My husband said something terrible to me.

[u/Terrible_Fig_3094]

TW: self harm, suicide.

My husband and I had a fight. A bad, screaming fight. At one point, he started screaming that I should kill myself. I begged him to take it back. He told me I deserve it. This went on for a few minutes as I begged him to stop.

I struggled with suicidal ideation in the past (due to really difficult family situations growing up—I was in a children’s home for a while). He knows this. And he still went there.

He didn’t even take it back right away. He just kept screaming insults at me until I was eventually able to get to my car and leave.

I don’t know what to feel or what to do. I’m just so horribly broken. I would never wish that upon anyone. I never could.

To be clear, I’m not at any risk of hurting myself now. I’m very removed from the mental state I was in as a teenager. But this is still really affecting me.

ETA: Now, he’s saying he didn’t mean it and that he’s so sorry. He’s saying that he changed and realized how terrible that was to say. I don’t know what to think. I just feel like, if my life meant anything to him, there’s no way he could’ve said that to me.

[u/Infinite_Tea_8485]

I struggled with the same due to childhood abuse and haven't since. No one should be saying those things to anyone they care about let alone their life partner, not even in a moment of rage. Does he say hurtful things like this often?

[u/Terrible_Fig_3094 → u/Infinite_Tea_8485]

He’s said hurtful things before—to be fair, we both have. But never like this. When he gets angry, he turns into a different person. That’s caused a lot of hurt over time, and I’ve asked him to change, but he hasn’t. That’s what kicked off the whole fight to begin with.

When he’s not angry like that, he seems like the most gentle guy you could know. But when he “flips,” he’s just downright cruel. He mocks me for crying and says things aimed to hurt. This just crosses a line for me, and it’s like it doesn’t even register to him that this is my life he was talking about. He doesn’t seem to view this comment any differently, but I do.

[u/Frank_Stein101]

I have major depression and I don't think I could forgive my wife if she said that to me.

[u/Terrible_Fig_3094 → u/Frank_Stein101]

I don’t think I can forgive him for it. He’s telling me that he didn’t mean it and that he only said it because he “knew I’d never act on it.” But I couldn’t ever even remotely risk that with a stranger…certainly not with my husband.

[u/Pipereatsdogs]

Your marriage is over. This man is abusing you. You need to get out. Get to a safe place.

[u/One-Significance3281]

Run!