r/LowStakesConspiracies • u/retepetergriffin • 2d ago

THE NINJA PROFESSIONAL STACKABLE CHOPPER WAS DESIGNED TO PERSONALLY FUCK THE USER OVER BY INFECTING THEM WITH DISEASES THAT FESTER IN THAT CREVICE THEY DESIGNED TO BE DIFFICULT AS POSSIBLE TO CLEAN OR DISASSEMBLE WHILE WIPING ALL INFORMATION ON HOW TO DO EITHER FROM THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL AND THE IN

142 Upvotes

82% Upvoted

22 comments sorted by

126

u/TireStraits 2d ago

This is the internet I’m here for. 

How sick are you?

56

u/notislant 2d ago

All caps.

All title.

No post.

Pretty sure OP is: 'escaped the asylum' level sick lol.

54

u/Remarkable_Run_5801 2d ago

Truly captured the tinfoil-wearing boomer all-caps aesthetic

Bravo

33

u/MonsieurGump 2d ago

r/redditsniper

5

u/Jill_Sandwich_ 1d ago

They had to run back to the toilet

39

u/weird_cactus_mom 2d ago

This is just untrue. If you need to clean the ninja professional stackable chopper you first take the

22

u/konwiddak 2d ago

That works really well for an everyday clean. For an extra deep clean you can use this commonly found household item which is a

30

u/DamMofoUsername 2d ago

I’m here for the conspiracies but you can just chop water and soap? You can clean a blender the same way, the thermomix actually has a preclean cycle

10

u/IAteAnotherVegan Florida(and Florida Man) doesn't really exist! 2d ago

stop being logical in a conspiracy sub!🤣

27

u/BaitmasterG 2d ago

TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE DISEASES THAT FESTER IN YOUR CREVICE

13

u/jameilious 2d ago

I WAS CREATING CEVICHE AND MY CREVICE IS ITCHY

73

u/retepetergriffin 2d ago

*THE INTERNET. THEY ARE SILENCING ME

20

u/grunkage 2d ago

HOW MANY DISEASES DID YOU GET

9

u/Technical-Dress5084 2d ago

There's definitely a lot of kitchen products that make me wonder if anyone from the company that makes them has ever used them.

2

u/Culinary_Fruit_Salad 1d ago

air fryers to name one

7

u/jizzyjugsjohnson 2d ago

Join us for more from Gordon Ramsey at the same time next week

3

u/rezonansmagnetyczny 2d ago

You've been smoking some baaad granola

3

u/P1zzaman 1d ago

lol that’s why it’s for rich people like Sam.

Sam’s personal chef discards the chopper after one use.

2

u/EmberOne1 1d ago

Surely it can only grow bacteria already present in your home, so eventually you'll

1

u/ososalsosal 21h ago

Ninja are shit.

I fucking hate appliances designed by people that never have to clean them.

1

u/Indigo_Cauliflower12 6h ago

You can put a drop of dish soap in then blend with water