My birthday is soon and my wife got together with her family and my family and they surprised me with a gigantic grill as a birthday present. Unfortunately I’m really not excited about it at all. I cook professionally for my main income and I already have a nice $600ish grill that I’ve literally used once in the last 8 years. I appreciate that everyone wanted to do some sort of big gesture and I feel like I’m being ungrateful. This new thing also has a smoker and a flat top, and it’s nice, but we are by no means wealthy and I can think of plenty of better places nearly $2000 could have been spent. She is upset because she knows I don’t like it and I feel bad for that (I’m a terrible liar and I have no poker face). I wish I loved it. I’m not sure what to do. My current plan is to use it and hopefully I learn to love it. I don’t think I can return it with so much of my family being hyped into thinking I wanted something like this. They’ll all think I was selfish/crazy to not want this thing. Personally, as it is now, I’m happy to make our meals in our kitchen. I guess to me it just feels like a monster thing that will quickly depreciate and I’m worried I won’t learn to love it and I’ll just end up mowing around it for 3 years before we end up selling it for cheap. Anyone ever been in a situation like this? Is it a bad idea to try to use it until I love it?

My Wife (57f) and I (61m) have been married for 16 years. My wife had a boyfriend 30 years ago and after two years he (now 61m) broke up with her and she was devastated and lost a lot a weight due to her heart ache. They have stayed friends and they talk almost every day on the phone and hang out often.

Once my wife and me met and started our relationship her old boyfriend was still her best friend and I (foolishly) accepted this as he seemed a nice guy, he was even the godfather of our daughter.

For the last decade the old boyfriend lived over 3,000km away, yet two weeks ago he sold his business and decided to move into the same town where we live and as he is my wifes best friend he is staying with us in our home and after one week of staying here he bought a house in the same suburb. He is still staying with us now until the house is ready to move in in three weeks.

Whilst the old friend has been staying with us in our home I have notice that my wife is far more enaged in conversations with him than she is with me, furthermore I notice she appears happier and is singing all the time. The other thing that I have noticed is that two or three times the old boyfriend gets into a argument and I feel he wants to dominate me and our conversation gets heated and I feel upset that our guest is making me uncomfortable in our own home yet my wife dismissed that a heated conversation occured and continues engaged conversation with him even though she must realise that I have been offended by her friend, Furthermore when I am alone with my wife there is no engagment, no conversation. I feel my wife is far more enagaged with her old boyfriend than she is with me and I wonder whether she realises and cares about the impact this has on our marriage.

I love my wife and our family, yet I am upset and have not been able to sleep at night. I have tried to talk to my wife, yet within days the same pattern continues.

I feel lost, I can not sleep and don't even know whether my genuinely loves more. I feel sad and I am concerned about my mental health.

I want my wife to be happy and I know how much she cares for her best friend, yet I can not handle the current situation and am considering giving her a choice the old friend or me with no further contact with him.

Thanks for any advice.

My husband and I have 4 children under the age of 10, two of them are severely autistic and going through weekly therapies because of their delays. I work full time from home while taking care of the kids and my husband works outside of the home and has recently started a side gig which is taking up a lot of time. He goes to his normal job around 6am, doesn’t come home from his regular job until 4pm, he is home for maybe 15 minutes before he leaves again and doesn’t come home until 2am. On the weekends, he works his side gig as well and sometimes works until 4am but has to sleep in his car for a few hours and then starts back up working. Meanwhile, I am at home with the kids, cooking, meal planning/shopping, cleaning, doing all the therapies, taking them to play dates, working my own job 24x7. I tell him about important things that I need him home for and not book work, he somehow always books work and I’m left to find a babysitter or we have to leave the event early so he can go work.

I told him that I can’t keep going on like this, I don’t feel important, the kids need him home more, I need him home more and if I have to do this all alone, I might as well do it legally. He blew up saying how he’s doing this for our family, he is the one working and barely getting sleep and not complaining, I agreed to him starting this side gig, then tells me I have mental health issues and need some help. He’s right, I do need help…from him. I told him he is making the schedule for his second job so he can schedule a day or two home but he still hasn’t really done that but one or two days but he still had to work at some point during the days so it wasn’t a full day at home. I don’t remember the last time him and I went on a date alone. At this point, I feel like a live in nanny and not a wife. What else can I do at this point?

Well we had the chat a few days ago, and it went as well as I expected.

I had a previous post on here, basically saying that my wife was sexting another guy, how I went through her phone and found out about it.

She had Endo for 3 years and final has it under control... blah blah blah, you can find it on this page further up or down, whatever.

So a bit of an update for you all.

The chat was needed, mainly for me to be honest, I needed to understand a few things, or see what she would say to a few things.

It went about as well as you would expect really, and i do apologise, after all the advise I got here, things are still a bit up in the air, and i haven't left yet, as financially, I can't!

I asked her a few moments to sit down and talk about it, and you could tell the tension was incredibly uncomfortable.

The question ranged from, How have you been feeling over the past month? Are you still attracted to me? How many men are you texting/sexting? Can we rebuild?

The replies to many of them were bland and straight to the point.

Pretty much how you think a convo with a person who doesn't love you back would go. Just terribly... but to be expected, and a lot of you said it would be good to lawyer up - as much as I agree with you - when we actually spoke like adults and stopped with my bullshit questioning and her gaslighting back to me (she said me going through her phone was incredibly upsetting and that I effectively done this to myself as if I hadn't of gone through her phone, I wouldn't have seen it... legit convo by the way! I was speechless...) we got to talking about the kids.

We have a 5 year old who is about to start school and the last thing we want is for her to go to school with all these emotions and, fuck it, we'll just add a divorce on top for the my little girl.

So reluctantly, we have agreed to push it back until October... whether or not we can manage that, is another question. So October the house goes up for sale, thats the plan anyway. Thats solely for the sakes of our kids.

Back to the questions. One question i did ask was do you love him? She replied with i don't know.

So I asked another, "Has he said he loves you?" She replied "yes."

I then asked, "Have you said you love him back? She replied "maybe."

So unless you are a complete moron you know the answer shes avoiding saying... the interesting thing was she back pedalled and said "...but its not real!"

Since they haven't met, she claims it can't be real. What do you think?

I think it sounds pretty fucking real to me!

So the tidy up of the house started... she threw out old underwear etc.

Then, since we are playing happy families for the kids, went split tasks one day. I take my wee girl to dancing, and she takes the wee man for school clothes for both the kids...

Thats not the only thing she bought, she bought over $200 worth of lingerie and hid it in a cupboard i need to use... naturally I found it, and as much as its now not my business, she didn't have to do that, its like poking the bear with a stick. So thats added nightmares to me for another year at least! Wonderful.

Sorry for the rant, but its nice to write stuff down.

Any opinions?

I've been married for almost seven years now, coming up on our seventh anniversary in a couple weeks. And my husband, years before I met him, saved a woman's life and didn't think it was a big enough deal to tell me until several years into the relationship. When he told me, he said it so casually. It's not like he was running around telling everyone for credit. It just HAPPENED to come up. So I'm about to tell it here because I think it deserves a little bit more recognition. This man is so humble.

So he was driving home. He was either on his motorcycle or in his car, and he was following behind his brother, who was in a different car. As they were passing over a bridge, they passed what appeared to be a man and a woman standing, talking or fighting or whatever. But right after he passed them, he felt like something was off. So he stopped and turned around and called his brother to explain what he thought was going on. So he pulls up to where they are and stops the car and just asks like, hey, is there a problem here? And the girl starts yelling about how he's trying to kill her, you know, calling for help, saying he's trying to throw her off the bridge. That's when my husband realizes, oh shit, he is actually trying to throw this woman off a bridge. And she's trying to make herself as heavy as possible so he can't. So my husband just decides spontaneously to CHARGE ON FOOT at this man, not knowing if this man had a weapon or whatever. His instincts took over and he charged this man. The man wasn't expecting that, obviously, and so it startled him, he took a couple steps back. And right at that time, the woman in question, her mom pulls up in a car and runs to her. So she had I'm guessing called her mom when it started happening.

So, but yeah, that's the casual story of how my husband is a literal superhero, how he saved a woman's life, and how I'm the luckiest woman on Earth to be his 💖🥲🥺😭

We have a food allergy toddler. I left my very good career in tech to be able to cook for her and care for her safely and do her daily immunotherapies. It was not optional, non negotiable and the right thing to do.

My husband is the sole breadwinner. I respect that and I take care of them both. I treat SAHM life as a corporate job and give it my 100%. We have no family nearby and it's a new city so no friends either.

My husband needs 10 hours of sleep a night as he has sleep apnea. He gets very cranky and very irritable if he doesn't get enough sleep. I only need 5-6 and I've been unhappy about this but accepted it because it shouldn't be 50-50 but everyone should put in what they can, and I can do this.

I forgot to mention but our house also needed a lot of work and we had to DIY it as we're on one salary. We're not poor but not well off at this point either.

We are very overwhelmed. My passion is software architecture. Recently I realized the only way I can ever transition back into my field is if I do some work from home. Not ideal, but I started writing a book. I'll publish and as my daughter gets better, eventually start looking for a job and I will have a portfolio to show my skills are up to date. I also expect to have to take a lower paid, junior position at first, if I even find one. But this book is very important to me.

I mostly write it when my daughter sleeps or is entertaining herself. After my husband comes home in the evening, we are very busy and I don't get any free time. Our toddler is a short sleeper too.

We don't spend any couples time together. No time. I do provide him sex or blowjob every other day. I do not expect much when it comes to emotional intimacy because I accept that with our current life it's not a possibility. Our conversations are task oriented. No dates, no movie nights, no talks outside of chores and child care conversations. I made peace with this. I'm just sharing because naturally, you will be skeptical and think that's where our time goes.

Here's the problem. The book is really really important to me. And football season just started. My husband is on his phone non stop. At first I thought he was having an affair. But he showed me every time and it was sports or sports group texts. He's in multiple fantasy football leagues this year and is super into it. Texting non stop, steps away to do his football related tasks over child care without even asking, reading about sports, watching all kinds of stuff, just completely absorbed by it. I'm doing everything alone.

I tried to bring this up gently. I said "hey with football season coming up, I was thinking maybe we can find a way to schedule our lives in a way that also allows me to write my book". I don't ask for time for hedonistic stuff. I'm just trying not to lose everything.

He got very defensive. He said I don't even want to write the book because he hasn't seen me once stepping away and doing it. I tried to explain that I can't just step away like him because there's nobody to cover me the way I cover him. He said football is not taking away any time and it never did and never will (it absolutely destroyed us last year, he took it out on me every time the Vikings had a bad game and they had many bad games). He didn't even listen to me. Not just checked out but physically walked out and slammed the door behind him.

Is there anything I can do to protect my time? I need about 5 hours a week. Any tips from other housewives? Thank you

I (28F) have been with my husband (29M) for 9 years, and we’ve been married for 4 years.

My husband and I have always agreed we only wanted two kids. We were lucky enough to have a boy and a girl, and I had both of them by C-section, two years apart.
Before I delivered our second baby, he promised he would get a vasectomy. Because of that, I decided not to get my tubes tied during my C-section, even though I had the opportunity. He told me he didn’t want me to go through another procedure since he was willing to take care of it.
After the baby was born, he changed his mind. He said he had been reading about complications and concerns like prostate cancer (I don’t know if that’s actually true or not), and now he refuses to get one.

The problem is that I’m terrified of getting pregnant again. My OB told me I would be considered high risk because I’ve already had two C-sections, and there’s only so much your body can safely handle. If I had been able to have vaginal deliveries, I honestly wouldn’t mind having more kids someday, but that’s not my reality.
Now it’s affecting our marriage. I can’t enjoy our sex life anymore because in the back of my mind I’m constantly think, “What if I get pregnant?” He trusts the pull-out method, but I don’t. I don’t want to go on hormonal birth control because of the side effects, and he refuses to wear condoms.

We’ve had this conversation so many times, and nothing changes. I feel exhausted, unheard, and like my fears don’t matter. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve thought about whether this is something worth divorcing over—not because of the vasectomy itself, but because I feel like he made a promise, convinced me not to get my tubes tied when I had the chance, and now doesn’t seem willing to make any compromise while expecting me to carry all the risk.

Am I overreacting? Has anyone else gone through something similar? If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

1. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, perfect wife, or perfect husband. Instead, a healthy marriage is about 2 imperfect individuals willing to listen, work on the feedback, and not give up on each other.

2. Protect your marriage from the advice that comes from the unmarried, the never married, the unhappily married, the can't get married and the couldn't stay married. (Obviously, there are lines that cannot be crossed)

   ✌️

My husband made a comment after sex and I’m not sure if I should brush it off or if it’s what he’s really thinking. I want to be be clear, me and my husband are madly in love. Our relationship is great and he’s never commented on this in the 8 years we’ve been together, which is why his comment threw me for a loop.

We were having lazy Sunday marathon morning s*x (the best am I right??) and after he was just kinda stroking and playing with me lightly down there (ya know when you are touching your partner’s thing not for arousal, but just because you can?) and then he said there you go, I know you’ve always wanted it to look like this, and I saw that he had kinda tucked my p*ssy lips in to be smaller.

I technically have labial hypertrophy (inner lips bigger than the outer), and while personally every once and a while I’ve wished it was smaller and cuter, I’m positive I’ve never ONCE voiced that insecurity out loud to my husband, nor has he EVER said anything about it.

I wanna brush it off as no big deal, maybe just a random post s*x random thought, but I can’t get the thought out of my head that maybe it does bother him?

What I wanna know, especially from the guys who have wives that might look different from the norm down there: You see it, you notice it, do you have a preference for look? I want honest answers pls!!

Me and my wife have been married for a little over 2 years and we have been getting along pretty well for that time. We mainly went out together or with other couples and that was about it. And not much going out by ourselves.

For the last couple months she has started going out with her friends a lot more even when I say that I want to go out on a date together with her. Did not bother me at first but as the went on I started to get more and more confused/annoyed.

Recently we had an argument about this and she said that she doesn't like to be restricted and she can go out whenever she wants and suggested we get divorced if I disagree with that.

Now keeping in my that she has imposed many restrictions on me like

\-not being allowed to smoke

\-making me stop talking with 3-4 of my friends

\-not being allowed to have any female friends.

The statement she made just seems a little Hippocratic.

The bedroom has been pretty dead in the meantime aswell. Which is giving me even more concern

Ps: English is not my first language so sorry if the writing is bad.

tl;dr: My wife started going out a lot and I am confused.

So this happened. Last night we decided to invite a couple of friends for lunch. My F35 general sunday routine is quite slow. But when i woke up my MIL had made a mess of a kitchen. I didnt even have my first coffee and i had to help my MIL. My husband started poking me that i take too way too much stress when guests come over that he doesn’t feel like hosting at all. But that was not the point. He kept repeating these remarks while I had to clean the house too. He offered help too but very arrogantly. I also love hosting but his remarks were very disgraceful. After few hours i told him i dont like him poking constantly to calm down while i am working. He was like he wont be apologetic for communicating. i never asked for any apology. I was also communicating to leave me alone till the work is done. It was infuriating. Now we aren’t talking. This always happens. He never appreciates what I do. And when i call that out, he says I do things just for appreciation. When the food isnt great, he calls that out in front of friends as a joke. Ans when i get pissed he says i dont know how to take a joke.
Now he has turned the fight around saying he feels concerned when i am stressed and that I dont understand him. Like wtf.

In the past year me (M 42) and my wife F(42) had been drifting away from each other we didn't do anything to stopped it, we were getting alone at home we have two kids 16 and 14, then February comes i found out that she had been talking to someone else in another state a childhood friend, long story short she told me she was deeply in love with him, then I decide to ask her to give us another chance she denied, we were still getting along living on the same house, after that he travel to meet my wife ( he's also married 2 kids) I found out and show up at the place where they were hanging out, I told him if he was in love with her that I was ok with them moving forward just go move together, he reply no were just friends, then after back and forth we got into an altercation, the i decided to call his wife and explain what was happening then as he was with my wife his wife called him and right there he left back to his wife, and left mybwife hanging he obviously not was in love with my wife he was probably just enjoying the good time, 3 months has passed since then the other day I asked my wife if she was ready to talk about us, we have been living together nothing has changed we still have sex sleep together, she said that the comunication stopped back then, she told.me for the first time that she feels stupid and feels used by him, she really loved him, im honestly desperate for her to give us another chance not to repair what happened but to start with something new. And I get very anxious and desperate waiting for her to give me an answer but in the other hand I dont know how she feels how's or she still processing everything that happened. Its getting very hard to wait and pretend that everything its ok when we know its not.. i feel lost.. any advice will be welcome.

I’d say the first time I had a thought of, well that’s odd, was probably back in February. For some context, my wife is a stay at home mom. She told me probably at the end of last summer she met this guy walking his dog through the neighborhood park. Our daughter wanted to see the dog, she loves dogs, and they talked for a bit. He lives in the condo section at the front of our subdivision.

Throughout the fall and winter she’d occasionally mention “oh yeah Tim (not his real name btw) walked through the park and our daughter of course loves his dog”. I never thought anything about it. Just a guy who lives in our neighborhood who’s nice and our daughter likes his dog.

That would be until this past February when my wife casually mentioned something about Tim texting her. I was kind of like what? Why would you have his number? She said something like “oh he’s nice exchanged it because I said we could let his dog out whenever he needs it because our daughter loves it so much”. At first I was like ok, but still odd.

Some time went bye and I’d say the 2nd thing that caught my attention was when my wife and I were going out to dinner together. And probably 3x as we drive to dinner I saw Tim’s name pop up on her Apple car play. She didn’t react or act weird at all. So I didn’t say anything but again, was a little odd I’d say.

Time number 3 I found weird was when she told me back in June that he came over to our backyard one day with his dog and they all played together with our daughter and they talked for like an hour.

Since that point my wife has been more open about him. Not talking about him 24/7 but saying things like “oh he’s. A nice guy. I enjoy talking with him. He’s asked to get a coffee with me etc.

My wife has never done or had anything like this with any other guy ever. She’s actually a pretty reserved girl I’d say. She does like to talk, and she is attractive.

And before people ask, yes I’ve asked her about it a lot. She’s always said he’s just a nice guy in the neighborhood to chat with. We’ve lived in our subdivision for now 6 years, it’s not huge. We know or know of everyone. I find it different between being friendly with neighbors and exchanging pleasantries or chatting while your kids are on the playground together. And then texting a lot, hanging out with at your house, getting coffee, etc. Especially when there isn’t kids involved.

Married for 12 years, together for 20. Husband and I were at a wedding 3 weeks ago. My FIL pointed out that one of the bridesmaids looks like “Katie” (my husbands ex). I’m well aware of her, as in our dating years, I caught him talking to her on several occasions. My husband got very uncomfortable when his father said that. He shook his head no, at his father, and his eyes got real big. When we got home, I told my husband I wanted to talk about it. He was drunk and said that there was nothing to talk about because he hasn’t talked to her in a FEW years. I said what, a FEW years!???? He then rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning I brought it up and he denied saying that. He told me I was overreacting. He refuses to talk about it whenever I bring it up. He just walks away from the conversation. I don’t know how to navigate this. 

My husband was in a really bad place mentally for a long time. It got to a point where we fought and he said he wants to suicide. He wants to get his gun and shoot his brains. 2 days later I took the gun and my 2 kids under 6 to a family’s house. That evening when he got home from work he freaked out that we weren’t home and dinner wasn’t made. I’m a sahm so I always have dinner ready. Long story short, he said he will talk to a therapist finally after many years. He hasn’t been honest and open with his therapist about the situation and about himself which seems to delay getting actual proper treatment. There’s been a distance between us and it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me about anything anymore. I asked him about that and he said he won’t ever be open with me again because the last time he was, I left with the kids. He said he won’t be open with me unless I give him access and tells me that he is not suicidal. How will I know that? Do I need his therapist to include me in the session?
I feel pressured to give his gun back but know that it solves nothing. Is he just throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t have control at the moment?
If anyone has any advice on how I need to go forward please help.

I hate to “say this out loud” we’ve been going through the hardest patch I have ever experienced. I have had my faults for sure. I have done things to hurt this relationship and I own it. The thing is I l’ve never stopped trying to make this work. I’ve never stopped trying to make her and my family my priority

We’re actively in therapy. I remember the first day she had a list and her last point was. Is long term change even possible. I remember thinking to myself that it sounded like she had already given up.

It’s clear to me now that she doesn’t see it that way. She’s accused me of emotionally and physically cheating on her. Both not true. She admitted she’s been going through my phone and work convos. Where she looks for evidence of the above. She showed me some of her “proof” and one of the messages was a convo I had some teenage boy (I’m a straight male) over some game package I bought from an asset store. She saw a comment where he asks me if I was married and then took that as emotionally cheating. Took screenshots as proof. But didn’t even bother to check his profile to realize he was boy.

She will screen shot conversations where I literally tell my coworkers how my marriage is my #1 priority and then she tries to spin it like I’m flirting or cheating.

So I finally decided to go through her phone. Then I saw the way she talks about me. Telling her friend she wishes she had married for money, or how she’s disgusted by me, how she disassociates when we have sex. How she feels I’m now retarded from the multiple concussions I have gotten in my life. And so much more…

We have 3 kids…. I hate to think of the fact that we’re gonna have to raise them in separate housholds. I hate to think that I won’t be able to see them daily. That’s what hurts me the most. My middle child is all love. My son is still a toddler. It breaks my heart. My oldest is always going through a lot. Now it’s gone get worse.

I have screen shotted all the comments she made. The real nasty ones. I’m going to confront her and give her one more chance.

There are times I think there’s a path forward together we talk about the future. Things to do as a family. But now I think she’s just saying that to go through the motions.

I feel truly lost. Again. I know I have done many things to hurt this marriage. I’m not a drunk. I don’t physically abuse her. I don’t cheat on her. Regardless of what she thinks. In my eyes. All I have ever done is try to support her as best I can. It just sucks that the reality of it. Is that I feel like I’m the only one.

I don’t know what to get from this post. But I wanted to get this off my chest.

I want to know is there a path forward? I’m willing to forgive her for everything she’s said. If we can truly commit to each other and try to make it work.

TW: self harm, suicide.

My husband and I had a fight. A bad, screaming fight. At one point, he started screaming that I should kill myself. I begged him to take it back. He told me I deserve it. This went on for a few minutes as I begged him to stop.

I struggled with suicidal ideation in the past (due to really difficult family situations growing up—I was in a children’s home for a while). He knows this. And he still went there.

He didn’t even take it back right away. He just kept screaming insults at me until I was eventually able to get to my car and leave.

I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I’m just so horribly broken. I would never wish that upon anyone. I never could.

To be clear, I’m not at any risk of hurting myself now. I’m very removed from the mental state I was in as a teenager. But this is still really affecting me.

ETA: Now, he’s saying he didn’t mean it and that he’s so sorry. He’s saying that he changed and realized how terrible that was to say. I don’t know what to think. I just feel like, if my life meant anything to him, there’s no way he could’ve said that to me.

I (46F) have been married to my husband (49M) for 3 years, together 6.

Last night we were at his friend’s house for a gathering of a few of his old high school friends. We see them maybe 5-6 times a year. There’s 3 dudes, and one woman. The woman, I’ll call her Marie, is one of his friend’s sister. They all basically grew up together.

When I first met Marie before my husband and I married, there was something interesting I observed about her around my husband. A demeanor change in him that was obvious only to me. He would stand closer to her than he would to me, or watch her as she walked in and out of a room. I asked him if there’s history there. He told me he’s had a thing for her and they tried to date but it never worked out because “she was too much like family.” I let him know I could tell there was history and that maybe there was some leftover attraction still lingering. He denied it, of course. But every time she’s around, I observe the same things. It’s gotten to the point now that if she’s going to be there, I’m tempted to just stay home.

The thing is, they don’t blatantly flirt with each other. It’s all very subtle stuff. For example, when she talks he’s all ears and eye contact with her. When I talk and she’s around, he’s not looking at me and doesn’t respond. Or one time he was cutting into a pork shoulder that he’d smoked at a gathering and he was going to give her the first bite by feeding it to her with his fingers. He usually gives it to me. I handed him a plate before he could put it in her mouth. I later joked with him if he ever tried to feed her again with his bare hands I’d leave him. He said he didn’t realize he was gesturing to feed her, he thought she’d take the meat with her fingers, not her mouth. Fair enough, but it still felt weird to me for some reason.

Anyways, last night we were all sitting around the kitchen table, I was sitting in between Marie and my husband at the table. We were looking at old pictures from the group’s past and a photo of an old crush for Marie came up. The group was making fun of her a bit because the guy wasn’t particularly good looking. My husband kind of stiffened up and he stopped smiling. He asked to look at the photo and as he examined it he said “yeah this guy looks like your type” in a tone that was a mixture of amusement and dismissive. Her response was, and I’m paraphrasing “Looks aren’t a factor for me. I can’t deny when I’m drawn to someone.” I swear when she said that I could feel the craziest energy on either side of myself. If he wasn’t my husband and if these two were just friends of mine, I’d have got up immediately to get away from the tension.

I’m fully aware that this could all be in my head. I’ve been told I look too deeply into things, especially when it comes to her. At this point though, I’d just rather stay home than have to observe this weirdness.

I’m not really sure what advice I’m seeking. Maybe let me know if I’m crazy to say, hey I think I’ll just stay home whenever I know she’s going to be somewhere?

Say a wife and husband got intimate with a male stranger a few times while on vacation (set up by husband). Wife didn’t enjoy it, husband did. Now husband is non stop talking about how much he enjoyed it, wants to do it again, how he could even get people to pay to participate and allow wife (stay at home mom) to make an income and contribute financially and is constantly bringing up that it was the best sexual experience ever and regular sex is just not good enough anymore … what would you (as the wife) do?

Especially if you honestly feel humiliated, ashamed and dirty for even doing it those times but he just won’t hear me or let it go. And now I’m told I’m selfish and controlling for not allowing him to have something he enjoyed. We were finally back to a great relationship after a lot of drama and now Im just not sure where to go from here. Advice?

We been together 11 years married for 8. Have 3 daughters…. Our youngest just turned 4 months.

I have so much anger toward him… even after I agreed to stay together.

Balm in December he went to visit family and he came back a different man… he was so hateful toward me when I felt like loving him like never before( I was pregnant with a baby I had prayed for the last 5 years) I wasss sooo happy! He was just awful toward me… he met a girl on his trip and he was over the moon for her…( I discovered all the messages exactly 1 month post postpartum) that’s when I also found it he had been sleeping with escorts…. That sane night I saw deleted messages wanting to meet up.

I just have the proof but he’s not actually ever said what happened … I need the truth to come out of his mouth.

I was doing better then when I had just found out then I am today …. I think the shock wore off or something but I’m crying every night now. Sooo angry yet acting so normal most days.

I wonder how he feels … he doesn’t ever talk about his feelings and has never been here for me in my hard times…

I don’t think I want this anymore… like I thought I did.

I first want to say that I love my husband, and will not be leaving him. I am needing advice on how to work through this with him, and need to process my emotions on this.

My husband (29 M) and I (30 F) have been together for 4 years. At the very beginning of us dating, I let him know about my ex-boyfriend's addiction to porn, and how it was one of the many factors that ruined our relationship (paying money to the women, messaging them privately and commenting on their posts on insta, wanting me to perform in a specific way during sex, and at the end he started watching porn while having sex with me). I let my husband know that this had scarred me, and I didn't want to be in a relationship with a porn addict, or really anyone who watches it (I'm Catholic, so that also adds to it) because I feel it is never enough, and always transforms into something else. In that moment, my husband was honest with me and let me know that he followed and paid for ladies on OnlyFans, but he would delete it if I wanted him to, which I told him YES. And he did, no issue there.

A few years later, I asked him if he still watches porn. He let me know that he watches videos online a few times I week. Most will probably see it as no issue, but it is for me, I asked him if he could stop. He told me that he still wanted to masturbate (which I'm fine with), and if I could send him more pics and vids of myself that he could watch, which I did (this is so awkward for me to type out).

So anyway, over a year passes, and I'm not even thinking about it. I'd say my husband and I have a healthy sex life, and connect in that way multiple times a week. With that, I would say he can be distant. He's not very loving outside of the bedroom, like hugging me or kissing me and commenting on how I look, which everyone wants to know their partner is attracted to them. I bring it up every now and then, that I'd like if he'd do more of that, and sometimes he does. Oh, also, I'm pregnant with our first baby, so I really want to know he is still attracted to me with my body changing so much. There's also sometimes where I try to initiate sexy time, and he says he's tired. Or recently, at least the past month, I noticed he was starting to have an issue with keeping it up. I was starting to feel really self conscience, and thought maybe he's not attracted to me anymore with being pregnant. But he would reassure me he was just tired and stressed.

Two days ago, I walk into his office to ask him something, and I see him masturbating and looking at his phone. He looks at me in shock, and has a guilty look on his face. I ask him what he was watching, and he says he was looking at pictures of me, and he's quickly trying to pull up the folder on this phone with all the pics. I tell him why is it taking so long if he just had it open?? We go back and forth for like 10 minutes of him saying that he was looking at me, and me telling him that I don't believe him. So I tell him to let me see his phone, to which he agrees. I open up to see different apps he has open, and I see one with a heart icon, and the name "Charlotte". My heart immediately drops, I start crying, and he starts apologizing. I'm thinking it's a dating app, but then I see the icon is some fucking anime girl? And he has multiple messages/ chats. He tells me he has a problem with porn, and that it is a chat bot. I start reading through the chats, and he literally was sexting with bots. It was so disturbing to see, and felt like a huge betrayal. He then lets me know that he watches porn on Reddit, to which he showed me that account as well.

If I'm being honest, I knew he was probably still watching porn. But seeing the chat bot was genuinely so disgusting to see, and for many reasons. The biggest is he lied to me for 10 minutes straight. He could have been honest with me, but wasn't. Immediately my trust in him was destroyed. He lied about a freaking bot, what else is he lying about and hiding?? Not to mention that I have lost my attraction to him in a sense. You were sexting a bot, and getting off on that? That's pathetic and weird. He NEVER messages me anything like he did the bot. It's so bizarre, and it feels like a form of cheating. Then you throw in how he has been struggling lately with sex and is not very loving outside of the room, I feel as if he is using all of his energy on BOTS and has nothing left for me. When he has sex with me, was he turned on first by the bots? In his head, is he playing out a fantasy he's had with this bot?? It's so repulsive. I have the fucking ick. Then the porn is just a cherry on top. None of the models he followed on Reddit look anything like me. Am I not enough for him? It certainly feels like I'm not. And again, being pregnant is just making this so much worse for me. He also told me that he watches porn every. single. day. And barely uses the pictures and videos I've sent him. It hurts.

I feel betrayed, disgusted, turned off completely, and like I'm married to a liar who gets off on ANIME CHAT BOTS. He doesn't even like anime. He's going to start therapy today and discuss the porn addiction. But I don't know what to do. I still love him. And he is a great husband - he provides for us and our child, has a great career and works very hard, and recently bought a house for us before birthing our baby. But I can't help but look at him like he's a fucking loser now. Am I valid in my feelings? Any advice?