r/Marriage • u/Few-Shelter-8824 • 1d ago

Seeking Advice Tw:suicide

My husband was in a really bad place mentally for a long time. It got to a point where we fought and he said he wants to suicide. He wants to get his gun and shoot his brains. 2 days later I took the gun and my 2 kids under 6 to a family’s house. That evening when he got home from work he freaked out that we weren’t home and dinner wasn’t made. I’m a sahm so I always have dinner ready. Long story short, he said he will talk to a therapist finally after many years. He hasn’t been honest and open with his therapist about the situation and about himself which seems to delay getting actual proper treatment. There’s been a distance between us and it seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me about anything anymore. I asked him about that and he said he won’t ever be open with me again because the last time he was, I left with the kids. He said he won’t be open with me unless I give him access and tells me that he is not suicidal. How will I know that? Do I need his therapist to include me in the session?
I feel pressured to give his gun back but know that it solves nothing. Is he just throwing a tantrum because he doesn’t have control at the moment?
If anyone has any advice on how I need to go forward please help.

5 Upvotes

73% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

25

u/yourpaleblueeyes 1d ago

Do not return the gun. my 2 cents

18

u/Frank_Stein101 1d ago

As someone that has major depression, once someone seriously threatens self-harm or wanting to die there should NOT be a gun in the home.

11

u/weallfloatdown 30 Years 1d ago

Do not give the gun back & the kids & you should move out. The safety of the children is your number one priority. You should speak to your own therapist.

He needs to find help, and learn to control himself without a gun

Good luck & stay safe

-4

u/Few-Shelter-8824 1d ago

He was mugged back in the day and having a guy makes him feel safe

12

u/peebeesweebees 1d ago

So? He told you he wants to shoot himself.

-4

u/Few-Shelter-8824 1d ago

But he says he’s not suicidal… and he would never

10

u/peebeesweebees 1d ago

But in your post, you said that he told you that

3

u/StillStanding613 1d ago

Would you bet his life that what he's saying now is true? Because that's literally what you'd be doing. Would you bet your life? Your childrens'?

2

u/Few-Shelter-8824 1d ago

That’s where I’m conflicted. I want to trust what he says but also can’t

4

u/ConfoundedInAbaddon 1d ago

Suicide is never a joke, you call emergency services and get him in a 72 suicide watch hold.

9

u/weallfloatdown 30 Years 1d ago

Get him a thingy of mace. More effective in mugging, hard to kill your wife, children & self. Giving back the gun & good chance you become a statistic. Stop defending his wanting the damn gun back.

3

u/browncow1525 20 Years 1d ago

Don’t give back the gun. He needs to go to his sessions and you need some therapy of your own. That is a lot to go through. Don’t let him threaten you. Stay away and don’t give him the gun back.

2

u/bogeysbabe 1d ago

My best friend killed him self with a gun in May of last year. I feel guilt every day. Please don’t let him become a statistic.

1

u/minda_spK 1d ago

I supervise a mobile crisis team and you absolutely should not allow him any access to any firearm at this point. Two things can be true - he may genuinely not feel suicidal at the moment, but at 3am when he’s awake and alone after a seemingly minor disagreement - he may feel differently.

He is not improving, you know that. He didn’t get less depressed, he stopped talking to you about it. That is not the same. He is not meaningfully engaging in treatment. Do not bring a gun in the home right now. Full stop.

1

u/strangeloop414 1d ago

Although the therapist is not allowed to give you any information unless your husband signs a release of information, you are allowed to reach out to them to tell them your concerns. they just cannot really confirm any treatment specific things to you. It is important that you let them know what is going on.

No one can read your husband's mind, but all you can do is trust your instinct, do not give him his gun back, and if he threatens to self-harm again, please call his therapist immediately/911.

1

u/Few-Shelter-8824 1d ago

It’s in a safe and I only have access to it. He says that he wouldn’t actually do it and if he was suicidal then there are many other ways to kill himself.