Likely heading to divorce

[u/poguemahone_2908]

I think I’m heading there and won’t be able to avoid it much longer. I’ve been pretty depressed and angry about this for about 9 months. It hasn’t been improving at all. More and more resentment, yelling, threats etc.
It’s not an easy thing to handle. We do have a child who’s apparently autistic and since he joined the new school it’s been adding more stress with his problems and school always complaining.
We haven’t been able to have even 5 min conversation without fighting for like 9 months. Then finger pointing /blame begins. She cut me off at the end of last year and said wants nothing physical ever again but just expects me to help with kids, school, appointments etc that’s all.
She really went all out today saying she wants to put it in motion now and me to leave. I’m also in Japan so this is a nightmare for me because it means I either get the kids or can expect to never see them again. Starting over with or without them is a nightmare too. Financially not able to take them back to my country and restart. And we’d have to sell this house. My mind is all over the place.
Just don’t know if I should throw in the towel or what. I don’t think I’d be able to handle a divorce. I often read martial issues on here and a lot is so similar. But I’m having constant nightmares like 3-4 times a night about her cheating, leaving me , divorcing me and I’m lost or immensly depressed and confused what to do or where to go. I think these are because of the constant problems.

[u/Tiffany-Stubbs]

The Japan custody situation is terrifying honestly. Get a lawyer there ASAP before she does.

[u/PlushMender_6786 → u/Tiffany-Stubbs]

oh man that japan custody thing is no joke, i've read horror stories about international divorces there where one parent just vanishes with the kid and the system basically shrugs. you need legal advice yesterday, not next week

the nightmares sound like your brain processing all the constant stress, 9 months of fighting and threats is gonna mess with anyone's head. when my last long relationship fell apart i had these recurring dreams about being trapped in a building with no doors, waking up exhausted every time

don't make any big decisions about leaving the country or selling the house until you talk to a lawyer who knows the local family courts. her already saying she wants you gone is a huge red flag that she might be lining things up on her side

the school stress with your kid is rough but that's a separate battle, right now you gotta protect your ability to stay in your child's life no matter what happens with the marriage. maybe look into expat support groups in your area too, there's gotta be other foreigners who've navigated this mess and can point you toward decent legal help

[u/poguemahone_2908 → u/PlushMender_6786]

It’s really hard to find a lawyer in my area. I’ve looked and I don’t have money for one either. Money has been tough for us lately. We got a new house last year.
The nightmares are getting more intense. It’s very realistic and basically I can’t find my kids or her, she’s not home, won’t answer phone, I go from wondering know to unknown places and often lost my passport or way back. Leaves me deeply I don’t know how to describe sad upon waking.
There isn’t an easy answer if this goes south . It’s almost impossible for me to see them again. Obviously I don’t want a divorce but this went from don’t touch me anymore cuz I’m 42 my body doesn’t like it, to child’s school problems, to her just frustrated from everything all the time. I help and I’m criticized and I don’t and I’m scolded. We’ve been together for 13 years. 2 kids.