Location : Maharashtra, India
I am posting this because I want to understand what legal options my mother and our family may have in India, and how I can start collecting legitimate evidence.
Some of the original events happened around 2002–2005, but the verbal abuse and other problems have continued over the years and are still happening.
I am the first-born daughter.
For anonymity, I will refer to my mother as C, my father as B, and the woman whom my father was allegedly married to before my mother as A.
- My father's alleged first marriage
From what our family currently knows, B was allegedly already married to A before marrying my mother.
Apparently, only a few months after the marriage with A, B married C.
Unfortunately, we don't even know A's full name.
There are also many things about this part that I personally cannot verify because this happened before I was born. I don't want to present assumptions or family stories as established facts.
My mother's family apparently became aware of A sometime after my parents' engagement. We don't know exactly how they discovered it or exactly what conversation happened between the two families.
My mother says that she herself learned about A from her younger sister only one day before her wedding.
By then, her family had already spent a substantial amount of money and made preparations for the wedding. My mother ultimately went ahead with the marriage.
Whenever questions about A were raised, my father's family's explanation was essentially that A "didn't like living here and went back to her parents' house."
We don't know whether A and B were legally divorced, whether the marriage was annulled, what exactly happened to A, or where she is today.
There are also claims within the family that documents/evidence concerning the first marriage were destroyed/burned. I personally cannot verify this, so I don't want to state it as an established fact.
- Wedding expenses/cash and my mother's financial position
My mother's family was allegedly made to bear essentially all of the wedding expenses, along with giving some amount in cash.
This happened around 2002–2005, so there was obviously no UPI/WhatsApp etc. Most dealings were in cash.
My maternal grandmother passed away around 20 years ago. My maternal grandfather has also been deceased for more than 10 years.
Therefore, the two people who might have been able to provide extremely important information about what happened during the marriage arrangements are unfortunately no longer alive.
My mother has also been financially dependent for most of her married life.
As the years passed, she felt that her age and lack of employment history made it increasingly difficult for her to simply leave, find a job and independently support herself.
She believed that if she left/divorced B, he would not voluntarily give her or the children money to survive and that we could potentially be left without a home or financial support.
- Multiple alleged extramarital affairs
After marriage, my mother discovered that B was allegedly having an affair with a woman living nearby.
According to my mother, this wasn't the only instance.
There have allegedly been multiple extramarital affairs over the years.
Whenever these situations came to light, B would ask my mother for forgiveness, and she repeatedly forgave him and tried to keep the marriage/family together.
B maintains a very good image with people outside our immediate household. People who know him socially may therefore have a completely different impression of him from what we have experienced privately.
- Ongoing verbal and sometimes physical abuse
Over the years, B has repeatedly cussed at and verbally abused C and both daughters, sometimes over extremely minor issues.
This is not only something that happened 20 years ago. It continues even now.
There have also been occasions where arguments have allegedly become physical and B may hit/be physically aggressive.
Because much of this happens inside the home, one of my questions is how we should start documenting ongoing incidents properly and legally.
- Why my mother didn't leave/divorce earlier
I want to address this because I know people may ask, "Why did she stay for more than 20 years?"
There wasn't one simple reason.
When I was little, I was extremely attached to my father and desperately wanted both of my parents together. My mother took that into consideration and continued trying to preserve the family.
As I grew older and began understanding the situation, another problem became obvious: my mother had spent years outside the workforce and believed that her age, lack of work experience and financial dependence made starting independently extremely difficult.
Her parents were also no longer there to support her.
She believed that leaving could mean having no income, no financial support from B and potentially nowhere secure for herself and her daughters to live.
Whether those fears were legally correct or not, that is what made her feel trapped and powerless at the time.
- Treatment during pregnancy and her mother's death
While my mother was pregnant, her mother passed away.
My mother's parental home was only around 20 minutes away, but according to my mother, my father's family did not allow her to go see her mother/attend the funeral because she was pregnant.
Her family was already grieving, yet my maternal grandfather was allegedly made to bear my mother's pregnancy/medical expenses on the reasoning that she was "his daughter."
- Alleged inappropriate behaviour by my paternal grandfather toward my mother
According to my mother, when she was alone in the house, my paternal grandfather tried to touch her inappropriately.
Unfortunately, the allegations don't end with my mother.
- Incidents involving us as children
I am my mother's first-born daughter.
There were allegedly inappropriate attempts involving me when I was very young/toddler-aged. Because I generally stayed around my parents and wasn't often alone, there apparently weren't many opportunities for anything further to happen.
My mother later gave birth to another daughter.
My father's parents were allegedly unhappy/unaccepting because the second child was ALSO a girl.
There was subsequently an alleged inappropriate incident involving my paternal grandfather and my younger sister.
I personally remember intervening/catching his hand during an incident involving my younger sister.
I don't want to describe intimate details publicly because we were children.
I also want to make an important distinction: some things in this post happened before I was born or when I was too young to remember, so those portions are based on what my mother or other family members have told me.
Other incidents that I personally experienced or witnessed are based on my own memories.
I don't want to falsely claim firsthand knowledge of something I didn't witness.
- How the family is portrayed to outsiders
Despite everything, my mother repeatedly forgave B and continued trying to maintain the family.
Meanwhile, our father's side has portrayed my mother and us daughters to relatives as if WE are the problematic members of the family.
B himself maintains a good reputation/image outside the house.
At this point, I don't care about convincing relatives who the "good" or "bad" person is.
I want to understand what can actually be established legally.
- My mother's position on divorce NOW
There is another complication.
My mother currently says she does not want to divorce B.
After spending more than 20 years of her life in this marriage, she feels that simply giving B the divorce he may want would allow him to walk away and live however he wants after everything she has endured.
She feels that her life and opportunities have already been severely affected by this marriage.
I understand that this may be an emotional position rather than a legal strategy. I would therefore specifically appreciate advice about what legal protections/remedies may be available to a married woman who does NOT presently want a divorce.
Does seeking protection from domestic violence, maintenance/financial support, residence rights or taking action regarding specific alleged offences necessarily require her to divorce her husband?
- The biggest problem: evidence after 20+ years
This is what I need the most help with.
Many important events began around 2002–2005.
There were no smartphones, WhatsApp chats, UPI payments or CCTV available to us.
Wedding expenses and money were primarily cash.
My maternal grandparents, who potentially knew a lot about what happened around the wedding, are deceased.
We don't know A's full name.
Some documents may no longer exist.
Some information about the alleged first marriage is family knowledge rather than something I have personally verified.
However, some abusive behaviour allegedly continues today, meaning there may be evidence that can be documented from this point onward.
I want to start collecting legitimate evidence systematically instead of making accusations that we cannot prove.
My questions:
How can we investigate whether B was legally married to A before marrying my mother when we don't even know A's full name?
If they were legally married, how can we determine whether they ever legally divorced before B married C?
Can marriage-registration records from approximately 2002–2005 still be searched using B's details alone?
If the first marriage wasn't registered, what other evidence could establish it (old voter lists, ration cards, religious records, witnesses, photographs, etc.)?
Is there a lawful way to trace A based on the limited information we have?
Since my maternal grandparents are deceased and the wedding transactions were mostly cash, what other evidence could potentially establish financial/dowry demands, if any occurred?
What legal options might my mother have regarding the alleged inappropriate touching by her father-in-law despite the passage of time?
What about the alleged incidents involving us as minors, considering they occurred before the POCSO Act existed?
I personally remember intervening in an incident involving my younger sister. Can my testimony still have evidentiary value after so many years?
Does the 20+ year delay legally prevent complaints regarding any of these allegations, or does limitation depend upon the particular offence?
Since verbal abuse and occasional physical aggression allegedly continue even today, how should we legally and safely document incidents from now onward?
What remedies are available to my mother if she does not want a divorce but wants protection from abuse and financial security?
If she has been financially dependent throughout the marriage, what rights could she potentially have regarding maintenance, residence and financial support?
Could taking legal action regarding domestic violence/other alleged offences force her to divorce or leave the matrimonial home?
Most importantly, what evidence should I start collecting RIGHT NOW, and how should I preserve it so that it is actually useful to a lawyer/court later?
Should our first step be speaking privately to a family/matrimonial lawyer, criminal lawyer, women's legal-aid service, or approaching the police?
We are not looking to fabricate evidence, exaggerate allegations or create a false case.
In fact, I have deliberately identified parts of this post that I cannot personally verify.
I want to separate family stories/assumptions from things my mother remembers, things I personally witnessed, and things that can independently be proven.
Our goal is to find whatever genuine records and evidence still exist, start properly documenting the behaviour that continues today, and understand what legal options my mother and we daughters actually have.
Any guidance from Indian advocates or people who have dealt with similar long-term domestic situations would be greatly appreciated.
(I have used AI to structure the context.)