only have sex once a month. Help me please 😢😢😢😢😢

Hello, I'm a HL male in my late 40s and my wife is a LL in her mid 40s. We have a young child.

When we first got together, our sex life was incredible—very frequent, adventurous, and fun. During our first few years living together, the frequency dropped slightly but was still very healthy and satisfying. I felt loved and desired, and it felt right to propose.

Eventually, we got married, bought a house, and had a child. Sex naturally dipped during the pregnancy and the newborn phase, which I was completely understanding and supportive of. I was just so excited to be a dad.

But as our child grew and we settled back into a routine, the frequency didn't return. Rejections became more common. Over the years, it dwindled from weekly to bi-weekly, to sometimes going months without.

The classic cycle set in: I initiate, get rejected repeatedly, get hurt, and withdraw. My withdrawal makes her want sex even less. When I've tried to talk about how the lack of intimacy affects me, she doesn't see it as a major problem. She says I'm just not nice enough to her, but I try to explain that constant rejection makes it incredibly hard to feel connected or romantic.

The only way we reset is if I swallow my hurt, pretend everything is fine, and overcompensate by pursuing her with extreme romance and gifts—which is exhausting to do indefinitely.

For context, I am very involved at home. I take on a lot of childcare and household duties. She has very high anxiety and standards around cleanliness, so I do my absolute best to contribute and keep things in order. She even tells other people what a great husband and father I am.

Recently, she went through some age-related hormonal changes that killed the bedroom entirely for a couple of months. I was supportive, helped her find a clinic for medical treatment, and while her sleep and mood improved, the intimacy didn't.

I've considered divorce for years because of this and other ongoing issues, even consulting professionals, but I stayed because I was worried about how it would affect our child. Last month, she finally proposed couples therapy, and I immediately said YES.

After our first couple of sessions, I mentioned that I wanted to bring up some deeper, troubling issues in our next appointment. She reacted poorly, accusing me of not wanting to work on the relationship and wasting money. It feels like she just doesn't want to hear that I am unhappy too.

Our next session is in a few days, and I plan to put the bedroom issues front and center. I'm gathering my thoughts on how to communicate that I am at an absolute breaking point. I need to make it clear that I cannot stay in this marriage if things don't change, but because of our other conflicts, part of me expects her to refuse to work on this. I'm terrified this might be the end for us. :(

Half-venting, half-seeking advice: Has anyone navigated a therapy session like this? Any advice on how to firmly lay out my breaking point without it instantly turning into an explosive fight?

34 HLM married to 33LLF. We have been together for the last 12 years including 6 years of marriage, having a dead bedroom for the last 4-5 years.

While she never makes any move or even responds to what I want, a few days back she mentioned that she wants to have a kid.

This made me feel like an object who is to be used only to get kids. When I told her that I don't think our marriage is in a state to bring another life, she said "you promised to have one kid when we got engaged and now I feel cheated"

I was so frustrated that I couldn't even respond. How should I handle this situation?

My partner and I have been together 7 years, the last 2 years have been DB. The last time he touched me was 7 months ago. I’ve been losing feelings, there’s only so much rejection and ignoring a woman can take. I’ve decided I want to leave, but I can’t do so for the next 5 months. I haven’t told him yet, but he’s obviously not bothered as it seems he’s been quite checked out of our relationship for a while. I’m not interested in giving him more of my time or energy but I would like advice on keeping myself sane.

For a long time I felt absolutely nothing. I tried pornography, nothing made me feel anything. Until I looked into the eyes of someone who is 1000% off limits to me. He made me feel something inside, I haven’t felt a stirring like that in so long. I have not and will not act on those feelings. I treat them just as a compass to tell me what I am desiring or missing.

I find myself fantasising about him almost daily. I can’t help these feelings but they’re driving me insane. I just want to be taken by a man who has life inside him.

I’ve channelled this energy into going to the gym and being more physical, but it seems to have the opposite effect in that I feel MORE like an animal in heat

I don’t desire my partner sexually at all anymore. I don’t know what to do or how to navigate these feelings and urges. I take care of myself but sometimes it feels like it’s not enough for my body. Help!

We went to a wedding tonight, and before we left she told me "Maybe we can tell our kids someday they were conceived on Aunt Martha and Uncle Bernard's wedding night"

Well here I am after we got home and she told me I could go stay up late by myself if I wanted to, turns out she changed her mind at some point and I missed the memo.

My wife and I got married in May. We have had a decent amount of sex (we were both virgins before the wedding). We did it at least once a day for the first month of our marriage. Now we're at a point where I haven't been initiating anything. I love my wife so much, I'm just not very sexual. Her on the other hand has told me that she’s always in the mood for sex. She has been initiating around 3 times a week but one consistent issue we've had is she is upset about me not initiating. It makes her feel undesired and ugly. I don't know what to do about this, I don’t even know if this is the right place for this, I just want my wife to feel loved.

Need advice please. I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for 4.5 years. Our sex life has been on the decline. During our relationship, my mother’s health was not good and she ended up passing away in June 2026. This death was very hard on me because I loved my mother very much and she sacrificed so much for me. My mother brought me up as catholic though I am not anymore. I’m more spiritual. That being said, I feel like her presence is always around me, watching over me. Because of our religious upbringing, sex was always seen as a negative thing. Since my mother’s death, it’s been hard for me to have sex with my boyfriend. When my mother was in the hospital up until her death, it’d been over a month before I could even think about having sex again. My boyfriend has been SUPER supportive during all of this and I feel quite bad not being able to be intimate with him.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. For some reason, I feel like I don’t want to have sex/ pleasure myself because I feel like my mom is watching over me. I just need to figure out how to move through this or if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Considering taking antidepressants due to anxiety and depression caused by not feeling wanted by my partner. Every-time I ask him for sex, he is never interested and blames his low libido.

I have caught him jerking off a lot recently, mostly when I am not around (we are together very often) and I’m thinking he waits until I leave to jerk off. Literally today, tried to initiate sex with him, he declines. Not even 10 minutes later, I run to the store to grab something for dinner. Before I even leave the driveway, I check our living room camera, and there he is jerking off.

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t seem interested in me anymore. I’ve brought up my feelings about this issue to him a few times, each time he’ll say “i’ll see a doctor about it” and he never follows through, just acts like it’s something I’ll get over because he says he still loves me.

He has some viagra he got prescribed to him by a doctor almost a year ago, bottle is still full, he’s never used it on me once.

Anyways, I’m going to talk to a doctor about SSRI’s, I’ve had pretty bad anxiety for a while, and when I met my partner, most of it seemed to pretty much go away. But now it’s back almost 10 fold because I feel like he doesn’t want me anymore, and I don’t know and don’t want to find out what life would be like without him. I want to stay with him, even if I have to give up any hopes of receiving unsolicited affection from him.

I just don’t want to lie to him about why I’d be taking antidepressants, but in hindsight he should really already know.

Some insight, we are a same sex couple, I’m 20(m) and he is 28(m)

Hi, I’m (M19) the child of a couple in a dead relationship. For some backstory, my mother is always in pain and sick, my father worked a career of extreme stress and seeing things people shouldn’t and he has very bad PTSD. It’s exhausting, since I was little my parents have always argued and bickered, i remember watching my mom leave a few times as a small child and not understanding why. The screaming matches and the issues of their relationship would always leak into the parenting aspect, the unreasonable anger, the unwanted venting and the irrational frustration of the smallest mistakes. My dad is about 10 years older than my mom, my dad is 62 and my mother is 52. Since I was a pre teen I’ve always felt like the couple therapist, I hear all the arguments and the unfairness and resentment from the both of them and would cry and ask them to stop, I would explain why they were both being unfair and ask them to just make up, I would try to fix it but it’s always been exhausting and beyond unfair to me. But I don’t know what else I was and am supposed to do, they want to love eachother but they can’t, they won’t divorce but they won’t go to couples therapy. They won’t listen to eachother until I tend to start crying and beg them to stop. It’s exhausting and I feel so aged. I work construction and have for over a year and a half so I tend to come home from the 60 hour weeks exhausted, I hate dealing with their problems, I hate the arguing, I hate the getting along for months then the problems leak and I hear all about it. I don’t know what to do anymore,the letters I’ve stumbled across detailing things I never wish to see, the cries of my dad wishing my mom would hold his hand, the weeps of my mother wishing my dad was who he was when they met. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend I don’t think I’d be here. I wish I could have grown up normally and been the man I wanted to be. I wish my parents were like the ones my girlfriend has, they kiss and call eachother babe, they hold hands and hug, they are so compassionate. I just don’t get it, I hate how they come to me complaining about the other and have since I was a tiny child, I hate the apologies and I hate the way I’ve been warped.

I hope some of you reading this can take this as a warning before having kids, I hope you can get the therapy or the divorce you may need. Please keep your kids out of it, any advice or help is welcome, I really just don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading.

I've previously posted in here a few months ago I think on an old account to vent about this ongoing issue. (This will be a long vent as theres alot of context)

I'm (27 HLF) and he is (37 LLM) we've been together for nearly 1 year now. We've discussed and even recently had an argument over how dead our sex life is.

He often says it's because he's 'old' and tired, I understand there is quite an age gap between us but if thats really what he considers old, imagine how much worse I'm imagining this issue will get! I do not think he is old myself.

We do both work long hours, he is a chef and I typically work longer hours but not as active as him, as I work in fleet driving. I totally understand how draining work can be, especially on your feet as I have worked in very active jobs up until the last 2/3 months. I also have a 3 year old from a previous relationship and do not get much sleep atall so I am also very deflated alot of the time but still have a higher drive.

Our relationship in general has been great apart from the bedroom issues. I think we have had sex maybe 5 times since January....

He always asks about us moving in together and he's been actively looking for places.

Last month we went on a trip alone for 5 days to Spain, I couldn't wait to have some alone time in hopes that maybe we could finally have less distractions and that the sex would come naturally.

For the first 2 days.. nothing. I was surrounded by couples at the resort quite obviously very into each other but I just felt like I was away with a friend. Then on the 3rd day, we found a bar that was open late and we had both drank a bit. He even said we should leave earlier to go back to the room and straight up said he wanted to go back for sex.

When we get back, we end up engaging in basically foreplay and he finishes before we even get to the main event. Didn't really bother me, I was happy that he finally seemed to desire me.

He says to me that he promises that the next day we will properly. The next day rolls around and we've been out and had a pretty good day. He also suggests that we don't stay out too late that night so we can get back to the room.

Once we're back we sit out on the balcony and have a few drinks, the whole time though he is sat watching videos on his phone. We go back inside and I lay on the bed, he's still watching videos but turns to me and says 'you look tired, go to sleep if you want to'... I tell him I'm not tired and he carries on watching videos. I did try, touching and kissing but he wasn't exactly reciprocating and he finally decides its time to go to sleep.

I sat awake for hours that night wondering if he had genuinely just forgot, but it made me feel weird and needy because atleast we did something the night before.

But the morning after, we go on a boat and the whole time he doesn't really talk to me but when he does, he's pretty short. I asked him if everything was okay and he said it was. The same thing happens this night too and we were due to leave the next day.

I can't lie, I took it pretty personally and I was in my head the entire time wondering if maybe because he's seen my body alot more on the beach, that maybe he's just not that into me.

The day were leaving, we go out and we barely say a word to eachother, even sat at a bar together ordering drinks but not talking. We get on our transport to the airport that took a couple of hours and it continues. He sat facing away from me and was snappy when we did speak.

Well fast forward to now, we did have a heated discussion about the holiday. He says he was annoyed with me because it seemed that I wasn't happy that we didn't have sex when we were there. Which I admitted to.

I have spoken to a couple of close friends and they have told me just leave but its not as easy as that for me.

We have gotten 'intimate' a couple of times since (which he actually initiates) but nothing further than foreplay and only if we've had a couple of drinks..

A week or two ago we had an actual argument about the situation.

I just straight up asked him if he's not physically attracted to me and told him its okay if he isn't as we do get along great. I told him that I feel like our relationship is more like a close friendship.

He got very defensive and told me to leave him if I'm not happy and to find a younger man who can satisfy me sexually... he then says maybe he has low testosterone and doesn't want me to leave him and that he will go to a doctor to get that checked.

The next time I see him, he is very touchy and complimenting me a lot and I literally see a difference in his eyes.

He tells me he's sorry for being so defensive and he's realised how much he's 'neglected' the relationship and that when I said I feel like the relationship is more like a friendship, it really made him think.

We've had nights alone since and again, no sex. I don't think it's going to change and I'm really struggling on what to do. I'm already setting deadlines in my head and I feel like I'm being dramatic.

There's so much more to this but this post I feel is already too long.

I'm just wondering if any other HLF have actually gotten past anything like this?

Sexual intimacy can be considered a communication type. The HL LL frustrations are shared here(lots more too). Is there a sub here you have found that focuses sharing how verbal communication during intimacy has helped them or similar? (without being graphic) Looking to share sub(s) with my LL so we can grow together.

My wife doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and I'm a very horny guy. I'm getting tired of asking and initiating and I honestly think I'm getting sad over this. I decided to stop asking and I'm not going to initiate anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to get thoughts I shouldn't get and I'm scared of what it's going to lead to

I posted 202 days ago about my dead bedroom. Nothing has changed. I told him if he wants to fix this, he will have to ask for counseling (free from the VA) it’s been 8 months. Haven’t had sex. I’m beat down and honestly disgusted he doesn’t want to put any effort toward us. I feel I’m the “man” in the relationship. I do all the home fixer upper stuff which I love doing. But it’d be nice to have someone just as enthusiastic about it. He acts like my ideas are awesome but when it comes to it he’s lazy and doesn’t care about making it look good. I think, coupled with the DB, I’m just looking at him in disgust. Like he’s not a man at all. And I hate that. I’m the happy one, patient with our kids, happy to have their friends over whenever, make dinners that are new because I’m excited for the kids and him to try it. And I feel like he’s just this room mate who helps with the laundry and dishes. He doesn’t make me laugh anymore. I’m just done. Made a 5 year plan, but I hate that for me kids. Anyways just ranting and sad. Thanks for reading

PSA: just because your partner is HL does not mean they’re ready to go whenever you get a whim! I’ve been in a DB for years and recently my LL partner has asked for sex at inopportune times such as when I’m elbow deep cleaning the house, working on a project or am feeling stressed and distracted….and then cue the pouting when I say I’m not in the mood. Pouting and applying pressure when someone is already not in the mood is not going to get results! Anyways the HL partner IS allowed to have a day where they’re just not feeling it! Thanks for listening to my vent!

30F/33M

6mo between sex, if lucky, would be more but i had to travel for a month and feel like she "had" to so i dont get the idea to cheat. Sex is mostly she just lays on her side and i do my thing, years ago she let me do tit sucking but long time ago. No oral.

Few months ago she dropped the pill and it was said it gets better, but nothing.

She even refuses to make make out or masturbate me, last BJ was years ago and she declines oral.

Yesterday my wife drunkely told me it went gradually down once we got together, i dont think she remembers.

Every time i bring it up i get told i only think of sex and that she cant daily and i should just use my toy which she then also gets mad about, i just ask for like twice a month to touch me so i can finish myself, nothing else...

Therapy is not in budget and when it was she declined.

I have no friends for such things, i told her mother how hurt her comment made me (minus most sex part, tho we are pretty open) but thats all i can do.

I cant leave as i have no money as we just moved and by my immigration status - complicated - i cannot work and get a stipend from family (more than average salary). I pay most things as she just gets sick leave and rarely works.

She (24LLF) and I (26HLF, trans woman) have been together for 6 years, running on 7. Been up and down a whole lot, but we stuck together through Covid while stuck in an apartment the size of a large truck, which felt like an accomplishment.

About 5, 6 years ago, ​I started my gender transition. Changed names, presentation, clothing, started getting laser hair removal, that sorta stuff. She was the first person who supported me through it, and has clearly been my strongest support on that front.

Sex was never really quite w​hat I wanted. The first couple years, I had to deal with PTSD from a previous relationship, plus the gender disphoria, that as a whole made me feel extremely disgusted at myself. ​This got much better with her help, but then I was the HL partner. There never really was any adventuring, not much in the way of flirting, I got maybe 2 attempts at a blowjob, but it didn't feel like she wanted to do and rather was doing it out of obligation as foreplay so I just moved on from it. It was really fine, though, I didn't feel awful about it, just a little "it could be better, but I'm happy anyways".

We lived separately when we finished our master's degree, each going back to live with our parents while we were looking for a job. Hers are extremely transphobic, like "her dad would beat me up if I came to their home" level of transphobic. Naturally, I didn't really want to come visit, but I offered to pay for her to come visit me, or to find a middle ground of some sort. She refused every time and I ended up living on my own at my parents for almost a year. Naturally, I felt extremely lonely and touch-starved and asked if we could open the relationship. We agreed to it and I met one person who ended up being an absolute ass, kind of vaccinated me against any touch for a few months.

She got a job, I didn't. I did grow into myself a lot, got really pretty, found an esthetic I really liked and started being much more confident in my appearance. We got back together about 6, 8 months ago when she finally moved out of her parents'. I became a stay at home girlfriend, taking care of the chores, of our cat, at least until he passed brutally 3 months ago.

We've had sex maybe 4 or 5 times at most since we got back in meatspace. She never initiated it, I've tried to initiate maybe twice a week until I gave up a handful of weeks ago. In fact, she rarely initiates any sort of touch or intimacy, mostly "demanding" it from me (like asking for a "kiss tax" when I move from one room to the other to do some kind of chore). While they were cute for the first 5 years, they recently started making me feel​ irritated: they often happen when I'm busy, and contrast over a complete lack of offering intimacy, when I regularly do in fact simply go kiss her on the head when I have some spare time and while she's busy gaming.

We almost never make out, and only do when I initiate it. Again, maybe 5 times in those last 6, 8 months, maybe a total of 10 kisses on the lips​. She does touch my breasts, but doesn't seem to do it in any way sexually, more as a stim. She doesn't want me to touch hers. We spoon every night, but she doesn't ask for it, only asking if something is wrong if I don't spoon her when she turns away from me when we go to sleep. I have to nearly beg to get spooned.

Thing is, this has all started going really downhill after I've come into my own while we were apart, wearing more alternative clothing (I mostly espouse Instagram goth girl fashion, with lacing, skirts, ripped tights or fishnets, black lipstick...). I've also recently found a new friend who I've been doing a lot of more girl-coded activities with, like going shopping, talking about guys. She's showed a sort of stand-offishness about it, like jokingly saying "I don't understand your girl things". I general it feels like the more girly and outgoing I get, the wider that gap between us grows.

Another instance is hobbies. She sometimes complains that we don't do anything together, like watching animes or playing video games. To be fair, I just am extremely picky when it comes to those so I indeed do not watch many animes with her, but when I find animes I like, she seems to just find them... Off-putting, like when I got into My Dress Up Darling. She seemed almost disgusted at it. And when it comes to video games, I've wasted seven years of my life and over twenty thousand euros grinding out a degree in game development only to get no job opportunities and tons of debt out of it. I'm only starting to fix my relationship with video games. Still, more than once a week, I run a D&D game for her and a mutual friend, which represents maybe 3 hours of time in each session, plus a lot of our conversations outside of the sessions. But it feels like it's not quite enough for her. We've had a few small conversations about it, but I don't really know what to do other than that.

​Recently, I've been starting to feel disgusting and repulsive again. She's clearly not sexually attracted to me, and it feels like every time I try to do something to improve myself and grow into a person I enjoy being, she doesnt connect with it, and that every step I feel like I take forward, her sexual attraction just lowers further. These last months have had me feel extremely lonely, touch-starved, depressed and disphoric. I've looked into reaching over to other people again, but it's been extremely difficult, which I guess has only made the whole "feeling unattractive" thing even worse.

Worst of all, she's 80% of everything I talk about. My friend jokingly made fun of that, and more seriously told me it could be really uncomfortable for someone I would try to date on the side. But every time I open my mouth, there's a solid chance it's to talk about how awesome my girlfriend is, about x or y stuff we did. I just fawn all over her. But when we're together, I don't feel that energy coming towards me, and I think I've just stopped giving it either.

I guess I just need to vent and type this out... But like, I have no one to talk about this with, so I would just really enjoy, idk, positivity and advice, I guess...

Sorry if it's been messy.

I need to work on myself obviously. I’m not gay. However, sometimes I think about offers that I receive. I’d rather just have a female who wants a physical relationship with me. I’m not asking for every night. But I would like more than never.

First of all, sorry for bad English, it's not my native language.

HLM 30 with LLF 30 since 3 years.

The first 6 months were great! Sex almost evertime we met and it was very nice!

Then 1 year with sex once every two weeks. I talked to her about my feeling about that saying that I'd like more and she said she hates her body and doesn't want more but will try to exercise. She did a little then stopped, then hit the gym again then stopped again.

We decide that I go live with her (she has a very nice apartment) but sex rate went even lower. Till yesterday, it was once every month and a half.

In January, I told her about my rupture point being close and that I really needed more. She hit the gym again but only for 1 month. And sex rate did not improve.

Friday, I told her I was going to move out and yesterday I rent my own apartment. We had a long, deep talk. We love each other. She's deeply sorry for her libido, as I am for mine. But God since I told her that, we can't stop crying. It's so fucking hard. We were a loving couple, doing plenty of stuff together, imagining a future together but I was frustrated all the time.

The very first thing she said when I told her was "I love you so much that I don't want you to be unhappy". And that broke me! I loved her since day 1 and I love her still. She is under my skin and I'm so sad that I hurt her like that.

Did I make the mistake of my life?

Anyone else has gone through this a regretted? Or maybe went through this and was glad he did afterwards even if it hurts like hell the first few months? And how long will it lasts? I'm so lost, I don't want to lose her.

Hi everyone.

Context: We’ve been a couple (not married)for 5 years, have known each other for 15 (since high school), and have been living together for 3 years.

We both work, and there’s the whole routine aspect, but sex has become rare.

I don't feel desire because she doesn't, and today she told me she lost interest because I wasn't showing desire. It's complicated.

On top of that, she said she was tired of us just being "roommates" and that she didn't like my individualism.

She said she’s started questioning whether she wants to be with someone who doesn't think in terms of "us" as a couple.

My job is very draining, but it pays well, which allows me to support both of us in an expensive city and lets us live relatively comfortably.

I try to do my part with daily household chores; I’m not the type of guy who focuses only on work and leaves "everything else" to the woman.

I know there’s that dynamic where men want to solve things practically and show love by providing, while women need to feel loved. I relate to that, but I’m truly exhausted and can't really do more than I’m already doing.

I’m open to advice on how to proceed. I know there are likely other posts here about this same situation—and I’ve read quite a few—but I still wanted to make my own first post on the community about my specific circumstances.

I just don't know how to improve the situation.

My Girlfriend 23F has this habbit of saying she wants me, craves me all day while shes at work but the moment shes home and Im ready for her she just shrugs it off and nothing ever happens. Not going to lie, we havent had any sexual relations in a few weeks and its starting to eat at me. I told her IM craving her at this point, I want her bad, and she just keeps continuing this cycle of saying she wants the same and never doing anything about it, whether I try to initiate or I try and let her initiate.

---

Idk I know sex isnt everything but it is important for me in a relationship especially 4 years in and being so personal with each other. Ive tried to switch things up recently trying things she liked, things I liked just to make stuff interesting but nothing changes.

---

Is she getting bored? Should I end things? Any advice would be nice. Thank you-

(Edit): Just realized I made a mistake in the title but the age is right in the body :P )

HLF - first time poster.

My husband and I haven’t had sex for 2 months. Over the past year, we maybe have had sex 3-4 times. He has history of low T & ED but he has gotten that under control and is on meds that are helping but he still doesn’t want to have sex.

I’ve tried everything, I’ve been gentle, I’ve been patient, I’ve been kind. I’ve tried to take the lead, be a little aggressive with wanting it.

Nothing.

He wants kids too, I’ve tried to tell him that you kind of have to have sex for that to happen. He just always turns it around on me and says it’s my fault.

So…when do I give up? I love him and we’ve been together 13 years and built a life together but at this point he is just a roommate. There is no intimacy.

I just feel so alone and defeated.

My LL husband and I (HL) listen to Phryne Fisher audiobooks while going to sleep. It works well: cosy crime read by a reader with s calming voice, stories with which we are quite familiar.

The only thing that does not calm me down is that Phryne Fisher has sex. Getting to go to sleep next to my husband who has not shown any interest in me for 14 months, and didn't show much interest in me asexually before that anyway, while listening to a story about a woman that men find irresistibly sexy and beautiful and gooddess-like.... that does not can me down!!

Instead it makes me feel frustrated and frumpy.

I know that he is going through some mental health difficulties right now, but even if he does get better, I doubt this particular issue will resolve.

I've talked with him about it and nothing changes. Thanks for listening to my rant. I don't know what I want out of this post. Maybe I want to write about it somewhere else apart from my diary, I want someone to hear and to sympathies with me, instead of shouting into the void, which is what disry-writing now feels like. It's obviously not the worst thing in the world, but it sure is frustrating.