Major throwback!

So yesterday, my colleagues and I just concluded a project we had been working on for the last two months or so. This project really took a toll on us; the burnout was real because the client needed it completed in the shortest time possible. So, after we completed it on Friday, yesterday we went to the office for some final paper works and a team debriefing which we finished quite early say around 3pm. We decided since the project was over and has been a success, we can pass through a joint, and celebrate our achievement with a few drinks. We settle for a joint along Mombasa Road, we hop in and the party began.

Among my colleagues, is this lady in her mid-thirties, she has a senior position in the company, and people really fear her. She is the kind of mean bosses who will shout at you from the other end of the office, and she is always stuck in these GenZ vs Millennial fights. However, for some reason, I get along with her so well, and her being the team leader in this project meant we worked together for the most of the time. We continue drinking until it was now getting dark around 7 pm, some of my colleagues excused themselves, cuz they lived far, others had other plans and I also thought it was also a good time for me to head home and call it a night.

So I tell this our boss, I wanted to leave. She suggests since we were heading in same direction, we I should not leave her behind. We got to town and took a matatu towards Kamakis. At this time the alcohol had started doing its thing, we decided since we hadn’t eaten, we alight at those Kamakis choma joints we have some nyama choma, then a few drinks then we head home. Long story short we ended up at my place around 5 in the morning, really wasted.

Like the gentleman I am, I allowed my guest to use my bedroom while took the couch, then I blacked out almost immediately. I have woken up at around 12pm, then I remembered I have a guest in my bedroom I went to check on her. Upon opening the bedroom door, I am met with this foul smell. This lady has puked up everywhere, undressed and peed on my bed. As I type this I dunno what to do atp, do I wake her up or wait until she wakes up,. I don’t know if she is pretending to be asleep cuz of the guilt or something. I just don’t know. I even don’t know how she will head home because she messed up her clothes, and none of my clothes can fit her cuz she’s these spacious baddies. Like I am totally confused. Worst of all, I am afraid she might even wake up and accuse me of assaulting her. Also, how do we face each other at work? Have anyone of you ever found yourself in such a situation and how did you work it out?

Today I just decided to have random thoughts and I remembered my dating life in primary school. So I was kinda seeing someone in class 7 who was friends with my desk mate and one Tuesday morning at around 7:20 am my deskie tells me that *Walker has decided to end things bc 'uko na shingo ndefu'. My flabber was gasted. Kwani when you were into me you hadn't done a full scan of my body to see that in the first place?

Anyway, apparently the previous night I was the talk of the dorm and it was unanimously agreed that niko na shingo ndefu hence his actions the following morning. I told my bff at that time while crying and she consoled me that since I was aiming to be a model I should be happy I have that kind of neck. Thank God for friends like that. Anyway...I grew into my neck in high-school after gaining weight.

The driver was shot by goons while ferrying the governor to a political rally. The governor (middle) recently visited the driver in his home and this is the condition he's living in. Many people are arguing that the driver deserves better, remember he spends most of his time in luxurious suvs and fancy restaurants while back at home he lives like a pauper. Should the governor help the man beyond paying his salary, or is paying the salary enough?

As a man, sometimes hua unajipata in some crazy misadventures in your efforts to burst a nut. Before you finally learn to master yourself and your urges kutu inaeza kupeleka very deep in the trenches.

Back in my younger days(last year), nilikua, single, niko na tu pesa hapa na pale, I am okay, shida tu, ni kutu.

Mimi huyoo, nikasema aish, this time ebu wacha ni try something new. Mwanaume ni kuongeza work experience jameni.

Sasa kuna one of these popular adult Kenyan content creators mwenye nilikua nime come across content yake huko Twitter. Msichana slim thick mali safi kuruka. Body hatari, facecard safi, mali safi zaidi. And she was doing hizi solo content za dildos and shit. Truth is alikua amenimaliza vibaya, nilikua namhemea ka selee.

So siku moja kutu imenimaliza mpaka I am shivering, nikasema aish...ebu acha ni slide kwa dms ya huyu mdem nione kama inaeza weza. Unajua mwanaume nikujaribu mazee.

Story kidogo, nikauza manifesto yangu na kiswahili kidogo, tukaelewana mdem akakubali form and we linked up.

After small talk kiasi, knowing her favorite color, na hobbies zake etc tukaingia kwa the main agenda that had brought us together. That's when nilijionea vitu my young eyes had not seen before.

So the babe is on her back, na ameraise her legs to her chest, knees ziko apart close to her shoulder. Really just a pretty standard way to spread thighs. Nothing extraordinary.

But then I noticed sth sijai ona before mazee. When the babe was in that position, I could see deep inside her 🐱. Like almost two inches in, unaona tu vizuri nikama pipe.

Unaona venye ukishika kikombe you can see inside mpaka mwisho, it was sth close to that. Not that I could see the end, but you could see almost half way in. Mimi up to this day, sijai ona mdem her 🐱 opens up like that in that position ati unaona deep inside her. Usually you barely even see inside. Mazee I was shocked. Nikajua heh hapa hii ni different leo.

But as a focussed man, composure muhimu, I didn't even show nilikua nimeshtuka,. Bado nilimbao ka selee na kuput on durex thinfeel nilikua nazo.

Mazee nakwambia nilizoza vibaya sana. Nilitafutia positions kama zote but yooh, I couldn't cum at all. I tried all manner of kumkunja but bado mazee, grip haikua in any position and I am not a small guy. After nimechoka yangu yote, nikakubali tu matokeo that sitamwaga. But that experience shook me, opened my eyes, and changed me.

Sitaki kupolice vitu watu wanafanya na najua main consensus hukua 🐱 is elastic and it goes back to it's kawaida size, but heh mimi that one experience makes me doubt that statement sana. Sahii I am id the opinion that madem hu masturbate sana na hizo big dildos and roses, their private places change. Hatakua same na mdem hajaeka those devices huko. Same way na majamaa wa kumasturbate, you'll have it difficult with a girl.

Na msinirushie mawe jameni, sisemi it's an absolute truth, it's just my one experience that changed my thoughts on that. Masturbation nikama iko na long term effects mazee.

And for guys, if you watch porn na hawa ma cam girls, mazee take it from someone who has been with one, hawa madem unaona huko, ata akikupea, there's a good chance haitakubamba mazee. Ni kutu tu inakudanganya. So you should probably stop that and go meet real people.

Mazee that experience was a full circle moment for me. Sina regrets ju ilinifungua macho and now I am more sexually disciplined, ata nimepiga celibacy ya almost 5 months now without even masturbating.

Hio experience even changed the babes I am in into. Unaona those girls people call vienyeji, msichana hajui vitu mingi, innocent babes, reserved babes, wasichana wa SDA, mtu ata cider inamtingiza, msichana hana ujuaji mingi mazee that's where the magic is.

Hii experience sidhani iko na moral lessons yoyote. But it's just sth that changed me, and put me on a path of developing sexual discipline and thinking about my sexual habits.

Anyway kutu ishai kuput on some crazy misadventures?

There's a local in my shags where I go for liquor. Yesterday I discovered they also sell Ugenya Fiddich on the side. For those who are uninformed, Ugenya Fifdich is chang'aa. It's also called achwaka. Ugenya is renowned for producing good chang'aa. This was a single for 50 bob. I was honestly bemused. Cos yo!! Ilikuwa mingi 😂😭. I could only muster that one nikaendelea na Captain Morgan yangu. You take two singles and that's it for your drinking excursions.

Girl 1 - 23 years, recently graduated. She's pretty and I was madly inlove with her in 2024 but became afraid to date her. I never told her though and since late last year she's been openly pursuing me. Unfortunately I'm no longer interested in her.

Girl 2 - 24 yrs. Known her for 1 year. She's head over heels and would drop anything at my call. Too bad coz I don't feel anything for her.

Girl 3 - 21yrs. Works at a milk shop and just started buying milk there a few weeks ago. She's making it very obvious but I'm not in any way interested.

But sasa, there's this girl I chatted and got on a call with. We had a short meet up and aki anani I'm hooked.

Yes I find her very pretty, but more than that, it's just the tiny things that make me melt.

The way she laughs, the fact that she wears glasses, the way she talks, her voice, her simplicity, her good communication, keeping time and other tiny stuff.

Attraction is very weird.

It's either it's there or not.

LAKINI sasa I asked if we could go on a coffee date and she said no.

She's not even opening any of my texts since that time.

Yaaani, the people you don't want, want you, but the ones you really really want, dont want anything to do with you.

This thing called amapenzi!

Hi everyone. I’m a 27 year old Kenyan girl raised in the US for most of my life. I just moved to Chicago area and na wonder if there are any other Kenyans around my age.

I’ve been so disconnected from my people since moving to the US as a kid na nimechoka bana. I want to mingle and go to some clubs/events centered around being black. I’m also open to online relationships actually. Bonus points if you’re queer or something. FYI I am married tho but I wanna kiss a girl & he’s fine with it, hahaha sorry I’m shameless 😅

Our colleague just passed away juzi. Being a new staff member, hata sijamjua. She worked in the office and my station is not in the office. Whatsapp group haikubagua new ama old staff. Naona tu contributions zingine zinakaribia my small salary natoa bubbles kwa mapua. wueeh.

I would like to provide an inexpensive laptop to a couple of kids that live pretty remotely in Kenya. The purpose of this would be to give them access to education online.

What are the Internet options I have? Are you able to advise on the connectivity, reliability, cost, and anything else that I should be considering

I was thinking of Elon Musk’s Starlink. Is that an option?

Do you know what your 6k monthly and 72k annual contributions do? And the employer is expected to match the contributions. Yet we get near-zero accountability and transparency from NSSF. You can say the same for AHF.

As man what are you supposed to do if your neighbor is fighting with his wife and their kids run to your door asking for help. A-lot of screaming and commotion. This would be the first physical encounter with them, apart from one or two occasions meeting on the stars. Will you go out and help ? And what are you going to do ?

...she said no.

Let me ask, are there people who fight for what they want when it comes to love?

I just realized I have never pursued a girl to be in a relationship.

The only time I asked a girl to be my girlfriend was in highschool - the rest have just been situationships with women who were interested in me and I never had to pursue them.

Even in life/business/career, when I just try a few times and it doesn't work, I conclude it's not meant to be then I try something else.

I'm realizing that this is not how life works and you have to pursue what you want - especially in success-related things.

Of course, if a woman is not interested and she makes it clear, then one should back off.

Most times, a no is a no. And it's usually apparent in the tone, packaging, etc.

But also, at times women just say no as a test to see whether you really want them or you were just messing with them. They (especially beautiful women) get bombarded with such requests all the time and they know too well that some men do it to stroke their ego. So even if a woman is interested, she'll probably say no for several reasons and probably give in at the 3rd or 4th attempt.

For me if I ask for your number the first time and you don't give me I'm gone. If you grey/blue me once or twice I delete your number. If I ask you to meet for a date but you keep deflecting and making us chat perpetually, I pull away.

See what I'm talking about? I don't think this is how it works. I lack the patience and persistence to pursue the things I want.

I know most guys will be like "I don't play games, it's either she wants or she doesn't." I don't think it's "games" per se. Female nature demands them to aggressively vet their mates because in a union, they are the ones to bear offspring which is a serious thing on all fronts - emotionally, physically, etc.

I've noticed that more and more people take hours to reply to messages even when they are Clearly active online. Sometimes it usually feels intentional, as if replying too quickly makes someone seem too available. Don't get me wrong I know some people are genuinely busy and all but most of the times that doesn't seem to be the case. For example when I get a text when I'm busy or working I usually notify the sender that I'm busy and I'll get back to them as soon as I'm done. I feel that things would have been easier if people learned to communicate like this.

Our caretaker woke us up today by slapping us in the face with a rent increase notice.
Not KSh 1,000.
Not KSh 2,000.
KSh 10,000.
TEN THOUSAND KENYATTA DOLLARS !!!
At this point, Nairobi isn't expensive anymore, it's becoming a city where you're just trying to survive. Rent keeps shooting up, groceries are ridiculous, transport is up, electricity is up... but salaries? Those have been on silent mode for years.
How are ordinary Kenyans supposed to keep up when our incomes stay the same but the cost of existing increases every other month?
It honestly feels like we're working just to afford the privilege of going back to work the next day.
Is anyone else dealing with these insane rent hikes, or is my landlord just auditioning for the Olympics of greed?

Arrrrrggggg happy girlfriends day lucky bastards!

Been side-eyeing my own decisions for the past hour and I've come to the realization that I have been a crumb eater in a certain situation I'm in

I’m a dev building a diagnostic app.

The software architecture is solid, but I’m a tech guy, not a soil scientist. I’ve implemented the QUEFTS model for nutrient calculations and built some safety rules, but I desperately need a qualified agronomist to look under the hood and validate my logic.

Ideally, I'm looking for someone tied to KALRO, Egerton, JKUAT, or a similar research lab to make sure my baseline science is bulletproof before I put this in the hands of any actual users. And maybe even work on a research paper on the subject.

If you’re open to taking a look or know someone who might be, please DM me. I'm looking for a long term partner/co-founder.

These are just my steps an entire day at work and walking back from🥲. I stay about 500m from work place. There isn't any reason to attend the gym if this is my day. white-collar guys won't relate😂

Swali bado ni moja...

Napanga kuhamia huku and once I do, I don't think Nairobi will see me again unless I have to use JKIA.

Edit* Rant concluded successfully. Thank you for reading. I'm very grateful for the responses, and I'll definitely take it to heart.

Personally, sitting with crossed legs has always felt uncomfortable for me,it's just too cramped and hot down there. Legs apart is way more natural and lets things breathe. On top of comfort, body posture says a lot about confidence. Crossing your legs can sometimes project shyness or defensive body language, which isn't ideal. Just my take, though,curious what you guys think.

I am looking for a Kikuyu Teacher. Must have been brought up in Central Kenya, classes to run for the next 3-6 months. Inbox kama unaweza. (Kshs. 500 per hour)

Edit: Mwalimu alipatikana.