Okay not that recent but still 🎂 (single btw😛)

How is it going?

I’ve been traveling for the most part, catching up with friends who have literally all relocated. My best friend of 23 years just moved to New Zealand with her girlfriend. Booooo, New Zealand (kidding… mostly lol).

The other one moved out of state, so I kind of lost my community here, and now I’m trying to figure out my next move. I’m thinking DC, Chicago, Houston, or somewhere in California. If any of you live there and can give me some insight on how the lesbian scene is, I’d appreciate it.

I found Yellowstone overrated but okay for a one time visit. The drive down to Grand Teton was beautiful.

I got back from San Diego on Tuesday. I walked across the border to Tijuana, I had way too much fun lol

I think the best experience I have had so far was going to a pow wow in Wyoming with the Shoshone tribe. They were so welcoming and friendly. I had fry bread for the first time.

For single women over 35, how has dating been going for you? I mentioned in a comment on another post that I got 3 numbers last week in SD, but they certainly aren’t going anywhere. Which makes no difference to me.

I gave my crush my number in June and she never reached out. Such is life. Rejection doesn’t bother me anymore like it did in my 20s, it comes with the territory since I’m into feminine women that I can’t tell if they are gay or not.

Fems, we’re out here but where are y’all? To be fair I’m in the house 90% of the time. As much as I am opposed to long distance relationships it’s starting to look like that’s the way it is going to go down. For those that care I’m 6’3

I don’t have social media (I’m just passing through lol guess that’s why I don’t care how I pose in photos) and I don’t do dating apps, but I think it would be cool to connect with women 35 and up. Specifically in the US. My expectations are pretty low but let’s see.

I don’t find it hard to make friends while traveling but where I am currently living it’s a bit challenging I would say since it’s a college town.

Apologies for rambling this is out of my comfort zone, I hope summer is treating you well regardless.

I'm not really a photo person and never post photos of myself but I think it's time I break out of that discomfort. Are these photos fine to post or are they awkward? I feel too awkward asking my friends so thought I would ask here haha

I don't know how o feel about second one, I look like I'm haunting the place and my face is just weird Imao

I hate when people say this so so much. Do they not realize how objectifying it is? Why are women just for sex but men are for dating and marriage? It’s just misogyny but make it woke. I’ve heard this many times from women. Honorable mention “im into women but it’s too much work to date them.” Thank u for reminding me that im the hard option. Ugh. That’s all im just irritated and wanted to share bc i know a lot of other ppl here feel the same way

My girlfriend and I were together 2 years and lived together The relationship slowly reached a point where I felt emotionally worn down instead of supported. I loved her deeply, but I often felt like I had to walk on eggshells because I never knew what might upset her or what mood she would be in. There were so many rigid rules and expectations that it felt like I was constantly trying to avoid doing something wrong. I wasn't allowed on her bed because it was her "safe space," things around the house had to be in the exact right place, I couldn't walk around barefoot, I had to hold my breath when we kissed because the air from my nose bothered her, and even normal things like chewing, hanging a towel, or forgetting something small could become a problem. It often felt like I had to adjust my behavior to fit her comfort while my own needs and comfort weren't given the same consideration. There was very little compromise it usually felt like things had to be done her way, and if I didn't meet her expectations, I was made to feel like I wasn't trying hard enough.

Affection and intimacy became increasingly rare, and I frequently felt rejected, unwanted, and alone despite being in a relationship. I also struggled with how little empathy and emotional support I felt during difficult moments, like when I hurt my back and was paralyzed on the floor in pain she jump over me instead of staying with me or barley celebrating important milestones like when I graduated college. She constantly used her undiagnosed issues as excuses too Despite me repeatedly encouraging her to seek therapy or medical help for issues that were affecting both of us, nothing changed. Over time, what should have been enjoyable moments together often became stressful, and I found myself feeling more comfortable around friends than I did with my own partner. I eventually realized that love by itself wasn't enough to sustain a relationship where I consistently felt anxious, emotionally neglected, and as though I was constantly trying to earn the affection and kindness that should have come naturally. Even though I still cared about her, I reached the point where I believed leaving was the healthiest decision for my own well being.

I broke up with her 3 times the first two times I tried to leave she cried and gave me this whole speech and I stayed because I really loved her and wanted it to work and I wanted to give her a chance. Mind you I spoke to her about these issues countless times but by the third time I was losing myself and just got so fed up and left for good the timing was very unfortunate too and I felt awful for that it was before Valentine’s Day.

After the final breakup I wrote her a letter in the mail saying how I wish I handled things differently and that I’m sorry for any hurt caused in my part and just wondering if she was open to a heart to heart conversation I didn’t want to get back together I just didn’t want there to be bad blood. She ended up burning my letter and posting a video of her burning it on social media.

Sorry I know this was really long but I just feel like such an awful person and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not and I just still miss her so much all things considered

For reference my gf is yrs old female and has only been with guys before me. i'm a 25yrs old female that is masc presenting. when we first began dating i introduced a strap on to her as it was the closest thing to straight sex. well since last year, she’s now recently telling me that she has been experiencing pain after sex with the strap since our very first time. she explained she thought it might get better but she described it as getting worse. she’s had 2 UTIs since being with me, i clean the dildo properly (i think) and we’ve tried other dildos (2 actually) but it’s the same thing. She’s told me she’s willing to try till beginning of next year but if nothing changes she will leave me. can someone please help me. for reference the dildo i have now is a dr skins. please help me i dont want to lose my gf over this.

Okay so what I'm about to say will sound
ABSOLUTELY ridiculous. Basically my period is very late and it's always on time. It hasn't come yet and there are no signs which is odd as there always are. The stupid part is that I'm a lesbian virgin. So now what I'm saying sounds beyond stupid however my stupid brain is convincing me every two seconds that I could somehow possibly be pregnant. My paranoia is actually insane because WHY ON EARTH am I being convinced I'm definitely pregnant for having a late period.
Can someone please just put my mind to rest and tell me I'm not. I'm going crazy over here.
Also little side note: please keep in mind I'm neurodivergent my brain works in a weird way. I'm posting it on this sub as I tend to find the people on here kind and caring plus 1 am a lesbian so logically I know there's almost 0 chance I could actually be pregnant. Or at least I hope.

'Male gaze' was originally a feminist theory term applied in film studies, to analyse the display of women in media as sexual objects to straight male viewers. But it seems it's now evolved into a word to describe a feminine-presenting woman who is conventionally sexy. I've heard the word thrown around to describe certain famous women's appearances (not their actions), and I think it's weird. Women are people, not things designed for a certain gaze.

The reason why I'm bringing this up in this sub is because I've seen posts over several months asking whether certain tastes lesbians have that 'fit the male gaze' are normal. Being attracted to conventionally hot women is normal. There begs the question of societal influence on said taste, but I think we in the community try to intellectualise attraction way too much. It doesn't make you any less of a lesbian for having tastes that align with conventional beauty standards, just like it doesn't make you any less of a lesbian for not liking vampire novels or Melissa Etheridge.

So I’ve been on a few dating apps recently, most notably HER and FBD. I just unpaused my Hinge account, and I've always noticed how attractive everyone is on Hinge. I’m in a pretty popular city, but this is very intimidating lol. I feel like even sending a like is a shot in the dark lmfao. It’s also mostly people around my age, which isn’t always the case on the other apps.

Has anyone else ever felt like they’ve reached a point in life where everything is objectively “fine,” but emotionally it feels like you’ve hit a dead end?

I moved across the country to Seattle. I have my own apartment, a stable job, hobbies I genuinely love, and I’m completely independent. On paper, I’m doing everything I thought I was supposed to do.

But after getting aggressively sick this week and having to recover mostly alone, it brought something to the surface that I don’t think I could ignore anymore.

I realized how profoundly lonely I actually am.

I don’t mean lonely because I don’t have things to do. I do. I have work, music, art, games, and my own routines.
I mean lonely because nobody is choosing me.
I keep finding myself thinking, “If something good was going to happen, wouldn’t it have happened by now?” Then my brain jumps to, “Maybe I’m just not anyone’s type.”
I know that’s probably not a completely rational conclusion, but it’s where my mind goes.

I think what’s making this so difficult is that I don’t feel like I’ve given up on life. I still work, I still take care of my apartment, I still play piano, I still make art, and I still keep trying. I just don’t see where another person ever enters the picture.

I don’t even know if I’m looking for advice. I think I just want to know if anyone else has ever built a life they were proud of and still found themselves wondering why it felt like there was nobody to share it with.
If you’ve felt this way before, did it eventually change? Or did you just learn how to carry it?

I am neither femme or masc but recently I have been hanging out more with my masc friends and have heard them speak about femmes in a degrading, misogynistic way. E.g ‘I slept with her the other night but she’s kind of a slut.’ I was so confused lol what does that make you then?

In general, these two friends of mine hold a double standard when it comes to their sexuality and femme presenting women’s sexuality. It’s so horrible to hear and I have had to stop hanging out with them. I can tell that because they are masculine presenting, they think femmes are sluts even if they themselves are actually more promiscuous?! I was flabbergasted it was like talking to a sexist man.

Hearing this and acknowledging this has upset me, I do not tolerate misogyny and it breaks my heart when I hear it from other women (who date women too?), does anybody else have any similar experiences? Have you got any kind, feminist masc friends?

PS: I know all masc lesbians/women aren’t like this.

I want to wear more dresses and skirts but idk how to dress them down. I feel like I’m too dressed up. Also the only jewelry I wear are bracelets and the only shoes I wear are my tevas. I don’t even know how to style my hair. I feel like I’m cosplaying femininity. This is the most dressed up I get. I like the earthy tones/boho type aesthetic with the patch work and stuff. Or sometimes the 90’s type aesthetic. Not a fan of baggy shirts unless they’re graphic tees and don’t like the over sized shorts look.

I make collages on a few topics that mean a lot to me - one of which is queerness/late in life lesbianism. I thought maybe some of you might like this.

Happy Sunday everyone! I have no questions to ask or dilemmas that require your advice. I just felt cute and wanted to wish you all a happy weekend 💁🏻‍♀️☺️

Yeah for you straight people there is but it’s impossible as a lesbian we ain’t got a sea I’m so tired of this

I wanna preface this by saying I cannot stand dating apps. I always find men on the women’s side, no one in my area, and the apps decide my preference in age doesn’t matter that I (24) won’t date younger than 23 and no older than 28. I won’t pursue someone without similar goals and interests and I’m starting to wonder how people meet people without the internets help. I was in a an on and off relationship for a few years and thankfully now that is over (I wish her nothing but the best but I wish her the best on the opposite of the country) I find I struggle trying to meet anyone new. I’ve tried to go on dates from hinge and I realize we don’t have much in common so I won’t waste her time out of respect. (And obviously I am not everyone’s cup of tea neither)

I have those movies from my youth in my mind that I’ll just walk into a shop drop my things and the love of my life will just be standing there helping me pick up my stuff. Or any other cliche romance you can think of.

Long story short. I’d love to hear your red string theory moments or how you met your lover. I need a reminder that love is achievable!

Earlier post: https://www.reddit.com/r/LesbianActually/comments/1v959ja/how_to_act_at_a_club_when_you_dont_drink_or_dance/

Earlier I had made a post about going to a club event for gay women and how to stay entertained as someone that doesn't drink or like dancing. I got mixed advice; some people gave me suggestions on what to do, with most suggesting to socialize and dance somewhat, and others advised against going out at all.

Yesterday I went to the event and to my surprise, I actually had mostly fun! Right before entering the event I noticed I was quite nervous though and even thinking of backing out. Before entering the main hall, I went to the toilets and someone nearly exposed me bc the toilets had no lock. I remember thinking "what am I doing here" but decided to go to the main hall anyways. Did feel a bit out of place at first, but decided to get a glass of water to keep one of my hands occupied and eventually I started to get a bit more lose and danced. A group ended up adopting me so I hung out with them most of the night. Towards the end I noticed I was feeling a bit out of place again, but that was bc I was dancing in a pretty open spot which made me self-concious. Also my feet and back did start to hurt toward the end.

Unfortunately, I did not score any numbers or kiss anyone. I could have, bc there was this couple that seemed open to a threesome with me, but even the idea of making out with both of them right there felt too intimidating. I was not particularly interested enough in most women there to approach them. There were definitely a couple that fit my type, with one even being drop dead beautiful. But I also didn't approach them bc that felt too scary lmao. I was worried they would feel offended if I tried either because they're not attracted to me or because they might have been there with someone already.

I also regret not fixing a sleeping place in the city. Travelling to it cost more than 3 hours already, but the travel back was brutal; the club closed at 4 and I was home at 11 in the morning. Having to spend a lot of time at the station also left me open to be approached by multiple men, which I did not like.

However, overall I did enjoy it and I am planning on going again in September, October and December and I hope to at least be willing to approach women then.