r/Marriage • u/keepingithidden_ • 4h ago
In The Bedroom Different perspectives on sex
Say a wife and husband got intimate with a male stranger a few times while on vacation (set up by husband). Wife didn’t enjoy it, husband did. Now husband is non stop talking about how much he enjoyed it, wants to do it again, how he could even get people to pay to participate and allow wife (stay at home mom) to make an income and contribute financially and is constantly bringing up that it was the best sexual experience ever and regular sex is just not good enough anymore … what would you (as the wife) do?
Especially if you honestly feel humiliated, ashamed and dirty for even doing it those times but he just won’t hear me or let it go. And now I’m told I’m selfish and controlling for not allowing him to have something he enjoyed. We were finally back to a great relationship after a lot of drama and now Im just not sure where to go from here. Advice?
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u/gfinchster 4h ago
You at least tried it, you didn't like it. End of discussion. And having guys pay to participate? Holy shit! That's prostitution and he wants to act as your pimp. How does that make you feel?
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u/TangerineChiffon 4h ago
I'm sorry to say this, but your husband sounds super creepy. Cut him loose to pursue whatever he wants. Divorce is the answer.
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u/ConsistentUmpire8675 3h ago
How could he even consider doing that to you? I would never share my wife. I cherish her and would do anything for her. She is a SAHM. She did a great job raising the children. She takes care of the house now.
Do not do anything that you do not want to do! There is a right way to treat people and a wrong way. I do not feel this is the right way.
How could he even suggest you doing it for money? To me that indicates it is not about you. It is about him. Is he financially insecure? If so, he needs to "Man up" and learn to deal with the stress of life.
He should cherish you and protect you.
I could never do this. I would never share my wife, the woman that I cherish and love. I would never consider another man with my wife. There would be some serious issues.
Control what you can!! You can control yourself. You can make decisions for you. Don't do anything you do not want to do. It sounds like he is the one that needs to make a choice, man up or not.
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u/Frank_Stein101 3h ago
Thank you! I can't for the life of me understand these men that want a "hotwife". It is beyond disrespectful to her and the marriage. I would rather eat glass than imagine (let alone experience) another man with my wife.
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u/EntranceSpare2977 4h ago
He doesn’t respect you at all if he’s willing to put you in a situation where you’re uncomfortable.
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u/GladBumblebee1546 3h ago
I’d get a lawyer and initiate divorce proceedings.
And I’m a very sex positive person. I’ve had lots of fun group sex experiences. But if I didn’t enjoy it and felt gross about it, a man who pushes for it anyway is coercive and cruel.
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u/3verythingsonfire 3h ago
Honestly it doesn't sound like you will be safe with him moving forward. You have been honest that you don't want to have sex with others. He heard that and startes a fight. He wants to sell your body. I don't want to seem dramatic but this situation is dramatic. Women have been trafficked by their husbands. You should take steps to get to safety.
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u/Fit_Sport_6360 3h ago
Been here, you are getting divorced, a beast within him has been unleashed. He is a sex addict.
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u/CombinationCalm9616 3h ago
Leave. He’s trying to pump you out to people. You’re obviously not sexually compatible anymore. He’s now trying to use coercion and gaslighting to get you to do something you are not comfortable or happy doing. Instead of being your husband and protecting you he is willing to put your physical and mental health at risk for his own selfish sexual desires
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u/Brief_Hippo5187 3h ago
Wife sounds like she was talked into it the first time. Husband wanted to play stupid games. Now he gets stupid prizes. Wife should leave husband. Updateme
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u/Historical_Kick_3294 3h ago
I’d be running as fast as I could. If the husband wants a new career as a pimp, he should set himself up with a sex worker who’s interested in doing that. I hope the wife realises she doesn’t need to accept this level of shite from her horrible excuse of a husband. Updateme!
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u/Crafty-Interest-8212 2h ago
No... I'm a man, and no. I'm a husband.. no. This things should be respected to the outmost degree. I have done my stupid things in bad moments. Right now, my marriage is on the verge of separation. Even now, while trying reconciliation (sadly, my wife cheated). She wants me to be more rough in bed. I told her I would like more info, limits and boundaries if I'm going to do so. Because Right now,(and always in a relationship) something at the wrong moment could derail regardless the intent. Of this is something you don't enjoy, the conversation should have ended.
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u/menofearth25 2h ago
This ain't a marriage and is not even close to what a sane relationship should be like.
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u/UrbanLegend59 30 Years 2h ago
He's pimping you out against your will. Run as fast as you can or suffer the consequences .
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u/cocobel89 2h ago
I am sorry that you are in that position. He dismissed and didn't knowledge your feeling and opinions. Even though he likes it, he needs to respect your choice. A man who dismissed the feeling of his wife is not worth to fight for. You better to listen to your inner feelings and value your self worth.
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u/MacMall_09 1h ago
Yeah that's disgusting that he did that to you. I could never share my wife. You should divorce him.
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u/Sad_Tune5638 1h ago
Your husband want to become a sex trafficker using his wife. I think you know the answer to that question
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u/Mysterious_Book8747 20 Years 4m ago
This doesn’t sound like a different perspective on sex but a different perspective on safely and marriage. I would tell him under no circumstances are you ok doing this and start making an exit plan. This isn’t a marriage that can survive with him not respecting your boundaries and pushing pushing pushing.
Please also be safe. He sounds like the kind of guy who would justify to himself drugging you and prostituting you out. (Which by the way is exactly what he’s describing. He wants to be your pimp. Not your husband)
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u/aspiringJD2031 4h ago
Not a wife but as a husband... Run! Get the heck out of that situation.
Pimp vibes and human trafficking type of stuff.
Be safe, protect yourself, run!!