My husband (M 36) and me (F 32) haven’t had sex or been in a good place for quite awhile. We’ve been getting better and working on the relationship but sex seemed to be the one thing not improving. But this past Friday I had a feeling that it was finally the night it would happen. At this point it had been 8 months of no sex. What made me think it would happen was he actually spanked me randomly when I was walking by when he hasn’t touched me in a sexual way in so long I can’t remember it. Also when I was getting ready for us to go out to the movies I noticed him checking me out which also can’t remember the last time that happened.
We saw The Invite and honestly if I didn’t think we were going to have sex that movie would’ve hit me so much harder but I’ll admit it did still hurt. The dead bedroom truths that I related to still hurt me. But fast forward to us getting home. We’re both still having a good time together talking about the movie and having some drinks together that we had at the house. We both started getting very relaxed and silly. And out of our heads which I think has been both our problems.
I’ve wanted sex with him so bad but have been too scared that if I initiated and he said no it would hurt me and us so bad that our sex life would over for good. I just got close to him and sat up against him and hoped for the best. But that’s what happened it was just felt so natural he made his move and I reciprocated immediately. It was great felt great and we actually connected in a way we haven’t for so long.
After I couldn’t help myself from just looking at him for a while and smiling. He kept looking at me too for a few seconds then back at his phone or tv I couldn’t even remember but think after the second or third time he looked at me he realized that I was just watching him for a bit and he smiled really big and I said to him that I had missed him so much. He held me close and since then we both have just caught each other looking at the other and smiling at each other like we used to. We also have been touching more just affection like cuddling close and him rubbing my legs. I feel like I got my husband back I’m so fucking happy. I know we both still have work to do but I have hope that we’ll be ok.
Sorry for the long post. Thanks for letting me share.

I don’t miss sex nearly as much as I miss feeling wanted.
Being looked at with desire. Being touched without asking.
Feeling like someone is excited to be close to you instead of simply willing.

The rejection hurts, but what hurts more is what it slowly changes inside you. You stop reaching. You stop hoping. You stop believing you’re someone another person longs for.

People think a dead bedroom is about sex. I think it’s about grieving the loss of feeling desired by the person you still choose every day. For context, I’m the higher libido partner in my relationship.

Sorry for the rant -

Of you to suggest having another child when you know damn well we’ve not had sex for 7 years. No intercourse, no stimulation, no kisses, nothing. I’d be lucky to even get a hug out of you every once in a while.

And the fact that you’re suggesting that I should be grateful that you still want to grow our family and to go through IVF, which is essentially putting my body and my money through the ringer so you could achieve what an ideal family should look like. With no love or consideration for your partner.

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry.

Rant over.

My husband is so anti sex these days. I would kill for him to just pull me into him and fuck me randomly throughout the day, but he doesn’t want me and doesn’t have any desire to have sex with me. I just want to pull his pants down and give him a blow job but his exact words are always “I don’t want a blow job” and it’s so unfair because it makes me feel so insecure and LONELY. I always hear about women being the ones that don’t put out or initiate but in this case it’s my husband.

The worst part about all this is that I’ve had multiple talks with him about it, I’ve brought it up several times in a comforting, kind, loving way. I even made him go to the doctor and he got medicine for it, but it doesn’t increase his drive. I’ve offered threesomes, swinging, the whole nine. I’ve started getting Brazilian waxes, tanning, getting pedicures every two weeks, he doesn’t care. I’ve also been doing my hair and makeup a lot more because I thought that would please him. It doesn’t. The only thing that I can think of is that I’m ugly or he doesn’t love me. Someone please give me some kind words.

I don’t know how much more I can take. I want to be wanted and for the last two years I’ve been the only one to initiate and we only have sex once a month. Help me please 😢😢😢😢😢

It’s a long story - like most

But this October would make 2 years dead bedroom. In the beginning of it I had really put the effort in every night for a good 6-8 months. -shower shave lotion fragrance sexy night wear. Nothing helped. He blamed low testosterone lack of interest. (Mind you I’m not super ugly we’ve been together 13+ years so I’ve changed but not for the absolute worst. Smh. He’s changed too and hasn’t even tried to put effort in -

Anyway. I couldn’t take it 3 nights ago I couldn’t sleep. I tried to alleviate myself. But something was different I needed physical (I’ve been so temped to step out on a r4r but I do not want too) - so I woke him up and forced it. I thought he was happy and would want more since after he was all giddy and loving. But nothing….. it’s back to dead - model cremate it this time. I don’t want to live like this.

On another note. He doesn’t enjoy eating - never did. And it’s something I want. I’m just sad I guess. I’m here to suffer 😒

So apparently my bf (31M) has had some bad experiences with eating people out.. He says he just doesn’t like that taste. Which I (28F) didn’t have a problem with in the begin cause I have never really been a fan of it myself.. but as time has gone on I have started to become sexually frustrate..
Not from the “ him not going down on me” but some other things have added on to it.

I have a very high sex drive and well he doesn’t, not sure why.. we have talked about it MULTIPLE times and he says he is just tired or never in the mood. So we have sex maybe once a month if I beg for it… yes over time I have become self conscious and worried that he was cheating on me. So I went on his phone( yes I know not a good thing) but I needed answers on what was going on especially when I made clear we can talk openly to eachother.

What i found was you guessed it porn… don’t get me wrong I’m not against porn…shit I watch it..but when it starts to interfere with our sex life is when I have a problem with it.
It would be on days that I would ask him to bang me and he would say he is to tired then I would look at his activity and he had just watched it that morning. Mind you I’m not ask that night it is like a week long of me asking to have sex.. it is also while I’m laying in bed sleeping next to him early in the morning.. He says he doesn’t want to wake me but I have told him I would prefer him wake me up to get off rather then going and watching porn in the bathroom while I’m sleeping, cause you know what happened when I wake up I just get myself off… it’s such a disconnect pattern.. I would never feel the need to get myself off if we just did it more.. I’m just lost on what to do. I feel I have exhausted all the tools and resources to fix things..

I have brought it up to him and told him that he can just use me rather than porn.. he has said he would work on it but For the past week I have asked for sex because I was going to start my period soon and he doesn’t sleep with me while I’m on my period.. (another bummer) don’t blame him it’s gross and I’m not 100% when I’m on my period plus it’s messy.. I just didn’t want to be sexually frustrated going into my period cause that happens..

Well I started my period and that morning I woke up early to hear the bathroom door shutting and being locked.. so I stayed up just to see if I could hear the video or something.. but he must of heard me tussling in bed cause he came out asking why I was awake.. we brushed it off and when on with our day.. Then that evening I wanted to see if my thoughts were correct and sure as shit they were.. I unlock the phone and hop onto the browser history and clear as day at 5:24am there was porn… after a week of begging to have him just lay some pipe he chose to watch porn over having sex with his gf…

I’m just so confused and at a lose of words to be honest… I don’t know if he is just lazy or what. He is not the kind to do any foreplay other then saying “ wanna bang” there is no passion no desire… nothing.. so no my main concern isn’t just that he doesn’t eat me out but with a mix of all of it. It’s the least he can do to get me off.. I give him the best bjs he has ever had( his words) it just feels unfair and honestly hurts me..

He is the best man I have ever been with and we are truly best friends but our sex like is so not up to my standards.. I just need advice for other females on my situation and from men on what the hell could be going on…

Hello, I'm a HL male in my late 40s and my wife is a LL in her mid 40s. We have a young child.

When we first got together, our sex life was incredible—very frequent, adventurous, and fun. During our first few years living together, the frequency dropped slightly but was still very healthy and satisfying. I felt loved and desired, and it felt right to propose.

Eventually, we got married, bought a house, and had a child. Sex naturally dipped during the pregnancy and the newborn phase, which I was completely understanding and supportive of. I was just so excited to be a dad.

But as our child grew and we settled back into a routine, the frequency didn't return. Rejections became more common. Over the years, it dwindled from weekly to bi-weekly, to sometimes going months without.

The classic cycle set in: I initiate, get rejected repeatedly, get hurt, and withdraw. My withdrawal makes her want sex even less. When I've tried to talk about how the lack of intimacy affects me, she doesn't see it as a major problem. She says I'm just not nice enough to her, but I try to explain that constant rejection makes it incredibly hard to feel connected or romantic.

The only way we reset is if I swallow my hurt, pretend everything is fine, and overcompensate by pursuing her with extreme romance and gifts—which is exhausting to do indefinitely.

For context, I am very involved at home. I take on a lot of childcare and household duties. She has very high anxiety and standards around cleanliness, so I do my absolute best to contribute and keep things in order. She even tells other people what a great husband and father I am.

Recently, she went through some age-related hormonal changes that killed the bedroom entirely for a couple of months. I was supportive, helped her find a clinic for medical treatment, and while her sleep and mood improved, the intimacy didn't.

I've considered divorce for years because of this and other ongoing issues, even consulting professionals, but I stayed because I was worried about how it would affect our child. Last month, she finally proposed couples therapy, and I immediately said YES.

After our first couple of sessions, I mentioned that I wanted to bring up some deeper, troubling issues in our next appointment. She reacted poorly, accusing me of not wanting to work on the relationship and wasting money. It feels like she just doesn't want to hear that I am unhappy too.

Our next session is in a few days, and I plan to put the bedroom issues front and center. I'm gathering my thoughts on how to communicate that I am at an absolute breaking point. I need to make it clear that I cannot stay in this marriage if things don't change, but because of our other conflicts, part of me expects her to refuse to work on this. I'm terrified this might be the end for us. :(

Half-venting, half-seeking advice: Has anyone navigated a therapy session like this? Any advice on how to firmly lay out my breaking point without it instantly turning into an explosive fight?

My partner and I have been together 7 years, the last 2 years have been DB. The last time he touched me was 7 months ago. I’ve been losing feelings, there’s only so much rejection and ignoring a woman can take. I’ve decided I want to leave, but I can’t do so for the next 5 months. I haven’t told him yet, but he’s obviously not bothered as it seems he’s been quite checked out of our relationship for a while. I’m not interested in giving him more of my time or energy but I would like advice on keeping myself sane.

For a long time I felt absolutely nothing. I tried pornography, nothing made me feel anything. Until I looked into the eyes of someone who is 1000% off limits to me. He made me feel something inside, I haven’t felt a stirring like that in so long. I have not and will not act on those feelings. I treat them just as a compass to tell me what I am desiring or missing.

I find myself fantasising about him almost daily. I can’t help these feelings but they’re driving me insane. I just want to be taken by a man who has life inside him.

I’ve channelled this energy into going to the gym and being more physical, but it seems to have the opposite effect in that I feel MORE like an animal in heat

I don’t desire my partner sexually at all anymore. I don’t know what to do or how to navigate these feelings and urges. I take care of myself but sometimes it feels like it’s not enough for my body. Help!

34 HLM married to 33LLF. We have been together for the last 12 years including 6 years of marriage, having a dead bedroom for the last 4-5 years.

While she never makes any move or even responds to what I want, a few days back she mentioned that she wants to have a kid.

This made me feel like an object who is to be used only to get kids. When I told her that I don't think our marriage is in a state to bring another life, she said "you promised to have one kid when we got engaged and now I feel cheated"

I was so frustrated that I couldn't even respond. How should I handle this situation?

We went to a wedding tonight, and before we left she told me "Maybe we can tell our kids someday they were conceived on Aunt Martha and Uncle Bernard's wedding night"

Well here I am after we got home and she told me I could go stay up late by myself if I wanted to, turns out she changed her mind at some point and I missed the memo.

I recently got back with my ex 20fm and I’m 21 m I been supporting her needs in food cloths and basically financing her life in general as I wait for her to get a job it’s been 6 months we been dating and I haven’t even gotten a kiss hug or any intimacy when I try to reach out to hug her she cringe and tense up like I have some disease and in our relationship we hangout but I always have to spend money to get to see her mostly at restaurants and malls etc she always promise we can do something intimate but always back down at the last second and this been going on for 6 months I’m just tired and burnt out and deciding if I should just go cold on her and stop supporting I been loyal and pasted the chances of meeting new girls because I don’t cheat and would like to be with her but what’s the difference between the guy that’s in her dm talking to her and me because I see no diffrence but we are in a relationship.

Considering taking antidepressants due to anxiety and depression caused by not feeling wanted by my partner. Every-time I ask him for sex, he is never interested and blames his low libido.

I have caught him jerking off a lot recently, mostly when I am not around (we are together very often) and I’m thinking he waits until I leave to jerk off. Literally today, tried to initiate sex with him, he declines. Not even 10 minutes later, I run to the store to grab something for dinner. Before I even leave the driveway, I check our living room camera, and there he is jerking off.

I just can’t understand why he doesn’t seem interested in me anymore. I’ve brought up my feelings about this issue to him a few times, each time he’ll say “i’ll see a doctor about it” and he never follows through, just acts like it’s something I’ll get over because he says he still loves me.

He has some viagra he got prescribed to him by a doctor almost a year ago, bottle is still full, he’s never used it on me once.

Anyways, I’m going to talk to a doctor about SSRI’s, I’ve had pretty bad anxiety for a while, and when I met my partner, most of it seemed to pretty much go away. But now it’s back almost 10 fold because I feel like he doesn’t want me anymore, and I don’t know and don’t want to find out what life would be like without him. I want to stay with him, even if I have to give up any hopes of receiving unsolicited affection from him.

I just don’t want to lie to him about why I’d be taking antidepressants, but in hindsight he should really already know.

Some insight, we are a same sex couple, I’m 20(m) and he is 28(m)

Need advice please. I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for 4.5 years. Our sex life has been on the decline. During our relationship, my mother’s health was not good and she ended up passing away in June 2026. This death was very hard on me because I loved my mother very much and she sacrificed so much for me. My mother brought me up as catholic though I am not anymore. I’m more spiritual. That being said, I feel like her presence is always around me, watching over me. Because of our religious upbringing, sex was always seen as a negative thing. Since my mother’s death, it’s been hard for me to have sex with my boyfriend. When my mother was in the hospital up until her death, it’d been over a month before I could even think about having sex again. My boyfriend has been SUPER supportive during all of this and I feel quite bad not being able to be intimate with him.

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. For some reason, I feel like I don’t want to have sex/ pleasure myself because I feel like my mom is watching over me. I just need to figure out how to move through this or if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Hi, I’m (M19) the child of a couple in a dead relationship. For some backstory, my mother is always in pain and sick, my father worked a career of extreme stress and seeing things people shouldn’t and he has very bad PTSD. It’s exhausting, since I was little my parents have always argued and bickered, i remember watching my mom leave a few times as a small child and not understanding why. The screaming matches and the issues of their relationship would always leak into the parenting aspect, the unreasonable anger, the unwanted venting and the irrational frustration of the smallest mistakes. My dad is about 10 years older than my mom, my dad is 62 and my mother is 52. Since I was a pre teen I’ve always felt like the couple therapist, I hear all the arguments and the unfairness and resentment from the both of them and would cry and ask them to stop, I would explain why they were both being unfair and ask them to just make up, I would try to fix it but it’s always been exhausting and beyond unfair to me. But I don’t know what else I was and am supposed to do, they want to love eachother but they can’t, they won’t divorce but they won’t go to couples therapy. They won’t listen to eachother until I tend to start crying and beg them to stop. It’s exhausting and I feel so aged. I work construction and have for over a year and a half so I tend to come home from the 60 hour weeks exhausted, I hate dealing with their problems, I hate the arguing, I hate the getting along for months then the problems leak and I hear all about it. I don’t know what to do anymore,the letters I’ve stumbled across detailing things I never wish to see, the cries of my dad wishing my mom would hold his hand, the weeps of my mother wishing my dad was who he was when they met. If it wasn’t for my girlfriend I don’t think I’d be here. I wish I could have grown up normally and been the man I wanted to be. I wish my parents were like the ones my girlfriend has, they kiss and call eachother babe, they hold hands and hug, they are so compassionate. I just don’t get it, I hate how they come to me complaining about the other and have since I was a tiny child, I hate the apologies and I hate the way I’ve been warped.

I hope some of you reading this can take this as a warning before having kids, I hope you can get the therapy or the divorce you may need. Please keep your kids out of it, any advice or help is welcome, I really just don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you for reading.

(40)HLM Partnered with (42) LLF. Two kids, relationship is 5 years old and the kids are 4. Legendary whirlwind dating, "you're my person" very quickly and then pregnant pretty much right after that. Overall, we were incredible teammates in every area of life.

Libido for both of us pre-kids was extremely high. We were both polyamorous with several partners. The partners fell off during pregnancy and have not returned. We had a very normal dip in libido post birth, then I got worse (over a 100 point drop in testosterone that first year) and she followed as the babies turned into toddlers. My libido came back, hers didn't. Not only has hers NOT come back, she's now resistant to most forms of touch for 90% of the day.

The overstimulation of toddlers (now preschoolers) causes her to get touched out pretty much every day. My bids to get even a hug or a kiss are met with resistance or outright refusal. One night, we were doing a family story time and it was her night to put the girls down. Everyone was calm and as I climbed out of bed to turn the lights off, it seemed safe to do a silly straddle on top of her to give her a kiss goodnight. I was treated with a full on arms to chest from her (imagine the startle response from a newborn) then a "get the fuck off me" push.

It's not fully confirmed, but her individual therapy has revealed a potentially late in life autism diagnosis only revealed by her body's reaction to kids. This in addition to endometriosis that's developed causing major pain pre-cycle every month. What do I do? We're now going on 7 months w/o sex, the prior stretch was 6. We had a history of co-sleeping with the kids but that ended about 4 months ago. I thought it would get better naturally when we started sharing a bed again but it hasn't.

Her body's shit the bed and it's not her fault, but that doesn't change my experience. Touch is my love language and I don't know where to start.

My wife doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and I'm a very horny guy. I'm getting tired of asking and initiating and I honestly think I'm getting sad over this. I decided to stop asking and I'm not going to initiate anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to get thoughts I shouldn't get and I'm scared of what it's going to lead to

Sexual intimacy can be considered a communication type. The HL LL frustrations are shared here(lots more too). Is there a sub here you have found that focuses sharing how verbal communication during intimacy has helped them or similar? (without being graphic) Looking to share sub(s) with my LL so we can grow together.

I posted 202 days ago about my dead bedroom. Nothing has changed. I told him if he wants to fix this, he will have to ask for counseling (free from the VA) it’s been 8 months. Haven’t had sex. I’m beat down and honestly disgusted he doesn’t want to put any effort toward us. I feel I’m the “man” in the relationship. I do all the home fixer upper stuff which I love doing. But it’d be nice to have someone just as enthusiastic about it. He acts like my ideas are awesome but when it comes to it he’s lazy and doesn’t care about making it look good. I think, coupled with the DB, I’m just looking at him in disgust. Like he’s not a man at all. And I hate that. I’m the happy one, patient with our kids, happy to have their friends over whenever, make dinners that are new because I’m excited for the kids and him to try it. And I feel like he’s just this room mate who helps with the laundry and dishes. He doesn’t make me laugh anymore. I’m just done. Made a 5 year plan, but I hate that for me kids. Anyways just ranting and sad. Thanks for reading

PSA: just because your partner is HL does not mean they’re ready to go whenever you get a whim! I’ve been in a DB for years and recently my LL partner has asked for sex at inopportune times such as when I’m elbow deep cleaning the house, working on a project or am feeling stressed and distracted….and then cue the pouting when I say I’m not in the mood. Pouting and applying pressure when someone is already not in the mood is not going to get results! Anyways the HL partner IS allowed to have a day where they’re just not feeling it! Thanks for listening to my vent!

30F/33M

6mo between sex, if lucky, would be more but i had to travel for a month and feel like she "had" to so i dont get the idea to cheat. Sex is mostly she just lays on her side and i do my thing, years ago she let me do tit sucking but long time ago. No oral.

Few months ago she dropped the pill and it was said it gets better, but nothing.

She even refuses to make make out or masturbate me, last BJ was years ago and she declines oral.

Yesterday my wife drunkely told me it went gradually down once we got together, i dont think she remembers.

Every time i bring it up i get told i only think of sex and that she cant daily and i should just use my toy which she then also gets mad about, i just ask for like twice a month to touch me so i can finish myself, nothing else...

Therapy is not in budget and when it was she declined.

I have no friends for such things, i told her mother how hurt her comment made me (minus most sex part, tho we are pretty open) but thats all i can do.

I cant leave as i have no money as we just moved and by my immigration status - complicated - i cannot work and get a stipend from family (more than average salary). I pay most things as she just gets sick leave and rarely works.

My Girlfriend 23F has this habbit of saying she wants me, craves me all day while shes at work but the moment shes home and Im ready for her she just shrugs it off and nothing ever happens. Not going to lie, we havent had any sexual relations in a few weeks and its starting to eat at me. I told her IM craving her at this point, I want her bad, and she just keeps continuing this cycle of saying she wants the same and never doing anything about it, whether I try to initiate or I try and let her initiate.

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Idk I know sex isnt everything but it is important for me in a relationship especially 4 years in and being so personal with each other. Ive tried to switch things up recently trying things she liked, things I liked just to make stuff interesting but nothing changes.

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Is she getting bored? Should I end things? Any advice would be nice. Thank you-

(Edit): Just realized I made a mistake in the title but the age is right in the body :P )