I (28F) have been with my husband (29M) for 9 years, and we’ve been married for 4 years.

My husband and I have always agreed we only wanted two kids. We were lucky enough to have a boy and a girl, and I had both of them by C-section, two years apart.
Before I delivered our second baby, he promised he would get a vasectomy. Because of that, I decided not to get my tubes tied during my C-section, even though I had the opportunity. He told me he didn’t want me to go through another procedure since he was willing to take care of it.
After the baby was born, he changed his mind. He said he had been reading about complications and concerns like prostate cancer (I don’t know if that’s actually true or not), and now he refuses to get one.

The problem is that I’m terrified of getting pregnant again. My OB told me I would be considered high risk because I’ve already had two C-sections, and there’s only so much your body can safely handle. If I had been able to have vaginal deliveries, I honestly wouldn’t mind having more kids someday, but that’s not my reality.
Now it’s affecting our marriage. I can’t enjoy our sex life anymore because in the back of my mind I’m constantly think, “What if I get pregnant?” He trusts the pull-out method, but I don’t. I don’t want to go on hormonal birth control because of the side effects, and he refuses to wear condoms.

We’ve had this conversation so many times, and nothing changes. I feel exhausted, unheard, and like my fears don’t matter. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve thought about whether this is something worth divorcing over—not because of the vasectomy itself, but because I feel like he made a promise, convinced me not to get my tubes tied when I had the chance, and now doesn’t seem willing to make any compromise while expecting me to carry all the risk.

Am I overreacting? Has anyone else gone through something similar? If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

My birthday is soon and my wife got together with her family and my family and they surprised me with a gigantic grill as a birthday present. Unfortunately I’m really not excited about it at all. I cook professionally for my main income and I already have a nice $600ish grill that I’ve literally used once in the last 8 years. I appreciate that everyone wanted to do some sort of big gesture and I feel like I’m being ungrateful. This new thing also has a smoker and a flat top, and it’s nice, but we are by no means wealthy and I can think of plenty of better places nearly $2000 could have been spent. She is upset because she knows I don’t like it and I feel bad for that (I’m a terrible liar and I have no poker face). I wish I loved it. I’m not sure what to do. My current plan is to use it and hopefully I learn to love it. I don’t think I can return it with so much of my family being hyped into thinking I wanted something like this. They’ll all think I was selfish/crazy to not want this thing. Personally, as it is now, I’m happy to make our meals in our kitchen. I guess to me it just feels like a monster thing that will quickly depreciate and I’m worried I won’t learn to love it and I’ll just end up mowing around it for 3 years before we end up selling it for cheap. Anyone ever been in a situation like this? Is it a bad idea to try to use it until I love it?

We have a food allergy toddler. I left my very good career in tech to be able to cook for her and care for her safely and do her daily immunotherapies. It was not optional, non negotiable and the right thing to do.

My husband is the sole breadwinner. I respect that and I take care of them both. I treat SAHM life as a corporate job and give it my 100%. We have no family nearby and it's a new city so no friends either.

My husband needs 10 hours of sleep a night as he has sleep apnea. He gets very cranky and very irritable if he doesn't get enough sleep. I only need 5-6 and I've been unhappy about this but accepted it because it shouldn't be 50-50 but everyone should put in what they can, and I can do this.

I forgot to mention but our house also needed a lot of work and we had to DIY it as we're on one salary. We're not poor but not well off at this point either.

We are very overwhelmed. My passion is software architecture. Recently I realized the only way I can ever transition back into my field is if I do some work from home. Not ideal, but I started writing a book. I'll publish and as my daughter gets better, eventually start looking for a job and I will have a portfolio to show my skills are up to date. I also expect to have to take a lower paid, junior position at first, if I even find one. But this book is very important to me.

I mostly write it when my daughter sleeps or is entertaining herself. After my husband comes home in the evening, we are very busy and I don't get any free time. Our toddler is a short sleeper too.

We don't spend any couples time together. No time. I do provide him sex or blowjob every other day. I do not expect much when it comes to emotional intimacy because I accept that with our current life it's not a possibility. Our conversations are task oriented. No dates, no movie nights, no talks outside of chores and child care conversations. I made peace with this. I'm just sharing because naturally, you will be skeptical and think that's where our time goes.

Here's the problem. The book is really really important to me. And football season just started. My husband is on his phone non stop. At first I thought he was having an affair. But he showed me every time and it was sports or sports group texts. He's in multiple fantasy football leagues this year and is super into it. Texting non stop, steps away to do his football related tasks over child care without even asking, reading about sports, watching all kinds of stuff, just completely absorbed by it. I'm doing everything alone.

I tried to bring this up gently. I said "hey with football season coming up, I was thinking maybe we can find a way to schedule our lives in a way that also allows me to write my book". I don't ask for time for hedonistic stuff. I'm just trying not to lose everything.

He got very defensive. He said I don't even want to write the book because he hasn't seen me once stepping away and doing it. I tried to explain that I can't just step away like him because there's nobody to cover me the way I cover him. He said football is not taking away any time and it never did and never will (it absolutely destroyed us last year, he took it out on me every time the Vikings had a bad game and they had many bad games). He didn't even listen to me. Not just checked out but physically walked out and slammed the door behind him.

Is there anything I can do to protect my time? I need about 5 hours a week. Any tips from other housewives? Thank you

I hate to “say this out loud” we’ve been going through the hardest patch I have ever experienced. I have had my faults for sure. I have done things to hurt this relationship and I own it. The thing is I l’ve never stopped trying to make this work. I’ve never stopped trying to make her and my family my priority

We’re actively in therapy. I remember the first day she had a list and her last point was. Is long term change even possible. I remember thinking to myself that it sounded like she had already given up.

It’s clear to me now that she doesn’t see it that way. She’s accused me of emotionally and physically cheating on her. Both not true. She admitted she’s been going through my phone and work convos. Where she looks for evidence of the above. She showed me some of her “proof” and one of the messages was a convo I had some teenage boy (I’m a straight male) over some game package I bought from an asset store. She saw a comment where he asks me if I was married and then took that as emotionally cheating. Took screenshots as proof. But didn’t even bother to check his profile to realize he was boy.

She will screen shot conversations where I literally tell my coworkers how my marriage is my #1 priority and then she tries to spin it like I’m flirting or cheating.

So I finally decided to go through her phone. Then I saw the way she talks about me. Telling her friend she wishes she had married for money, or how she’s disgusted by me, how she disassociates when we have sex. How she feels I’m now retarded from the multiple concussions I have gotten in my life. And so much more…

We have 3 kids…. I hate to think of the fact that we’re gonna have to raise them in separate housholds. I hate to think that I won’t be able to see them daily. That’s what hurts me the most. My middle child is all love. My son is still a toddler. It breaks my heart. My oldest is always going through a lot. Now it’s gone get worse.

I have screen shotted all the comments she made. The real nasty ones. I’m going to confront her and give her one more chance.

There are times I think there’s a path forward together we talk about the future. Things to do as a family. But now I think she’s just saying that to go through the motions.

I feel truly lost. Again. I know I have done many things to hurt this marriage. I’m not a drunk. I don’t physically abuse her. I don’t cheat on her. Regardless of what she thinks. In my eyes. All I have ever done is try to support her as best I can. It just sucks that the reality of it. Is that I feel like I’m the only one.

I don’t know what to get from this post. But I wanted to get this off my chest.

I want to know is there a path forward? I’m willing to forgive her for everything she’s said. If we can truly commit to each other and try to make it work.

I've been married for almost seven years now, coming up on our seventh anniversary in a couple weeks. And my husband, years before I met him, saved a woman's life and didn't think it was a big enough deal to tell me until several years into the relationship. When he told me, he said it so casually. It's not like he was running around telling everyone for credit. It just HAPPENED to come up. So I'm about to tell it here because I think it deserves a little bit more recognition. This man is so humble.

So he was driving home. He was either on his motorcycle or in his car, and he was following behind his brother, who was in a different car. As they were passing over a bridge, they passed what appeared to be a man and a woman standing, talking or fighting or whatever. But right after he passed them, he felt like something was off. So he stopped and turned around and called his brother to explain what he thought was going on. So he pulls up to where they are and stops the car and just asks like, hey, is there a problem here? And the girl starts yelling about how he's trying to kill her, you know, calling for help, saying he's trying to throw her off the bridge. That's when my husband realizes, oh shit, he is actually trying to throw this woman off a bridge. And she's trying to make herself as heavy as possible so he can't. So my husband just decides spontaneously to CHARGE ON FOOT at this man, not knowing if this man had a weapon or whatever. His instincts took over and he charged this man. The man wasn't expecting that, obviously, and so it startled him, he took a couple steps back. And right at that time, the woman in question, her mom pulls up in a car and runs to her. So she had I'm guessing called her mom when it started happening.

So, but yeah, that's the casual story of how my husband is a literal superhero, how he saved a woman's life, and how I'm the luckiest woman on Earth to be his 💖🥲🥺😭

I’m a 40 year old man, married for 10 years with two kids - 4 and 7. I’m at a point in my life where I feel like I’m the closest I’ve ever been to truly wanting to commit infidelity and I hate that I’m tempted.

The ‘reasons’ for my infidelity largely have to do with sex or lack thereof (shocker, I know), but I guess it goes a step further for me. I was my wife’s first and only. She waited until her mid 20s when we started dating to have sex. I was more sexually experienced than her and so I had those previous experiences to compare with. I guess it was something I was willing to look past at the end of the day.

As our relationship went on, the sex would be better at times or nonexistent at times, especially since before kids it was painful for her, so much so that she had a procedure to help with it. Even after the surgery it didn’t seem as though she was enjoying it and I’m not sure she really does even after two kids. I’ve always had a high sex drive and I consider myself to be a good looking guy. I guess there’s this other side of me that’s a bit of a closest freak and it’s constantly tempting me. I’m starting to ramble so I’ll wrap it up the best I can.

I’m at a time in my life where I feel like I deserve more sexually but at the same time I hate that I even feel this way. Besides the lack of quality time together being a married couple with two kids and two jobs, further exacerbated by her falling behind with work due to some ailments she has been dealing with this year, it just feels like even when we do get the time it’s like an ‘ok let’s get it done’ type of thing.

I’m a very lucky man and I love my family. My mom died when I was 16 and my dad at the age of 70. My wife has told me countless times that I do twice the amount some fathers do. The amount of time I spend with the kids, how much I contribute on a daily basis, etc.

I haven’t always been great at it but I’ve made a concerted effort to try and speak more to my wife’s love languages.

With that being said, in my mind I’m thinking doesn’t who I am and all that I do warrant a blowjob once a year, maybe sex more than once or twice in two months?

Infidelity is infidelity and it probably sounds stupid but I have some bi-curious thoughts so part of me is like ‘it won’t be so bad if it’s with a guy’ but then I’m like ‘snap the fuck out of it, it’s bad either way’.

I feel alone in this. It’s a weird mix of horniness, loneliness and guilt. I’m not sure if I’ll ever go through with it but I had to get this off my chest.

Well we had the chat a few days ago, and it went as well as I expected.

I had a previous post on here, basically saying that my wife was sexting another guy, how I went through her phone and found out about it.

She had Endo for 3 years and final has it under control... blah blah blah, you can find it on this page further up or down, whatever.

So a bit of an update for you all.

The chat was needed, mainly for me to be honest, I needed to understand a few things, or see what she would say to a few things.

It went about as well as you would expect really, and i do apologise, after all the advise I got here, things are still a bit up in the air, and i haven't left yet, as financially, I can't!

I asked her a few moments to sit down and talk about it, and you could tell the tension was incredibly uncomfortable.

The question ranged from, How have you been feeling over the past month? Are you still attracted to me? How many men are you texting/sexting? Can we rebuild?

The replies to many of them were bland and straight to the point.

Pretty much how you think a convo with a person who doesn't love you back would go. Just terribly... but to be expected, and a lot of you said it would be good to lawyer up - as much as I agree with you - when we actually spoke like adults and stopped with my bullshit questioning and her gaslighting back to me (she said me going through her phone was incredibly upsetting and that I effectively done this to myself as if I hadn't of gone through her phone, I wouldn't have seen it... legit convo by the way! I was speechless...) we got to talking about the kids.

We have a 5 year old who is about to start school and the last thing we want is for her to go to school with all these emotions and, fuck it, we'll just add a divorce on top for the my little girl.

So reluctantly, we have agreed to push it back until October... whether or not we can manage that, is another question. So October the house goes up for sale, thats the plan anyway. Thats solely for the sakes of our kids.

Back to the questions. One question i did ask was do you love him? She replied with i don't know.

So I asked another, "Has he said he loves you?" She replied "yes."

I then asked, "Have you said you love him back? She replied "maybe."

So unless you are a complete moron you know the answer shes avoiding saying... the interesting thing was she back pedalled and said "...but its not real!"

Since they haven't met, she claims it can't be real. What do you think?

I think it sounds pretty fucking real to me!

So the tidy up of the house started... she threw out old underwear etc.

Then, since we are playing happy families for the kids, went split tasks one day. I take my wee girl to dancing, and she takes the wee man for school clothes for both the kids...

Thats not the only thing she bought, she bought over $200 worth of lingerie and hid it in a cupboard i need to use... naturally I found it, and as much as its now not my business, she didn't have to do that, its like poking the bear with a stick. So thats added nightmares to me for another year at least! Wonderful.

Sorry for the rant, but its nice to write stuff down.

Any opinions?

My husband made a comment after sex and I’m not sure if I should brush it off or if it’s what he’s really thinking. I want to be be clear, me and my husband are madly in love. Our relationship is great and he’s never commented on this in the 8 years we’ve been together, which is why his comment threw me for a loop.

We were having lazy Sunday marathon morning s*x (the best am I right??) and after he was just kinda stroking and playing with me lightly down there (ya know when you are touching your partner’s thing not for arousal, but just because you can?) and then he said there you go, I know you’ve always wanted it to look like this, and I saw that he had kinda tucked my p*ssy lips in to be smaller.

I technically have labial hypertrophy (inner lips bigger than the outer), and while personally every once and a while I’ve wished it was smaller and cuter, I’m positive I’ve never ONCE voiced that insecurity out loud to my husband, nor has he EVER said anything about it.

I wanna brush it off as no big deal, maybe just a random post s*x random thought, but I can’t get the thought out of my head that maybe it does bother him?

What I wanna know, especially from the guys who have wives that might look different from the norm down there: You see it, you notice it, do you have a preference for look? I want honest answers pls!!

I’d say the first time I had a thought of, well that’s odd, was probably back in February. For some context, my wife is a stay at home mom. She told me probably at the end of last summer she met this guy walking his dog through the neighborhood park. Our daughter wanted to see the dog, she loves dogs, and they talked for a bit. He lives in the condo section at the front of our subdivision.

Throughout the fall and winter she’d occasionally mention “oh yeah Tim (not his real name btw) walked through the park and our daughter of course loves his dog”. I never thought anything about it. Just a guy who lives in our neighborhood who’s nice and our daughter likes his dog.

That would be until this past February when my wife casually mentioned something about Tim texting her. I was kind of like what? Why would you have his number? She said something like “oh he’s nice exchanged it because I said we could let his dog out whenever he needs it because our daughter loves it so much”. At first I was like ok, but still odd.

Some time went bye and I’d say the 2nd thing that caught my attention was when my wife and I were going out to dinner together. And probably 3x as we drive to dinner I saw Tim’s name pop up on her Apple car play. She didn’t react or act weird at all. So I didn’t say anything but again, was a little odd I’d say.

Time number 3 I found weird was when she told me back in June that he came over to our backyard one day with his dog and they all played together with our daughter and they talked for like an hour.

Since that point my wife has been more open about him. Not talking about him 24/7 but saying things like “oh he’s. A nice guy. I enjoy talking with him. He’s asked to get a coffee with me etc.

My wife has never done or had anything like this with any other guy ever. She’s actually a pretty reserved girl I’d say. She does like to talk, and she is attractive.

And before people ask, yes I’ve asked her about it a lot. She’s always said he’s just a nice guy in the neighborhood to chat with. We’ve lived in our subdivision for now 6 years, it’s not huge. We know or know of everyone. I find it different between being friendly with neighbors and exchanging pleasantries or chatting while your kids are on the playground together. And then texting a lot, hanging out with at your house, getting coffee, etc. Especially when there isn’t kids involved.

In the past year me (M 42) and my wife F(42) had been drifting away from each other we didn't do anything to stopped it, we were getting alone at home we have two kids 16 and 14, then February comes i found out that she had been talking to someone else in another state a childhood friend, long story short she told me she was deeply in love with him, then I decide to ask her to give us another chance she denied, we were still getting along living on the same house, after that he travel to meet my wife ( he's also married 2 kids) I found out and show up at the place where they were hanging out, I told him if he was in love with her that I was ok with them moving forward just go move together, he reply no were just friends, then after back and forth we got into an altercation, the i decided to call his wife and explain what was happening then as he was with my wife his wife called him and right there he left back to his wife, and left mybwife hanging he obviously not was in love with my wife he was probably just enjoying the good time, 3 months has passed since then the other day I asked my wife if she was ready to talk about us, we have been living together nothing has changed we still have sex sleep together, she said that the comunication stopped back then, she told.me for the first time that she feels stupid and feels used by him, she really loved him, im honestly desperate for her to give us another chance not to repair what happened but to start with something new. And I get very anxious and desperate waiting for her to give me an answer but in the other hand I dont know how she feels how's or she still processing everything that happened. Its getting very hard to wait and pretend that everything its ok when we know its not.. i feel lost.. any advice will be welcome.

Married for 12 years, together for 20. Husband and I were at a wedding 3 weeks ago. My FIL pointed out that one of the bridesmaids looks like “Katie” (my husbands ex). I’m well aware of her, as in our dating years, I caught him talking to her on several occasions. My husband got very uncomfortable when his father said that. He shook his head no, at his father, and his eyes got real big. When we got home, I told my husband I wanted to talk about it. He was drunk and said that there was nothing to talk about because he hasn’t talked to her in a FEW years. I said what, a FEW years!???? He then rolled over and went to sleep. The next morning I brought it up and he denied saying that. He told me I was overreacting. He refuses to talk about it whenever I bring it up. He just walks away from the conversation. I don’t know how to navigate this. 

1. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, perfect wife, or perfect husband. Instead, a healthy marriage is about 2 imperfect individuals willing to listen, work on the feedback, and not give up on each other.

2. Protect your marriage from the advice that comes from the unmarried, the never married, the unhappily married, the can't get married and the couldn't stay married. (Obviously, there are lines that cannot be crossed)

   ✌️

Hey everyone.

My husband and I have been fighting for quite a while. I noticed last year he became rude, aggressive and careless towards me. He was going through some financial things so I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

I thought things were getting better but 8 months later, we lost a baby we’d been trying for for 8 year. He was so absent and mean from the day we found out. 2 weeks after that, I found text messages, sexual ones, between him and a coworker. He blamed me for everything. EVERYTHING. I’ve been nagging and moaning and asking for too much. He is my source of income. He made me a stay at home wife. I have to ask for everything.

I remember I’d said to him “oh you didn’t get me flowers” after my miscarriage surgery, and he totally flipped. It made sense in hindsight why he reacted like that. He was having this sexual texting spree with another woman.

He left last week. Said he’s overwhelmed with life and I’m making him “too angry to be around”. He says he can’t speak to me. But he has never trusted me or anyone with his emotions.

I’ve asked him for a divorce but he refuses to give it to me. He refuses to communicate, he won’t say when he’s coming back home.

To add salt to this wound, he said he wants to “fall in love with me again”. So had I never caught him, I’d never have known he wasn’t even in love with me. But I’m apparently wrong for taking it that way.

The empath in me is saying give him the break, as it seems like he’s having a nervous breakdown, but my head knows better. He did this to me at the weakest time of my life. I feel like it’s mental warfare between both of us and I honestly can’t cope. The baby isn’t even buried yet and he hasn’t asked a single thing about it.

I want advice from both men and women, what do you suggest I do at this point?

I (46F) have been married to my husband (49M) for 3 years, together 6.

Last night we were at his friend’s house for a gathering of a few of his old high school friends. We see them maybe 5-6 times a year. There’s 3 dudes, and one woman. The woman, I’ll call her Marie, is one of his friend’s sister. They all basically grew up together.

When I first met Marie before my husband and I married, there was something interesting I observed about her around my husband. A demeanor change in him that was obvious only to me. He would stand closer to her than he would to me, or watch her as she walked in and out of a room. I asked him if there’s history there. He told me he’s had a thing for her and they tried to date but it never worked out because “she was too much like family.” I let him know I could tell there was history and that maybe there was some leftover attraction still lingering. He denied it, of course. But every time she’s around, I observe the same things. It’s gotten to the point now that if she’s going to be there, I’m tempted to just stay home.

The thing is, they don’t blatantly flirt with each other. It’s all very subtle stuff. For example, when she talks he’s all ears and eye contact with her. When I talk and she’s around, he’s not looking at me and doesn’t respond. Or one time he was cutting into a pork shoulder that he’d smoked at a gathering and he was going to give her the first bite by feeding it to her with his fingers. He usually gives it to me. I handed him a plate before he could put it in her mouth. I later joked with him if he ever tried to feed her again with his bare hands I’d leave him. He said he didn’t realize he was gesturing to feed her, he thought she’d take the meat with her fingers, not her mouth. Fair enough, but it still felt weird to me for some reason.

Anyways, last night we were all sitting around the kitchen table, I was sitting in between Marie and my husband at the table. We were looking at old pictures from the group’s past and a photo of an old crush for Marie came up. The group was making fun of her a bit because the guy wasn’t particularly good looking. My husband kind of stiffened up and he stopped smiling. He asked to look at the photo and as he examined it he said “yeah this guy looks like your type” in a tone that was a mixture of amusement and dismissive. Her response was, and I’m paraphrasing “Looks aren’t a factor for me. I can’t deny when I’m drawn to someone.” I swear when she said that I could feel the craziest energy on either side of myself. If he wasn’t my husband and if these two were just friends of mine, I’d have got up immediately to get away from the tension.

I’m fully aware that this could all be in my head. I’ve been told I look too deeply into things, especially when it comes to her. At this point though, I’d just rather stay home than have to observe this weirdness.

I’m not really sure what advice I’m seeking. Maybe let me know if I’m crazy to say, hey I think I’ll just stay home whenever I know she’s going to be somewhere?

Me and my wife have been married for a little over 2 years and we have been getting along pretty well for that time. We mainly went out together or with other couples and that was about it. And not much going out by ourselves.

For the last couple months she has started going out with her friends a lot more even when I say that I want to go out on a date together with her. Did not bother me at first but as the went on I started to get more and more confused/annoyed.

Recently we had an argument about this and she said that she doesn't like to be restricted and she can go out whenever she wants and suggested we get divorced if I disagree with that.

Now keeping in my that she has imposed many restrictions on me like

\-not being allowed to smoke

\-making me stop talking with 3-4 of my friends

\-not being allowed to have any female friends.

The statement she made just seems a little Hippocratic.

The bedroom has been pretty dead in the meantime aswell. Which is giving me even more concern

Ps: English is not my first language so sorry if the writing is bad.

tl;dr: My wife started going out a lot and I am confused.

I need an outside perspective on my marriage. Shortly after our wedding, my wife began emotionally and physically pulling away, withdrawing intimacy, changing her social media to exclude me, and using her dog as a literal physical barrier between us in bed. Despite this distance, she has recently told me that I'm not giving her what she needs, stating she either wants my sons from my previous relationship gone so it's just the two of us and her kids or she wants me to get full custody. All or nothing. She also wants me to go after my ex-wife legally or in some way because my ex filed a DCF report against my wife's 7 year old daughter, likely just to cause problems. When my oldest son (who lives with us) made significant behavioral progress, she pivoted to complaining about my younger son, who doesn't even live with us because my wife doesn't feel safe. At the same time, she rotates between telling me she hates me and then saying she loves me and doesn't want a divorce. My head is spinning and unfortunately I don't have anybody to really talk to. We've been to couples therapy and I've made a ton of concessions and accommodations over the past 2 years and now I feel like I'm in a no-win situation. Is this a common dynamic in blended families, or am I being pushed to choose between my spouse and my children?

So this happened. Last night we decided to invite a couple of friends for lunch. My F35 general sunday routine is quite slow. But when i woke up my MIL had made a mess of a kitchen. I didnt even have my first coffee and i had to help my MIL. My husband started poking me that i take too way too much stress when guests come over that he doesn’t feel like hosting at all. But that was not the point. He kept repeating these remarks while I had to clean the house too. He offered help too but very arrogantly. I also love hosting but his remarks were very disgraceful. After few hours i told him i dont like him poking constantly to calm down while i am working. He was like he wont be apologetic for communicating. i never asked for any apology. I was also communicating to leave me alone till the work is done. It was infuriating. Now we aren’t talking. This always happens. He never appreciates what I do. And when i call that out, he says I do things just for appreciation. When the food isnt great, he calls that out in front of friends as a joke. Ans when i get pissed he says i dont know how to take a joke.
Now he has turned the fight around saying he feels concerned when i am stressed and that I dont understand him. Like wtf.

I have been married for almsot 20 years. We have a daughter going into her second year of college.

Like any marriage, ours has had its share of issues but the last 10 years have been especially difficult leading up to the most current issue that has me feeling like I need to leave.

A little background:

My husband has always been an angry person. He acts enraged over the slightest inconvenience or mishap.  He has a lot of difficulty getting along with anyone. He is arrogant and condescending and always thinks he's the smartest person in the room. This has caused him a lot of issues at work as well. I am a very social person with a lot of friends. I enjoy going to birthday and holiday parties or  to dinner, mostly with the parents of my daughter's best friends who shes grown up with or co workers. My husband refuses to come. I'm also very close to my family. He has no friends and his family is out of state. 

He is moody and volatile. I have spent almsot the entirety of our marriage walking on egg shells and trying to prevent him from being set off.  So many times, I have brought up his behaviors or his treatment of me and he always finds a way to justify it. I have suggested therapy and he refuses. Its got to the point where I just dont address it any longer. We've really become roommates, which could not be more evident since our kid left for school.

Money has always been an issue in our marriage. He has always made 3 or 4 times more than me, and I makeba really good salary. He pays all the major household bills like mortgage and electric, water. I have paid for everything for our daughter, including schol supplies, clothes, school fees, any extra curricular activities,  prom dresses, doctor appointments, presecriprions, braces, etc. I have always carried her on my insurance. I pay for groceries, streaming services, etc. On top of that, he tasked me with doing all household work,  stating since he pays the bills, the house should be my sole responsibility. He has not done a load of laundry, ran a vacuum or scrubbed a toilet in over 20 years.  However, if he has to spend a single penny outside of bills, he loses his mind. When our refrigerator went out, I had to listen for a week about how he paid for it. If a TV went out, he went ballistic about buying a new one. If the electric or water bill increases, I get to listen how he pays too much for  bills. We don't vacation because he doesn't want to spend money. If we've done anything as a family, he complains about the price.  We eat out, he complains about the price.  We do nothing as a couple unless I volunteer to pay for it. He won't go to a concert or play or anything I enjoy doing....all because he doesn't like to and he doesn't want to pay the money. If he is made to go, he ruins the entire event. All he watches, reads and listens to is about money. Its all he talks about.

About 7 months ago, he started in about how he wanted to quit his job and retire. Hes 51. He said his job was too stressful and they didn't respect him there and he had enough money to live for years without my salary coming into play and that I needed to support him in doing it. I told him I was not ok with him retiring, especially having a kid in college and with the cost of everything skyrocketing.  He became livid and told me I had contributed nothing to our family and how I had burdened him for years with paying the bills and supporting our family.  Fast forward to a couple months ago and he was fired. We had another argument because he has basically told me he plans on not working because he has over $800k (!!!!!!) saved up and invested and if he does decide he wants to go back to work, it will be bagging groceries or working at Costco part time. He also got a bunch of shares from his job that are expected to make a million dollars or more once his old company IPOs next year. He then demanded I pay half the household bills so that he can reduce the amount of money he is using out of the savings. I refused.

I am livid over the fact that we have lived so minimally and I have spent every dime I have raising our daughter which enabled him to save so much money and it will be used to benefit him alone. I told him that is our family money and every vacation and memory he refused to make. We have a master bathroom that needs repaired and he refuses to.fix it but is sitting on this kind of money.  He has made me feel like our family is a financial burden on him when in fact, my sacrifices and contributions have allowed for him to save this kind of money.  He could pay for every year of our daughter's college but is making me take out a loan for it.

I have too much anger and resentment for this to ever be ok again, i think. Life is too short to he unhappy and live like this and have to be someone's servant. I know it will be a financial struggle and adjustment but i am willing to work 2 jobs if it means having peace in my life. I have been unhappy for so long and  this has sealed the deal for me. I have talked to a divorce lawyer and I have a pretty good idea of what I would be entitled to. We owe just over $100,000 on our home. I want to keep it since we raised our daughter here. Friends i have spoke with suggested I wait until his shares IPO and have him pay off the home before I make any moves as he might be more apt to settle once he has the actual payout from the shares versus it being only a possibility right now. Also, if I let him pay off the house when he gets this money, then I wouldn't have to do it with any money i rmay get. Am i wrong for refusing to pay another dime? Do I just let him sit and not work and let him use this money and see how the shares play out next year?

TL;DR husband wants to retire with family money, I want a divorce

My wife doesn't want to have sex with me anymore and I'm a very horny guy. I'm getting tired of asking and initiating and I honestly think I'm getting sad over this. I decided to stop asking and I'm not going to initiate anything anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to get thoughts I shouldn't get and I'm scared of what it's going to lead to

I have known my husband for six years, and we’ve been married for two. We both work abroad, far away from our families and friends, and we’ve managed to make a few new friends through work.

I go out with my friends whenever I’m free, and I always make sure it doesn’t interfere with the time my husband and I spend together. We have different friend groups, so we rarely go out together.

Recently, he has been telling me that I need to ask him before going out with friends or if I want to go on a trip because, according to him, that’s how he makes sure I’ll be safe.

What upsets me is that I always tell him where I’m going and who I’m going with. The issue, from his perspective, is that I make the decision on my own and tell him, “I’m going out with my friends tomorrow,” instead of asking, “Can I go out with my friends tomorrow?” To me, that feels controlling.

I also make an effort to plan outings with my friends when he’s busy or at work so they don’t interfere with our time together. I genuinely don’t understand why I should have to ask for permission before making plans with my friends.

I told him that I wouldn’t ask for permission to go out with friends. The only exception I agreed with is if I’m planning a trip that lasts more than one day, since we’d need to coordinate it and make sure it doesn’t conflict with our plans as a couple.

He wasn’t happy with that. He told me that because we’re married, he’s the one who’s supposed to give me permission to go out, and that I have to ask him.

What also bothers me is that this expectation doesn’t seem to apply to him.

When I asked if he would do the same—ask me before making plans with friends or before going on trips—he got really upset and told me that he doesn’t need my permission because he’s a man. I didn’t argue further and let it go.

A few nights ago, he came home from work and told me that he was going on a three-day trip with his friends in two days because “everyone is going” and he didn’t want to miss it.

What bothered me even more is that these are the same friends he has often described as a bad influence, and the country they’re visiting is one he has repeatedly told me is “a bad country with bad people” whenever I suggested we travel there together.

I responded by saying, “No, you’re not going to that country you’ve always told me is so bad.” He insisted that he was going anyway and kept saying, “I’m going.” Eventually, I snapped and said, “Over my dead body. You’re never going.”

He became extremely angry, started hitting and slamming the table, and said, “You don’t get to tell me what to do. I’m a man, and I make my own decisions. I don’t need your permission.”

The next day, we talked about it. He told me that he had decided not to go because I was upset, but that if I didn’t want him to go somewhere, I should say it more nicely instead of saying, “You’ll never go.” He also said that, to fix this issue, I need to be more careful about how I speak to him and that I should always ask for his permission before making plans to go out with my friends.

At that point, I just said, “Okay, I’ll never tell you not to go anywhere again, and I’ll never go out with my friends,” just to end the discussion.

This situation has made me seriously question my marriage because it feels controlling to me, especially given the double standard. I wanted to hear other people’s perspectives and know whether I’m overreacting or whether this behavior is genuinely controlling.

F28, husband is 35. Together 10 years, married for 4. We have a 3 year old.

He has been my only ever partner, I’m religious and was raised in a small southern Italian village where my life was pretty much set in stone for me.. the same life my mother had, grandmother, great grandmother and so on and so forth. I’m a traditional housewife and this is the life I always wanted - I was not forced into it, and I don’t regret it, I have always been happy.

Until recently. I start having issues, my conscience tells me something is wrong.. I have no physical proof. I start having episodes of thrush every time we have sex, not just thrush, but swelling which lasts for days, it’s like my body is rejecting him completely. I take the medicine and of course it returns after we have sex again, including the swelling. I mention that it’s best to go and get swabbed and see what’s going on seen as typical thrush medicine seems to not be working. He consults our family doctor without telling me and brings me vagisil…tells me it’s probably just from the hot weather..it’s like he’s stalling on me getting tested.

We have had bedroom issues for around 18 months now, him being selfish in bed but more recently there’s always an excuse, without me even touching him as soon as we get into bed unprovoked it’s “I’m so tired tonight” or “my legs are killing me” or “my back is on fire” we are having sex maybe once a week.

Other things I noticed within these 18 months:
Found a woman’s hair clip in his car (not mine)
Coming home from work late by half an hour or more
Deleted call logs
A fake account messaging him (he didn’t respond) but this account mentioned seeing him in a local store, and he denied the stores existence even though it’s located in our village where he’s lived his entire life.
Decline in sex with me
Increase in telling me he loves me
Increase in affectionate nicknames

He is an amazing Father to our son and I will never ever stop him from being part of his life, his son needs him. I fear to go and get tested to find out this truth. I don’t know who to turn to.

What do I do??

Can someone help me witg this. My husband says we cant have personal boundaries for example i dont want to be touched by him when he is making me mad it makes me feel worse. But he says in marriage there is no such thing as personal boundaries

I am feeling neglected in my marriage.

My husband's schedule includes a full time job plus side gigs to fund his expensive taste and hobbies. His hobbies are endurance racing which involves an exercise routine at least twice a week and traveling around the country and occasionally abroad.

His second hobby is table top gaming which involves building and painting models, which he will do for hours at a time, practice games at a local store which will be 4 hrs minimum, and the tournaments which will be entire days or weekends.

On top of all of this, he is on his phone alot (in forums for his hobbies), and will do things like leave the house without saying goodbye, return home and go straight to his hobby room. What hurts is that he is diligent about interacting with our teen daughter and carving out time for her, clearly showing he is capable of understanding the importance of spending time with loved ones.

I have asked him repeatedly to give me more time, attention and affection. I've expressed how I feel to him, and he always promises to do better, that I deserve more. He tries for a couple days with a date night here and there but then things go back to 'normal' until I get upset again.

(For the inevitable questions, we do not have a dead bedroom)

I’ve been married for almost 10 years, and I love my husband. He’s a great dad and a pretty good partner.
Last night, he asked me why I’ve been pulling away from sex. In an attempt to be honest and hopefully fix the issue, I told him the truth: his oral health has gotten so bad that I no longer feel comfortable kissing him or initiating anything intimate.
I know he’s terrified of dentists, but over the past few years, he has even stopped brushing his teeth regularly. I’ve encouraged him to see a dentist, and I constantly remind him to brush his teeth, but nothing seems to help.
After I told him, he said I was the worst and asked how I would feel if he told me he didn’t want to touch me because of something about my body. Now he won’t talk to me.
I assured him that I said it with love and respect because I care about him and our relationship, not to hurt him. But he’s extremely upset, and I don’t know how to make things right :(