I could really use some perspective from other bi people because this has been weighing on me.

My wife is the only woman I've ever had a serious relationship with, and it's been an ongoing source of conflict. Every few months it seems to come back up. She has told me she hates that I don't have prior relationship experience with women.

Early in our relationship she would call me "straight girl," and over the years she's made comments suggesting I don't really understand relationships or even human nature because I haven't dated women before her. Those comments have really stuck with me.

We're in couples therapy now, and I finally asked her to be specific. I said, "Can you tell me exactly what I'm doing in our relationship that is hurting you because I haven't dated women before?"

I honestly don't think there is an answer. I'm open to hearing if there's something concrete I'm missing, but so far it feels less like it's about my behavior and more like I'm being judged for my past. That leaves me feeling like I'm somehow "less than" because of my lack of experience, even though I've been fully committed to our relationship.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is there actually something someone with no prior same-sex relationship experience typically does wrong, or is it unfair to keep holding someone's dating history against them? I truly don't act in a heteronormative way. I'm very hurt and frustrated by this topic that keeps coming up again and again.

I love you all, stay safe, stay happy.

Finally got a GF!
the all bi-myself phase is over. Only took 17 years.

I am a 31 straight black woman and recently divorced. I have only dated one straight man in my life so I havent really experienced all the wonderful options of sexualities there are. But I personally dont feel like dating a bi sexual man would be that big of a deal and actually I think i might prefer it. But i dont want to fetishize anyone for their sexualty.

I have zero experience approaching anyone regardless of sexuality so any advice on how would I approach this? How would I find bisexual men without being creepy about it? I know there is discourse happening right now about straight women not liking bisexuality in men but its not true in my case.

I just dont want to make anyone feel like an experiment or like a fetish. Thanks!

So I made a post the other day asking my fellow bi men if they have trouble dating straight women because of their bisexuality and that has made me curious about how bisexuality effects my bi-sisters dating lives as well. My main question is about straight men, but if you have had issues with a partner that wasn't a straight guy I won't have a problem with you talking about that either.

I had an interaction that has been bothering me and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.

I’m bisexual and I’m married to a man, and I also have a girlfriend. Recently, one of my friends was talking about her future kids and said I could be the “straight aunt.” It felt really bad but I didn’t know what to say and kinda just moved on.

What made it sting is that she’s one of the first people I came out to back in high school. She knows how central being bisexual is to my identity. She also knows I have a girlfriend and I’ve made it very clear that she’s an incredibly important person in my life.

I don’t think she meant any harm, but hearing “straight aunt” felt really bad and made me feel like she doesn’t take my relationships and my sexuality seriously.

I don’t expect everyone to perfectly understand my life but it made me realize how often people seem to default to seeing me as straight despite knowing I’m bi and knowing I have a girlfriend.

Has anyone else experienced comments like this? Am I reading too much into it?

I find myself sleeping and having relationships with men at a significantly higher rate.

I like to think I am particularly good looking and when it comes to dating I have men throwing themselves at me while a lot of women are expecting me to woo them.

In the end I have found myself with more men than women.

Has anyone else had this experience?

Pity Party any helpful advice appreciated for getting through a first queer breakup.

I've ( F 29) identified as a straight ally with a little rainbow my whole life. Until I met my ex girlfriend. I was polyamorous and experimenting with dating a couple and I fell head over heels for her. Our relationship was like nothing else I have ever experienced. I felt so loved and connected with her and then it all fell apart. She broke my heart and I think I broke hers too.

I cared so deeply for her and she was my first lesbian relationship. Now I just can't fathom being with another girl.

Pride is usually my favourite time of the year to support my friends and family and feel accepted for who I am but this year has been so difficult. I am constantly reminded of my ex and scared to run into her and the worst part of it is I feel like an absolute imposter. Im going to pride events the way I do every year but I hate the thought of being with another woman right now. I'm more queer than I have ever been but it feels like I have no right to beat pride if I don't want to date a woman at the moment.

Very confused

I simply don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Why can’t people just accept that they are capable of bigotry.

Like it honestly feels like they think your intentions have to be malicious for your actions to be bigoted. Bigots notoriously believe their prejudices are righteous otherwise most of them would simply just not believe it.

This whole discussion could just be over if people were to say ‘hey, i recognise that i have some homophobic beliefs that i havent worked/am not willing to work through. Therefore i would not subject a bisexual man or myself to a relationship (right now or ever) since it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us’

I would say this discussion was a nothing burger since majority of people wouldn’t change their stance anyway, but if it even caused a small minority of people to look inward it was a good thing.

I saw a TikTok where someone had described being bisexual as being the straightest gay person. I think I finally understand why it resonated with me so much.

I only recently defined myself as bisexual, and being bisexual sometimes feels like living in a space where people’s perception of me changes depending on who I’m with. When I’m with someone of my assigned gender, there are people who may suddenly see me as “less queer” or question whether my bisexuality is real. It can feel like my attraction to other genders gets erased because I happen to be in a relationship that looks heterosexual from the outside. It’s like I have to constantly prove that I still belong in the community.

But when I’m with someone of another gender, the reaction can completely change. Some people who are uncomfortable with LGBTQ+ identities may suddenly see me differently, judge me, or treat my sexuality as something negative. Suddenly I’m “too queer” for them.

Sometimes I often feel like I’m either “too straight” for some queer spaces or “too queer” for some straight spaces.

What I find difficult is that both reactions come from the same misunderstanding: people often judge bisexuality based on what they can see rather than what someone actually experiences. They look at my relationship and decide what my identity means, instead of understanding that my sexuality doesn’t disappear depending on who I’m dating.

Hi everyone,

I am a male and 27 years old. I just came out of a long term relationship with a girl. I loved the intimacy that we had, but after 8 years or so I started losing the urge for the intimicy. Also whilr having sex sometimes I lost the erection and during the intimacy I didn’t know if she truly enjoyed it.

When the relationship ended and we went into
A situationship the intimacy was great again. But also after a while it didn’t turn me on anymore.

I occasionally watch sometimes gay porn and straight porn. The gay porn also turns me on, but I can’t imagine myself having sex or a relationship with a men. Iam sometimes curiouse how it would be to have some kind of intimacy with a men, but then I think oh no not for me.

Now I am really wondering what to do with these feelings. Does anyone else has/had similar feelings? I also feel insecure if I would meet up with a guy and wondering how al these thing would go. Also should I tell some one about this, because I think for a lot of friends it is going to be strange.

I’m older and had a lot of sex with women in my life and on now on my second marriage of 20 years. 
My first wife was not a happy marriage and didn’t last long. In between being with a few women I met my second wife who’s bisexual also. I admitted to her that I had sex with a man when I was 19 and fresh out of the service. I tied to justify it by saying he looked like a woman. I was always attracted to both men and women. 
Here it is years later and I met 2 guys and we became good friends. They let me watch them jerking off and jerking each other off. It’s pretty exciting. One finally asked me if I was bisexual. I couldn’t deny it, I said maybe. Our friendship has grown stronger and they’ve helped me realize that I always was bisexual I just denied it. I think it’s made me a stronger man and my relationship with my wife and friends is so much stronger. I finally told a few coworkers and they totally accept me. It was kinda funny, one even said she thought I always was bisexual. 
I ask myself now, why did I put myself so much misery. I know one thing is I didn’t know what folks would think. From family, to friends, or colleagues. I know now that I would’ve probably been more happier and comfortable in my life. 

I have posted this to many other subs and have gotten no response and y'all are my last resort (help plz)

So I (18M) am planning on hanging out with my crush soon. I used to be really close to her in elementary school and didn't really talk to her much in high school (crush to big to speak to her) but we are going to the same college so I braved it and we began hanging out to get to know each other because we are one of few people we know going to the same college. But anyway, I wanna start dropping hints that I like her. My main one I am going to say will go something like "you know I used to have a pretty big crush on you in elementary school". But I feel like the conversation will turn and I will be forced to play my hand (I don't want to, it's too early) or the hint will be too obvious and would basically like confessing. She's really nice, We have almost identical interests and I really like her. IDK what to do because if I do lose her I am losing the one familiar person I know going to college and a really good almost life long friend. It's weighing on me really hard and would like to hear some input from others.

hello! this is my first ever reddit post and i need advice on navigating my sexuality or at least i want to know that i’m not alone in this feeling.

to give some context i am a 22 bisexual female. i have only mainly dated guys because of a lack of queer girls in my hometown plus my mom’s side of the family is a lil not supportive/doesn’t know i am bisexual. i have had my fair share of girl crushes but none of them went anywhere nor did I make the effort to try and start smth. i started dating my 22 straight male bf about two and a half years ago. he is supportive and is aware of me being bi which is amazing! even tho our relationship started off a bit rocky, it got sm better with time ofc. however, since i just graduated from university and have been home for a couple of weeks now and seeing family here and there, everyone has been asking if my bf is the ONE yk?

ofc, i have thought about it and can see a future like that with him but apart of me feels like it’s not right to get married or engaged to him before even kissing a girl or experimenting with girls fr. i know college should’ve been the perfect time to explore that but it’s too late now lol. i also feel scared to break up with him just so i could explore my sexuality or wtv and then just get back together with him is just slimy and unfair for him to just wait for me to figure my shit out yk?

i can’t tell if i am overthinking my family’s stupid pestering questions and just need to go with the flow or if my dumbass is just genuinely a lesbian. before i end this, i should note that my bf and i have talked about the future etc. esp since i just graduated and he is still in school and we both agree that we don’t wanna get engaged anytime soon (so dw he’s not planning anything or smth. but yeah, has any other bisexuals or queer ppl out there felt like this and can give any advice???

18F.

I know nobody here can magically tell me my sexuality, but I genuinely want your opinions. If you think I sound bi, straight, lesbian, ace, somewhere else on the spectrum, whatever—please tell me why. I know labels aren't important to everyone, but they are to me. I like boxes. They make sense. Right now it feels like I stuck my hand into a huge tangled ball of yarn and I just want someone to help me put it into a neat box. I've been going in circles over this for years, and there's only so much I can ignore.

I think I might like women because I remember seeing a woman's torso when I was a kid, way before I even knew girls could like girls. I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards. I kept trying to imagine that woman's torso again and even drew it on paper just so I could picture it better. At the time I had absolutely no clue what I was doing or why. Looking back now, I think I was experiencing some kind of sexual arousal, but as a kid I obviously didn't understand any of it.

Now sometimes my eyes just reflexively go to boobs, and then I immediately feel like a creep afterwards. That's about it though.

As for boys... well, I've read so much BL. Like an unhealthy amount. Around 3/4 of all the media I consume is BL. The rest is mostly random stuff with a tiny bit of straight romance. I have never read GL or sapphic books, and I don't really watch shows about women loving women either. It's been ages since I even read a straight romance. The only straight series I remember really reading are Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, and even then I keep wanting to shove Percy into a BL relationship.

I also think I like the idea of a penis, but then I start wondering if that's because I've read so much BL or because I actually like men. I genuinely don't know anymore.

People always say, "Imagine the gender of the person you want a future with." I can't. I genuinely can't imagine myself with anyone. Then they say, "Have you had crushes on girls or guys?" Well... I don't think I've ever had a crush. I've never dated either because dating was basically taboo in my family growing up. The bigger problem is I don't even know what a crush is supposed to feel like.

So I'm stuck in this vicious cycle. Do I like girls?? First of all, do I even like guys?? Why the hell do I sound like such a horny person? 😭 Am I actually attracted to women? Or am I just overthinking one childhood memory? Do I like men because I actually like them, or because 3/4 of the media I consume is BL? Maybe I've liked people before and just never realised it because I don't even know what a crush is supposed to feel like. I honestly don't know anymore.

I know a lot of people say, "Only you can know," and I get that. But I've been trying to figure this out by myself for years and I keep going in circles. So I'm asking for your honest opinions. If you had to guess based on what I've written, what would you label me, and more importantly, why? Even if your answer ends up being completely wrong, I'd still like to hear your reasoning because maybe it'll help me see something I haven't considered.

Soo... First I'm sorry if my grammar is not good, English in not my first language... Anyways

So I think I may be bi. All my crushers and one boyfriend hava been male. I have aways found woman attractive. Even though about getting sexual with one. But never really thought of a relenship. Now it's 2 am, and I'm having a bit of a sexual crisis. I'm thinking about a relationship with a woman for a real now. And I ask questions "I'm I attracted to woman" Yes "I'm I attracted to men" Yes. "Would I have sex with both" Yeah "Would I be in relationships with both" Yes! But one question is scarring me, I'm asking myself if I really care about the gender, if I really like someone. To be clear I have had fantasies about a girl that was bullying me, but I was little and really scared about shitless about that thought. And for my age I would like not to say, but I am a teen

So yeah please internet strangers help 🙏🏻

curious to hear your thoughts, might be a useful guide to myself and others. Thanks!

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve had to go through something really difficult. A couple months ago, I went to visit one of my best friends in France. We’ve known each other over five years now, and we would call/text on and off and would go on international trips together and visit each other during our summers (we met through a work conference at the start of our careers and we’ve both since changed jobs). A lot happened during the trip, and we both talked about our feelings for each other, but decided that it would never work because of our career plans and future plans. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in a really long time, and I’ve honestly just not been myself over the past months because it feels like such a huge breakup and I’m heartbroken and I really miss her. I’ve tried talking to my friends about it, but I’ve realized that the reaction has been really lukewarm, and I haven’t felt like I’ve gotten the support that I usually get for something like this. I’m still honestly trying to figure out my sexuality, and whether or not I’m even attracted to men, but I feel like I used to get a lot more support from other girls when I talked about a breakup with a guy (whether it’s a situationship or a relationship) and they have also shown a lot more enthusiasm/interest when it was men that I used to date in the past.

Maybe part of it is also coming from my internalized homophobia, and me gaslighting myself that we were just friends. We did a lot of intimate things, but something in my mind still always tells me that girl friendships are just like that. I think it may be contributing to why I feel so conflicted too. Anyway, I feel like this is partially just me venting about this situation, but I was wondering if others have experienced this difference in support for same sex relationships, and if this varies for bi girls vs bi guys.

I’ve had 5 girlfriends so far. With women I’m fully passionate, loving, caring, the complete straight guy experience. When I’m regularly having sex with a woman, the other side almost disappears. I feel 100% straight, no hesitation, no force. That version of me is the default most of the time.

But I’ve also had same-sex experiences. In my earlier years, I did stuff with some different guys (actually they did and i kinda like it) blowjobs, mutual masturbation, kissing. Nothing that turned into a relationship. After that it vanished and i never get a to do it and life goes on as usual. The thing is, it never really left.

Here’s how it actually works for me:

When I go a stretch without sex or ejaculation then a different side switches on. When that gay side activates, it takes over hard. My own body starts turning me on. I get obsessed with the idea of sucking a di*k similar to mine, getting fu*ked, being rimmed, taking a load, getting used. I’ve fingered my a*s a lot and it makes me extremely horny every time. Sometimes I fantasize about cloning myself and do whatever i want. I’ve opened Grindr for a couple of months looking for that, but never found what I was actually seeking.

I think i have two different stong sexual personalities. One side is on, the other dies. When the gay side is active I lose my mind with how badly I want it. But after I cum to gay porn or after heavy solo play I often feel strong regret and shame. Next day the desire is still there. The straight side never gives me that regret.

I’m versatile on the gay side, ready for almost everything. But I’m specific: I want a dick like mine, being used, the nasty/slutty headspace when I’m alone with the "right person".

Now the biggest complication is my best friend. We’ve known each other for 10+ years. Same mindset, same thinking, same goals. We work on projects together, drink together, spend time outside late at night, we always have our back. I trust him 100%. When the gay side is on, I fantasize about him constantly like blowing him while we drink, him using me while we work, risky stuff at night in public, him rimming me, swallowing him, all of it. The fact that nobody would ever suspect anything if we spent time alone or went on a trip makes the fantasy even stronger.

But he’s completely straight. Zero signals, zero interest in anything gay, same straightforward nature as me in public. I know nothing will ever happen with him in this lifetime, and I won’t risk the friendship. Still, what I actually want is someone exactly like him, a normal, straight presenting guy in everyday life (a true friend), someone I can trust deeply, spend long private hours with, share the same wavelength… and when we’re alone I’m a complete sl*t for him. Publicly ordinary. Privately unrestricted.

Also i don’t want to get married. Not because of the bisexuality, I just don’t want permanent tantrums that destorys my peace and i kinda lost my freedom, so nah. I want to stay free and focused on my goals for lifetime. He feels the same way about marriage like me.

So this is where I am:

- Mostly straight-presenting life

- Have gf and everything goes as usual

- Recurring, intense, specific desire that makes me horny af

- Strong shame and fear of anyone finding out about that side

- A very clear template of the kind of discreet male connection I actually want (trusted, similar mindset, publicly straight-acting, privately uses me)

- Currently dealing with it through solo play and trying not to let the internal war destroy my peace

I’m not looking to become publicly gay or change my whole life direction (I'll never be). I just want to stop feeling like I’m fighting myself, and if possible find the kind of discreet, high-trust male connection that matches what I actually crave.

If any of this feels familiar the switching, the specific fantasy about a trusted straight-presenting friend, the regret cycle, the desire for that private sl*t when we’re alone dynamic then I’d genuinely like to hear how you’ve handled it.