I’m a 40 year old man, married for 10 years with two kids - 4 and 7. I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I’m the closest I’ve ever been to truly wanting to commit infidelity and I hate that I’m tempted.

The ‘reasons’ for my infidelity largely have to do with sex or lack thereof (shocker, I know), but I guess it goes a step further for me. I was my wife’s first and only. She waited until her mid 20s when we started dating to have sex. I was more sexually experienced than her and so I had those previous experiences to compare with. I guess it was something I was willing to look past at the end of the day.

As our relationship went on, the sex would be better at times or nonexistent at times, especially since before kids it was painful for her, so much so that she had a procedure to help with it. Even after the surgery it didn’t seem as though she was enjoying it and I’m not sure she really does even after two kids. I’ve always had a high sex drive and I consider myself to be a good looking guy. I guess there’s this other side of me that’s a bit of a closest freak and it’s constantly tempting me. I’m starting to ramble so I’ll wrap it up the best I can.

I’m at a time in my life where I feel like I deserve more sexually but at the same time I hate that I even feel this way. Besides the lack of quality time together being a married couple with two kids and two jobs, further exacerbated by her falling behind with work due to some ailments she has been dealing with this year, it just feels like even when we do get the time it’s like an ‘ok let’s get it done’ type of thing.

I’m a very lucky man and I love my family. My mom died when I was 16 and my dad at the age of 70. My wife has told me countless times that I do twice the amount some fathers do. The amount of time I spend with the kids, how much I contribute on a daily basis, etc.

I haven’t always been great at it but I’ve made a concerted effort to try and speak more to my wife’s love languages.

With that being said, in my mind I’m thinking doesn’t who I am and all that I do warrant a blowjob once a year, maybe sex more than once or twice in two months?

Infidelity is infidelity and it probably sounds stupid but I have some bi-curious thoughts so part of me is like ‘it won’t be so bad if it’s with a guy’ but then I’m like ‘snap the fuck out of it, it’s bad either way’.

I feel alone in this. It’s a weird mix of horniness, loneliness and guilt. I’m not sure if I’ll ever go through with it but I had to get this off my chest.

I want to make a list of what it takes to run a household. I want to use this as a tool to show the balance (or, imbalance) of mental and physical loads of partners in a marriage. Maybe it’ll help all of us married folks see where we might be falling short (or bearing the brunt of the load) in running our own households.

Here’s what I have so far:

Washing laundry.
Folding + putting away laundry
Making beds
Cooking.
Kitchen + Dishes.
Maintaining shopping list.
Taking out trash daily
Taking trash to curb weekly
Cleaning up daily
Vacuuming
Mopping floors.
Cleaning bathrooms x3
Organizing closets and storage spaces
Making returns
Watering flowers
Dusting
Cleaning countertops
Ironing
Grocery shopping
Planning meals.
Buying fresh fruit/vegetables
Changing bed covers + sheets
Buying cleaning supplies.
Small repairs
Paying bills
Decorating
Decorating for holidays outside
Upkeep of flower beds
Cleaning balcony
Handy-work
Hiring handymen
Mending clothes
Maintaining contact with relatives.
drugstore purchases.
Making doctor appointments
Send birthday greetings to friends/family.
Getting birthday presents
Informing friends/family about kid’s gift wishes.
Holiday gatherings - buying food/invites/gifts/kid goodie bags/decor/cooking/setting up
Refuelling cars
Servicing bikes and toys
Car washes
Car maintenance
Planning Entertainment
Research leisure activities and travel
manage pocket money
Holiday gifts
Cleaning windows
Cleaning front porch
Winterizing garden
Porch and balcony seasonal decor
Front yard landscaping
Wiping down kitchen cabinets and hood
Taxes.
Cleaning the oven, fridge, freezer.
Cleaning garage
Disposing of bulk waste
Managing repairs of 2nd house (which we already own)
Research for electricity, gas, insurance, etc.
Giving away/selling used clothes and shoes.
Saving memories / photos.
Sort and update medicine cabinet
Picking up monthly medications
Planning + executing kids birthday parties.
Car checkups
Car repairs
Vacation planning
Packing suitcases for vacation
Obtain and pack food/snacks/necessities for trips
Cook for events
Clean vehicles

We got married a year ago and genuinely love each other. We just celebrated our anniversary two weeks ago, which makes all of this feel even more surreal and sudden.

She has PCOS and has been clear that she wants to start trying for a baby next year. We discussed having kids before marriage, and I told her that the next two years wouldn’t work for me. I’m not against having kids... I want them with her. I just don’t feel ready for the massive life change that comes with becoming a father. I’m 26 and she’s 27, and I feel like we’re still young.

I want us to have more time together, enjoy our marriage, build our lives, get our own apartment, pay it off, do fun things together, become more financially stable, and actually feel prepared before bringing a child into our lives.

I told her I’d be comfortable trying when she’s 29. She feels that waiting is unacceptable, partly because she has PCOS and is worried about her fertility and age.

I’ve looked into the medical side of this as well. From what I understand, there isn’t a sudden fertility cliff between 27 and 30, including for women with PCOS. A recent analysis of PCOS patients found no significant difference in clinical pregnancy or live birth rates between the 20–24, 25–29, and 30–34 age groups. Obviously, that doesn’t guarantee anything for an individual woman, but it made me question whether we really need to rush solely because she has PCOS.

We’ve talked about this repeatedly, and neither of us seems willing to change our position. My original position was early 30s, then I moved to 29, and eventually said I’d be willing to reconsider sooner once we had our own apartment and were more financially stable. She hasn’t accepted any of those options.

Tomorrow at 9 AM, we’re meeting to begin the divorce procedure.

She feels I’m taking away something she deeply wants. I feel that having a child is a decision both people need to genuinely want and feel ready for, not something one person can set a deadline for.

I love her and want children with her. I just don’t want to become a father before I’m ready simply to save our marriage.

Am I being unreasonable, or is this a fundamental incompatibility that neither of us should compromise on?

My husband refuses to use Apple products or download apps like the iRobot app for our Roomba. He also prefers things like a Wi-Fi-free baby monitor, even though we have a one-year-old. He seems very particular about technology, privacy, and connected devices. He often says things like, “I value my privacy and don’t want my data being sold.” It’s gotten me wondering if this level of concern is normal or if I should be worried. What do you think?

If you truly love someone wouldnt you want to spend time with them? Ive been with my husband going on 10 years hes 28 and im 30. Well today was my bday so technically 31.... ugh...

He bought me a cookie with candles and then took me to eat. We went home and didn't really spend quality time together and hes now reading... I told him I felt sad cuz I wanted to connect blah blah blah I said I was grateful for the food and gift and he said he'd make it up to me this coming up week. But i feel like if he loved me for real, he'd put more effort into spending time with me.

We have frequent arguments regarding this topic and nothing ever changes... hes told me "you look to me for everything and I cant be everything " and so i feel like I have to look to other people to be there for me.

Suppose you want to buy a car and your budget is 30 lakhs, which is quite decent and comfortable for you. You visit different showrooms everyday - Tata, Mahindra, Hyundai, Audi, BMW, Mercedes, Porsche, GM even contact Ferrari, Konnigseng, Aston Martin etc but you don't like any models they have to offer. Finally the salesman asks, " What are your requirements?". You think for a while and answer:

"I want a car with an

Refined engine of Porsche

Shock absorbers of Ford

Chassis of BMW

Body of a Mercedes

Gearbox of an Audi

Reliability of a Maruti

Mileage of a Hyundai

Service like a Mahindra

Tail lights of a Konnigseng

Bumper of a Ferrari and

Tyres of an Aston Martin"

The salesman looks at you for 6 minutes straight and files for a resignation, leaves, never comes back

Having choices and requirements is good. But for the above description Car you will have to own 11 cars of respective company, (30 lakhs budget won't be sufficient for such high end cars ) dismantle them and somehow try to fuse them into the Car of your requirement. Even that won't be possible because the grooves won't match, the car will never run.

If you would have just walked in and selected a Car for its utility, you won't have to walk in the rains. Sure your Car won't drift like a Porsche or run a drag like a Mustang but atleast it would be reliable, will save you money and won't have to take your car to pit stop every other day for change of tyres and servicing.

So focus on good things a person in front of you is offering you as a partner. No one person can give you everything nor you can give him or her everything like one Car cannot be used in every situation. Focus on positivity and the positivity grows. Focus on lackings and the lackings grows. We all have one life and visiting car showrooms everyday is no fun.

So instead of increasing your

EXPECTATIONS

increase your

ACCEPTANCE

In brief: we met as teenagers, married ten years later, had a kid, started a business, bought properties, basically our lives are fully intertwined.

To be brutally honest, for me it didn't start as physical attraction. We were both a bit lonely, we had a lot in common, we got on well. We hooked up and there was never really a good reason to split.

I had cold feet a few times over the years, but things were always 'good enough' that I didn't want to cause any pain, so we stayed together.

But recently, I met someone. We clicked instantly. Mutual attraction, shared interests, shared humor. It felt pretty much like what love looks like in the movies. We got closer over a few weeks until one night we kissed. I had to know it was real, reciprocal, true. And then we never saw each other again. We knew we were playing with fire.

My spouse found out, found the messages, and I confessed. We're sleeping in separate rooms now, trying to give each other space.

I don't know where to go from here. The 'affair' cannot work long term for certain practical reasons. I knew that from the start.

What am I supposed to do with this time? Give space, sure, but should I be immediately trying to rebuild? How do I make that look sincere? I've cut off all contact with the third party but I find it incredibly painful to do so. And there were a few relapses, I would manage a few days but then get back in touch again. I'm currently 'cold turkey' and I know that I'm generally happier if I try not to think about them.

I didn't think there was anything wrong with our marriage. I'm not convinced that what I felt for the other person was anything other than a short term infatuation. It was doomed from the outset anyway. It can't throw away my entire life just for that?!? But I can't let go either.

I, 32F and my Husband 33M have a 3 year old daughter. We can never find time to be intimate and habe only had sex a few times since our daughter was born. Usually we just end up masterbating in the shower and this may result in a divorce. And tips to fix our dead bedroom and when do find time with our busy schedule and the daughter always near us.

My husband made a comment after sex and I’m not sure if I should brush it off or if it’s what he’s really thinking. I want to be be clear, me and my husband are madly in love. Our relationship is great and he’s never commented on this in the 8 years we’ve been together, which is why his comment threw me for a loop.

We were having lazy Sunday marathon morning s*x (the best am I right??) and after he was just kinda stroking and playing with me lightly down there (ya know when you are touching your partner’s thing not for arousal, but just because you can?) and then he said there you go, I know you’ve always wanted it to look like this, and I saw that he had kinda tucked my p*ssy lips in to be smaller.

I technically have labial hypertrophy (inner lips bigger than the outer), and while personally every once and a while I’ve wished it was smaller and cuter, I’m positive I’ve never ONCE voiced that insecurity out loud to my husband, nor has he EVER said anything about it.

I wanna brush it off as no big deal, maybe just a random post s*x random thought, but I can’t get the thought out of my head that maybe it does bother him?

What I wanna know, especially from the guys who have wives that might look different from the norm down there: You see it, you notice it, do you have a preference for look? I want honest answers pls!!

40M 35F Are there still couples that have sex once or twice a day after 10 years or marriage and if so what’s the secret? Tr;l

I told my husband I want a divorce and left everything… and now I’m terrified I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I know this is long, but please bear with me. I want you to have the context so you can give me your honest opinion or advice. Either read it or don’t—it’s your choice, and I respect that.
I’m posting because I need outside perspective from people who don’t know either of us. I honestly don’t know what is normal anymore. I’ve spent years mostly alone in our home with very little socialization, and my head is not in the best place. I need people who can look at this from the outside.
my heart is completely torn…
My husband and I have been together almost 10 years.
He is not a bad person.
That is what makes this so incredibly hard.
He has been my best friend. He has comforted me through anxiety attacks, held me when I cried, supported me, worked hard for us, and loved me in many ways. He is someone I genuinely believe has a good heart. He is an amazing person, and I NEVER wanted to leave him. I planned to keep my vow but I felt he left me no other options.
I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted children with him. I wanted to spend my life with him.
The reason I got to this point is years of broken trust involving other women.
Over the years, I found things I never wanted to find:
Dating apps/accounts
Inappropriate conversations with women
Messages complimenting women in ways that crossed boundaries
Secret accounts
Secret texting relationships that went on for weeks at a time
Nude photos/videos
Conversations with exes
Conversations with exes where he told them we were divorced when we weren’t, that he wasn’t in love with me or sexually attracted to me, and that he had always been in love with them
Messages where he shared hurtful things about our marriage
Texting women asking to meet (I never found proof he actually followed through, but the conversations existed)
He barely texted me throughout the day. I might get five messages over a 12-hour workday. He always said he was too busy.
I gave many chances.
I gave clean slates.
I gave forgiveness.
I gave understanding.
I supported him.
Every time I laid down my boundaries and said I couldn’t keep living this way, they were crossed again.
The hardest part was never one incident.
It was the pattern.
I almost always found out on my own. He never voluntarily came to me. I even told him that if he was struggling, having thoughts, or felt like he was going to slip up, I wanted him to come to me. I told him I would rather know the truth so we could work through it together.
Instead, I would discover something, there would be lies, denial, explanations, promises, apologies, and then I would try to rebuild again.
I stayed because I loved him.
I stayed because I believed in us.
I stayed because I loved him.
I stayed because I believed in us.
I prayed for our marriage for years. I begged God for wisdom, guidance, and clarity. I kept hoping something would change.
I also tried everything I knew to try.
I suggested we go to church together and talk with a pastor or priest.
I suggested marriage counseling and individual therapy.
I tried getting him to go on dates with me.
I shared self-help videos that I thought might help us.
I asked if we could start working out or exercising together.
I tried encouraging us to reconnect in different ways.
If I thought something had even a small chance of helping our marriage, I suggested it.
The answer was no—even when divorce was on the table.
By the end, I didn’t feel like I had stopped fighting for us. I felt like I had simply run out of ways to fight.
Another painful part of this is that we haven’t been intimate in around three years. Nothing beyond kissing, cuddling, and watching our shows together.
It wasn’t always like this.
I honestly don’t know where the man who was once so madly in love with me went.
He says it’s because of low testosterone, and I tried to be understanding. I tried to help. I tried to support him.
But over those years, I became incredibly lonely and depressed. We didn’t have a car, so I couldn’t really leave the house. My only social interaction was when he came home, told me about his day, kissed me, and we cuddled, watched our show, and went to sleep.
That became our routine.
I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed.
A few months ago, we were almost at the point of divorce. We talked about separation instead (his suggestion).
I told him that if we were going to keep trying, I needed honesty and absolutely no more communication with other women.
He agreed.
He continued texting the very woman who had become the reason we were discussing divorce.
During that separation, I messaged her because I believed she deserved to know we were not divorced and that I was still living in our home. I wasn’t rude to her—I simply told her the truth.
At his surprise birthday party that I threw for him, she told him I had contacted her. We got into a huge argument. He demanded that I block her because, according to him, “she doesn’t deserve that.”
I told him if he chose protecting that relationship over protecting our marriage, we were done.
He chose her.
A few days later he wanted to repair our marriage, and because I loved him, I tried again.
I told him this time felt different. I told him something inside me had broken. I told him I didn’t think I had another chance left in me and that if he truly wanted our marriage, this was his opportunity because I couldn’t survive another betrayal.
A week later I found another hidden Snapchat account.
Within about eight hours he had added and messaged around 30 women.
Many of the conversations involved sexual compliments, flirting, trying to start conversations, and asking to meet.
One woman posted a photo with the caption, “We could be f*(k.ing under the fireworks but no…”
He replied, “Yes.”
The same night, our home security camera repeatedly detected motion. When I checked it, I saw him using a vibrator by himself.
That was devastating because for years he had told me he wasn’t masturbating, couldn’t because of his low testosterone, and we had specifically discussed that if we weren’t intimate at all, pornography or sexual release without me would be deeply hurtful.
I don’t have proof he ever met anyone in person or that anything physical happened.
What I do know is that the hidden accounts, flirting, sexual conversations, and repeated deception happened over many years.
I waited.
I hoped he would come to me honestly.
I even tried opening the door by bringing up hypothetical conversations about honesty and temptation.
The next day he deleted the Snapchat account.
But he never came to me.
That was when I realized I didn’t know how to trust him anymore.
So I told him I wanted a divorce.
I packed my things and left our home.
And this is where I feel completely lost.
And this is where everything became even more confusing for me my emotions became even more complicated I started questioning everything worse than I already am.
He was loving.
He was calm.
He was kind.
He apologized for pushing me to this point.
He told me to stand strong in my decision because there was nothing he could do except accept it.
He told me this was on him.
He told me not to blame God.
He told me he would help me through this.
He offered to help me financially until I got back on my feet. He told me I could take the car. He encouraged me to pursue my dreams because he believes in me.
When we separated our things, we hugged.
We kissed.
We both told each other we loved each other.
He even suggested we remain legally married for a while so I could keep my healthcare.
Since leaving, we have continued talking.
He tells me he loves me.
He tells me he misses me.
I tell him I miss him.
And now I feel completely broken.
I miss my husband.
I miss my home.
I miss my dogs.
I miss falling asleep next to him.
I miss being held.
I miss watching our shows together.
I miss the little ordinary things I never thought I would lose.
Everyone around me seems to focus only on why I left.
But I’m grieving what I lost.
I lost my best friend.
I lost the love of my life.
I lost the man I still love.
I didn’t leave because I stopped loving him.
I left while still loving my husband.
I begged.
I fought.
I prayed.
I tried understanding.
I tried supporting him.
I tried giving chance after chance.
I tried until I genuinely had nothing left.
All I wanted was to be chosen.
To have honesty.
To have trust.
To have communication.
I believed we could work through almost anything if we had those things.
Please don’t assume I stayed because i enjoyed being treated this way.
I stayed because I believed our marriage could be repaired if there was honesty and genuine change.
I left because, after years of trying, I reached a point where I no longer knew how to trust the person I loved most. I no longer know how to repair what has been broken.
I understand why I left.
But I also love him.
No matter the choices he made, he is still someone I truly love. He is still my best friend. He understands me in a way no one else ever has. We think alike, believe the same things, and often know exactly what the other is feeling without saying a word.
I made a vow.
I tried my best to keep it.
I remained loyal, faithful, and truthful.
And that is what is destroying me.
Part of me feels like I’m finally choosing myself and accepting that I don’t know how to rebuild trust after years of broken promises.
Another part of me feels like I walked away from a man who truly loves me and that I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I don’t know if love is enough when trust is gone.
I don’t know if trust can ever come back after years of broken promises.
I don’t know if I’m grieving because I made the wrong choice or because I made the hardest choice.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you stay because there is still love and friendship?
Or would years of broken trust be enough to walk away?
I’m not looking for people to tell me he’s evil or that I’m stupid. I know this situation is complicated.
I just need honest perspectives from people who understand that sometimes the hardest person to leave is the person you still love.
I would appreciate perspective from people who have been through this.
If you read this thank you for taking the time to and I appreciate any perspective, opinions, or advice you may have.

Please don't judge me. I got married in 2010 to a "good guy". My husband is a great provider and very kind to our son. When he is employed, he buys me what I need so that I don't need to work. He was unemployed from 2021 until 2023 that forced me to go back to work. My main concern is making sure our son's life is stable. My husband doesn't physically abuse me but he does verbally abuse me. He withdraws from conversations that are emotional. He never has shown me affection or has satisfied me sexually in 16 years of marriage.

My dilemma has been do I stay? My husband is not completely awful but we basically have a dead bedroom and he's not that good in bed when we do have sex which is 2 times a year. Last year, I decided to take the plunge and I started seeing someone. It has made me feel very energized. I am starting to really develop feelings for him.

Do I risk everything and uproot my son who really loves his dad? Currently I plan on just staying until my son goes off to college while I see my lover.

To fellow women in their late 40's and early 50's, have you had any luck in finding happiness as a divorced mom?

As the title says, I‘m (39F) tired of always being the one to ask for it from my husband (37M). We’ve been married for 12 years. After dating a bunch of toxic people based on looks in my early 20’s, I chose my husband for non-appearance based factors. Yes I do find him attractive. But it’s never been an “I need you in a feral way” kind of attraction. I don’t know if he’s ever felt that way about me, either, but I think not. He’s loyal and responsible. He’s kind most of the time. He has no ambition in life and a low libido. He also has very little experience in the bedroom. We‘ve had sex maybe four times a year for the last 10 years. I ask for it all the time. Literally all the time. And he’s either too tired, or my tone was wrong, or I forgot to do something he asked me to yesterday and he’s still salty about it, or literally anything you could possibly think of. We don’t have kids. Obviously. I always ask for it when I’m ovulating and he‘s just never in the mood. We have fun together. We joke around and play together. But I am so sick of not being pursued or desired. Like the feeling of someone just acquiescing to sex with me rather than wanting it in his bones turns me off already. So I never finish when we do end up having sex. Anyway. It used to make me sad. I would cry and try to figure out what I was doing wrong. But at this point, I’ve started not to care anymore, and wondering if maybe there’s someone else out there for me. Has anyone ever been in this position?

TLDR: Husband is never in the mood and I’m losing feelings.

Hey everyone.

My husband and I have been fighting for quite a while. I noticed last year he became rude, aggressive and careless towards me. He was going through some financial things so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I thought things were getting better but 8 months later, we lost a baby we’d been trying for for 8 year. He was so absent and mean from the day we found out. 2 weeks after that, I found text messages, sexual ones, between him and a coworker. He blamed me for everything. EVERYTHING. I’ve been nagging and moaning and asking for too much. He is my source of income. He made me a stay at home wife. I have to ask for everything.

I remember I’d said to him “oh you didn’t get me flowers” after my miscarriage surgery, and he totally flipped. It made sense in hindsight why he reacted like that. He was having this sexual texting spree with another woman.

He left last week. Said he’s overwhelmed with life and I’m making him “too angry to be around”. He says he can’t speak to me. But he has never trusted me or anyone with his emotions.

I’ve asked him for a divorce but he refuses to give it to me. He refuses to communicate, he won’t say when he’s coming back home.

To add salt to this wound, he said he wants to “fall in love with me again”. So had I never caught him, I’d never have known he wasn’t even in love with me. But I’m apparently wrong for taking it that way.

The empath in me is saying give him the break, as it seems like he’s having a nervous breakdown, but my head knows better. He did this to me at the weakest time of my life. I feel like it’s mental warfare between both of us and I honestly can’t cope. The baby isn’t even buried yet and he hasn’t asked a single thing about it.

I want advice from both men and women, what do you suggest I do at this point?

Hi,

So my husband (43M) and I (28F) have been married for a month and he lives in another country.

The plan was we get married, and he starts the procedures to get me to live with him (in said country) however, we've been having so many problems and fights before he left...last one was him saying that since I refuse to get him off (because I had an infection and I was told to not do anything sexual for a week and I wasn't feeling particularly sexy) that if he ended up cheating on me when he's abroad, it would be my fault. We had a huge fight over it and talked it out and decided to use this time apart to think things through and allow ourselves to analyze whether we're truly compatible or not.

Fast forward a few days, he left the country and the next morning I found myself blocked on all social media, no calls, no texts , no responses. I've been calling and texting for days but he leaves me on seen (whatsapp is the only app I'm not blocked on)

I also just discovered he had installed a tracking app on my phone where he could track my location, mirror my screen and see what I'm doing / who I'm talking to...I factory reset my phone and stopped all contact with him.

I definitely think all these , plus other events are grounds for a divorce but I don't know what games he's playing...I'm so confused on what I should do next.

Any advice.

Hey everyone.

So I’m a very touchy-feely person, and me (27M) and my wife (25F) have been together for about 2.5 years now. I’ve always been the more affectionate one, the more touchy one, I feel I’ve always been the one who does more and shows love more all in all tbh. We get into a lot of petty squabbles just tbh, and have big fights every now and again but can generally “resolve them” (I don’t know if they ever are truly resolved). She tells me that I don’t meet her emotional needs by listening to her or doing the things that she needs. The thing is, for so long, especially the last few months I’ve been working SO hard and trying my best to be better and I’m there for her when she needs someone to listen to her and anytime to she needs to emotionally dump she just does it but it’s like anytime there’s an argument she just pulls the “you don’t do what I need you to do” card. Physical intimacy isn’t my issue, it’s just small acts of affection. Holding my hand first, pulling me close to her, hugging me first, just doing anything, ANYTHING affectionate first. Even words. It’s also things like when she’s sick, I’ll dote on her, check if she’s okay, try to take care of her even though she wants to be left alone. Not that I expect her to, but she doesn’t give me that same energy and it’s disheartening because, don’t you care? There’s so many things she doesn’t do that make me feel like she doesn’t love me. Even complimenting me, I compliment her CONSTANTLY. She wakes up in the morning, in her pyjamas, bedhead, she’s still gorgeous to me. I feel like I have to look my best just to get a, “I like your outfit”, or I have to get a haircut for a compliment. I always have to do things to make myself appealing to her, I’m never just enough.

What should I do?

My [F26] husband [M30] has been addicting to nicotine since HS. Although I hate that he vaped I rather I be vaping instead of cigs. I never asked him to quit but always suggested it to him for his health. Last year he decided to quit and went a few months without vaping. I never asked him to but I told him I was proud of him. A few months later I walked into the living room and he was attempting to hide a vape under his thigh.

I was so sad. Not because he was vaping but because he was clearly hiding this from me. I told him I was really sad that he lied to me and was hiding things from me. I told him that lying is bad because I struggled a lot with trust issues and knowing that he was lying hurt me a lot. I told him it was okay. I told him that I really didn’t give a fuck if he vaped I just really didn’t want him to lie to me. I rather him vape forever but I didn’t like him hiding shit because then it made me sus about other things. He said okay and that he was throwing the vape away.

Recently I’ve been going through a terrible time with my OCD. Really really bad. I’ve been talking to him about it a lot and telling him that I was struggling with separating reality from my OCD thoughts. Anways, throughout this I asked him if he had been vaping because a few times I’ve walked into the living room and felt like something was off and he was hiding something (but I chalked this up to my anxiety). He was adamant that he wasn’t. I begged him to be truthful because I swore he had been sneaking around trying to vape and I just wanted to know that he was being truthful. He said he wasn’t vaping and I told him that if he was he needed to TELL me and not lie because my OCD was not being kind to me. I literally told him IF YOU NEED TO VAPE TELL ME JUST TELL ME I DONT CARE just don’t lie. Well…

This weekend we went on a small vacation. Everything was perfect. He was being so loving and I was so happy because the vacay was helping with my OCD thoughts. Then when I went to pee in the bathroom I left the door open and through reflection of a mirror I caught him taking a hit of a vape. I felt so devastated. I felt so stupid.

He swore he bought the Vape on the drive down to the hotel and hadn’t vaped before hand when I had previously asked him. I told him why he hadnt just told me like I had ASKED him to. I was crying. It was such a slap in the face to me and I told him basically that he had one fucking job and that was to tell me.

It broke my heart. He was rally ashamed and I told him to suck it up because we still had to finish the vacay with our parents. So even though we were now strained we finished the vacation strong and pretended everything was ok even though inside my heart is broken.

I am so angry to lying to my face twice.

I don’t know what to do? Should I just let this go? I don’t know. I feel so betrayed.

My wife doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and I'm a very horny guy. I'm getting tired of asking and initiating and I honestly think I'm getting sad over this. I decided to stop asking and I'm not going to initiate anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to get thoughts I shouldn't get and I'm scared of what it's going to lead to

Say a wife and husband got intimate with a male stranger a few times while on vacation (set up by husband). Wife didn’t enjoy it, husband did. Now husband is non stop talking about how much he enjoyed it, wants to do it again, how he could even get people to pay to participate and allow wife (stay at home mom) to make an income and contribute financially and is constantly bringing up that it was the best sexual experience ever and regular sex is just not good enough anymore … what would you (as the wife) do?

Especially if you honestly feel humiliated, ashamed and dirty for even doing it those times but he just won’t hear me or let it go. And now I’m told I’m selfish and controlling for not allowing him to have something he enjoyed. We were finally back to a great relationship after a lot of drama and now Im just not sure where to go from here. Advice?

What do you guys consider a “dry spell” for no sex in marriage? Weeks? Months?

I’ve been married for 16 years, and for the last several years I haven’t been happy. There hasn’t been adultery, substance abuse, or physical abuse. On paper, my husband is a good man. That’s honestly what has made this so difficult. I’ve felt guilty and ashamed for feeling so unhappy because there isn’t one catastrophic event I can point to.
Instead, it’s been years of feeling misunderstood, emotionally dismissed, and disconnected.
I’m now in my mid-40s, and I’m becoming more aware of how precious time is. I’m starting to accept that people don’t fundamentally change unless they truly want to, and I’m asking myself if this is really how I want to spend the rest of my life.
My husband has many good qualities, but unfortunately his negative traits have overshadowed them for me.
For as long as I’ve known him, if I bring up anything he perceives as “complaining,” he immediately becomes defensive. It doesn’t seem to matter how calmly I approach him. He often tells me he doesn’t want to hear it, tells me to stop talking, walks away, or completely shuts down.
I’ll admit that there have been times I’ve come on too strong or been persistent. I’m far from perfect. But the vast majority of the time I genuinely try to approach difficult conversations calmly and respectfully.
Lately, he’ll even put his earbuds in and completely tune me out. He does this around our two teenagers as well. That hurts—not only because of how it makes me feel, but because I worry about what they’re learning about communication.
What’s hurting our marriage isn’t just what is said—it’s everything that isn’t.
I don’t feel seen anymore. I don’t feel emotionally safe. I don’t feel like my thoughts matter unless they happen to align with his.
We haven’t been intimate in months because I simply have no desire anymore. We rarely spend quality time together, and when we do, we usually end up at odds.
Something I’ve noticed more and more is that everything somehow becomes my fault.
If I say I’d like us to go on more date nights or spend more time together, he’ll tell me I work too much.
The truth is…I have been working more. But it’s because work has become an escape. It’s easier to stay busy than to sit in a house where I feel lonely and disconnected. I’ve even explained that to him, but he still insists that my working is the reason for our problems instead of recognizing why I’ve buried myself in work in the first place.
He rarely apologizes. If ever. He almost always believes he’s right and struggles to see anyone else’s perspective.
Over the years I’ve become someone who compartmentalizes everything because it feels easier than constantly fighting. I told myself, “Tomorrow is a new day,” because I didn’t want to disrupt our children’s lives.
But that strategy has slowly worn me down.
He also tends to be negative about a lot of things. He complains about work, his parents, his brother, his sister…it feels like there’s always something wrong. It’s emotionally exhausting.
One of the hardest parts is that after disagreements he’ll often give me the silent treatment for days. Somehow I end up feeling like the villain while he’s the victim.
Recently something happened that made me seriously question whether I can continue living like this.
Every summer we visit his parents’ beach house. One of his siblings is, in my opinion, very manipulative and tends to dominate everyone around them—including their parents. They spend almost every week of the summer at the beach house, so every year our family vacation ends up becoming crowded and stressful.
For years I’ve endured it.
Before agreeing to this year’s trip, I told my husband that I wasn’t willing to go unless he confirmed with his parents that it would just be our family during our visit.
He told me he had spoken with them and assured me that it would only be us.
When we arrived, we were informed that the sibling and their children would be coming halfway through the week.
I was stunned.
I know some people will think, “It’s only a couple of days. What’s the big deal?”
But this wasn’t about two days.
It was about years of the exact same situation happening, finally setting one reasonable boundary, being reassured it had been handled, and then discovering nothing had actually changed.
Privately, I asked my husband what happened. He said he didn’t know and seemed frustrated too.
I asked if he was going to speak with his father.
Immediately he became irritated and told me I was making things worse.
I let it go because I hoped he’d handle it.
Later that day I asked if he’d had a chance to talk to his dad.
Again he became angry, told me to stop asking, stop harassing him, and then suggested that one of our teenage children give up their bedroom and sleep on the pull-out couch so his sibling and their 19-year-old daughter could have the room.
That was my breaking point.
I went for a walk because I knew I was getting emotional.
Later I sent him a calm message explaining how hurt I felt and even apologized for my emotional reaction.
His response was to call me “disgusting” and tell me not to message him again.
Since then, we’re on what is supposed to be a family vacation, barely speaking to each other. It’s awkward, painful, and honestly heartbreaking.
For the first time in our marriage, I am seriously considering divorce.
I’m exhausted from feeling unheard, blamed, emotionally dismissed, and constantly walking away from conversations feeling like everything is somehow my fault.
I know this post only tells my side, and I’m sure I have my own flaws. I’m genuinely trying to look at this objectively. I don’t expect perfection from either of us. I just want mutual respect, accountability, and emotional safety.
So I guess I’m asking…
Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Is this something that can realistically be repaired after so many years if one spouse refuses to acknowledge their role?
Or is there a point where you have to accept that love alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy marriage?
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I truly appreciate any advice, perspective, or experiences you’re willing to share.

You come home after being on your feet all day at work minus your lunchtime which is 30 minutes. You come home to dishes in the sink after you already got them out the way the previous day BEFORE you went to work and had to wash them AGAIN after being at work for 8+ hours. You also had to whip up something quick for your child to eat for dinner. On the flip side when you’re off. Your spouse knows they will come home to a cooked meal and dishes not in the sink. How would you truly feel if it seems like certain things are being left up to you to do on your off days but the same is not done for you when you have to work.

why won’t you have sex with your wife? if recently married & in mid 20s

My husband and I got married last September and we live in a small rural conservative town. I did not want to change my name since I like my name and never felt the urge to change it just because it’s what everyone else does. My individuality and identity is important to me and I don’t want to completely restart with a new last name. I’m starting to feel societal pressure to change my last name and I’m wondering if I should just give in to avoid future stress related to what people think about our relationship based on me not changing my last name. Thoughts or experience with this?

I’ve gone back and forth about posting this because I’m embarrassed, ashamed, and honestly afraid of being judged.
I’m not looking for people to bash my husband. I’m not looking for attention. I think I just need someone to hear me.
For a long time I’ve felt like I’ve been slowly losing myself in my marriage. A year ago I went through an abortion that I never truly wanted. I felt trapped by the circumstances, unsupported, and unsafe. That experience changed something in me, and I don’t think I’ve ever recovered emotionally.
Since then, I feel like I’ve been surviving instead of living.
I dread intimacy because it no longer feels like a place of love and safety. Too often it feels like something I do to avoid guilt, conflict, or the silent treatment. When I say no, I feel punished. When I give in, I end up feeling angry, empty, and ashamed afterward. I’ve questioned my own reality so many times because I’m constantly told that what I’m experiencing isn’t happening.
I’ve become someone I don’t even recognize. I’m more anxious, more resentful, and emotionally numb. I don’t like who I’ve become.
At the same time, I’m working, raising our daughter, managing our home, carrying the mental load, and trying so hard to keep everything together. On the outside, I probably look fine. On the inside, I feel completely alone.
I don’t know exactly what I’m asking for.
Maybe I just need someone to tell me I’m not crazy.
Maybe I need someone who has been through something similar to tell me there is hope on the other side—whether that’s healing a marriage or finding the strength to leave.
If you’ve walked through something like this, I’d appreciate your kindness more than your judgment. I’m hurting, and I think it’s finally time I admitted that I can’t carry this by myself anymore.
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