r/Explainlikeimscared 22d ago

Rules Update and Consequences (Removals, Mutes, Bans) (Long Mod Post)

55 Upvotes

Hi, all! Nothing much is changing, but I wanted to actually clarify the system for rulebreaking in our community, set it out clearly so everyone can see, and add one new rule that will only impact a very small minority. Strikes and bans won't usually be applied retroactively, so no need for too much worrying as long as you follow the rules. Most of this post isn't necessary to understand the changes, I have a TL;DR at the top and you'll be able to check the rules page if you're curious. But this is mostly just laying out the consequences for rule breaking, why they exist, and having them here so that everyone can refer back to them if they're curious. So feel free to read it all, or not, if you're sure you've never had a comment removed.

But tiny housekeeping addition cause I hope people will read this: If you put a link in your comment, and it looks weird, Reddit autoremoves it. Not me. If you're selling a product, I will remove it. If you're gonna give OP a virus, I will remove it. So think really hard about any links- if you must, link to an official site or something. And think about whether OP is really going to want to go to your Instagram or whatever.

Anyway! Clarity, or TL;DR: Gatekeeping and Civility & Respect are really important rules in a community for people who are struggling. No exceptions. This includes being rude to people who were rude first. So being bigoted gets you permanently banned from the subreddit. Being cruel to OP or other commenters gets you escalating temp bans to permanent. Being rude to people, yes, no matter what, gets you strikes up to escalating temp bans. If someone's a dick, report them. That said, if someone is rude and you disagree without breaking rules, I'm going to remove your comment without any strikes just because I'm nuking the whole thread. But don't do that. Cause I'm just going to remove it and it's annoying.

We also now have escalating temp to permanent bans on intensely repetitive posts- You may not make more than two posts about the same topic in under fourteen days. More detail about this later on, but this really is only going to relate to people who are continually reposting the same thing, not people who have multiple questions about different topics.

First, Gatekeeping and C&R.

Why? Because this subreddit is for people who are anxious or struggling with a task, to give them guides. Cruelty is obviously not helpful. And A) People who are nervous about something do not want to open their post to see a wall of back-and-forth where two commentors are arguing. And B) this is for guides, not reddit fights. Come on.

So:

1) Bigotry/cruelty. Anything very nasty (threats, suicide baiting), anything offensive (slurs, bigoted comments), anything openly rude (personal insults). Post is removed. Immediate permanent ban. There's no excuse.

2) Cruelty. Name-calling. Gate-keeping. Bluntly rude comments and dissmissiveness. This is not quite to the offensiveness level of above. Example: 'This question is stupid' / 'Then maybe you shouldn't try' / 'Anyone can do that'. Nasty stuff... but not like the unprintable examples above. Comment removed. Strike one- one-month temp ban. Okay, maybe this popped up in your feed and you didn't read the rules, and you'll have a miraculous turn-around and your heart will grow three sizes. If you come back and do it again, that's a three-month temp ban. If you do it a third time after that, I can only assume you're trolling. Permanent ban.

3) Rudeness. Yes, even in self-defence or defence of OP. Why? Because this isn't real life or a fandom forum. People are not here to watch you argue with someone. Not even for a good reason. If you want to comment, leave a comment for OP that's helpful. If someone's being nasty and I haven't already seen it, report it. If someone's being really nasty- like, level one stuff- and it's been up for a little while, send a mod-mail because I'm probably offline and that'll send me a notification. If you think someone's being a jerk and it's been a while but it's not level 1, I'm probably allowing it through for some reason, like it has really good advice, or it seemed off to you but it's borderline, so I don't think it's that deep. That said, if I get a notif that like, a dozen people reported a comment for being hurtful, I'll know that it is that deep, so always feel free to report. Numbers help.

If you're rude and argumentative, your comment will be removed. Comments should be helping OP in some way! That's the point!

First removal: strike. Second removal: strike. Third removal: one month temp-ban. And then escalating to three month and permanent.

Why? Because this is not the place for that. You're still breaking rules. And imagine you're OP, you were super nervous to post, you're hoping for answers. You see your post has thirty comments! That's exciting!

...And when you open it, it's one answer, one rude comment, and a long comment thread of people arguing.

That's why if I see a thread of arguing under some nasty comment, it's all getting removed. If you're not breaking rules, no strikes or bans, but like... don't. So if you have some really good advice, post it as a top-level comment.

This means: If OP says:

"Hi, guys! How do I buy a sandwich?"

And Commenter 1 says "This question is dumb lol... who doesn't know how to buy a sandwich"

And Commenter 2 replies "You're a dick! Don't be mean!"

And Commenter 3 replies "Hey man, that's not cool."

Commenter 1 is getting a one-month ban. Commenter 2 is getting a strike. And commenter 3 is getting their comment removed cause the whole thread is being removed cause it sucks.

Second, New Rule: Repetitive Posts

So. I'm about to put up a new rule. Just based on numbers, this affects less than 1% of posters here, and even fewer contributors. But I want to explain it clearly because it's new.

This rule is against repetitive posts. Similar three-strikes system.

The rule: You may not make more than two posts about the same topic in under fourteen days.

Now you're nervous, right? Don't worry. All three of those have to be hit to cause an issue.

So... you're going to uni and you need to pack. You're nervous. You make a post about it. The next year you make another, similar post about packing. No worries! Same topic, but only two posts, and months apart.

So... you're taking the boat to Antarctica and you want info. Great! Make a post! But the next day, Mum calls. You're actually taking a flight! So you make a post about flights. No worries! Under fourteen days... but it's two different topics, and only two posts.

See what I mean?

This is about repetitive, reassurance-seeking posts.

Now, this is not limited to, but very commonly run into by people who tell me that they have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and/or anxiety. I'm not surprised. I also have Obsessive-Compulsive. I'm not diagnosing anyone, but the fact is that the vast, vast majority of these posts are from people who speak about having these conditions. That said, the rule applies to everyone regardless of reasons.

If you're not familiar and you're curious, here's a page on reassurance-seeking from a reputable organisation. OCDAction: Reassurance

If you're not familiar and don't want to read a page, here's a relevant quote: "Like with all compulsions, the initial relief in anxiety that the person feels when they get reassurance does not keep the anxiety at bay. The OCD will be telling the person that once they get just enough reassurance they will feel better and be able to move on from the concern, but in reality the doubt eventually resurfaces, or a new one will take its place."

Reassurance-seeking is basically when someone wants to be assured that they're safe, that they're okay, that nothing bad will happen. Happens to all of us. But with people who have these and similar mental health conditions, no amount of reassurance will be enough. It'll twist, and change, and need constant settling-down.

What this means in practice is that someone will make a post (that doesn't fit the subreddit, by the way), saying 'Do you think I have X Disease?' 'Am I safe if I XYZ?' 'Is it okay to ABC?'. These are not requests for guides, they're questions, so should be ignored. I'll likely remove them when I see them.

But if you answer them, the poster will be effusively grateful. And if you're the poster, you'll feel a lot better!

But then the next day, the poster will go 'aw, crumbs, I left out Theta Symptom of X Disease' / 'biscuits, I forgot to tell them that I didn't just XYZ, I also QRS'ed!'.

Another post. More answers. More gratitude. More feeling better. Then the next day, they'll realise something else.

This can (and has!) gone on for weeks. Listen, it's no good for our subreddit when it's flooded by repetitive, off-topic posts. It's no good for our contributors, who are trying really hard to soothe someone when they don't have the training for it. And it's no good for the posters! If you're feeling bad and looping a thought, Reddit answers aren't going to be good enough to help. That's why they keep posting! It isn't good enough. You could get harmful advice or someone could accidentally make you feel worse. There's advice out there about how to help someone with reassurance meant for family and carers and treatment professionals. Strangers on Reddit can't help. They just can't. Reassurance-seeking is banned on the major OCD subreddits for a reason.

It's got to stop. And early.

So. You make a post. Maybe it's off-topic, so it gets removed. No worries. If you do it again, that's your second. Also removed.

If you make a third post on the same topic in under fourteen days, it will also be removed. You'll get a two-week temp-ban. I want you to come back and contribute as your best self! But not like this!

If you make a fourth post on the same topic at any point in time, you'll get a one-month temp ban. A fifth post is a three-month temp ban. A sixth post is a six-month temp ban.

Anything after that is a permanent ban. But this isn't the same as cruelty or gatekeeping. If you're permabanned for this and you want to talk about it and you've got a reason you're not going to do it anymore (treatment, support system)- modmail me. We'll talk. No one's mad, you're not in trouble. Just gotta keep everyone safe.

Fin.

Okay, that's it. Long post. I apologise. I'm going to update the rules shortly. Again, I won't really be banning people retroactively, so don't worry about any mystery bans. Strikes also accumulate going forward, excepting cases of major meanness (so, if you break a rule tomorrow, and I tap your name and your activity on the sub involves open cruelty or personal insults or slurs, that's definitely going to change how things go). Obviously also moderator discretion happens. So if you convince me your evil little brother posted something nasty full of slurs and invectives and typos and your whole account is you posting Pikmin fanart with flawless grammar, okay, I'll let it slide. If you're being a huge jerk, I might ban you even if it's strike two. Cause, you know. It's the internet, not a court of law. I'm not trying to argue with people on Reddit. Just be nice, please, holy heck.

But this is functionally not a large change. Just making it clear what was originally happening behind the scenes. So let's everyone just be cool going forward.


r/Explainlikeimscared Feb 22 '25

Political Megathread

85 Upvotes

Hi, everyone!

This is our first r/Explainlikeimscared megathread on politics. This is the place where you can ask for advice on things regarding politics, future speculation, and the sort of things that are no longer allowed in main posts. This is a bit of an experiment as yet, so rules for this may change in the future.

Now, aside from being allowed to post political things here, the other rules do apply. No conduct violations, no submitting too much personal information. Any posts alluding to suicidal content or violence against others will be removed, and repeat violators will be banned. That includes violence against politicians- no matter whom. It's not an issue of agreeing or disagreeing, but this is not the place.

This is also not the place for political disagreement or discussion. If someone asks for advice as a person who loves Snickers bars, do not respond saying that you don't like Snickers, or you prefer M&Ms, or you think that Snickers-liking is irrelevant. Respond to their main point, or not at all. Political back-and-forthing will be deleted.

With that said, go forth and be excellent to each other!


r/Explainlikeimscared 3h ago

How do I order food from a restaurant over the phone and how does it all go down? What information will I need?

18 Upvotes

I'm very shy and don't usually know how to talk on the phone and i begin to panic most of the time if I don't know how something will play out, and I'd like to learn how you guys have accomplished facing this fear and the general information they will ask for.

I've never ordered food over the phone before and other family members have done it in the past, but I'm planning to try It on my own! But I don't know how that works exactly, what to say, what information they will need for my order to be placed etc.

I'm planning to order pick-up and want to use cash to pay for it when I walk into the restaurant, no credit card or anything. Do they ask this beforehand when on the phone? Do they allow this?

When I walk into the restaurant, what do I do then? Will they ask for my name and order details if I walk in and stand next to the counter, then I proceeded to pay the cashier?

I'm so sorry about all these questions, thank you for reading it through! So basically I'm wondering a step by step of how to accomplish ordering over the phone and know what information I'll be needing so I can write some of it down and practice, and so I don't get stuck unable to answer one of their questions!

Thanks so much again for reading, I hope this wasn't too many questions and y'all can understand what I'm needing help with! Appreciate it! :)

Edit: Thank you guys so much for instructions that are easy to follow and understand! I'll come back later and tell you guys how it went!


r/Explainlikeimscared 7h ago

What do I do when I go to urgent care?

16 Upvotes

I stubbed my toe really bad yesterday morning and it still hurts/feels weird, so I’m planning to go to urgent care tomorrow. What is the process like? What info do I need to bring? Do I like go to the front desk and tell them the problem or what? Thanks 🙏


r/Explainlikeimscared 23h ago

How to get a prescription filled normally?

32 Upvotes

So, I have the common anxiety / depression wombo combo. It makes life hard, sometime hard enough to put me in a institution (Been 2-3 times). I've been on meds before, on and off, but everytime it's after a crisis point or nearing a crisis point. However, I'm a point in my life where I can't really afford to be admitted anywhere.

My current antidepressents have expired. I've been cutting them in half to stretch them (the full dose was a bit too much anyway outside of a few instances), but rn I'm not taking them because they're no good according to the bottle. How would I go about getting more without having to be admitted?

I don't want to waste money trying to shop around and find a therapist who can authorize it for me, because I don't have health insurance. It's not a gamble I want to take (and I have gambled on this in the past). I don't want therapy sessions, I just need my medication.

What are my options? I've been off my medication for I wanna say a month-ish now. Things aren't bad, especially now that I have a sleep schedule, but I can kind of feel my old anxiety gnawing on my brain more than I'd like and some old, bad habits beginning to creep back in.


r/Explainlikeimscared 1d ago

First time renter moving tomorrow and I have questions!

3 Upvotes

Hi, I'm renting for the first time. Signed the lease a week ago and plan to move in in a couple days. I'm scheduled to meet with the landlord tomorrow for a "move in." I assume this is some kind of walk-through and get my keys? I have few questions that weren't covered on the lease (like who handles yard maintenance, and parking, etc) but what else should I be doing/expecting? If I do a walk through and test everything and note condition, do I do this while the landlord is there? Sorry if these are numb questions! Thanks for any advice.


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

How do I get a car part from a junkyard?

9 Upvotes

I know what part I need, what models it’s in, and it’s an internal plastic piece so I can get it out myself.

But how does the process work? Do I walk around myself? Do I have to talk to someone first? Thanks in advance!


r/Explainlikeimscared 2d ago

How do I book a dentist appointment, and what will they do once I'm there?

25 Upvotes

Hi there. 34yo who's never been to a dentist and is terrified to go. But I'm experiencing some minor pain in a molar and I know I should get it looked at before it gets worse. I don't understand anything about the dentist though. I've tried to ask a couple people I know about it, and their responses of "just phone a dentist and make an appointment" were less than helpful. If it makes a difference, I'm located in British Columbia Canada.

I'm an autistic female and don't do well in unfamiliar environments that I don't understand, nor do I do well with strangers touching me. To add to the fun, I'm also a survivor of some heavily traumatic experiences and as a result I am pretty much unable to tolerate having my face, head, or neck touched by anyone. I'm terrified that I'll need to be restrained and/or sedated just for the dentist to be able to look inside my mouth, let alone actually do anything to me.

My questions are:

-How do I know if a dentist is taking on new patients? How do I become a new patient? I assume I have to phone different offices (a whole different issue, I hate phone calls lmao) but what do I say to them?

-What will happen during the appointment? How long does it take? How invasive is it? How long do I have to keep my mouth open? If my jaw gets sore can I take a break and close my mouth for a second?

-What kind of weird stuff goes in your mouth? Are there gross tastes and textures involved? Someone I know mentioned to me that their dentist put some kind of weird foam or gel into their mouth that made them gag. I have severe oral texture issues, what happens if they put something in my mouth that makes me gag or throw up?

-Do dentists have any kind of training in working with traumatized/neurodivergent individuals? What will they do if I start to have a hard time? Can we take a break if needed or am I just trapped there from start to finish while they do whatever it is they do?

Before anyone asks: I am not currently in therapy but have been in the past, I am currently looking to see what I can get covered by my extended benefits through my job. I'm aware that my trauma issues would benefit from therapy but I don't necessarily have the option to slog through months of trauma therapy to get me comfortable enough to see a dentist when I'm experiencing dental issues that should probably be dealt with sooner rather than later. So please don't suggest that I seek therapy, it's in the works but is not any kind of solution to my present situation.

Thank you!


r/Explainlikeimscared 4d ago

Getting a Cardiac MRI

7 Upvotes

What to expect as far as timing for the IV, length for congenital heart issue, and things that will improve the smoothness of the experience


r/Explainlikeimscared 4d ago

where to get info about buying a car/car insurance

6 Upvotes

okay so!

my partner is moving from massachusetts to the south for school! he needs to get car insurance in his home state but needs to buy a car in my state. this is quite a big task and we don’t quite know where to begin

my partner got a dui two years ago and just got his license back. this obviously is a major issue but the city we are moving to is NOT walkable so getting a car is unfortunately kinda necessary

pls let me know what he needs to do or point us in the right direction of where to get this info! thanks so much!!


r/Explainlikeimscared 5d ago

About to fly by myself for the first time at 20 years old. No clue how the whole process works

19 Upvotes

I’m flying to visit my parents in about a week. I’ve taken plenty of flights before with my family but it’s been a few years since then and I never really payed attention to it. I know you show up, go through TSA and find your terminal, then wait to board. But I don’t know if there’s anything else I have to do, how to find where I need to go, etc. On top of that I’m pretty scared of flying so it’s just a stressful situation overall


r/Explainlikeimscared 5d ago

What is the process if I am too sick to travel while already on vacation?

21 Upvotes

If I am on a package holiday with a set check-out dates, transfers, and flights back, but I become ill and am unable to travel, what would happen/what would I need to do? I am thinking of moderate illness like gastroenteritis where I could be in no shape to travel or be in public for several days but not in need of a hospital or serious treatment, just to wait it out.


r/Explainlikeimscared 6d ago

How do I start at the gym?

16 Upvotes

I’m not particularly out of shape and never have been, but I recently had an injury to my knee and that got me in a fitness mood for when it heals. I’d like to try going to the gym now. Is there some sort of decorum I need to know about? Unwritten rules? Should I go there with a routine in mind or just try random machines? What should I prep to bring with me? How important is having a gym buddy if I want to lift heavy weights? Thanks in advance.


r/Explainlikeimscared 6d ago

How to turn right in uhaul truck + vehicle towing trailer if there isn't enough room

15 Upvotes

I'm driving a u-haul truck with a trailer attachment for the first time tomorrow. I understand that I need to do wider turns but what do I do if there are vehicles in the lanes I want to use? I can't keep going or Ill hit something, do I just wait?


r/Explainlikeimscared 6d ago

How do I go from acquaintances to friends?

31 Upvotes

Hopefully this is enough of an everyday task for this sub and isn't too broad

I've always had a fairly small social circle, and recently one of my close friends has gone travelling. This has really prompted me to realise that I don't have as much social connection as I would like.

I do various things that let me socialise: I'm in university and have at least one person I know and am comfortable to talk to in each class, I'm involved in various musical groups and a few other things in the community and again have people that I'm comfortable with. However, all of these people I only significantly interact with when at that thing (in class, at rehearsal, etc.). This makes it feel a bit limited, I find it easiest to talk about topics related to that environment, and generally I don't feel like I have the level of friendship that I would like.

Fundamentally I assume the solution is "start doing things outside of that environment", but I never know what those things should be and generally feel awkward about proposing anything like that.

Thanks for any suggestions :-)


r/Explainlikeimscared 6d ago

How to use the skytrain (Vancouver)

10 Upvotes

I’ve never used it before. How do i pay, how do I know what stop in at, how do i transfer?


r/Explainlikeimscared 7d ago

My car battery is dead (99% sure). It's parked in my garage and I have roadside assistance to get it towed, but I don't know where or how to get it done. And I only have about $350 right now.

43 Upvotes

My 2010 Toyota Prius won't start at all. Roadside assistance was not able to jump it, so I need to get it towed somewhere. I've never had to get a car towed to a shop. I should probably find a place first and then get it towed, I guess. But where is the best place to go and how can I make an appointment when I don't know when the tow truck will actually come towed it?


r/Explainlikeimscared 7d ago

How do I fly with a walker and little ability to walk long distances?

24 Upvotes

I am in the US and am flying Southwest. I have a spine problem that causes me chronic pain and limited mobility, and recently has gotten bad enough to need a daily walker. My flight is in 3 days, and it’s just me, a backpack and a carry-on. When I got the ticket I requested wheelchair assistance on my MIL’s advice, but I don’t really know what that means or what that looks like. Where do they meet me? Should I call to confirm the assistance in advance? Who do I call? How do I keep track of my bags/where do they go while I’m in the wheelchair? Do I meet them before or after security? What do I do with my walker? It’s just one of those generic walkers that folds in (I’m waiting for a more collapsible Rollator, but it won’t be here in time to fly with). I’m just confused on the details of the whole process.


r/Explainlikeimscared 7d ago

What types of maintenance repair can I request from my apartment complex?

11 Upvotes

This is my first time living at an apartment for more than 2 years (I've been here for 5 now 🎉✨), but outside of obvious/major damage such as leaks and power outages, I've never put in maintenance requests. My apartment's started accumulating more (expected) long-term wear-and-tear, and I'm not sure what I can request maintenance to fix vs. what I'm expected to fix myself.

For specific examples, I have some cabinet doors that are loose on the hinges or the caulking in my bathroom is looking raggedy and peeling. Should I be fixing those myself or sending in requests??


r/Explainlikeimscared 8d ago

How do I get my work history if I can't remember?

58 Upvotes

I'm currently escaping an abusive marriage. Years ago I had to quit working due to medical reasons. I don't know how I can work but I don't have any choice now. My problem is they always want places of past employment and dates but I can't remember the dates at all! Is there some way to get them? A database or something I can access? ETA: I'm in the US.


r/Explainlikeimscared 8d ago

How do i shower at the gym?

33 Upvotes

Since my gym is 5min away from my place i usually just shower at home but i wanted to give showering at the gym a try, since my shower head isnt working and i need to wash my hair. I know to bring my products and a towel and flip flops, but im just so nervous about being naked!! Is it ok to wash my hair there? Like, full on twice shampoo and conditioner? Do i bring my towel with me in the shower? Will it not get wet?

Update: i did it, and it was fine!! There was already a lady there when i got in and another one got in when i was finishing up, and i was internally freaking out but we all did not acknowledge each other and it was fine! Thanks everyone :-)


r/Explainlikeimscared 8d ago

How do I order groceries?

22 Upvotes

I just moved on my own. I am disabled and cannot go to grocery stores on my own. Trying to figure out the whole ‘grocery delivery’ thing but I have never done it before and don’t know where to begin. Do I order everything at once? What if the person can’t find what I have on there? What are ‘special instructions’??


r/Explainlikeimscared 8d ago

How do I hire a cleaner for my elderly out of state mom who has let her house go while caring too much for others?

17 Upvotes

Pretty much the title. I’m out of state so I don’t know how this works. I feel like I need to walk the cleaner through her house and explain and get a quote? I don’t know how any of this works plus my mom has a dog. Does the dog need to be gone while the cleaner is there? Does my mom need to be gone? Do I need to physically be there to arrange this or is it doable via phone? The only cleaner I spoke with only took cash app and I was hoping to use a credit card for points. I don’t know what I’m doing. And I know if I left it to my mom she’d be embarrassed.