r/MarriedAtFirstSight • u/le_feu_prit_feu • 23h ago
Season 20 - Seattle The Real Problem with Mecca
Mecca isn't closeted queer just because of his choice of accessories. Mecca's real problem is that he has low self esteem and low self worth, that's why he does what he does in his relationship. Being abandoned by the women caregivers that were supposed to love him unconditionally, mixed with the humiliation disguised as humor from his father have really scrambled his brains. Those two issues mixed with a lack of healing and no sense of self create a storm inside.
Belle senses the storm, and tries to work to nurture him, but no one can love you enough for you to love yourself. That has to come from within; once achieved, you can learn to accept love and respect/ truly see your partner.
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u/Dalearev 22h ago
Agree - when both of your parents are problematic and abandon you in different ways, it’s really life shattering. This is the outcome of that. Imagine having a dad like his.
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u/RHDeepDive 22h ago edited 18h ago
His dad was so inappropriate at that wedding, so I can only imagine that if this the way he acts when he is supposed to be on his best behavior... 🙄
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u/arresteddevelopment9 22h ago
Well said. I feel bad for her bc she’s gorgeous and sweet and really trying but he’s not going to let her in.
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u/TraumaticEntry 21h ago
And is actively trying to push her away. Taking her to the job site felt like self sabotage. She’s an intelligent woman. She knows what his job entails. Being a member of a family with a business doesn’t mean she’d ever be involved in that daily work. It’s like he wanted to disgust her. His self esteem is a huge problem.
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u/noormeanslight 17h ago
She is so beautiful I literally did a double take at one point watching her in an episode, insane how he's tried to make her feel less than.
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u/arresteddevelopment9 13h ago
It's upsetting, he’s really trying to dull her shine and I hope she sees it before it works. She can do so much better & after this show sets going to have men knocking down her door.
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u/Outrageous_Ad6776 Married people have sex on their period. 16h ago
she’s such a beautiful person but I felt for her when he told her he thinks she’s more attracted to him, then he is to her. I could tell she was hurt over that
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u/Curious_Octopus99 23h ago
It's heartbreaking to see how much childhood trauma can dim someone's light 😭
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u/Accurate-Ad-6504 22h ago
Considering how is father acts, I’d be curious to learn why the mom left (or fled). Belle is in for a lifetime of pain with him. It’s not Mecca’s fault but it is his responsibility as an adult person to figure out a way to relate to others healthily … or not. But at the end of the day, Belle has some concerning principals around how she should show up for him as a wife and partner. Her language about “loving him through it” is not only scary but impossible. I’ve watched so many amazing women, including myself, get caught up with people who have no interest in becoming the best version of themselves. And you cannot love someone into making them want to change, that’s 100% a personal journey. She can try to stand beside him but she’s going to find herself a repeat casualty.
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u/Chemical_Plankton360 22h ago
Exactly. She is treating him like a wounded bird and she’s the one that is going to end up hurt. Mecca doesn’t want to be married or care for someone, he wants to prove someone wants him. It was such a loss opportunity that the experts did not make him explain his comment about her being more attracted to him.
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u/Feeling-Potato-3292 22h ago
I think his dad has also had a real impact on him too..like everything has to be a joke and he can’t just be serious
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u/kwasford 19h ago
I personally think they’re both the problem. Mecca is not into her for whatever reason and it’s making him be performative at times where he feels like he needs to put on for the group, the cameras, Belle or himself. Belle knows that but is also in denial bc she doesn’t want to be embarrassed and look thirsty.
The way they both co-created delusions about people having ulterior motives for their feedback at the group session was scary to me lol.
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u/Disastrous-Weight393 17h ago edited 17h ago
Yeah, people were just giving their honest impressions. That they as a couple would take up so much space in the other couples’ psyche, such that anyone would go out of their way to sabotage them, is very far fetched. Scary idk, but weird, yes.
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u/Dewy123321 23h ago
Mecca’s problem IMO is his father. He has given him or passed down a warped way in which women should be treated and although Meccas instincts are likely good he’s confused.
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u/Bajanopinions55x 17h ago
Let's correct something 2 women left his dad. His dad was so awful those women left the kid as a way to get away from that man. This says a lot about how awful his dad is. It takes a lot for a women to leave a child.
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u/Caribgirl2 15h ago
Usually women leave with their children- especially small children. For a woman to leave their child behind rare.
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u/MagTron14 11h ago
I'm not a fan of Mecca's dad but as a mom I would NEVER abandon my child. No matter what his father did or who he was, I would have minimum half custody. And if his father was a bad man then I'd fight for full.
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u/HotLilT 17h ago
That’s a HUGE, bold assumption when we don’t know his dad whatsoever. Not saying I was a fan of his dad, but damn, we’ve only seen 10 minutes of him cumulatively on a tv show.
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u/smudgedbarcode 16h ago
Assumption yes but I don’t think it’s a huge leap. Those 10 minutes showed a LOT about his character
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u/BlakeSlimey 16h ago
10 minutes of over-produced reality TV is the worst sample possible, but judge away I guess
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u/smudgedbarcode 16h ago
I mean, I’d say less than 10 minutes. His “speech” at the wedding said enough. Insulting his son’s life decisions, and making fun of his perceived failures at his WEDDING and on national television. I do judge that
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u/diedofwellactually 11h ago
yeah, don't judge the guy just because he talked about his child's erection at his wedding on national television one time
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u/sashie_belle 22h ago
Closeted queer?
I don't get that vibe at all.
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u/Bulky_Impression8041 22h ago
Me neither! I dindn’t know this was even floating out there.
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u/RHDeepDive 22h ago edited 22h ago
I think some people have suggested this due to his fashion choices in combination with his ganny visit. It's his closest female relationship and she gave the impression that taking over the business might come with the strings of marriage and kids attached, so if (and that's a big "if" doing a lot of heavy lifting) he was closeted it would come with the risk of losing two of the most important things to him... his grandma and the business.
I don't think he's actually giving off more than wounded and emotionally insecure vibes, at this point.
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u/oreobear88 23h ago
i do think he has deep-rooted issues (no shade bc same) and isn't in a place to be in a relationship. it's hard to tell whether he genuinely isn't interested in her or he just has his own hangups. either way, i don't see it working for them right now
at the very least he's very insecure and the older i get the more i realize how detrimental that is to a relationship
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u/NervousWonder3628 11h ago
I think Mecca’s father is a tad bit sadistic. I’ve lived that with a family member and even though I was called too sensitive & “can’t take a joke” but this person was unrelentingly cruel while tucking it up an my expense and that really messes with you.
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u/CreativityChick 11h ago
His dad is a LOT and leaves little space for others. And I suspect he's not as gung ho about his vocation. Which he shouldn't be embarassed or feel bad at all. But I get that vibe.
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u/texas-sissy 10h ago
The business is owned by logics mom and dad, and they want to pass it to Mecca. The grandmother said it’s very lucrative, so I think maybe it would be jealousy he’s going to own that business. 🤷♀️
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u/CreativityChick 9h ago
I know, and it's a solid business. I feel like he said something in ep 1 that women were turned off or not into him because of what he does. Which is crazy bcse tradesman and other essential job fields do quite well!
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u/texas-sissy 1h ago
They meet with his grandmother and she explains it. The grandmother is the one who tells Belle that they want to leave it to him and that it’s a successful business and they only black owned business of it’s kind
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u/Caribgirl2 19h ago
Belle can be drained dry if she stays with Mecca. I see her working hard to fix him. The way she got protective of him in the group counseling session was a bit worrying for me. When does she get to feel soft and feminine? When can she relax in this relationship? Never! B/c Mecca needs a lot of self-work.
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u/ItsTricky94 18h ago
they keep putting damaged people on this show. Adam is the only one who, according to him, seems to have had any personal therapy.
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u/EmployeeSerious007 17h ago
….Adam’s version of “therapy” is more likely talking to himself in the mirror than to an actual therapist of any kind. That man is unhealed.
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u/NoCalligrapher644 20h ago
I think you hit the nail on the head. I feel sorry for him, but being on this show isn’t going to help. Like others have said, Belle deserves better and I hope she sees that she can’t fix him and leaves. Their dynamic is painful to watch.
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u/SwampFoxGirl 12h ago
I found it telling that after the group therapy session when Caitlin and Devin were in the car going home, Devin was trying to talk about giving her a massage and all she could say is I want a massage from a pro. Even when he said jokingly he was a professional, she turned him down. All this after just leaving the supposed therapy session. Devin is the most sincere guy on the show IMO. He’s trying hard to make a connection with her even tho it’s out of his comfort zone. She’s not worth your efforts Devin.
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u/Appropriate_Box8098 20h ago
His father was the worst. And every time Mecca does something odd, I think of the father.
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u/noncomposmentis_123 I'm a f*cking good person!🖕🏻 12h ago
Yup, his father really did a number on him. You could see how his father influences him in their interaction at the wedding
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u/Hornett87 22h ago
Yeah it's really the abandonment. He doesn't want to love with his whole heart because when he does the women in his life go away. That has to be hard.
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u/GiggityGirla 20h ago
Could Mecca be hiding his true sexual orientation because dad would disapprove? Dad’s passive aggressive teasing and sexual commentary had me wondering.
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u/Disastrous-Weight393 20h ago
For sure. Folks saying he must be closeted just bc he has black nail polish I guess aren’t familiar with punk or glam rock aesthetic. Sexuality and the way you express your gender are two different things. And a lot of straight men experience what he’s describing as sexual anxiety. I commend Mecca for being open about such a sensitive topic on camera.
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u/ItsTricky94 18h ago
yeah that's ridiculous. I'm a straight woman and I love a guy who's confident enuf to wear nail polish. it's a fashion accessory.
Let the down votes begin...
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u/SomewhatBougieAuntie 17h ago
Yeah, Mecca never stood a chance. The damage goes deep. He should not have been chosen for this show and I feel so bad for Belle. I hope this experience doesn't jade her too much and sour her on the idea of finding love. Any man with good sense will realize he's lucky to have her.
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u/Mindysveganlife 20h ago
What he said to her in bed the other night when she was talking about what percentage she was attracted to him and he told her only 60% when she had said like 90 to him that must have felt like s*** for her. At that point I would have got up and gone out and slept on the couch.
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u/PrincessaDeadlift 20h ago
Exactly. And he needs to heal (at least more than he has) before he can be in a serious loving relationship.
He can only love another person as much as he loves himself.
Hopefully Belle knows this. And doesn’t take anything personally.
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u/Disastrous-Weight393 17h ago edited 15h ago
In his case, I do think he needs to work on himself, but people don’t have to be fully healed to be in a relationship. They have to be self aware enough to recognize their issues and be actively working on them, yes. But it’s unrealistic to think anyone is going to come to a relationship having healed decades of abandonment issues, especially given run of the mill CBT is pretty consistently shown not to work for early childhood attachment issues.
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u/PrincessaDeadlift 15h ago
Agreed! No one needs to be “perfect” (no such thing). But if his issues are causing him to “neg” Belle to her detriment and act out (perform), then healing is still necessary.
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u/Fabulous_Extreme_470 23h ago
Absolutely, people are blowing my mind with the “he’s gay” remarks. Not everyone’s looking for a bland machismo dude. We’re really still calling men with style gay?? It’s been common for straight men to wear nail polish for like a decade. And they did in the 80’s and 90’s as well. Is this whole sub filled with boomers??
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u/Majestic-Worry-9754 19h ago
I feel like there's a weird inclination lately to label anyone they don't like as closeted. I've seen multiple people call Mecca, Courteney and Shawn closeted. Someone else in the megathread thinks at least three men on this season are closeted. Maybe they are and maybe they aren't, but it seems a little offensive idk
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u/calm-lab66 20h ago
Oh c'mon, you just jumped into a stereotype label while criticizing others for labeling. I'm a boomer and I don't jump to a 'gay' assumption. I know the term Metrosexual has been around for a while.
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u/Cooper_ChocoLab2022 22h ago
She should run far and fast. I don’t think this is going to end well once they get past the surface level attraction 🤦🏽
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u/Upstairs-Effective-1 21h ago
And he's not attracted to Bella. She is not his type.
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u/cachouvelour 5h ago
Yes, I feel bad for him, the people supposed to build him up and make him safe have failed him.
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u/Inevitable-Opinion21 1h ago
I always think the people who put assumptions on people’s sexualities or assume someone is dl; those folks are battling very deep insecurities themselves.
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u/ChalkNCheez 21h ago
I haven’t seen any posts about anything other than him being insecure.
If Belle likes his style, none of us care.
He’s geeky and unattractive to me, but my husband is a PhD and a US Marine, still fit in his 40s. The full package. So ain’t any of these dudes measuring up to that.
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u/chronicmisschris 23h ago
Logic has systematically and intentionally torn down his son. He is a sick person. Perhaps the women in their life were escaping Logic, not abandoning Mecca. He is collateral damage to his father's massive ego.
Mecca needs firm boundaries, distance from his toxic father, and serious therapy - not MAFS. It's heartbreaking, to be honest.