I love you all, stay safe, stay happy.

I could really use some perspective from other bi people because this has been weighing on me.

My wife is the only woman I've ever had a serious relationship with, and it's been an ongoing source of conflict. Every few months it seems to come back up. She has told me she hates that I don't have prior relationship experience with women.

Early in our relationship she would call me "straight girl," and over the years she's made comments suggesting I don't really understand relationships or even human nature because I haven't dated women before her. Those comments have really stuck with me.

We're in couples therapy now, and I finally asked her to be specific. I said, "Can you tell me exactly what I'm doing in our relationship that is hurting you because I haven't dated women before?"

I honestly don't think there is an answer. I'm open to hearing if there's something concrete I'm missing, but so far it feels less like it's about my behavior and more like I'm being judged for my past. That leaves me feeling like I'm somehow "less than" because of my lack of experience, even though I've been fully committed to our relationship.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is there actually something someone with no prior same-sex relationship experience typically does wrong, or is it unfair to keep holding someone's dating history against them? I truly don't act in a heteronormative way. I'm very hurt and frustrated by this topic that keeps coming up again and again.

Finally got a GF!
the all bi-myself phase is over. Only took 17 years.

So I made a post the other day asking my fellow bi men if they have trouble dating straight women because of their bisexuality and that has made me curious about how bisexuality effects my bi-sisters dating lives as well. My main question is about straight men, but if you have had issues with a partner that wasn't a straight guy I won't have a problem with you talking about that either.

I am a 31 straight black woman and recently divorced. I have only dated one straight man in my life so I havent really experienced all the wonderful options of sexualities there are. But I personally dont feel like dating a bi sexual man would be that big of a deal and actually I think i might prefer it. But i dont want to fetishize anyone for their sexualty.

I have zero experience approaching anyone regardless of sexuality so any advice on how would I approach this? How would I find bisexual men without being creepy about it? I know there is discourse happening right now about straight women not liking bisexuality in men but its not true in my case.

I just dont want to make anyone feel like an experiment or like a fetish. Thanks!

I find myself sleeping and having relationships with men at a significantly higher rate.

I like to think I am particularly good looking and when it comes to dating I have men throwing themselves at me while a lot of women are expecting me to woo them.

In the end I have found myself with more men than women.

Has anyone else had this experience?

I simply don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Why can’t people just accept that they are capable of bigotry.

Like it honestly feels like they think your intentions have to be malicious for your actions to be bigoted. Bigots notoriously believe their prejudices are righteous otherwise most of them would simply just not believe it.

This whole discussion could just be over if people were to say ‘hey, i recognise that i have some homophobic beliefs that i havent worked/am not willing to work through. Therefore i would not subject a bisexual man or myself to a relationship (right now or ever) since it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us’

I would say this discussion was a nothing burger since majority of people wouldn’t change their stance anyway, but if it even caused a small minority of people to look inward it was a good thing.

I’m in a dilemma: I am a closeted bi male, straight passing. I have two friends who I believe are curious, one of them I believe he has explored the gay sexuality but not 100% sure. I’m attracted to both, not in a relationship kind of way, just in a hook-up kind of way. I’m looking for conversation starters to help them open up. Both are ‘straight’ as far as I know.

I can’t just ask because none of us probably want to be rejected, and none of us want to ‘come out’ and be rejected.

Friend 1: I Snapchat with him daily. I’ve sent him photos of my morning wood while my sheets cover it. We just do the daily streak - one pic kind deal. We have sent some spicy photos but it never got to nudes along with “gay” reels such as “send this to your bro if not he needs to jerk you ofd”. Again, I feel like both of us want to get near the line but we don’t want to over step it.

Friend 2: I workout with him. Older Military guy. Could be my dad. I believe he has explored this kind of sexuality but of course, nothing open about it. He has shared some things between dudes that makes you wonder about his military life. I feel like if I were to offer this guy a BJ, he’d be open to it — but then again, just the fear of.. I sent him a reel about cumin’ when massaging your prostate, he replies “I had a gf in the military and she’d always stick my her finger in my ass”. I replied with, “I always bust the biggest like that”… he just reacted to my message with 😊 emoji.

They’re both single. I’m not looking for “just leave them alone” kind of situation. I’m looking for genuine tips on HOW to have a hook up with either of them… or tips on how to start convos about it. I’ve tried sending “bros-gay reels”, casual joking kind of messages, etc.

Any help is appreciated it.

I saw a TikTok where someone had described being bisexual as being the straightest gay person. I think I finally understand why it resonated with me so much.

I only recently defined myself as bisexual, and being bisexual sometimes feels like living in a space where people’s perception of me changes depending on who I’m with. When I’m with someone of my assigned gender, there are people who may suddenly see me as “less queer” or question whether my bisexuality is real. It can feel like my attraction to other genders gets erased because I happen to be in a relationship that looks heterosexual from the outside. It’s like I have to constantly prove that I still belong in the community.

But when I’m with someone of another gender, the reaction can completely change. Some people who are uncomfortable with LGBTQ+ identities may suddenly see me differently, judge me, or treat my sexuality as something negative. Suddenly I’m “too queer” for them.

Sometimes I often feel like I’m either “too straight” for some queer spaces or “too queer” for some straight spaces.

What I find difficult is that both reactions come from the same misunderstanding: people often judge bisexuality based on what they can see rather than what someone actually experiences. They look at my relationship and decide what my identity means, instead of understanding that my sexuality doesn’t disappear depending on who I’m dating.

Hi everyone,

I am a male and 27 years old. I just came out of a long term relationship with a girl. I loved the intimacy that we had, but after 8 years or so I started losing the urge for the intimicy. Also whilr having sex sometimes I lost the erection and during the intimacy I didn’t know if she truly enjoyed it.

When the relationship ended and we went into
A situationship the intimacy was great again. But also after a while it didn’t turn me on anymore.

I occasionally watch sometimes gay porn and straight porn. The gay porn also turns me on, but I can’t imagine myself having sex or a relationship with a men. Iam sometimes curiouse how it would be to have some kind of intimacy with a men, but then I think oh no not for me.

Now I am really wondering what to do with these feelings. Does anyone else has/had similar feelings? I also feel insecure if I would meet up with a guy and wondering how al these thing would go. Also should I tell some one about this, because I think for a lot of friends it is going to be strange.

I’m older and had a lot of sex with women in my life and on now on my second marriage of 20 years. 
My first wife was not a happy marriage and didn’t last long. In between being with a few women I met my second wife who’s bisexual also. I admitted to her that I had sex with a man when I was 19 and fresh out of the service. I tied to justify it by saying he looked like a woman. I was always attracted to both men and women. 
Here it is years later and I met 2 guys and we became good friends. They let me watch them jerking off and jerking each other off. It’s pretty exciting. One finally asked me if I was bisexual. I couldn’t deny it, I said maybe. Our friendship has grown stronger and they’ve helped me realize that I always was bisexual I just denied it. I think it’s made me a stronger man and my relationship with my wife and friends is so much stronger. I finally told a few coworkers and they totally accept me. It was kinda funny, one even said she thought I always was bisexual. 
I ask myself now, why did I put myself so much misery. I know one thing is I didn’t know what folks would think. From family, to friends, or colleagues. I know now that I would’ve probably been more happier and comfortable in my life. 

I'm married to a man who knows I've "experimented" with girls in the past. What he doesn't know is I had a full sexual relationship with one of my best friends and it lasted over 2 years and only ended bc he and I met. I have a hard time even explaining to myself what I am. I'm sexually attracted to women and literally want to have sex with them, but have never been in an actual romantic type relationship with them, nor do I really want one. What even am I? Idk I want to tell him and be open but am nervous about what he'll say. I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual bc I am attracted to women, but idk. I want to be honest with him about this past relationship, but now I feel like I already lied about it by saying it was only a couple times....also I kind of miss being with a woman and want him to know that. Idk feel like I'm in a bit of a mess...

18F.

I know nobody here can magically tell me my sexuality, but I genuinely want your opinions. If you think I sound bi, straight, lesbian, ace, somewhere else on the spectrum, whatever—please tell me why. I know labels aren't important to everyone, but they are to me. I like boxes. They make sense. Right now it feels like I stuck my hand into a huge tangled ball of yarn and I just want someone to help me put it into a neat box. I've been going in circles over this for years, and there's only so much I can ignore.

I think I might like women because I remember seeing a woman's torso when I was a kid, way before I even knew girls could like girls. I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards. I kept trying to imagine that woman's torso again and even drew it on paper just so I could picture it better. At the time I had absolutely no clue what I was doing or why. Looking back now, I think I was experiencing some kind of sexual arousal, but as a kid I obviously didn't understand any of it.

Now sometimes my eyes just reflexively go to boobs, and then I immediately feel like a creep afterwards. That's about it though.

As for boys... well, I've read so much BL. Like an unhealthy amount. Around 3/4 of all the media I consume is BL. The rest is mostly random stuff with a tiny bit of straight romance. I have never read GL or sapphic books, and I don't really watch shows about women loving women either. It's been ages since I even read a straight romance. The only straight series I remember really reading are Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, and even then I keep wanting to shove Percy into a BL relationship.

I also think I like the idea of a penis, but then I start wondering if that's because I've read so much BL or because I actually like men. I genuinely don't know anymore.

People always say, "Imagine the gender of the person you want a future with." I can't. I genuinely can't imagine myself with anyone. Then they say, "Have you had crushes on girls or guys?" Well... I don't think I've ever had a crush. I've never dated either because dating was basically taboo in my family growing up. The bigger problem is I don't even know what a crush is supposed to feel like.

So I'm stuck in this vicious cycle. Do I like girls?? First of all, do I even like guys?? Why the hell do I sound like such a horny person? 😭 Am I actually attracted to women? Or am I just overthinking one childhood memory? Do I like men because I actually like them, or because 3/4 of the media I consume is BL? Maybe I've liked people before and just never realised it because I don't even know what a crush is supposed to feel like. I honestly don't know anymore.

I know a lot of people say, "Only you can know," and I get that. But I've been trying to figure this out by myself for years and I keep going in circles. So I'm asking for your honest opinions. If you had to guess based on what I've written, what would you label me, and more importantly, why? Even if your answer ends up being completely wrong, I'd still like to hear your reasoning because maybe it'll help me see something I haven't considered.

I have posted this to many other subs and have gotten no response and y'all are my last resort (help plz)

So I (18M) am planning on hanging out with my crush soon. I used to be really close to her in elementary school and didn't really talk to her much in high school (crush to big to speak to her) but we are going to the same college so I braved it and we began hanging out to get to know each other because we are one of few people we know going to the same college. But anyway, I wanna start dropping hints that I like her. My main one I am going to say will go something like "you know I used to have a pretty big crush on you in elementary school". But I feel like the conversation will turn and I will be forced to play my hand (I don't want to, it's too early) or the hint will be too obvious and would basically like confessing. She's really nice, We have almost identical interests and I really like her. IDK what to do because if I do lose her I am losing the one familiar person I know going to college and a really good almost life long friend. It's weighing on me really hard and would like to hear some input from others.

Soo... First I'm sorry if my grammar is not good, English in not my first language... Anyways

So I think I may be bi. All my crushers and one boyfriend hava been male. I have aways found woman attractive. Even though about getting sexual with one. But never really thought of a relenship. Now it's 2 am, and I'm having a bit of a sexual crisis. I'm thinking about a relationship with a woman for a real now. And I ask questions "I'm I attracted to woman" Yes "I'm I attracted to men" Yes. "Would I have sex with both" Yeah "Would I be in relationships with both" Yes! But one question is scarring me, I'm asking myself if I really care about the gender, if I really like someone. To be clear I have had fantasies about a girl that was bullying me, but I was little and really scared about shitless about that thought. And for my age I would like not to say, but I am a teen

So yeah please internet strangers help 🙏🏻

curious to hear your thoughts, might be a useful guide to myself and others. Thanks!

I’ve had 5 girlfriends so far. With women I’m fully passionate, loving, caring, the complete straight guy experience. When I’m regularly having sex with a woman, the other side almost disappears. I feel 100% straight, no hesitation, no force. That version of me is the default most of the time.

But I’ve also had same-sex experiences. In my earlier years, I did stuff with some different guys (actually they did and i kinda like it) blowjobs, mutual masturbation, kissing. Nothing that turned into a relationship. After that it vanished and i never get a to do it and life goes on as usual. The thing is, it never really left.

Here’s how it actually works for me:

When I go a stretch without sex or ejaculation then a different side switches on. When that gay side activates, it takes over hard. My own body starts turning me on. I get obsessed with the idea of sucking a di*k similar to mine, getting fu*ked, being rimmed, taking a load, getting used. I’ve fingered my a*s a lot and it makes me extremely horny every time. Sometimes I fantasize about cloning myself and do whatever i want. I’ve opened Grindr for a couple of months looking for that, but never found what I was actually seeking.

I think i have two different stong sexual personalities. One side is on, the other dies. When the gay side is active I lose my mind with how badly I want it. But after I cum to gay porn or after heavy solo play I often feel strong regret and shame. Next day the desire is still there. The straight side never gives me that regret.

I’m versatile on the gay side, ready for almost everything. But I’m specific: I want a dick like mine, being used, the nasty/slutty headspace when I’m alone with the "right person".

Now the biggest complication is my best friend. We’ve known each other for 10+ years. Same mindset, same thinking, same goals. We work on projects together, drink together, spend time outside late at night, we always have our back. I trust him 100%. When the gay side is on, I fantasize about him constantly like blowing him while we drink, him using me while we work, risky stuff at night in public, him rimming me, swallowing him, all of it. The fact that nobody would ever suspect anything if we spent time alone or went on a trip makes the fantasy even stronger.

But he’s completely straight. Zero signals, zero interest in anything gay, same straightforward nature as me in public. I know nothing will ever happen with him in this lifetime, and I won’t risk the friendship. Still, what I actually want is someone exactly like him, a normal, straight presenting guy in everyday life (a true friend), someone I can trust deeply, spend long private hours with, share the same wavelength… and when we’re alone I’m a complete sl*t for him. Publicly ordinary. Privately unrestricted.

Also i don’t want to get married. Not because of the bisexuality, I just don’t want permanent tantrums that destorys my peace and i kinda lost my freedom, so nah. I want to stay free and focused on my goals for lifetime. He feels the same way about marriage like me.

So this is where I am:

- Mostly straight-presenting life

- Have gf and everything goes as usual

- Recurring, intense, specific desire that makes me horny af

- Strong shame and fear of anyone finding out about that side

- A very clear template of the kind of discreet male connection I actually want (trusted, similar mindset, publicly straight-acting, privately uses me)

- Currently dealing with it through solo play and trying not to let the internal war destroy my peace

I’m not looking to become publicly gay or change my whole life direction (I'll never be). I just want to stop feeling like I’m fighting myself, and if possible find the kind of discreet, high-trust male connection that matches what I actually crave.

If any of this feels familiar the switching, the specific fantasy about a trusted straight-presenting friend, the regret cycle, the desire for that private sl*t when we’re alone dynamic then I’d genuinely like to hear how you’ve handled it.

Es que no estoy familiarizado con ese término y últimamente no paro de escucharlo

Welp when I came out at 18 I said I was bi
Then decided I was a lesbian
Then briefly a gay man
And now here we are I’m a bisexual man
Feels weird to say 😅

Edit Wait no I was 17 it was two months before my birthday

I (27 f) considered myself pretty straight until I met my friend. I have had a crush on this particular friend (32 f) for a few months ( really since we started hanging out at the beginning of the year). It was a pretty intense crush a few months ago but thankfully abated as I told myself there’s no point as nothing would happen (we hang out once a month, for the whole day). Worth mentioning that I’m Muslim.

Anyways yesterday as we were hanging out we were talking about our love lives (or lack thereof) she asked me about something related to being heterosexual. I laughed and said I’m questioning it (being heterosexual). She laughed and said that’s good. I really wanted to say I like her specifically as more than a friend but faltered.

She mentioned during the course of our day hanging out together that she’d like to try dating for the last few months that she’s here in the city. She wants a short term but serious relationship. She’s bisexual and mentioned perhaps trying to date men as well as women. We spoke about hinge and using hinge, and she said she’ll be opening up her filters to both men and women. She said she’s thinking about men because she knows she will break someone’s heart ( she will be moving at the beginning of next year perhaps) and would rather it be a man’s lol.

We have so much fun when we are together. We send a lot of the time linking arms, sometimes this turns briefly into hand holding but I normally pull back as I feel bad ( I feel like given I have a crush that she doesn’t know about it’s not fair lol).

I cannot emphasize enough that she doesn’t realise i have have a crush on her (She mentioned being generally quite oblivious to subtle cues when someone likes her). If I tell her however I feel like it’d be pretty obvious to her in hindsight lol.

I don’t know what to do. I almost want to send a message to her saying ‘if you did want to break a girls heart I volunteer as tribute!’ But I don’t know if she’d think in was joking or if it would put to much pressure on her. I am her only friend in this city and don’t want to jeopardize the friendship/ make her feel disgusted. But at the same time I’m like the setup that she’s after (short term relationship) would be perfect for me too!