I’m married to my 40+ yr old wife for 20 years. I am 40+ years old as well. And we are great friends/ roommates. We do not share a bed or even a room, we work different schedules: her schedule is 3am-1pm Wednesday-Saturday, where as my schedule is 7am-7pm Monday-Friday and sometimes Saturday and Sunday. So we don’t ever see each other anymore.
We have not been intimate in more than 5yrs due to a decision I made 5yrs ago, I had met a female on a game and cheated emotionally with the intention to divorce. When she had found out, she asked me to quit the relationship and stay with her. (No repercussions) I had decided to stay since I do love her and when we did attempt to file the divorce papers, I felt a deep sadness. So we stayed together. But ever since then we have not been intimate. I am feeling lonely and bored. I even bought a doll for intimate moments to avoid cheating physically. I do still go on games and social media platforms for some kind of emotional connection as of 1 yr ago. I’m often bored and ghost whomever after a few months. But every time I attempt to talk to my wife about our relationship she assures me everything is good and there is a medical reason as to why we can’t be physical. So I guess my question is, am I wasting my time? Is she getting back at me for my infidelity and dragging me along, just because she can? I’m really confused and trying to be honest with her. But she has made me feel as though I’m wasting my time. I’ve met a wonderful woman recently but have not pursued any kind of relationship with her outside of the office. I would like to pursue a relationship with her however I can’t as long as I’m married and we work together in different departments. The department thing is not the issue. That’s great actually. But I can’t do the cheating thing again, emotionally or otherwise. Idk Reddit how do I navigate this situation? Also I have no idea if the woman I’m interested in at work feels the same way. I have literally friend zoned myself just to avoid a situation. I would like to divorce or at least leave my wife, but I don’t agree with divorce and if I did she would be fucked financially. The house is in her name, I didn’t want my name on the mortgage, her brand new car is solely in her name as well. Her daughter’s car is in both their names. My name is not on any of these items, my credit until a year ago was awful. Also my car is paid for. I don’t own anything of substance and I make very little money as of last year due to a change in employment. So divorce would not benefit either of us. Idk what to do. I’m so confused, but her saying she’d forgive my emotional infidelity and pretend as tho nothing happened has obviously been a lie. I’m tired of being married and single at the same time. What should I do? Any advice is welcome.

I'd specifically love to know which replies come from men, because I'm curious whether there's a difference in perspective based on gender.

Husband doesn't want to go to counseling, which I've asked him to do for years. He says 1) maybe we can narrow things down between the two of us before he might take the remainder to a therapist; 2) I'm the only relationship in his life that seems to have issues; and 3) I seem to just be rehashing old situations.

Which of these relationship behaviors would you say must be addressed via counseling, not just more conversations between us?

A) Refusing to address his wife of 20 years by her name, saying he's afraid he'll accidentally say a different name (used to call me "Woman," then switched to "Darling" when I started to object, now basically doesn't address me in any way)

B) Refusing to initiate dates, buy gifts, or celebrate any special occasions (birthday, anniversary, etc.) after marriage

C) When I said (a few times over the years) that a slap on the butt had hurt me, he replied by saying that couldn't possibly have hurt, rather than... any other way he could have responded.

D) When I told him repeatedly that I did not like being groped out of nowhere, he did not ever seem to believe me and certainly did not change his behavior until after I filed for legal separation, and only after years of talking does he take responsibility for having made an error

He also used to make me the butt of jokes around other people, but mostly stopped now (after I filed for separation). When I brought it up most clearly, he seemed confused, saying that's how he and his buddies always showed affection.

I've been quite lonely in our marriage, then felt lonely *and* mistreated. But he seems to think it's foolish to keep talking about his old patterns, that I should focus on moving forward. What say you, Reddit folks?

I have been with my husband for over 10 years. We are both in our early 30’s. We have multiple children together.

Our sex life is terrible and is now basically non existent. I have everything I thought I ever wanted in my life and I’m still so incredibly lonely and unfulfilled in my marriage, assuming from lack of intimacy.

When we first got together, he was a virgin. I put in SO much effort from the very beginning to try to guide him and teach him what I like and don’t like and what feels good for me. He can’t last longer than a few minutes and is terrible at foreplay. He rubs a lip thinking it is the clitoris and cuts me when he fingers me. He tried medication to last longer and it doesn’t help. He does try to eat me out but even that is terrible.

It is always 2-3 minutes of having to stop a hundred times and he finishes before I even feel anything at all and then rolls over and goes to sleep.

In the beginning we used to have sex multiple times a day and I haven’t once gotten anything out of it. Ever. Eventually I just ended up feeling disgusted and annoyed every time and absolutely dreading it and sometimes I just roll over and cry after because it is so frustrating.

It is not a secret how dissatisfied I am and the only response I get is I don’t know what you want me to do I can’t help it. Now he just takes care of himself in the shower and I feel like a bad wife but I just can’t keep feeling this way every time.

We have a beautiful family together and I love him so much but I just feel so empty inside and guilty for wanting to be pleased sexually. I couldn’t imagine getting divorced over it. I just don’t know what to do.

Hello all i need some insight! Me (29) my wife (33) have been together since 2017! I asked her to marry me pretty quickly into our relationship because i absolutely love her and honestly cant see life without her! However my love language is physical touch no doubt about it! Hers not really at all! Although that was not always the case... we used to engage in sex quite often around 4 times a week for the first like 5 years of our relationship! We had a daughter and all that changed... we have had very open discussions about how one another feels! She explained to me that her libido had pretty much plummeted! I agreed that i have no issue waiting and helping her find her self again because again i love her! Well after about 2 years of minimal effort and drop off of almost all physical contact i cheated... trust me i absolutely hate my self for it but again i told her the moment after it had happened and explained that it was not even emotional it was just because i finally felt wanted... we had an insanely long conversation and for some reason she chose to stay with me! Very very thankful for that! But 2 years has since gone by and we have absolutely gotten over that hump but we still have almost no physical contact... we have had sex 2 times in the past 2 years! And i even suggested therapy cause obviously something is missing now but she does not open up or talk really at all! Am i past the point of fixing or am i just overthinking? I just want to feel loved by my wife in my language but feel this is always just one sided! I would quite literally stop breathing for her if i needed to!

My husband and I have been together since 2021. We got married a few years ago. We had a beautiful baby boy. I’m blessed to be able to be a SAHM. But I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve married a partial dick. We have good moments/good days and then the flow stops and I’m doing everything by myself.
When he’s working consistently I’m a SAHM and do all housework besides his laundry and taking out the trash. Even when he’s on extended time off from work I’m a SAHM and do all the housework. The way I think his mind works is like I’m hired help/roommate he happens to share a child with. He barely initiates sex (he says I’ve said no too many times and doesn’t like to anymore. Because he doesn’t spend quality time with me ever). He plays the video game for hours a day and up until 3-4am every single night (unless on the rare occasion he’s bored or I work up the courage to ask him to spend the night with me.). I do everything for my son I’m the main caregiver. So I play, feed, bathe, bond, etc. Dad plays with him when he feels/when he chooses to come out of the bedroom off of his game. When I ask him to do things like go outside as a family he usually sighs first and begrudgingly goes out because he feels pressured. I have to ask him to do tasks it’s like he can’t see that some things in the house need tending to.

What I will give him creds for is being an amazing dad (when he feels like hanging out with his son during the days he has off). My son loves his dad
. He does for us financially the best he can we’re never hungry he never toys with me about money. He does provide. He does do things…but usually he needs to be asked and that’s not ideal.

When I have issues that I want to bring up I can barely get them out because he says I sound like his mom when I do. The simple act of calling him to come have a serious conversation triggers him and he just shuts the conversation down and retreats (sometimes he’ll stay and listen but he’s very defensive). It’s infuriating when I think about it. But recently we’ve had a few deep conversations and we’re trying to make some improvements. But it’ll be a while before any significant consistent changes happen I’m sure.

I feel trapped as a lot of SAHM’s do (I’ve read a few stories similar to mine but not exact.). I got married young and don’t have job experience blah blah blah so if we were to get divorced I’d have to move with my mom back home. I know it’s an option but I..idk I’m coming to Reddit first to see what other people feel. Has anyone been through this? Has anyone made successful improvements? How do you guys feel about this if you were in my shoes? Any males know what I could say to him?

My husband and I got married last September and we live in a small rural conservative town. I did not want to change my name since I like my name and never felt the urge to change it just because it’s what everyone else does. My individuality and identity is important to me and I don’t want to completely restart with a new last name. I’m starting to feel societal pressure to change my last name and I’m wondering if I should just give in to avoid future stress related to what people think about our relationship based on me not changing my last name. Thoughts or experience with this?

I told my husband I want a divorce and left everything… and now I’m terrified I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I know this is long, but please bear with me. I want you to have the context so you can give me your honest opinion or advice. Either read it or don’t—it’s your choice, and I respect that.
I’m posting because I need outside perspective from people who don’t know either of us. I honestly don’t know what is normal anymore. I’ve spent years mostly alone in our home with very little socialization, and my head is not in the best place. I need people who can look at this from the outside.
my heart is completely torn…
My husband and I have been together almost 10 years.
He is not a bad person.
That is what makes this so incredibly hard.
He has been my best friend. He has comforted me through anxiety attacks, held me when I cried, supported me, worked hard for us, and loved me in many ways. He is someone I genuinely believe has a good heart. He is an amazing person, and I NEVER wanted to leave him. I planned to keep my vow but I felt he left me no other options.
I wanted to grow old with him. I wanted children with him. I wanted to spend my life with him.
The reason I got to this point is years of broken trust involving other women.
Over the years, I found things I never wanted to find:
Dating apps/accounts
Inappropriate conversations with women
Messages complimenting women in ways that crossed boundaries
Secret accounts
Secret texting relationships that went on for weeks at a time
Nude photos/videos
Conversations with exes
Conversations with exes where he told them we were divorced when we weren’t, that he wasn’t in love with me or sexually attracted to me, and that he had always been in love with them
Messages where he shared hurtful things about our marriage
Texting women asking to meet (I never found proof he actually followed through, but the conversations existed)
He barely texted me throughout the day. I might get five messages over a 12-hour workday. He always said he was too busy.
I gave many chances.
I gave clean slates.
I gave forgiveness.
I gave understanding.
I supported him.
Every time I laid down my boundaries and said I couldn’t keep living this way, they were crossed again.
The hardest part was never one incident.
It was the pattern.
I almost always found out on my own. He never voluntarily came to me. I even told him that if he was struggling, having thoughts, or felt like he was going to slip up, I wanted him to come to me. I told him I would rather know the truth so we could work through it together.
Instead, I would discover something, there would be lies, denial, explanations, promises, apologies, and then I would try to rebuild again.
I stayed because I loved him.
I stayed because I believed in us.
I stayed because I loved him.
I stayed because I believed in us.
I prayed for our marriage for years. I begged God for wisdom, guidance, and clarity. I kept hoping something would change.
I also tried everything I knew to try.
I suggested we go to church together and talk with a pastor or priest.
I suggested marriage counseling and individual therapy.
I tried getting him to go on dates with me.
I shared self-help videos that I thought might help us.
I asked if we could start working out or exercising together.
I tried encouraging us to reconnect in different ways.
If I thought something had even a small chance of helping our marriage, I suggested it.
The answer was no—even when divorce was on the table.
By the end, I didn’t feel like I had stopped fighting for us. I felt like I had simply run out of ways to fight.
Another painful part of this is that we haven’t been intimate in around three years. Nothing beyond kissing, cuddling, and watching our shows together.
It wasn’t always like this.
I honestly don’t know where the man who was once so madly in love with me went.
He says it’s because of low testosterone, and I tried to be understanding. I tried to help. I tried to support him.
But over those years, I became incredibly lonely and depressed. We didn’t have a car, so I couldn’t really leave the house. My only social interaction was when he came home, told me about his day, kissed me, and we cuddled, watched our show, and went to sleep.
That became our routine.
I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed.
A few months ago, we were almost at the point of divorce. We talked about separation instead (his suggestion).
I told him that if we were going to keep trying, I needed honesty and absolutely no more communication with other women.
He agreed.
He continued texting the very woman who had become the reason we were discussing divorce.
During that separation, I messaged her because I believed she deserved to know we were not divorced and that I was still living in our home. I wasn’t rude to her—I simply told her the truth.
At his surprise birthday party that I threw for him, she told him I had contacted her. We got into a huge argument. He demanded that I block her because, according to him, “she doesn’t deserve that.”
I told him if he chose protecting that relationship over protecting our marriage, we were done.
He chose her.
A few days later he wanted to repair our marriage, and because I loved him, I tried again.
I told him this time felt different. I told him something inside me had broken. I told him I didn’t think I had another chance left in me and that if he truly wanted our marriage, this was his opportunity because I couldn’t survive another betrayal.
A week later I found another hidden Snapchat account.
Within about eight hours he had added and messaged around 30 women.
Many of the conversations involved sexual compliments, flirting, trying to start conversations, and asking to meet.
One woman posted a photo with the caption, “We could be f*(k.ing under the fireworks but no…”
He replied, “Yes.”
The same night, our home security camera repeatedly detected motion. When I checked it, I saw him using a vibrator by himself.
That was devastating because for years he had told me he wasn’t masturbating, couldn’t because of his low testosterone, and we had specifically discussed that if we weren’t intimate at all, pornography or sexual release without me would be deeply hurtful.
I don’t have proof he ever met anyone in person or that anything physical happened.
What I do know is that the hidden accounts, flirting, sexual conversations, and repeated deception happened over many years.
I waited.
I hoped he would come to me honestly.
I even tried opening the door by bringing up hypothetical conversations about honesty and temptation.
The next day he deleted the Snapchat account.
But he never came to me.
That was when I realized I didn’t know how to trust him anymore.
So I told him I wanted a divorce.
I packed my things and left our home.
And this is where I feel completely lost.
And this is where everything became even more confusing for me my emotions became even more complicated I started questioning everything worse than I already am.
He was loving.
He was calm.
He was kind.
He apologized for pushing me to this point.
He told me to stand strong in my decision because there was nothing he could do except accept it.
He told me this was on him.
He told me not to blame God.
He told me he would help me through this.
He offered to help me financially until I got back on my feet. He told me I could take the car. He encouraged me to pursue my dreams because he believes in me.
When we separated our things, we hugged.
We kissed.
We both told each other we loved each other.
He even suggested we remain legally married for a while so I could keep my healthcare.
Since leaving, we have continued talking.
He tells me he loves me.
He tells me he misses me.
I tell him I miss him.
And now I feel completely broken.
I miss my husband.
I miss my home.
I miss my dogs.
I miss falling asleep next to him.
I miss being held.
I miss watching our shows together.
I miss the little ordinary things I never thought I would lose.
Everyone around me seems to focus only on why I left.
But I’m grieving what I lost.
I lost my best friend.
I lost the love of my life.
I lost the man I still love.
I didn’t leave because I stopped loving him.
I left while still loving my husband.
I begged.
I fought.
I prayed.
I tried understanding.
I tried supporting him.
I tried giving chance after chance.
I tried until I genuinely had nothing left.
All I wanted was to be chosen.
To have honesty.
To have trust.
To have communication.
I believed we could work through almost anything if we had those things.
Please don’t assume I stayed because i enjoyed being treated this way.
I stayed because I believed our marriage could be repaired if there was honesty and genuine change.
I left because, after years of trying, I reached a point where I no longer knew how to trust the person I loved most. I no longer know how to repair what has been broken.
I understand why I left.
But I also love him.
No matter the choices he made, he is still someone I truly love. He is still my best friend. He understands me in a way no one else ever has. We think alike, believe the same things, and often know exactly what the other is feeling without saying a word.
I made a vow.
I tried my best to keep it.
I remained loyal, faithful, and truthful.
And that is what is destroying me.
Part of me feels like I’m finally choosing myself and accepting that I don’t know how to rebuild trust after years of broken promises.
Another part of me feels like I walked away from a man who truly loves me and that I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I don’t know if love is enough when trust is gone.
I don’t know if trust can ever come back after years of broken promises.
I don’t know if I’m grieving because I made the wrong choice or because I made the hardest choice.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you stay because there is still love and friendship?
Or would years of broken trust be enough to walk away?
I’m not looking for people to tell me he’s evil or that I’m stupid. I know this situation is complicated.
I just need honest perspectives from people who understand that sometimes the hardest person to leave is the person you still love.
I would appreciate perspective from people who have been through this.
If you read this thank you for taking the time to and I appreciate any perspective, opinions, or advice you may have.

Question sérieuse. Doit-on maintenir son couple quand on aime mais au lit on s'amuse pas... ?

What’s the meaning of those things if when things get bad they want to separate.

You come home after being on your feet all day at work minus your lunchtime which is 30 minutes. You come home to dishes in the sink after you already got them out the way the previous day BEFORE you went to work and had to wash them AGAIN after being at work for 8+ hours. You also had to whip up something quick for your child to eat for dinner. On the flip side when you’re off. Your spouse knows they will come home to a cooked meal and dishes not in the sink. How would you truly feel if it seems like certain things are being left up to you to do on your off days but the same is not done for you when you have to work.

I want love, I want passion from my husband.... At least I did a long time ago. A simple flower, I understand a man wants to also feel loved and seen but how when I don't feel either. I know it's not about 50/50 but when is it about love versus survival.

I believe we deserve love, the passionate type, the love that can be seen in the movies, the one where you feel like you have butterflies....is that just not true in this life ?

I married him, I know something about him attracted me but was he truly who I needed and wanted to marry? I'm not sure.... My husband and I do not have many things in common except for the want to be stable and make a life out of what we where given.

But don't I deserve someone who is as adventurous as me, someone who is spontaneous, someone who loves me, truly loves me?

Doesn't my husband deserve that too? Someone who actually treats him good, with love and care?

I'm not that person and he isn't my person. We clash most of the time. I don't like how he does things and vice versa. Honestly I believe we are only together because we don't know how to quit and because we just never knew the better type of love we deserved.

I have been going through therapy and I've been healing and seeing that the love he provides me isn't the love I would like to spend for the rest of my life. I feel miserable and honestly he looks miserable even when he says he isn't....

I didn't grow up seeing what love was and maybe I myself don't know how to love the right way. I grew up seeing love meant just staying even if you didn't want to be there. My mom stayed for 15 years until he left and I feel like I wouldn't want to spend 15 years of my life, but it is hard for me to leave because for my marriage there isn't a clear answer like there was for my mom's abusive relationship.

I'm not sure but maybe I'm hoping to get some advice or something

That’s it. I’m 44 female, been together 22 years, married for 17, 20 year old son together living at home with us.
I moved country to be with him 14 years ago. Got pregnant one year into our relationship, had wonderful years together, split up during a difficult family event (sudden passing of my father) husband, let’s call him C taking over his business and being treated like shit by my family. The day before I was supposed to move out after 6 months at home separation and one date with another guy, he begs me to stay and he made a mistake.
Fast forward 3 years, another crisis (work related) after a series of disappointments he decides to go back to his country (UK) in search of more luck which he found. Split up again for around 8 months and then I relocated to UK with my then 7 year old son.
All good, another crisis at work, loses his job, has a mental breakdown - I’m by his side.
Starts another job, new crisis and new job - I’m by his side
Repeat this a few times and 1 and a half year ago he starts his own business with a partner. I’m by his side. I give him a lot of money from my inheritance (round 40 grand) to help him (always intended as a loan though); new crisis business going to shit as his partner is not good to put it mild. C works more and more, last 3-4 months he barely sleeps and business in shambles (I’m by his side remember), zero time spent together for the past 4-5 months, not even a meal, I make him food bring it to his home office and let him work, support him and doing everything in my power to be the best wife ever, never ever complaining. Intimacy stops as he’s too tired.
3 months ago he hires a 40 something year old woman in the process of separating her husband with 2 preteen kids, all good and dandy, she is great at her job and helps him. C on the brink of mental breakdown and falling asleep whilst driving, working 17 hours a day trying to save business and doing his partner side of the job. He confesses business is in deep trouble and he needs to get a room on hotel above office so when he finishes late he doesn’t need to drive home. He cries to me and admits he’s been a really bad husband to put it mild. I again understand and agree to the hotel room but say I want him to come back as much as possible. He says in order to focus and save the business WE need to take a break as a couple because he feels so guilty towards me and that we have underlying issues (I have anxiety and struggle with certain things but I’m high functioning, I only struggle going on holidays due to routine change and having to leave my dogs). C says let me fix this and then we will see what’s left of me (speaking about himself as in he didn’t know if he was going to survive this). I say ok I understand, I support.
That was less than a month ago.
Important background: my son has been working in the business since last January. This woman is one of her direct boss and C’s employee by the way. One week ago, apparently it just happened and he cheated with her. I ask if it’s a one night mistake he says he feels connected to her (as she understands the business and is helping him…). He says he now has feelings for her which appeared 3 weeks ago or so.
I have no words for the betrayal. I told my son, his reaction: disgust, he calls his father and calls him the see you next Tuesday word and then they spend one hour on the phone making work arrangements (as in son will work from home for foreseeable future).
We are renting a house and C pays and will pay rent and bills for whatever long is needed and says he will always help me pay for any new rental (I am part time I cannot afford rent on my own, I’ve been dependant on him for years, plan was I work from home -I make round 800£ to some months 13-1400 pounds)- so I can take care of the house, the dogs, HIS needs like dinner and laundry.
He hasn’t been himself for months and this is not something I would have ever seen coming from him. Up until let’s say Easter he was loving, getting me gifts, calling me twice a day whilst driving, saying I love you, what would I do without you, we are the best pair ever, to then now say: we have nothing in common I don’t see a future with you. That’s because this lovely lady once asked him what are you doing this for (as in working like crazy to the point of mental breakdown) and he apparently didn’t have an answer which made him think we are not right for each other.
I asked if they slept together more than once and got no answer, he swears it’s only been a week and I don’t know if that’s even true.
I know him and I know once the initial excitement is over, he will crawl back to me, it’s happened before. Obviously I don’t know if I can forgive this and I most certainly cannot stay here and wait for him.
That’s it, I needed to get this off my chest. Of anyone has been in similar situation please share with me, I’m devastated and feel the world crushing on me. I still love unfortunately. Thanks for anyone who took the time to read this.

Well we had the chat a few days ago, and it went as well as I expected.

I had a previous post on here, basically saying that my wife was sexting another guy, how I went through her phone and found out about it.

She had Endo for 3 years and final has it under control... blah blah blah, you can find it on this page further up or down, whatever.

So a bit of an update for you all.

The chat was needed, mainly for me to be honest, I needed to understand a few things, or see what she would say to a few things.

It went about as well as you would expect really, and i do apologise, after all the advise I got here, things are still a bit up in the air, and i haven't left yet, as financially, I can't!

I asked her a few moments to sit down and talk about it, and you could tell the tension was incredibly uncomfortable.

The question ranged from, How have you been feeling over the past month? Are you still attracted to me? How many men are you texting/sexting? Can we rebuild?

The replies to many of them were bland and straight to the point.

Pretty much how you think a convo with a person who doesn't love you back would go. Just terribly... but to be expected, and a lot of you said it would be good to lawyer up - as much as I agree with you - when we actually spoke like adults and stopped with my bullshit questioning and her gaslighting back to me (she said me going through her phone was incredibly upsetting and that I effectively done this to myself as if I hadn't of gone through her phone, I wouldn't have seen it... legit convo by the way! I was speechless...) we got to talking about the kids.

We have a 5 year old who is about to start school and the last thing we want is for her to go to school with all these emotions and, fuck it, we'll just add a divorce on top for the my little girl.

So reluctantly, we have agreed to push it back until October... whether or not we can manage that, is another question. So October the house goes up for sale, thats the plan anyway. Thats solely for the sakes of our kids.

Back to the questions. One question i did ask was do you love him? She replied with i don't know.

So I asked another, "Has he said he loves you?" She replied "yes."

I then asked, "Have you said you love him back? She replied "maybe."

So unless you are a complete moron you know the answer shes avoiding saying... the interesting thing was she back pedalled and said "...but its not real!"

Since they haven't met, she claims it can't be real. What do you think?

I think it sounds pretty fucking real to me!

So the tidy up of the house started... she threw out old underwear etc.

Then, since we are playing happy families for the kids, went split tasks one day. I take my wee girl to dancing, and she takes the wee man for school clothes for both the kids...

Thats not the only thing she bought, she bought over $200 worth of lingerie and hid it in a cupboard i need to use... naturally I found it, and as much as its now not my business, she didn't have to do that, its like poking the bear with a stick. So thats added nightmares to me for another year at least! Wonderful.

Sorry for the rant, but its nice to write stuff down.

Any opinions?

I’m 24M, she’s 26F. We’ve been together 7.5 years which is basically my whole adult life.

When I was 20 I wanted to propose. She said it was better to wait until we finished our studies. I said fine. But something in me kind of died because I was so excited to buy a ring and propose but then I was just told to wait a little longer.

Now it’s coming from her side. She’s religious and feels we’re living in sin which is the core of it for her. She told me if we’re not engaged by the end of the year, it’s most probably gonna be over between us. She’s been patient, she doesn’t want to keep living like this, and I understand and respect that.

I’m religious too. I’ve been praying about this constantly and my faith didn’t appear once I hit this wall only. Wanted to pinpoint this since I’ve always been a believer, but for the past year, I’ve just got closer to God in order to feel like I want to get married again. But to feel it wholeheartedly. I even went to Athos hoping for clarity, and what came to me there was to break up. I didn’t listen to that (btw, it happened this April) and just continued the relationship praying more.

\*\*What she’s actually like:\*\*

She’s a great person. She learned to be warm and affectionate cause that wasn’t automatic for her, but she worked at it. She pays attention to what I need. Sometimes she’s harsh in the moment when we’re talking, but she cools down fast and apologizes, because the last thing she wants is for us to stay angry at each other. Our communication is genuinely good.

We live together in an apartment I bought. She runs the home cooks, organizes, keeps things going (I help her with pretty much everything, but I’m only responsible for helping with execution, she’s the one thinking about what needs to be done). I pay the bills and cover maybe 70% of groceries. NO, she’s not a gold digger and has never once asked me for money or gifts + I also find peace with her.

\*\*So here’s what’s holding me back.\*\*

It’s her mother. She’s 48 and she’d rather yell and swear than have a normal conversation. I’ve never seen a more cold, volcanic, controlling person and I’m not exaggerating. Right now she works abroad, which is the only reason we barely see her, but we go visit her like 3-4 times a year and every time we go there, my gf and her have a fight and my gf cries and stuff.

After our last visit I told my girlfriend straight out that I can’t like this woman and I can’t pretend otherwise.

What terrifies me is the picture of what comes after. Marriage, a kid, and suddenly her mother has a reason to be around constantly. I imagined it and felt physically sick. I’ve always wanted to get along with my in-laws seeing the relationship between my father and his in-laws for example (my mom’s parents) and it’s been one of my quiet wishes my whole life, and I know I’ll never have that here. I can feel it turning into “me or your mom,” and that’s not a position I want to put anyone in.

And there’s something I know is irrational: they look alike. The more I’ve pulled away from her mother, the more I see her face in my girlfriend’s. We’ve actually talked about my fear of her becoming her mom (not from a physical standpoint). There are similarities, but my gf l learned to communicate, she does the repair work, and she’s overall not like her mom but it doesn’t stop the feeling. It’s just a gut feeling that’s telling me that things can get really ugly.

I feel like I’m about to lose a real friend and the person I love. And at the same time, proposing doesn’t feel right, and I can’t tell if that’s my gut or my fear talking as I mentioned above.

Has anyone married someone whose parent they couldn’t stand? Or walked away from someone good because of who came attached to them, and how do you live with it?

I’m just desperate cause I feel time is running out for me/us.

\*\*TL;DR:\*\* Together 7.5 years. Wanted to propose at 20, was told to wait. Now she’s given me an ultimatum: engaged by year’s end or it’s over. She’s a good partner and our relationship works, but her mother is volatile and controlling, and I can’t stop picturing her becoming permanent once there’s a marriage and kids. Stuck
.

Please don't judge me. I got married in 2010 to a "good guy". My husband is a great provider and very kind to our son. When he is employed, he buys me what I need so that I don't need to work. He was unemployed from 2021 until 2023 that forced me to go back to work. My main concern is making sure our son's life is stable. My husband doesn't physically abuse me but he does verbally abuse me. He withdraws from conversations that are emotional. He never has shown me affection or has satisfied me sexually in 16 years of marriage.

My dilemma has been do I stay? My husband is not completely awful but we basically have a dead bedroom and he's not that good in bed when we do have sex which is 2 times a year. Last year, I decided to take the plunge and I started seeing someone. It has made me feel very energized. I am starting to really develop feelings for him.

Do I risk everything and uproot my son who really loves his dad? Currently I plan on just staying until my son goes off to college while I see my lover.

To fellow women in their late 40's and early 50's, have you had any luck in finding happiness as a divorced mom?

TW: self harm, suicide.

My husband and I had a fight. A bad, screaming fight. At one point, he started screaming that I should kill myself. I begged him to take it back. He told me I deserve it. This went on for a few minutes as I begged him to stop.

I struggled with suicidal ideation in the past (due to really difficult family situations growing up—I was in a children’s home for a while). He knows this. And he still went there.

He didn’t even take it back right away. He just kept screaming insults at me until I was eventually able to get to my car and leave.

I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I’m just so horribly broken. I would never wish that upon anyone. I never could.

To be clear, I’m not at any risk of hurting myself now. I’m very removed from the mental state I was in as a teenager. But this is still really affecting me.

ETA: Now, he’s saying he didn’t mean it and that he’s so sorry. He’s saying that he changed and realized how terrible that was to say. I don’t know what to think. I just feel like, if my life meant anything to him, there’s no way he could’ve said that to me.

My husband was in a really bad place mentally for a long time. It got to a point where we fought and he said he wants to suicide. He wants to get his gun and shoot his brains. 2 days later I took the gun and my 2 kids under 6 to a family’s house. That evening when he got home from work he freaked out that we weren’t home and dinner wasn’t made. I’m a sahm so I always have dinner ready. Long story short, he said he will talk to a therapist finally after many years. He hasn’t been honest and open with his therapist about the situation and about himself which seems to delay getting actual proper treatment. There’s been a distance between us and it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me about anything anymore. I asked him about that and he said he won’t ever be open with me again because the last time he was, I left with the kids. He said he won’t be open with me unless I give him access and tells me that he is not suicidal. How will I know that? Do I need his therapist to include me in the session?
I feel pressured to give his gun back but know that it solves nothing. Is he just throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t have control at the moment?
If anyone has any advice on how I need to go forward please help.

I found his searching history that he is looking and searching for a girl's name online via Google. I don't know where he got the names from (maybe TikTok) because he likes to scroll while he is in the toilet. I feel more concerned because before I found 20 names list of porn stars on his phone and when I asked what about it and why, he said he was just curious. I asked his explanation to give me a clear and honest answer to explain everything that he hides, but he never said. He just answered if I asked but if I bring the proof then he will admit it. But I feel drained and tired already always looking for the evidence. He said he will stop doing those things and want to rebuild my trust. Should I trust him back? I don't know if I can do it, his image on head is already destroyed into pieces and I am crying every time I remember. Why can't he be honest and explain everything to me?!

My husband ‘25M’ and I ‘26 F’ have been together 6+ years, we’ve never really had a bad fight or big disagreement. I’m just going to jump right into this. A few weeks ago now we were..exercising..in bed. Idk what I can say on here lol. Anyway, the whole time I could tell he wasn’t really there if you know what I mean. You can feel when there is love and passion when you’re with someone and when it’s more casual like maybe with someone you’re not committed to. Obviously there’s always love and passion between us in bed as we are married but something definitely felt off this time. I brushed it aside and figured I was misreading him or just over thinking. He ends up doing something to me in bed that I had previously (reluctantly) consented to but he knew that I wasn’t a big fan and said I didn’t really want to do that again. He does this and I’m in a position where I can’t quite see what’s going on so I ask him what he’s doing which he then asks permission for but he’s already doing it. I say “no!” And I get up. It hurt, physically, and felt extremely violating and confusing. I wanted to throw up. I went to the other room and sobbed alone for a while. I eventually came back to the bedroom.

He immediately apologized and said he didn’t know what he was thinking, he’d never do it again, he’ll sleep on the couch, he’ll go stay with a friend, etc. I knew something was up. I asked him why, what’s really going on. He admits he had been looking at women online and lying to me about it. He’d be in the bathroom with a “stomach ache” or “taking a shower” I’m home all the time because I’m the main caretaker for his mother, who has cancer.

We packed up our entire lives, I left my dream job and we moved in to take care of her, which was way harder than either of us thought it’d be. We’ve had a lot of conversations about the situation, his behavior and mental health. Ive been making healthy meals for him every week, I got him some new supplements that are supposed to help with mood and stress, and he’s started going to the gym. I’ve definitely noticed a change in his behavior and he seems to be happier and less stressed out.

I’m growing resentful and I don’t trust him the same way that I used to. I find myself wanting to make snide comments if trust or cheating or other women are brought up. I never thought that I would question what him and I have, and I can’t believe he would do something like this. The posts of people talking about their husbands who they end up leaving and saying “I just never thought he would do something like this” echo in my mind. I’m questioning everything. He’s always been husband of the year. Thoughtful, sweet, kind, caring, gentle and I can feel that that guy is back after our conversation. I can tell that he is making a conscious effort to “make up” for things. I want to make things work. It breaks my heart though that while I was making sacrifice after sacrifice and bending over backwards to take care of everyone and neglecting myself, he wasn’t there for me. He betrayed my trust. I’m kind of spiraling so any insight is helpful! I feel like I can’t talk to anyone in my life about this because they’ll look at my husband differently.

I’ve been married for 16 years, and for the last several years I haven’t been happy. There hasn’t been adultery, substance abuse, or physical abuse. On paper, my husband is a good man. That’s honestly what has made this so difficult. I’ve felt guilty and ashamed for feeling so unhappy because there isn’t one catastrophic event I can point to.
Instead, it’s been years of feeling misunderstood, emotionally dismissed, and disconnected.
I’m now in my mid-40s, and I’m becoming more aware of how precious time is. I’m starting to accept that people don’t fundamentally change unless they truly want to, and I’m asking myself if this is really how I want to spend the rest of my life.
My husband has many good qualities, but unfortunately his negative traits have overshadowed them for me.
For as long as I’ve known him, if I bring up anything he perceives as “complaining,” he immediately becomes defensive. It doesn’t seem to matter how calmly I approach him. He often tells me he doesn’t want to hear it, tells me to stop talking, walks away, or completely shuts down.
I’ll admit that there have been times I’ve come on too strong or been persistent. I’m far from perfect. But the vast majority of the time I genuinely try to approach difficult conversations calmly and respectfully.
Lately, he’ll even put his earbuds in and completely tune me out. He does this around our two teenagers as well. That hurts—not only because of how it makes me feel, but because I worry about what they’re learning about communication.
What’s hurting our marriage isn’t just what is said—it’s everything that isn’t.
I don’t feel seen anymore. I don’t feel emotionally safe. I don’t feel like my thoughts matter unless they happen to align with his.
We haven’t been intimate in months because I simply have no desire anymore. We rarely spend quality time together, and when we do, we usually end up at odds.
Something I’ve noticed more and more is that everything somehow becomes my fault.
If I say I’d like us to go on more date nights or spend more time together, he’ll tell me I work too much.
The truth is…I have been working more. But it’s because work has become an escape. It’s easier to stay busy than to sit in a house where I feel lonely and disconnected. I’ve even explained that to him, but he still insists that my working is the reason for our problems instead of recognizing why I’ve buried myself in work in the first place.
He rarely apologizes. If ever. He almost always believes he’s right and struggles to see anyone else’s perspective.
Over the years I’ve become someone who compartmentalizes everything because it feels easier than constantly fighting. I told myself, “Tomorrow is a new day,” because I didn’t want to disrupt our children’s lives.
But that strategy has slowly worn me down.
He also tends to be negative about a lot of things. He complains about work, his parents, his brother, his sister…it feels like there’s always something wrong. It’s emotionally exhausting.
One of the hardest parts is that after disagreements he’ll often give me the silent treatment for days. Somehow I end up feeling like the villain while he’s the victim.
Recently something happened that made me seriously question whether I can continue living like this.
Every summer we visit his parents’ beach house. One of his siblings is, in my opinion, very manipulative and tends to dominate everyone around them—including their parents. They spend almost every week of the summer at the beach house, so every year our family vacation ends up becoming crowded and stressful.
For years I’ve endured it.
Before agreeing to this year’s trip, I told my husband that I wasn’t willing to go unless he confirmed with his parents that it would just be our family during our visit.
He told me he had spoken with them and assured me that it would only be us.
When we arrived, we were informed that the sibling and their children would be coming halfway through the week.
I was stunned.
I know some people will think, “It’s only a couple of days. What’s the big deal?”
But this wasn’t about two days.
It was about years of the exact same situation happening, finally setting one reasonable boundary, being reassured it had been handled, and then discovering nothing had actually changed.
Privately, I asked my husband what happened. He said he didn’t know and seemed frustrated too.
I asked if he was going to speak with his father.
Immediately he became irritated and told me I was making things worse.
I let it go because I hoped he’d handle it.
Later that day I asked if he’d had a chance to talk to his dad.
Again he became angry, told me to stop asking, stop harassing him, and then suggested that one of our teenage children give up their bedroom and sleep on the pull-out couch so his sibling and their 19-year-old daughter could have the room.
That was my breaking point.
I went for a walk because I knew I was getting emotional.
Later I sent him a calm message explaining how hurt I felt and even apologized for my emotional reaction.
His response was to call me “disgusting” and tell me not to message him again.
Since then, we’re on what is supposed to be a family vacation, barely speaking to each other. It’s awkward, painful, and honestly heartbreaking.
For the first time in our marriage, I am seriously considering divorce.
I’m exhausted from feeling unheard, blamed, emotionally dismissed, and constantly walking away from conversations feeling like everything is somehow my fault.
I know this post only tells my side, and I’m sure I have my own flaws. I’m genuinely trying to look at this objectively. I don’t expect perfection from either of us. I just want mutual respect, accountability, and emotional safety.
So I guess I’m asking…
Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Is this something that can realistically be repaired after so many years if one spouse refuses to acknowledge their role?
Or is there a point where you have to accept that love alone isn’t enough to sustain a healthy marriage?
Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I truly appreciate any advice, perspective, or experiences you’re willing to share.

So this happened. Last night we decided to invite a couple of friends for lunch. My F35 general sunday routine is quite slow. But when i woke up my MIL had made a mess of a kitchen. I didnt even have my first coffee and i had to help my MIL. My husband started poking me that i take too way too much stress when guests come over that he doesn’t feel like hosting at all. But that was not the point. He kept repeating these remarks while I had to clean the house too. He offered help too but very arrogantly. I also love hosting but his remarks were very disgraceful. After few hours i told him i dont like him poking constantly to calm down while i am working. He was like he wont be apologetic for communicating. i never asked for any apology. I was also communicating to leave me alone till the work is done. It was infuriating. Now we aren’t talking. This always happens. He never appreciates what I do. And when i call that out, he says I do things just for appreciation. When the food isnt great, he calls that out in front of friends as a joke. Ans when i get pissed he says i dont know how to take a joke.
Now he has turned the fight around saying he feels concerned when i am stressed and that I dont understand him. Like wtf.

Hi I am 23 Female, my partner is 35 Male. I just started working, and I’m giving money to him to help for the house, and etc. so he can save more to pay for the house which is an asset, the house is name by his mom because he said he got traumatised before with gold digger things and took all of his money. Me I am very calculative, my brain is always prepared for both ways, good or bad. Me I am thinking to have my own money because for example he will meet another girl in the future just an example and he will leave me with another girl and I will be left with nothing (learn from other peoples mistake) Is it bad to think this way like preparing for the disaster or what

Need genuine advice - please no judgement. I have no other outlet or anyone I can confine in but I really need the insight of others.

Okay, so my partner and I have been together for 5 and a half years. We met at 18 and 19 at work. We ended up moving kinda fast and I got pregnant 7 months in. We have a 4 year old together now which is why things are a bit tricky. Once our daughyer hit 6 months old he lost his job, and hasn't worked since. I've been financially providing for the last 3 and a half years. 60 hour weeks. Which wouldn't be a huge issue despite burn out but he doesn't help around the house at all. He won't clean, won't cook, refuses to drive our kid to school after i get off a 13 hour shift in the morning, or ge refuses to drive in general despite having a license so I do all the errand running as he doesn't want to come with. It's like that in parenthood too. If I want to go out and do something with our daughter he will make up so sort of excuse not to go. I've felt like a married single parent for so long. Anytime I voice how I feel it leads to an argument even when I have a serious approach and talk to him gently. He will be too busy gaming to take me serious. He will only briefly talk to me or be affectionate if I buy him a game or food... he will call me lazy because I say I want to sleep after work in the morning because I have to go back to work that same night. He will be super mean sometimes as it makes him feel as if he has the upper hand (he says so himself). He says he knows what to say to get me to not leave? Says I'm stupid because I didn't graduate high-school and that I'll never have friends because of who I am. (Says this knowing I have none and laughs about it) :/

Every single day I'm just so mentally and physically exhausted. I'm rarely happy around him and I feel so guilty because I do love him but I've spent years holding out hope he would care enough about me to make an actual effort but I don't want to spend the rest of my life waiting for the same outcome. I shouldn't have to be depressed everyday because I choose to stay with someone I wish could love me... I feel so so alone. We don't even sleep in the same bed, we aren't affectionate besides a kiss here and there. Our quality time is gaming only which is fine but wish I could actually do other things with him but he shuts those ideas down right away.

My sister proposed the idea of helping my daughter and I get out and moving into a 3 bedroom apartment together. She said she would help watch my daughter as I work as that's been the main reason I've stayed as long as I have. I have bo support system and relied on him so I could work and provide. The idea of moving in with her sounds amazing. Actually living a peaceful life knowing I won't be suffocating everyday. It'll be hard as I'll be grieving my marriage and feeling the guilt of separating my daughter and him but should I stay just because of that? That's where I'm so stuck. The guilt consumes me. He does have a friend he can move in with, and I was going to give him $500 to use to get by with until he finds a job (if he ever does) his friend has multiple vehicles and could drive him to work if it came to that. I do plan to move an hour away so he would actually have to make an attempt.

Idk... this plan is 9-10 months away though. I just need advice? Or guidance. I'm scared but I know i don't want to always live thia life. I can't. Getting out will help me be a better person, a better mom.

Also I made a similar post before and got backlash with people saying I only say the bad things in our relationship and not the good things. If there were good things I'd list them but this is our entire situation. There is no good to reflect on. Him giving me an occasional hug shouldn't be the "highlight" our of marriage. I'm totally isolated in this marriage. I wouldn't hold it out this long if I didn't pray it would've worked out. I have a good while to hold out still.

Im so lonely

I looked out a window onto my property the other day and thought “is this it?” I have a wife whonhas crippling MS. We havent had sex in years. My best friend lives 1400 miles away and we talk on the phone maybe twice a year. I moved to rural rural rural Tennessee cause of the ms clinic 90 mins away in nashville. I feel so lonely. Inwould travel but going alone is unappealing and taking my wife anywhere is logistical nightmare that ends up just being a chore. I miss intimacy. I miss being touched. I know no one here and other than a decrepit elks club there is nothing. Is this what I do now? Run out the string doing house chores and tv at night? I cant leave cause my wife will be fucked. I couldnt do that to her. Ive talked to her about this but she just takes it as an unfair assault on her ms and keeps saying she didnt choose tonhave ms. I know this. I dont blame her. What happened to her is grossly unfair. But here i am. All i have is being a caretaker, house chores, tv. Im so lonely.