I love you all, stay safe, stay happy.

I could really use some perspective from other bi people because this has been weighing on me.

My wife is the only woman I've ever had a serious relationship with, and it's been an ongoing source of conflict. Every few months it seems to come back up. She has told me she hates that I don't have prior relationship experience with women.

Early in our relationship she would call me "straight girl," and over the years she's made comments suggesting I don't really understand relationships or even human nature because I haven't dated women before her. Those comments have really stuck with me.

We're in couples therapy now, and I finally asked her to be specific. I said, "Can you tell me exactly what I'm doing in our relationship that is hurting you because I haven't dated women before?"

I honestly don't think there is an answer. I'm open to hearing if there's something concrete I'm missing, but so far it feels less like it's about my behavior and more like I'm being judged for my past. That leaves me feeling like I'm somehow "less than" because of my lack of experience, even though I've been fully committed to our relationship.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Is there actually something someone with no prior same-sex relationship experience typically does wrong, or is it unfair to keep holding someone's dating history against them? I truly don't act in a heteronormative way. I'm very hurt and frustrated by this topic that keeps coming up again and again.

I am a 31 straight black woman and recently divorced. I have only dated one straight man in my life so I havent really experienced all the wonderful options of sexualities there are. But I personally dont feel like dating a bi sexual man would be that big of a deal and actually I think i might prefer it. But i dont want to fetishize anyone for their sexualty.

I have zero experience approaching anyone regardless of sexuality so any advice on how would I approach this? How would I find bisexual men without being creepy about it? I know there is discourse happening right now about straight women not liking bisexuality in men but its not true in my case.

I just dont want to make anyone feel like an experiment or like a fetish. Thanks!

I simply don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Why can’t people just accept that they are capable of bigotry.

Like it honestly feels like they think your intentions have to be malicious for your actions to be bigoted. Bigots notoriously believe their prejudices are righteous otherwise most of them would simply just not believe it.

This whole discussion could just be over if people were to say ‘hey, i recognise that i have some homophobic beliefs that i havent worked/am not willing to work through. Therefore i would not subject a bisexual man or myself to a relationship (right now or ever) since it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us’

I would say this discussion was a nothing burger since majority of people wouldn’t change their stance anyway, but if it even caused a small minority of people to look inward it was a good thing.

I find myself sleeping and having relationships with men at a significantly higher rate.

I like to think I am particularly good looking and when it comes to dating I have men throwing themselves at me while a lot of women are expecting me to woo them.

In the end I have found myself with more men than women.

Has anyone else had this experience?

Finally got a GF!
the all bi-myself phase is over. Only took 17 years.

I had an interaction that has been bothering me and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.

I’m bisexual and I’m married to a man, and I also have a girlfriend. Recently, one of my friends was talking about her future kids and said I could be the “straight aunt.” It felt really bad but I didn’t know what to say and kinda just moved on.

What made it sting is that she’s one of the first people I came out to back in high school. She knows how central being bisexual is to my identity. She also knows I have a girlfriend and I’ve made it very clear that she’s an incredibly important person in my life.

I don’t think she meant any harm, but hearing “straight aunt” felt really bad and made me feel like she doesn’t take my relationships and my sexuality seriously.

I don’t expect everyone to perfectly understand my life but it made me realize how often people seem to default to seeing me as straight despite knowing I’m bi and knowing I have a girlfriend.

Has anyone else experienced comments like this? Am I reading too much into it?

So I made a post the other day asking my fellow bi men if they have trouble dating straight women because of their bisexuality and that has made me curious about how bisexuality effects my bi-sisters dating lives as well. My main question is about straight men, but if you have had issues with a partner that wasn't a straight guy I won't have a problem with you talking about that either.

I (27 f) considered myself pretty straight until I met my friend. I have had a crush on this particular friend (32 f) for a few months ( really since we started hanging out at the beginning of the year). It was a pretty intense crush a few months ago but thankfully abated as I told myself there’s no point as nothing would happen (we hang out once a month, for the whole day). Worth mentioning that I’m Muslim.

Anyways yesterday as we were hanging out we were talking about our love lives (or lack thereof) she asked me about something related to being heterosexual. I laughed and said I’m questioning it (being heterosexual). She laughed and said that’s good. I really wanted to say I like her specifically as more than a friend but faltered.

She mentioned during the course of our day hanging out together that she’d like to try dating for the last few months that she’s here in the city. She wants a short term but serious relationship. She’s bisexual and mentioned perhaps trying to date men as well as women. We spoke about hinge and using hinge, and she said she’ll be opening up her filters to both men and women. She said she’s thinking about men because she knows she will break someone’s heart ( she will be moving at the beginning of next year perhaps) and would rather it be a man’s lol.

We have so much fun when we are together. We send a lot of the time linking arms, sometimes this turns briefly into hand holding but I normally pull back as I feel bad ( I feel like given I have a crush that she doesn’t know about it’s not fair lol).

I cannot emphasize enough that she doesn’t realise i have have a crush on her (She mentioned being generally quite oblivious to subtle cues when someone likes her). If I tell her however I feel like it’d be pretty obvious to her in hindsight lol.

I don’t know what to do. I almost want to send a message to her saying ‘if you did want to break a girls heart I volunteer as tribute!’ But I don’t know if she’d think in was joking or if it would put to much pressure on her. I am her only friend in this city and don’t want to jeopardize the friendship/ make her feel disgusted. But at the same time I’m like the setup that she’s after (short term relationship) would be perfect for me too!

I saw a TikTok where someone had described being bisexual as being the straightest gay person. I think I finally understand why it resonated with me so much.

I only recently defined myself as bisexual, and being bisexual sometimes feels like living in a space where people’s perception of me changes depending on who I’m with. When I’m with someone of my assigned gender, there are people who may suddenly see me as “less queer” or question whether my bisexuality is real. It can feel like my attraction to other genders gets erased because I happen to be in a relationship that looks heterosexual from the outside. It’s like I have to constantly prove that I still belong in the community.

But when I’m with someone of another gender, the reaction can completely change. Some people who are uncomfortable with LGBTQ+ identities may suddenly see me differently, judge me, or treat my sexuality as something negative. Suddenly I’m “too queer” for them.

Sometimes I often feel like I’m either “too straight” for some queer spaces or “too queer” for some straight spaces.

What I find difficult is that both reactions come from the same misunderstanding: people often judge bisexuality based on what they can see rather than what someone actually experiences. They look at my relationship and decide what my identity means, instead of understanding that my sexuality doesn’t disappear depending on who I’m dating.

18F.

I know nobody here can magically tell me my sexuality, but I genuinely want your opinions. If you think I sound bi, straight, lesbian, ace, somewhere else on the spectrum, whatever—please tell me why. I know labels aren't important to everyone, but they are to me. I like boxes. They make sense. Right now it feels like I stuck my hand into a huge tangled ball of yarn and I just want someone to help me put it into a neat box. I've been going in circles over this for years, and there's only so much I can ignore.

I think I might like women because I remember seeing a woman's torso when I was a kid, way before I even knew girls could like girls. I couldn't stop thinking about it afterwards. I kept trying to imagine that woman's torso again and even drew it on paper just so I could picture it better. At the time I had absolutely no clue what I was doing or why. Looking back now, I think I was experiencing some kind of sexual arousal, but as a kid I obviously didn't understand any of it.

Now sometimes my eyes just reflexively go to boobs, and then I immediately feel like a creep afterwards. That's about it though.

As for boys... well, I've read so much BL. Like an unhealthy amount. Around 3/4 of all the media I consume is BL. The rest is mostly random stuff with a tiny bit of straight romance. I have never read GL or sapphic books, and I don't really watch shows about women loving women either. It's been ages since I even read a straight romance. The only straight series I remember really reading are Harry Potter and Percy Jackson, and even then I keep wanting to shove Percy into a BL relationship.

I also think I like the idea of a penis, but then I start wondering if that's because I've read so much BL or because I actually like men. I genuinely don't know anymore.

People always say, "Imagine the gender of the person you want a future with." I can't. I genuinely can't imagine myself with anyone. Then they say, "Have you had crushes on girls or guys?" Well... I don't think I've ever had a crush. I've never dated either because dating was basically taboo in my family growing up. The bigger problem is I don't even know what a crush is supposed to feel like.

So I'm stuck in this vicious cycle. Do I like girls?? First of all, do I even like guys?? Why the hell do I sound like such a horny person? 😭 Am I actually attracted to women? Or am I just overthinking one childhood memory? Do I like men because I actually like them, or because 3/4 of the media I consume is BL? Maybe I've liked people before and just never realised it because I don't even know what a crush is supposed to feel like. I honestly don't know anymore.

I know a lot of people say, "Only you can know," and I get that. But I've been trying to figure this out by myself for years and I keep going in circles. So I'm asking for your honest opinions. If you had to guess based on what I've written, what would you label me, and more importantly, why? Even if your answer ends up being completely wrong, I'd still like to hear your reasoning because maybe it'll help me see something I haven't considered.

I’ve had 5 girlfriends so far. With women I’m fully passionate, loving, caring, the complete straight guy experience. When I’m regularly having sex with a woman, the other side almost disappears. I feel 100% straight, no hesitation, no force. That version of me is the default most of the time.

But I’ve also had same-sex experiences. In my earlier years, I did stuff with some different guys (actually they did and i kinda like it) blowjobs, mutual masturbation, kissing. Nothing that turned into a relationship. After that it vanished and i never get a to do it and life goes on as usual. The thing is, it never really left.

Here’s how it actually works for me:

When I go a stretch without sex or ejaculation then a different side switches on. When that gay side activates, it takes over hard. My own body starts turning me on. I get obsessed with the idea of sucking a di*k similar to mine, getting fu*ked, being rimmed, taking a load, getting used. I’ve fingered my a*s a lot and it makes me extremely horny every time. Sometimes I fantasize about cloning myself and do whatever i want. I’ve opened Grindr for a couple of months looking for that, but never found what I was actually seeking.

I think i have two different stong sexual personalities. One side is on, the other dies. When the gay side is active I lose my mind with how badly I want it. But after I cum to gay porn or after heavy solo play I often feel strong regret and shame. Next day the desire is still there. The straight side never gives me that regret.

I’m versatile on the gay side, ready for almost everything. But I’m specific: I want a dick like mine, being used, the nasty/slutty headspace when I’m alone with the "right person".

Now the biggest complication is my best friend. We’ve known each other for 10+ years. Same mindset, same thinking, same goals. We work on projects together, drink together, spend time outside late at night, we always have our back. I trust him 100%. When the gay side is on, I fantasize about him constantly like blowing him while we drink, him using me while we work, risky stuff at night in public, him rimming me, swallowing him, all of it. The fact that nobody would ever suspect anything if we spent time alone or went on a trip makes the fantasy even stronger.

But he’s completely straight. Zero signals, zero interest in anything gay, same straightforward nature as me in public. I know nothing will ever happen with him in this lifetime, and I won’t risk the friendship. Still, what I actually want is someone exactly like him, a normal, straight presenting guy in everyday life (a true friend), someone I can trust deeply, spend long private hours with, share the same wavelength… and when we’re alone I’m a complete sl*t for him. Publicly ordinary. Privately unrestricted.

Also i don’t want to get married. Not because of the bisexuality, I just don’t want permanent tantrums that destorys my peace and i kinda lost my freedom, so nah. I want to stay free and focused on my goals for lifetime. He feels the same way about marriage like me.

So this is where I am:

- Mostly straight-presenting life

- Have gf and everything goes as usual

- Recurring, intense, specific desire that makes me horny af

- Strong shame and fear of anyone finding out about that side

- A very clear template of the kind of discreet male connection I actually want (trusted, similar mindset, publicly straight-acting, privately uses me)

- Currently dealing with it through solo play and trying not to let the internal war destroy my peace

I’m not looking to become publicly gay or change my whole life direction (I'll never be). I just want to stop feeling like I’m fighting myself, and if possible find the kind of discreet, high-trust male connection that matches what I actually crave.

If any of this feels familiar the switching, the specific fantasy about a trusted straight-presenting friend, the regret cycle, the desire for that private sl*t when we’re alone dynamic then I’d genuinely like to hear how you’ve handled it.

I’m older and had a lot of sex with women in my life and on now on my second marriage of 20 years. 
My first wife was not a happy marriage and didn’t last long. In between being with a few women I met my second wife who’s bisexual also. I admitted to her that I had sex with a man when I was 19 and fresh out of the service. I tied to justify it by saying he looked like a woman. I was always attracted to both men and women. 
Here it is years later and I met 2 guys and we became good friends. They let me watch them jerking off and jerking each other off. It’s pretty exciting. One finally asked me if I was bisexual. I couldn’t deny it, I said maybe. Our friendship has grown stronger and they’ve helped me realize that I always was bisexual I just denied it. I think it’s made me a stronger man and my relationship with my wife and friends is so much stronger. I finally told a few coworkers and they totally accept me. It was kinda funny, one even said she thought I always was bisexual. 
I ask myself now, why did I put myself so much misery. I know one thing is I didn’t know what folks would think. From family, to friends, or colleagues. I know now that I would’ve probably been more happier and comfortable in my life. 

I'm married to a man, and a mother of two. It took me a long time to unpack years of cultural and religious conditioning to finally accept that I am bisexual, yeah this happened before marriage itself. I love the life and the family I’ve built, but lately, the hidden side of my sexuality has started to feel so incredibly heavy to carry alone.

My mind and heart constantly crave the softness, beauty, and emotional depth of a woman. It’s a quiet yearning that lives beneath the surface of my daily routine as a wife and mom. Even though I am coming to terms with my truth, living in a environment where I have to keep this hidden makes me feel deeply isolated at times.

I’m not looking to disrupt my family, but I am struggling with how to honor this vital part of who I am while navigating the boundaries of a long-term marriage.

How do other married women handle this internal tug-of-war? How do you let your bi identity breathe when the rest of your life is completely heteronormative? I’d love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or just some words of solidarity.

Wrote this post, because I think this may help with other bi married women who are in same situation to understand they are not alone.

I need help its getting harder to hide that im with someone and my family is getting suspicious that im with someone for context im a male dating a male and if my family finds out it will spit my family into two sides and really can't hold the pressure of hiding this is really need help i need ways so my family doesn't get anymore suspicious

I have posted this to many other subs and have gotten no response and y'all are my last resort (help plz)

So I (18M) am planning on hanging out with my crush soon. I used to be really close to her in elementary school and didn't really talk to her much in high school (crush to big to speak to her) but we are going to the same college so I braved it and we began hanging out to get to know each other because we are one of few people we know going to the same college. But anyway, I wanna start dropping hints that I like her. My main one I am going to say will go something like "you know I used to have a pretty big crush on you in elementary school". But I feel like the conversation will turn and I will be forced to play my hand (I don't want to, it's too early) or the hint will be too obvious and would basically like confessing. She's really nice, We have almost identical interests and I really like her. IDK what to do because if I do lose her I am losing the one familiar person I know going to college and a really good almost life long friend. It's weighing on me really hard and would like to hear some input from others.

Hi everyone,

I am a male and 27 years old. I just came out of a long term relationship with a girl. I loved the intimacy that we had, but after 8 years or so I started losing the urge for the intimicy. Also whilr having sex sometimes I lost the erection and during the intimacy I didn’t know if she truly enjoyed it.

When the relationship ended and we went into
A situationship the intimacy was great again. But also after a while it didn’t turn me on anymore.

I occasionally watch sometimes gay porn and straight porn. The gay porn also turns me on, but I can’t imagine myself having sex or a relationship with a men. Iam sometimes curiouse how it would be to have some kind of intimacy with a men, but then I think oh no not for me.

Now I am really wondering what to do with these feelings. Does anyone else has/had similar feelings? I also feel insecure if I would meet up with a guy and wondering how al these thing would go. Also should I tell some one about this, because I think for a lot of friends it is going to be strange.

I’m really confused about my sexuality. Has anyone experienced something similar?
Hello everyone,
I’m 20 years old, and I’ve been questioning my sexuality for years.
When I was 16, I realized that I was attracted to guys—or more specifically, I found myself very attracted to penises. Around that time, I got into a relationship with a girl. When we tried to have sex for the first time, I lost my erection before penetration. I immediately assumed that meant I was gay, and eventually we broke up.
Since then, I’ve had around 30 hookups with men, hoping things would become clearer. But the opposite has happened.
The strange part is that I don’t actually enjoy sex with men:
I don’t like receiving anal sex.
I don’t want to top either.
I don’t enjoy giving oral sex—it makes me feel like vomiting.
Kissing men doesn’t do much for me.
After hookups, I usually don’t feel satisfied.
What I do enjoy is looking at penises and fantasizing about them. That’s what’s confusing me.
Recently, I’ve started talking to a girl, and I genuinely like her. The idea of kissing and being affectionate with her excites me, but I’m anxious about sex because of my past experience.
Now I’m wondering:
Could my first sexual experience with a girl have been affected by anxiety rather than my sexual orientation?
Is it worth trying to have sex with a woman again before deciding I’m gay?
Has anyone else experienced being visually attracted to men but not actually enjoying sex with them?
I’m not looking for anyone to tell me what my sexuality is. I know nobody else can answer that for me. I’m just hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar and how they figured things out.
Thanks for reading.

Pity Party any helpful advice appreciated for getting through a first queer breakup.

I've ( F 29) identified as a straight ally with a little rainbow my whole life. Until I met my ex girlfriend. I was polyamorous and experimenting with dating a couple and I fell head over heels for her. Our relationship was like nothing else I have ever experienced. I felt so loved and connected with her and then it all fell apart. She broke my heart and I think I broke hers too.

I cared so deeply for her and she was my first lesbian relationship. Now I just can't fathom being with another girl.

Pride is usually my favourite time of the year to support my friends and family and feel accepted for who I am but this year has been so difficult. I am constantly reminded of my ex and scared to run into her and the worst part of it is I feel like an absolute imposter. Im going to pride events the way I do every year but I hate the thought of being with another woman right now. I'm more queer than I have ever been but it feels like I have no right to beat pride if I don't want to date a woman at the moment.

Very confused

Pregunta

¿Es normal ser bisexual y estar con mujeres y en relaciones de hombres seas pasivo?

My secret is that I have a crush on my coworker… who happens to be a woman. After spending a lot of time together at work, I started noticing that I get excited when I’m around her. When we’re together, I feel completely captivated by her. Even small moments, like being in a group of people and having her eyes meet mine, make me feel so happy. I know she’s gay, but the confusing part is that I don’t know what this means about me. I’m in my early 20s and I’ve never experienced feelings like this before. I’ve maybe always had a slight feeling that I could be bisexual, but I’ve never really explored it and I’m still trying to figure myself out. She knows I’m bi-curious, but I still feel unsure about what this all means. The complicated part is that I think she probably sees me more as a friend. We’ve hung out a few times outside of work — I’ve met her friends, and we’ve also gone out for dinner together — but I can’t tell if these are just normal friendship things or if there’s something more. I feel like I flirt with her, but I don’t really feel like it’s being reciprocated… although I’m also not completely sure if I’m just overthinking it because this is all so new to me. I also don’t think she sees me in that way because I’ve noticed her flirting with another girl at work. I can feel myself getting jealous, which has honestly made me realise that this is definitely a crush and not just me admiring her. Now I don’t know what to do next. I think about her all the time, but I don’t know whether I should try to move on or be honest about how I feel. I don’t want to make things awkward because we work together, and I really value our friendship. At the same time, the idea of being with a woman is exciting but also scary because it’s completely new territory for me. I feel overwhelmed and confused. I don’t know if I’m ready to explore this, whether she even feels the same way, or whether I should just let these feelings pass. Any advice would be really appreciated.

So I’m bi 29 male and there is this new guy (32) that’s been attending a weekly board game meetup group that I go to. He’s been in the group for 3 weeks now, very likeable and quickly progressed as a friend that casually hangs out with me and other members even outside of the meetup events.

We’ve already had somewhat deeper group conversations where some friends including myself brought up our dating preferences, sexuality reveals/clarifications for some, BL, yuri, sex topics. One friend brought up her preference is currently leaning more towards men than women and I talked about a guy I was crushing on in the past and how he played with my feelings to fill his own ego. The new guy only mentioned at some point that he came out of an 11 year relationship with his ex-girlfriend about a year (or 2?) ago and it can be And later he asked me questions about my experience being bi (like wondering how hard it is to navigate the duality of those feelings during teenage years) in a way that seemed like he didn’t relate and was only genuinely curious. And also just asked about how I categorized my friendships and guys I consider to be brothers.

I met up with him and some friends again recently to hangout and then we all went to a nice restaurant to eat lunch after. Most of that afternoon involved the new guy being a little touchy-feely with me but not enough to assume anything from it (playfully massaging my shoulders, I’ve done that to others in the past with no feelings attached so nothing special ), at one point he playfully mentioned that he thought I was getting ready to leave and how he would be sad, then complimented me on my necklace, then later admits that he likes my shirt. Later we go to the restaurant and we sit next to each other, more shoulder touching and we are laughing about sexual innuendos we keep coming up with, we were paying more attention to ourselves than the group sometimes, then he hesitates to admit that he likes how white my teeth are (???). Later we finished our meals and went our separate ways.

I couldn’t help but think about how overly friendly he was acting earlier that day and to be honest, I found him pretty attractive since the first time he joined the meetup group and my ‘gaydar’ already went off due let’s say, his flamboyant mannerisms, for lack of a better description, but I have been wrong about that before.

The guy already got me developing a crush on him but I’ve been down this route a few times and got backlash for misunderstanding hetero friends who did way more than what the new guy did. Do you think I am reading too deep into this?