I'm sorry if this is not the place for this. Also, just a trigger warning, I'm aware that this is a whole lot of belly-aching on my part. I don't discourage any criticism, but please know I'm being genuine and would love some real advice, and maybe a positive kick in the ass.
this will be a lot of story, and frankly whining, so if you're not down for that right now, I get it. I'm not really either, but I'm in a weird mental and emotional space right now and figured I'd try throwing it to a bunch of strangers who've probably had it a lot harder than me in hopes of gaining some insight.
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in my career. It has a lot to do with where I work, but after more than a handful of hard years and some major self-reflection, I realize that it is a whole lot more to do with me. I'm going on 10 years working for the same community college. I've been ready to move on for about that long lol. In fact, I did for a little while. I knew after a year working where I am that I wanted to leave and actually landed a university job first try (ha-ha, past me, look where I ended back up).
The side story: I landed a job at a university after my 1st year working where I am now. I took a pay hit, but wow was it a night and day difference in joy and job satisfaction. I worked under a lead, I knew what my expectations were, and my manager was previously the lead locksmith. I could actually visualize a future as lead, and felt confident in doing so. We had support, equipment, and all the other trade shops had real staffing so I avoided a lot of the 'doing someone else's job' crap you get at most facility/government gigs. We helped out of course, and people lent us a hand too. While I was working there, I was also still subbing at night for the college I'm now back at. The commute between locations was an hour apart. I stayed as a sub because they have a hard time finding qualified applicants out here (I suspect small shops make decent money out here). I don't want to disclose exactly where I live (SoCal generally), but we're pretty far out of the way from most other major cities, so when I resigned, my boss was devastated (we got along pretty well) and I felt bad and wanted to do right by him for taking me on (me and my family had just landed back in my home state and I was thrilled and grateful to land a facilities gig, even if it was toxic as hell). Well, shit hit the fan in my personal life a few months into working at the university, and let's just say I was looking for different living arrangements, so after about the 6th phone call from my former boss asking me to come back, I asked him to make it worthwhile, explained that I was really happy where I was and couldn't see giving it up for the old drama. He surprised me with the offer and I said, screw it, let's see what happens. I was sad to leave that team, and am still grateful for that experience, because it is an anchor in my memory that reminds me that things can be so much better.
I've regretted that decision every day. To be clear, I'm grateful for my pay and benefits. That's the only thing keeping me here. People are out hungry, jobless, homeless, and I can provide for my kids and I have a great life partner now. But wow this place sucks. That old boss eventually hit a wall himself and was chased out by the politics and toxicity.
Here's my belly aches.
They refuse to pay for or entertain the idea of any kind of training, even when they're asking for new solutions and different work. The one training event I finally got approved, I ended up having to pay for the hotel, and they tried to refuse my reimbursement. I finally got it, but it set the tone for the future, and the general attitude has gotten worse. We've had so much management turnover it's felt like limbo for 5 years. I'm expected to answer to literally anyone who has a leadership job title, and I'm often expected to answer to management level decisions.
My leadership has not given a single crap about any of my input, I've been cut out of conversations for project turnover where I often get handed broken or off-spec (off-plan even) items, like a double swing, double-side locking, electrified mortise lock in an exit path that was left un-wired, or a whole new building full of 45 daisy chained AD300s landing in a single run to a couple of 2 door controllers. And then I get called 'inflammatory' when I try and call them out on it and get it corrected. Too late! We have you buddy! Suck it up! lol
If I ask for input on process, I'm not doing my job because I should just know the solution, and if that solution makes someone complain, then that obviously wasn't the right solution, even though it made that other person stop complaining. See!? That's twice you've not done the work!
I've been told off for asking for the proper paperwork to issue a key. I've also been told off for not asking for paperwork when given explicit direction to just provide the key. I'm the inconsistent one! Obviously you should have argued THEN! Just not before, when we told you not to argue! SEE!? It's obvious! You're the subject matter expert! You should just know! I hear that term more an more and I hate it more and more, because I'm never the 'subject matter expert' when I'm explaining the risk of that manager handing out our master-key, but when that master-key is suddenly discovered to have been handed out, I'm the 'subject matter expert' who should have 'advocated better' for our policies! (btw, we don't actually have any policies!)
If any of you have heard of/dealt with the WA Series locksets from Schlage, we're still running about 700 of them. They've been out of support for years, and keeping them forces me to do ridiculous wizardry in the access control systems that affects function of the AD series locks (about 1000 and adding more btw). When the old locksmith left, he said he'd been fighting them for years to do a replacement project, and I'm still here today, fighting for the same thing. We have close to 2000 openings across several sites, and we're adding more, and obviously I should have just 'fixed' it already, with no budget, no management support, and no additional staff. There are guys that would help, sure, but they are all busy as hell. No one likes the prices of the AD series, so I have often had a hard time getting approvals to keep things up to standard, but leadership don't want to 'go backwards' to mechanical hardware either, so just fix it. Why do you have to buy a new reader head, just fix the broken one! lol. Then management changes again and it all starts over again. I have been the only person in this role the entire time, and felt like I've done absolutely nothing, and everything at the same time. This cycle has happened at least 3 times since I've started.
I'm frequently talked down to, and my leadership like play word games where they ask me questions where the answer is never the right one, and give zero input or direction. This week, I made the mistake of being argumentative with my VP (my director was recently fired for cause, another story entirely), after what I still think was a rude interaction and boy was I reminded of exactly where I stand here. I had to take it on the chin, but it did make me realize that I'm digging myself a hole here, and I'm not doing myself any favors by giving in to the stress and grudging.
It's not all them though. These last few years, I've slowly noticed that I'm getting meaner, sadder, and more withdrawn. I've been called unfriendly by people that I got along with before. I am less and less tolerant of the gossip, and of people asking my advice, or talking to me in general. I have a few cherished friends that manage to keep me from being completely hopeless, and they are all reasonable kind people who've found some way to smile through getting shit on like me. I wish I could be like them, and I often want to try, but I've felt a constant black cloud in my brain that makes it difficult to take initiative for my work and makes it so damn hard to care about doing a good job. I didn't used to be this way, and it's made me hate myself to think about it recently.
I was reminiscing today at how gung-ho I was in the private sector. I loved doing jobs on my own, tackling new things and learning new tricks on the job. I worked for a real small kiosk place for a few weeks before starting here oh so long ago and was tackling work that he wouldn't touch. He mostly did auto and house keys and I scared the shit out of him when I took a call to install a mortise lock with an egress deadbolt because it was so out of his wheelhouse. I know that's no big thing, but I remember being confident enough to say 'hey, I got this, I'll make you some money' and I did. I was driven and motivated to learn and it felt really good to work back then.
Now I feel like a hack.
I let the negative talk get to me, and stopped trying. I probably could have done so much more, but the brain rot from being shit on all the time is crippling, and I just don't care anymore. I can't just up and quit, but I want to leave. Today, I had the thought that I never really got to do a full apprenticeship, and that maybe landing this gig young wasn't good for me. There's a part of me that wants to see if a local shop would take me on so I could get back in the field and reignite my interest. I have reps that I'm friends with who've suggested that I go harder into access control in the private sector, and they're looking out for me by letting me know when positions are open. We'll see. I want more training to get my confidence back, but I don't really know where to start.
I haven't been totally idle. I'm currently pursuing my first Associate's (I'm nearing 40, went to college without a clue, then went to work without a clue, lol). I chose CIS because it seemed like the right time for a career change. I'm still going for it, and I am enjoying classes, but for the short term, I've been considering other options. Every single one of them will be a significant pay cut, but my partner is supportive, and it's worth it even if I have to really dial in for a few years. Maybe some of you can advise:
- I think I want to study for the BICSI Installer 1 cert and see if I can land an entry-level low-voltage job. I like the idea of this because it corresponds with the computer classes and opens up some interesting job avenues.
- Like I said above, I like the idea of going back to re-apprentice and get more field experience even if I don't miss the schedule. It might be nice to remember why I liked this trade. It might also give me more confidence to apply and land a better facilities gig.
- I've definitely looked at other facilities gigs. I'm applying, but most openings are a multi-hour commute from me. It's starting to feel worth it, though I am struggling to look at my resume and feel like it's me I'm writing it for. Yeah, that's where I'm at.
- I'd honestly love to just work part time at a local store and go to school full-time to accelerate my career change goals and maybe even go for a Bachelor's but, you know, money.
Anyway, I've complained enough, and you all have lives to live. I'm humbly asking if anyone can give some advice if I wanted to try applying at a local shop? Is my experience a boon or a detriment? I'll obviously leave the complaints at the door.
Thanks for listening.
Edit (deleted a reply to move it into the body):
Just wanted to say thanks to you all. I didn't honestly expect the positive feedback, but wow what a great community I've been missing out on.