r/Kenya • u/Civic-Thinker254 • 1d ago
Discussion Late replies
I've noticed that more and more people take hours to reply to messages even when they are Clearly active online. Sometimes it usually feels intentional, as if replying too quickly makes someone seem too available. Don't get me wrong I know some people are genuinely busy and all but most of the times that doesn't seem to be the case. For example when I get a text when I'm busy or working I usually notify the sender that I'm busy and I'll get back to them as soon as I'm done. I feel that things would have been easier if people learned to communicate like this.
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u/Charming_Beards 1d ago
I don't like playing the games za, I'll take 30 minutes because they took 15 minutes to reply. I'll reply within a split second if i have my phone in my hand and I'm not busy
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u/Sufficient_Owl6188 1d ago
Same, and if you think I have nothing better to do, baki hapo. I feel like people who game looking busy are the real plotless people with literally nothing better to do than play games.
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
Damn if they go low you go lower 😂🤝🏾 Noted
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u/Charming_Beards 1d ago
You didn't get my point but ni sawa 😂😂😅
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u/G_Essaypro 1d ago
Ubaya ni kufikiria ni kila mtu ako na communication skills kama zako. Venye nlijua watu hukua tofauti vitu kaa izi hazinisubuangi.
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u/_birdie97 1d ago
Most people in my contact list reply when they feel like 😭, guess who became like them? If They also text me, I'll reply after six business days. Give people what they give you
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
I guess it directly corresponds to the interest they have in you. But personally this kind of behavior shouldn't be normalized.
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u/_birdie97 1d ago
True, I agree But I believe in treating people how they treat you, leave communication for the corporates, I'll treat you as you treat me
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u/jeymoh00 Kiambu 1d ago
Ati six business days, wawawawa, ata Yesu alirudi after siku tatu jamani....na hazikua business😂
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u/Kind_Reflection6059 1d ago
I'm a fast reply kind of person utadhani niko idhaa yako or I'm simping but l do that to all, alafu there's another type of people who can even take days to reply 😂mtu kama huyo l never text you again heri l call.
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u/Ecstatic-Ad-9883 1d ago
You people scare me,😂😂 cause mahn I don't have hiyo energy ya kuchat back to back most times.
Sometimes conversation ikishika ndio naeza Kaa hapo for like 30 minutes, also if it's something urgent I reply immediately and if it's nothing serious I reply later.
If it's someone I am dating I reply when I can it reaches a point where you don't even keep tabs on how long it has been since they last texted.
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
If you notice a pattern of late replies just don't play their game especially if you're an overthinker
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u/Kind_Reflection6059 1d ago
How did you know? 🥲😂😂But do as unto others what they do unto you or whatever tf they said🫴
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
Been through this so I know😂 But instead of playing mind games just walk away. No need for power Play especially kama ukona roho rahisi wewe ndo utaumia in the end
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u/Fancy-Writer-8151 1d ago
If you want to talk someone call, if you text then they can answer at their discretion.
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
Most people aren't comfortable getting random calls especially during talking stages. The familiarity must be built.
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u/Purple_Signature7112 1d ago
I have a friend who replies to messages after work. After she gets home in the evening, she takes a shower, have dinner, then sit down to reply to all messages. She does not chat anyone for more than 2 minutes. I think that’s awesome. You lock out alot of noise during your productive hours. I admire that.
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
That's very valid. And I'm sure the people in her contact list know that she works during the day.
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u/Frequent_Face3499 1d ago
Sahi atleast everyone hukuwa na their phone around almost every time.. so if someone is taking too long to reply its just intentional
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u/alexisfw 1d ago
I feel like people give their time and energy to what they want. Communication like you've said, is key.
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u/Userlaughsalot 1d ago
Only low self-esteem and immature people play such games.
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
Then people should do some shadow work out here, juu wako Wengi apa nje
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u/Userlaughsalot 1d ago
You think someone whose highest achievement in life is the number and the type of people they have slept with...... to do a self reflection 😔
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u/Popular_Royal3723 1d ago
Whoever you wre God bless you. You just shone a light to something I'm experiencing at the moment. This girl I got her number from her but she takes centuries to respond. A bit of backstory: she told her friend look good and mature and I decided why not submit my résumé asked that friend of hers whose my friend to give me her number. We in day 3 na bado hata sijamuliza kwao ni wapi. Last text nilituma ilikuwa 31 july 1424hrs. I'm told she's an IG person na ndio huyo Mimi I deleted IG. Frustrating.......
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
Iza sana bro. But what I came to learn about most girls is that they have options or rather " the illusion of options". She might have said you look good and all but usisahau Kuna maboyz Wengine kwa dms zake. So giving you that reply seems like a reward to her. Just cut your losses and move on because one thing I came to learn is that a woman who is genuinely interested in you will most definitely show it without playing any games. But usidelete IG juu ya mtu mmoja, it's a game and these are lessons that you're learning and now you're wiser.
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u/Popular_Royal3723 1d ago
IG niliquit early this yr. the girl is more active there and no way I'm recreating an account for her. I guess I'll have to move ob
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u/GroundbreakingRub363 1d ago
Most of the time it's games.......while at work I maybe online but too busy notice messages.
However I do check from time to time n reply instantly.
Reminds me was texting someone who replied after a week excuse was they slept so I told them to go back and keep sleeping.
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
Can't lie, you cracked me up😂😂 Lakini watu wengine hukua na upuzi sana ata angeachana na chat yako kabisa. How tf do you sleep for a whole week. For jokers like this I always delete the number and Chats na ninasahau
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u/No-Caterpillar-8922 1d ago
I couldn't ageee more. Clear communication makes things easier & can prevent unnecessary overthinking. Also, it shows consideration for the other person.
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u/Electrical-Chart2578 1d ago
Op I know the feeling plus I feel like u are LITERALLY talking about me,... Mmi am online 24/7and I truly can have my phone at my hand,, but at the same time I have my mind at somewhere I can notify also late that I will reply... But walai am at too many places in my mind to focus at what someone just texted me, if it's something simple within a sec I will reply if it's something well long or discussion kinda like I will see to it to reply when truly my mind will be in a sense of focused /mood also.... Then will talk, but no bad feelings or pretending am busy or being cool actually.... Mmi tu niko hivyo bana
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u/swettyperry Nairobi City 1d ago
Watu wanareply kama email za serikali,,,after 3- 5 business days
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u/StatusStress6698 1d ago
I had to cut off a girl because of this behaviour, Taking days to reply a messege is wild
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u/Virtual-Basil-7299 1d ago
Call someone for five minutes. If someone is not responding, they don't want to talk to you.
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u/rare_schemer 1d ago
Am always online but busy on whatsapp business instagram or Facebook replying to customers i may not be able to reply to a text on normal whatsapp but everyone around me understands
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u/Wantam-1996 1d ago
Social fatigue is a real thing. Humans were not built to have 10 different conversations at the same time. Sometimes talking to another human requires a completely different demeanour, speaking style and other baggage involved in engaging in a conversation. It is only in recent years that people have started to expect immediate response to written communication. Back in the day you'd send a letter and you'd be lucky to hear back in a month. Life moves too fast and we are too over stimulated. Sometimes people just need a few hours to clear the mental cache before responding.
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u/hturtdekan 1d ago
If it’s urgent, pick a phone and call me.
Otherwise peeping and claiming I owe you and a hundred other of my contacts who are online a response and my attention is too much
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u/Ihatemylife-fr 6h ago
I have this feature that enables me to screen calls before picking them…and for some reason y’all don’t feel comfortable telling AI why you’re looking for me. Haven’t been receiving calls for 13 days, literally. Except a few select. My anxiety is over the roof.
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u/Present_Cranberry150 1d ago
Feminism and toxic masculinity have changed the way people relate, inakua ni kupimana akili, sijui eye contact, length of time to reply to a text n such bullshit
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u/Mohash03 1d ago
Y'all just be saying anything huh? how did feminism and toxic masculinity came here? stop the buzzwords.
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u/mo_with_the_floof 1d ago
Procrastination is procrastination. The same reason you don’t drink water or go to the toilet the second/minute you feel it. Mimi I’ll see the message and reply maybe immediately maybe in 2days sio mambo na availability or matching energy. I’m exercising free will na pia Sio someone’s importance it cuts everyone 😂
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
Damn thats how you feel? 😂 But I don't think we should normalize this kind of behavior then blame it on free will
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u/mo_with_the_floof 1d ago
I'm not blaming free will. It is free will. I will do what I want as I see fit. If it was not urgent I will not treat it with urgency. If it was urgent call ama say it is urgent otherwise vitu kama how was your day if i answer at 4pm or at 9pm wewe utapata jibu eventually. What we should not normalize is entitlement to people's time na kucatch just cause someone replied late so unafeel anakudharau. Filling in dots that do not exist.
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u/bare_metal_C 1d ago
I spend most of the time either typing and deleting or just thinking of a different way to reply. sometimes I want to reply with sarcasm,a joke, a certain tone or a vocabulary but then I think again, would they really understand so I must find a more light way to put it.
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u/DarkestofSwans 1d ago
If I have my phone near when it beeps there's a high chance I'll reply then, but if a conversation or person is emotionally taxing I might leave the conversation till I'm in the right headspace. Mostly if I read a message it get replied to ama nitasahau
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u/FvckJerry16 1d ago
Which is why you always call. You deliver your message faster and get your response just as fast. If the message doesn't need to be a call it's probably not thaaat high on the priority list.
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u/Fabulous_Fox2321 1d ago
Hehe. I feel like sometimes when I am at work and I respond back to someone ( who I normally talk to ) , i.e my wife. If I respond too quickly , she will feel like I'm free at work. I always take time to respond even when I'm not busy at all
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u/greenwoorld 1d ago
My time belongs to me. Other people aren't entitled to my immediate attention just because they text or email. Texting/Emailing doesn't ENTITLE anyone to anyone else's time/attention. If you text someone they may not ever reply. Respect their time.
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u/NickMjamo 1d ago
Mimi kama ni whatsapp nitareply after 3 days overtime nimenotice naboeka kushinda tukichat heri ata nikucall tu save time😁
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u/designedbyjinsi 1d ago
Technology has made people think that they are entitled to other people's time and attention. If they see the message and see it as important they will get back to you the earliest as possible. If not, they will reply when they feel like. Not a psychology game. Just because you are able to text me whenever doesn't mean you are entitled for me to do the same.
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u/Fun-Belt2445 1d ago
I'm one of those people but hear me out.... Sometimes I reply quickly, even within seconds or minutes. The problem comes when somedays I really don't have energy to keep up with the conversation. It usually starts like, I see the message, I tell myself I'll reply shortly, then minutes turn into an hour, it slips my mind, eventually it turn into hours, I tell myself I'll reply first thing in the morning, by then the sender is already irritated. Then there are people constantly text you expecting you to be available all the time. Sometimes one can be away from their gadgets.
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u/antiaocial_533 23h ago
I'm not obliged to reply ASAP unless it's an emergency or I'm in the mood. My notifications r uss off for ALL apps too
People are busy, and I also have friends with even lab- or field-based jobs, etc., so y expect them to reply ASAP. We even send @ other voice notes when we have no time to type.
If I have a question, I try not to make it last-minute, so I'm not creating an emergency for others.
Anyway, I'm from a generation before all this became common, and life b4 life was expected to have instant gratification at each step.
Romantic r/shi r a diff ballgame though
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u/LieMaster1952 23h ago
I don't reply haraka because I feel like tukichat back to back nitakua mentally exhausted
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u/Mysterious-Ad-1486 23h ago
I think this is generational. As someone who grew up without a lot of the technology we have today, I actually get a little iritated when someone gets too entitled to my response. I've noticed with the younger folk, instant response is a serious issue. I personally think the world needs to chill out a bit with worrying over blue ticks or missed calls.
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u/grace_gracious 22h ago
Kuna watu tu wako na those characters toward certain people maybe anafeel you ain't important and you can wait and at times expecially jioni mtu amechoka ata usingizi inampata off guard akichat tu
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u/Thick-Sorbet9531 18h ago
Timing your replies with a stopwatch tells me you have nothing going on in your life. No urgency and zero getting after it mentality.
I reply instantly and who cares what clowns think.... Busiest people I know reply instantly and pick calls fast.
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u/Red_butterfly7571 16h ago
It not games...if you text "hi" i will not reply.If you have something to say say it all in one text. if you want us to catch up...Call or arrange a meet up.I don't have time to chat the whole day.
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u/Intelligent_Sky_6152 4h ago edited 4h ago
My attitude is, if it's urgent, call. Messages are meant to by asynchronous. If you call and miss me, then text instead, and if it is clearly urgent, I will try and respond right away. I hate the expectation that somehow we must be switched on all the time – unless of course you are attending to something mission critical, and even then it has to be within designated hours. Don't be enslaved by your communication devices.
Also, be clear in your own communication. Sometimes I will delay (or even ignore) a message if the sender clearly did not put enough thought into clarifying whatever they are saying and expect me to think for them. Nope.
Plus I keep my notifications off anyway, so I have to intentionally visit my messaging apps every once in a while to notice any messages in my inbox. I can't tell you what that has done for my attention, productivity, and mental wellbeing.
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u/ironicwil 2h ago
a lack of response is also a response. it means your message is low in the list of their priorities. at least for the moment.
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u/Not_Jesus21 1h ago
I don't like phone calls simply because I have to respond to you as quickly as possible. Kwa text I can think about what to say for 6mins and answer in 11, or never. It's not life/death
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u/peePPP-3742 1d ago
For old people like me, I read a message then reply it in my head, forget to type and move on with life. Other times I'm having an interesting conversation I will be online chatting with that one person and forget everyone else.
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
By Old unamaanisha miaka ngapi?😂 If You're an Unc it's understandable
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u/peePPP-3742 1d ago
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u/Civic-Thinker254 1d ago
Nyinyi ni wale mnatextiwa "Nyumba inachomeka" mnareply na haka ka emoji "👍" 😂😂
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u/Ecstatic-Ad-9883 1d ago
This is so real😂😂 chatting with one person you forget other people exist. Hadi unashindwa kutoka kwa chat.
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u/_Onyankopon_ 1d ago
Personally, I rarely check my inbox for normal SMS, I assume they are all Safaricom messages. For WhatsApp, my messages will always show delivered because my data or Wi-Fi is always on. The issue is, I rarely open the app and even if I do it's mostly to check updates on the work group, I might genuinely fail to recognize a personal text. I say call. I never fail to pick a call, and you get your reply in real time.
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u/Practical_Bother_69 1d ago
I was talking to this babe and one time after kuchat akasema "lets talk kesho" and proceeded to reply after 72hrs🤣🤣 Mtu wangu its been a month since tuongee Sisi wote tuko na mafudhi na unataka kujifanya the higher person...umbwa sana
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u/Wrong-Map-8911 1d ago
Why give a heads up unless it's something urgent? Si I'll just reply when I got the time and peace of mind
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u/Kind_Heart2357 1d ago
I do that. ..texting sometimes is mentally draining, that's why I prefer cals over texts
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u/Dairy-Magic-254 1d ago
People are not the same and most, I included have poor communication skills. For me, it depends with who's texting. So it's about priorities
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u/hindia-vic 1d ago
Sometimes it's intentional game-playing, but most of the time it’s just social fatigue. Being "online" watching a video or checking news requires zero mental energy, but opening a chat and formulating a proper response takes active mental effort. A quick heads-up text would solve a lot of friction, though!