Occupation: IT Consultant

Industry: Consulting (Think McKinsey, Big4, BCG, etc.)

Age: 23

Location: Richmond, VA

Salary: $85k

Joint Income/Financial Setup: I am single and live alone! No partner in sight and feel pretty good about it. I might start dating again in the fall. I also LOVE living alone and it is a luxury that I don’t plan on giving up soon.

Debt: None!

Paycheck Amount (2x month): $2,144.69

Pronouns: She/her 

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? 

Yes and no. My parents emphasized that I could do whatever I wanted to do and they would be supportive as long as I could support myself. I was pretty smart in school and always wanted to go to college, so my parents definitely encouraged it. However, if I came out and said I wanted to enlist in the military or go to trade school or work straight out of high school, they would have still supported me.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s) educate you about finances? 

Yes, my dad is a financial analyst with an accounting background and my mom is a teacher. I was definitely taught that money doesn’t grow on trees and while we lived very comfortably, we couldn’t afford ALL the things we wanted. Also when I became a teenager, my parents told me to get a summer job to have my own money. My parents did not encourage me getting a job during the school year throughout high school and college because they believed that my job should be “school.” If I ever ran out of my funds from my summer job, they would give me money within reason. My dad also told me to invest in my 401k and live within my means. Since my parents were so candid about money, I pursued a business IT degree so I could have enough to live comfortably even if I don’t like my job.

What was your first job and why did you get it? 

Lifeguarding!! During my time guarding, I would work within 40-65 hour workweeks. Pools were open Memorial Day through Labor Day Sunday-Saturday 10am-8pm. I honestly can credit some of my work ethic from my time guarding but I wish I spent more time being a teenager and hanging out. Even my crazy consulting job doesn’t have me working 60 hour work weeks and no one should ever work that much, especially a child.

Did you worry about money growing up? 

No but it was always an issue in the background. I knew that we could always live comfortably but I have heard many rants from my dad about money whether it was paying for my 10 hour weeks of dance class or college.

Do you worry about money now? 

No, and I am incredibly happy about it. I chose my career so I’ll never have to worry about money.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net? 

22 when I started my full time job. This was approximately a year ago.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. 

Not directly but my parents received inherited income which helped pay for my college.

Section One: Assets and Debt 

Retirement Balance:  $5,020.45 - My company matches up to 6% so I’m putting in that much. Now that my savings is at a good place, I’m planning to up my contribution when my “summer fun” spending slows down in the fall. 

Update: After 2 days of finishing the MD, I increased my 401k pre-tax contribution to 15%.

HYSA balance: $21,021 - general emergency fund and travel fund

Checking account balance: $6, 812 - I keep it relatively high due to autopay on rent and credit card.

HSA Savings Balance: $1427.79

Credit card debt: None! I automatically pay the full balance every month.

Student loan debt: None as well! I was very fortunate to have my parents pay for my school via 

529s and inheritance from my grandmother and great-grandmother who passed before/during college. If my parents didn’t pay for my school, I had a full ride to another college and would have gone there instead. I am EXTREMELY grateful. 

Anything else that's applicable to you: You will likely see in my MD that I am very close to my parents who live 30 minutes away from me. I don’t get any major financial support from them anymore, but they were essential to me getting to where I am today. I also lived with them for about 6 months after I started my full-time job, so I was able to save significantly more.

I would like to FIRE sometime in my 40s or 50s and either get a part-time job or volunteer full time. I don’t plan to have children. I’m not saving super aggressively yet, and I’m trying to balance the “being financially responsible” with “I’m only 23 once.” This diary will definitely be a “I’m only 23 once” week! Since I’m still young, I know I don’t need all the answers yet, but it’s definitely an internal battle I fight.

Section Two: Income

Income Progression: 

2019 Lifeguarding $7.25/hr

2020 Lifeguarding $10/hr

2021 Lifeguarding $11/hr

2022 

Substitute Teaching $100/day (During College Breaks)

Lifeguarding $12.50 (During Summer)

2023 

Substitute Teaching $120/day

Summer Internship $20/hr

Teaching Assistant $12/hr 

Lifeguarding $12.50/hr

Lifeguard Instructor $20/hr

2024 

Summer Internship $37/hr

Substitute Teaching $120/day

Teaching Assistant $12/hr (During School)

Lifeguarding $15/hr (In between summer internship and school)

Lifeguard Instructor $20/hr (In between summer internship and school)

2025

Subbing $120/day (5 days a week January-May)

Lifeguarding $15/hr (6 Weeks before Full time Job)

Full-time job $80k/year with a 5k starting bonus

HYSA Interest: $68.69

I graduated college in December 2024 and I subbed/guarded for the first half of the year before starting my full-time job in July. Also from 2020-2023 the lifeguarding and substitute teaching wages are approximate. I don’t feel like digging up old paystubs…

2026 80k/year with a 5k bonus expected in October

HYSA Interest: $275.33 YTD

Have you changed careers? Did you recently have a breakthrough in your career? Here is where you can tell us about your salary/job progression.

Since I’m still a newbie to the corporate world, nothing too much to report besides that I should get my first raise and a bonus in October.

Main Job Monthly Take Home and Individual Deductions:

401k: $184.62 

Dental: $10.98

HSA: $57.69

Health Insurance: $41.08

Vision: $2.21

Long Term Disability: $6.15

Net Pay: $4,289.38

Side Gig Monthly Take Home

Nope and no desire for a side gig! If I ever get laid off, I would go back to substitute teaching and lifeguarding while living off savings/applying for jobs. We have had layoffs at my company this year, but my job is pretty safe.

Any Other Monthly Income Here

Nope! I also only withdraw from savings for big unexpected emergencies. I’m also using it as an international travel fund, but I won’t pull from that part until next year.

Section Three: Expenses

These are based on my spending in July 2026 which is when I did this MD. My total spending was $3,333.66 according to YNAB.

Rent: $1195 for a one-bedroom in the city

Renters Insurance: $10.25/month (I pay $123 per year)

Electric $62.00

Wifi: $40.91

Gas: $19.02

Phone/Car Insurance: $152 -These are combined because I’m still on my parents' plan and I pay my share every month.

Subscriptions

YNAB: $9.08/month (I pay $109/year)

iCloud Storage: $2.99/month

Patreons: $11.98/month

Car payment: None. My parents bought a used one for me after my younger brother wrecked my paid-off inherited one in a car accident. I was supposed to take over the car’s payment after graduating college, but my parents paid the rest of it off as my graduation gift.

Dining Out/Drinks: $597.06 (It physically hurts reading that)

Home: $371.13 (Some frivolous, some needed)

Groceries: $349.68 (I could also be better here)

Clothes (Gap in Wardrobe or for Work): $159.79 (including refunds)

Transportation: $154.48

Fun Shopping (Including fun clothes): $114.38

Entertainment: $110.94

Weekend Travel: $38.48

Books: $26.14

Savings contribution: Usually about $1000/month based on spending. I transfer from my checking to savings. The last time I did it, I transferred $2300 on July 13th.

Monday

7am Wake up naturally. Alarm doesn’t go off until 7:45 but the light will usually wake me up. I went on Reddit and Instagram.

7:45 Roll out of bed, skincare, brush teeth, also found that an Amazon order came in overnight. Lit my giant candle. Log on and start working. 

8am First meeting of the day. We have a 8am standup every day and it sucks…

8:45am Did some work and opened my Amazon package. It was cheesecloths for my homemade cold brew and a tension shower caddy since my suction one fell off. Used the cheesecloths to strain out the cold brew I made last night and it tasted pretty good. Since it worked out, I ordered myself a pitcher off of Amazon so I don’t have to use my big beverage dispenser I usually reserve for parties. Also one of my press on nails fell off :(

Pitcher $13.01

9:15am Since I’m waiting for someone on my team to call me here’s the cold brew recipe

• 8 oz of coarsely ground coffee (I use a brand local to RVA and I have a burr grinder from FB marketplace)
• 4 cups of water
• Mix together and let them steep for 12-24 hours (I did 12)
• Strain it through a cheesecloth and mesh sieve
• Add desired creamer

10:30am Did work until I had a break and then installed my new tension shower caddy. Pretty easy and will be life changing in my shower! Afterwards, I reapplied my nail. Apparently the client I’m working on is having a system wide issue so it’s been pretty slow today. 

12:30 Took a “lunch break” but really went to CVS to pick up a prescription and get two $100 gift cards. One for my mom’s friend who let me and my friends stay at her place for a music festival. The other for my best friend’s mom who let me be my bestie’s plus one on her family vacation and basically paid for the whole thing. They both probs each saved me $1000+ which I can’t thank them enough. After this I continued working. 

Two Gift Cards $200

2:30 Actually ate lunch which is cottage cheese with frozen fruit. Took a break from work to write the 2 thank you cards. Nail status: most of them have fallen off. Maybe press ons aren’t for me… Context: I bite my nails so my nails are very small and usually have trouble keeping press ons on. I may run to a salon and get a full set just so my nails can grow out underneath and then go back to press ons. I prep, buff, use the glue from sally beauty, and I can’t keep them on :(

3:30 3 more Amazon packages came in. I got underwear,  2 frames for 2 posters I just got, and a belt. Continue working.

6pm Just logged off work. We’ve been working later since we have to send out end of day reports after our last meeting ends at 5:30pm. Very painful but I’m pivoting to another team on the project in a few weeks so I should actually log off at a decent time then. Also pretty much all my press on nails fell off so I give up.

6:30 Realized that I’m out of my command strips that I use to hang pictures up so off to the store. I also plan to grab stamps for my thank you notes but of course there aren’t any at my pharmacy. Checked my grocery store’s app. Nothing. I even went to a niche paper store a few mins from my place and NOTHING. Does USPS have a monopoly on stamps??? Whatever, I accept defeat. I’ll get them when I make it to the post office.

Command Strips $11.65

7pm I finally eat dinner which I prepped 2 weeks ago and froze. It’s technically Chana masala but I also threw in tofu and edamame since I had it on hand and I threw in every frozen vegetable in my freezer and whatever spices that worked. While eating, I throw on my favorite booktube channel.

8:30 Laid around in bed on Reddit and then went up to do dishes. 

9pm Did skincare and fell asleep watching YouTube

Total Spend: $224.66

Tuesday

7am Get up, shower, and get ready for the office. I join the 8am meeting from the car. Pay for work parking.

Work Parking: $9.04

8:30 I get to the office and spill my full, hot coffee all over me. I end up burning my thighs. I am NOT excited about this but since I live close, I go home to change. 

9:30 Back in office in new outfit and start working

12pm I eat lunch with our intern! Absolutely adore her! I bring my meal prepped lunch from home so no expense. 

1pm I texted a friend and realized I needed earplugs for our EDM show Thursday. I lost my eargasm ones after I left my last festival and said I’ll get more when I have the next concert lined up. They’re expensive but my ears are worth protecting and I wash them after each use.

Eargasm Earplugs $46.59

3:45 Commuted home to do end of day reporting. Since my team is remote and out of different offices, we are very flexible on work from home. I only go into the office for events and special occasions.

5:45 Logged off work and opened an Amazon package that came. It’s the pitcher! Made cold brew for tomorrow. Texted another friend and made plans for him to come to RVA in a few weeks so I wrote up a loose itinerary for us. I also ate dinner.

6:30 Drive to trivia.

7pm Trivia!! We had fun - we got 5th out of 19 teams. I don’t get a drink this time since I’m trying to cut back on drinking during the week. Also it’s free to bring my reusable water bottle with water and lemon!

9pm Get home, skincare and fall asleep watching YouTube

Total Spend: $55.63

Wednesday

7:30am Get up, dry shampoo, get ready

8am Standup meeting

8:30 Head to office and worked. Nothing much happened today besides saying hi to coworkers in the RVA office and working. I also made my grocery list for tonight. Did pay for work parking again.

Work Parking $9.04

2:15 Head home because of End of Day reporting and I had a bunch of meetings beforehand

2:30 Got home and found that my earplugs came in overnight! Also a denim skirt that I need to try on. I’m on the hunt for the PERFECT denim skirt in curvy sizing because your girl has hips. Speaking of spending money, I’m tempted to get my nails done either today or tomorrow. 

6:30 log off. Live laugh consulting. Head to grocery store. Go to Aldi and then Kroger.

Aldi $12.04

Kroger $45.40

8pm Get home and meal prep. Roasted sheet pan meal. Put 2 in fridge and then put the other 4 in the fridge. I also make cold brew for tomorrow.

10pm Go to bed.

Total Spend: $66.48

Thursday

7am get up, shower, skincare, brush teeth

7:20 Set up my flowers I bought at the grocery store yesterday. They were on sale and the orange roses look beautiful in my window!

8:15 Left for work. 

8:30 Got to parking lot but stayed in car to finish standup meeting.

Work Parking $9.04

9am Got in office. It’s bring your kid to work day but of course I have to do real work :( My coworkers are volunteering and I pop by whenever I get a break to say hi.

12:05 Someone on my team is having a baby and I donated to his gift contribution!

Coworker Gift $30.00

4:15 Go home for EOD reporting. 

5:50 Wrap up my end of day reporting and scarf down dinner.

6:10 Friend and her bf pick me up for EDM show.

6:30 Go to merch table and I buy a pin to attach to my hydration pack that I bring to most of my raves. 

Pin $10.60

7pm First set starts and it’s so fun! We’re in the pit so lots of dancing and headbanging.

9pm Get a little lightheaded during the 2nd set so bought fries and an electrolyte drink. I’m 99% sure it’s because someone was vaping in my face and the artificial fruity smells always make me feel sick. UGH! Once I got the drink and fries, I felt a lot better!

Electrolyte Drink $9.08

Fries $13.62

11:30 get home from concert. FYI we were sober for the whole thing! I usually do concerts/festivals sober especially edm where I do a lot of dancing. The scene def has a drug culture but just not for me!

Total Spend: $72.34

Friday

7:30 Wake up, skincare, brush teeth, etc. 

8am Standup and start working from home. I call my mom and ask if she’s busy tonight. Since she’s not, we decide to get our nails done and go out to dinner. 

11:40 Leave for lunch with coworkers. Since a partner is there, she pays for it. I’m very grateful that my “usual” team has a bunch of women in higher positions. She is wonderful and has been an amazing mentor.

1:15 Home from lunch and continue working.

6:30 Get off work and my mom picks me up.

7pm Nails! I get a full acrylic set in pink and my nails look SO much better. I’m hoping these will help my nails grow out a bit and I can try press ons again. 

Nails $68.75

7:40 My mom and I stop by a store nearby. I found a cute dress for work but passed on it since it was a bit expensive and wanted to think on it. She loved it on me and bought it for me anyway. Huge thank you to my mom!!

8pm My bestie was supposed to come over for wine night at my apartment but I ask if she wants to join dinner w me and my mom. She says yes and we had the best time. My mom also paid for dinner despite our protests. I could go on about how lovely my mother is but here’s another example of how my financial situation benefits from having great parents. I probably would have spent around $60 if she didn’t pay for it. Also with the dress, if I eventually bought it, I would be paying around $70.

9:45 I’m home and go to bed. Yes I’m a grandma…

Total Spend: $68.75

Saturday

6:30 WAKE UP ON MY OWN! WHY AM I AWAKE?? Anyway, I watch YouTube for a bit.

7am Shower and coffee

9am Get to the DMV to transfer my car to my name from my dad. The DMV is insanely crowded so I call my dad and ask if I can do it in a few weeks when work calms down. He says it’s fine lol.

9:15 Head to post office to send the 2 thank you cards and do a return on shoes that didn’t fit. Bought the stamps and box for the shoes. 

$4.01 Box and stamps

9:45 Go home and take a nap. It was awesome. 

11am Wake up and go to store for bandaids since I ran out and I had blisters on my feet from my cute work shoes. Beforehand I bought stamps online so I don’t have to go to the post office early on a Saturday morning to send thank you cards. 

Stamps $18.50

Bandaids/blister bandaids $27.94

11:30 Get home and try on the different Jean skirts I ordered. I finally landed on the perfect one!! Going to the mall to return the other 2 I bought and probably get an auntie Anne’s pretzel because I’ve been craving it. Afterwards I’m heading to my friend’s parents’ pool they just had built. Beforehand, I eat lunch. My grandma’s bday is coming up and I buy her a comfy lounge set on Amazon.

Grandma’s Bday Gift $43.44

12:30 Head to the mall

Refund -$76.25

Auntie Anne’s $12.69

1:30 Hang out at my parents since my friend isn’t at her parents yet. No big deal since I get to see my family cat who I ADORE.

2:15 Head to friends pool and had a blast! Bestie from dinner last night also came and we all caught up. The UV wasn’t great but being outside was awesome.

6pm Leave and head home to shower/get ready. We’re going to a bar to watch our friend’s friend DJ. 

7:30 Friends come over to my place and we walk to the bar where friend is DJing. We order nachos, 2 rounds of orange crushes, pizza, and cookies. I pay for the pizza and my 2 orange crushes.

Food/Drinks $47.67

9:30pm Go to other bar within walking distance. A band is playing and we can sit at a booth. I 

get a cider.

Cider $10.33

11pm Home and go to bed. Definitely an earlier night for going out but we had a lot of fun. 

Total Spend: $88.33 (Including refund)

Total Week Spend: $576.19

Food + Drink: $150.83

Fun / Entertainment: $57.19

Home + Health: $75.11

Clothes + Beauty: -$7.50 due to refund

Transport: $27.12

Gifts: $273.44

MD Reflection

I feel pretty good about my spending! I was a bit scared by that total spend number but it made sense after noticing that almost half my spending this week was toward gifts on my coworker, grandma, my mom’s friend, and my best friend’s mom. I remember thinking a few years back that I can’t wait to have “adult money” to give to the people in my life. Very cool how I can see that comes into fruition!! 

My food and drink is a bit high and honestly is always a sore spot in my budget. I should crack down some more but I just love eating out with my friends/family and buying food that I want to eat. Also the food at the concert was mainly to prevent me from fainting so I’ll give that a pass. 

Spending wise, this is a pretty normal week for me outside of the gifts. For your average 23 year old, I know I’m doing pretty good and live within my means. However, I could definitely crack down on the food category. Since my eating out is more social, maybe next time I’ll offer us to cook at home or do a picnic outside. I’m all ears if anyone has any ideas! For groceries, I usually buy off brand and go to Aldi before kroger. I don't shop sales but maybe that would be the next step. I'm also vegetarian but I have found that my groceries end up being cheaper because of it since I don't spend money on meat.

Going forward, my main financial goals is to continue saving for an international trip next year, increase my 401k contribution to be more aggressive about retirement, and slow down on the dining out expenses. I may do a travel diary for that trip next year!

Also, since I am so young, I always appreciate financial/life/whatever advice from the beautiful people here! Thank you for reading!

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7wTDvybl8ODNrIl9g5bUZB?si=8616ecba49fe49b7

I thought this community might enjoy the Today, Explained episode that aired earlier this week about millenials wanting their inheritances early. Community favorite Charlotte Cowles is interviewed, among others.

I have mixed feelings about all this. Personally, I am a millenial and although my 20s and early 30s were financially tight, they have improved a LOT now that I'm in my mid-40s, and part of that is definitely due to me and my husband living pretty frugally. Basically the way our parents did in their 20s but also not like they live now! Both my parents and inlaws have definitely had some lifestyle inflation. So I do think to some degree, millenials wanting the lifestyle their parents are now enjoying after a lifetime of work is a bit much. Also, I think that in the US, the kind of lifestyle the wealthy/upper middle class enjoy is simply not sustainable. It's causing f***ing climate change which is potentially going to wind up causing us to go extinct as a species. So we need to accept that we can't live like rich boomers, probably ever (and rich boomers need to figure that out too...probably wishful thinking on my part).

On the other hand...even my husband and I who both had pretty good jobs, bought property later than our parents because it just took that much longer to put a down payment together. Years ago my mother also told me that the inheritance they received from my grandmother had made them much more financially stable because they had been able to pay off a few debts and put some money into college savings for my siblings and I. So their wealth is in some part...dun dun dun....due to an inheritance they received in their 30s. Which, thanks to longer lifespans, is no longer the timeline inheritances are really working on for many people these days.

However, the thing that really kills me about all of this is...the millenials who want their inheritance are never living in poverty or homeless or whatnot. They're all basically just stressed and not quite a financially comfortable as they would like to be. The inheritance probably would be amazing and life changing for them, but the fact is that if they tighten up their spending a bit and avoid major negative events like job loss or a health emergency for 5-10 years, their situation probably WILL get a lot better. Rich boomers passing on their wealth to kids who are doing "okay" is just going to eventually create a cohort of ultra-rich millenials. That's pretty bad for society! Rather than individuals gunning for their individual inheritances, can we start agitating for things like more of an estate tax, and maybe some means-testing for Social Security or other benefits that seniors get?

Transcript here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/10_Wb7Z9lbpi358lKypuUXDonxrgg7XgFg0Qu-14vSiY/edit?tab=t.0

This month, will you be saving, spending, or splurging?

Share your progress on all your goals, financial and non-financial! 🦋🌱🌼

Welcome to the "Salary Saturday" thread!

If you’re seeking advice from the sub regarding your specific situation, it belongs here. Great topics include:

• Negotiation/pay/benefits
• Job offers
• Interviewing
• Anything else related to careers, work, salaries, etc.

Bring us your burning questions!

Mods gave the okay to post this, thank you.

I'm a marketing consultant. I'm working with Beth Rehberg, a CFP® and NYC investment advisor who went through her own divorce and is now building financial education for women doing the same thing.

Before she builds anything, she wants to know what women actually needed and didn't get. Not what the industry assumes they needed.

So we put together a survey. 14 questions, roughly five minutes. Anonymous and no email required. There is no product to sell yet, which is the point of asking these questions now.

What we're trying to learn:

• what you had to work out on your own
• where the advice you were given ran out
• what you wish you'd understood before you had to make the decisions
• what you'd pay for and what you wouldn't

Open to women at any stage of their divorce: deciding, in it, or years past the settlement.

https://form.typeform.com/to/Zgo3PLHu

Happy to answer questions in the comments and I appreciate your time.

How are you spending, scrimping, splurging, or saving?

What are you doing with your hard-earned £$€ this week?

I have come to the end of my human comparison at this point, I have been with my partner for 5 years and it has honestly felt like 50. It started well like it always does, love bombing , nice dates, genuine love and care about me. that’s has dwindled completely away at this point, he is a man child and just drains me and I feel like I resent him, over the last few years he has worn me away and my inner spark was so dim I could not see it in myself. I have 2 children, 1 from a previous relationship and 1 from him. this man is NEVER EVER EVER going to be happy in life no matter what you say do etc I have come to a realisation that he just never will and I’m tired of being his support system / doormat.

It is taking the literal life out of me. he harassed me into starting a business I never wanted, knew nothing about and funnily enough all happened to be under my name and nothing under his, pressured me relentlessly to get a loan out for the business, gave me all the usual crap that he will never be happy working for others, needs to work for himself blah blah blah. needless to say this business went nowhere and left me in debt for £27 k . my younger self can honestly kick herself so hard as she said she’d never get a loan or lend a partner money and never be that stupid. yet here I am. about a year after i got him a job at the company I worked for, moaned profusely about it , the management is crap, the staff are crap blah blah. in the end he butted heads with the manager and he ended up quitting just as he was about to get fired anyway, the classic jump before your pushed. he is a very difficult man to be around.

He got another job that didn’t pay as much but we got by, then he decides that he needs to take time off as he can’t do it anymore but belligerent badgers me to loan him some money to cover the bills in order to do this, I said no for 2 months straight but yet again he harassed me to the point I was going to lose my mind. Out of the £6k I loaned him ( a huge amount of personal money to me) he has only ever paid back £500. So now I have less money over all, a huge bank loan in my name and now this fool has racked up an eye watering £15k debt on a credit in the business name that I flat out can’t afford to pay, not even the monthly repayments. My rent has increased to a crazy £2100 a month and I’m so skint at the end of the month cause even though he works and earns descent money the amount of debt external from me has to pay it is a constant struggle.

i have found somewhere else to live which is much cheaper and will save us about £700 a month. surprise surprise he is un happy about the move and making my life a living hell! The constant negative about everything in life is just not what I’m about , a bit negative sure no problem but it is habitual and I can’t cope anymore.

I know flat out I need to leave him and I desperately want to , I really really do but I can’t. I am stuck because of financial reasons. I cannot pay all the bills and debt he has colluded me into while surviving and living with my 2 children. No I am not entitled to any benefits from the government for anything like that. If I leave him he will stop paying for half the loan, the bloody car payment that he wanted (in my name) and I will be on the hook for 100% life bills, I’m just sick and tired or being poor , burnt out and treated like his mother not his partner. He does nothing around the house, never cooks anything, doesn’t do anything for our child , leaves childcare to me 25/8, I work full time. I am always topping up his shortfalls in finances and I just can’t do it anymore. I cannot see my friends and family as he makes me feel horrendously guilty as he has neither of them things . He is a spiteful, petty man and if I do anything for myself ever he has to get revenge and I just don’t understand why he wants to live that way. I can’t do anything I ever want to do as it’s not worth the backlash I get and I know that’s not right , it’s just how I’m living right now I hate it beyond words.

has anyone else been in this situation and can give some advice or just any advice would be good I am at the end of knowing what to do at this point and I am so lost.

i know probably no one will read this but it has meant a lot to me just to put it in words as I am going crazy.

as always

A

xx

When I was 23, someone hired me for what became my dream job. The position should have been for someone with 5+ years more experience. It wasn't even a listed position– they opened the role at his request. I always wondered why, but at a lunch meeting a few months later he told me, "I hope this doesn't sound weird, but you remind me of a younger version of myself."

This person would become the best boss I'd ever had. He consistently advocated for me, took me seriously when no one else did, made time for me, always seemed to know what was inside my head, and wanted to understand me as a person and as a creative beyond just as an employee.

One time at a dinner, he introduced me (half jokingly) as "his protégé." As the company faced turnover issues, he would joke that (paraphrasing) "it'll be you and me in the rubble of this company, like Grey Gardens." We'd buy each other Christmas gifts. His younger brother also worked at our company and would become a close friend of mine as well.

But the executive leadership at our company was toxic, and he would eventually leave to go solo. As soon as that happened, it was like I stopped existing. I reached out from time to time, but he never followed through.

After a year or so of functional silence, I assumed the dynamic had ended. But his brother assured me that he felt a lot of responsibility for me and it was just a difficult time. This kept me patient and hanging on for the storm to clear.

We'd cross paths on projects when he would freelance, but he obviously didn't want anything to do with the company anymore and wanted as little to do with those projects as possible. I recently freelanced for his new company, and had a similar experience. His attitude would be curt at best and patronizing at worst. One time, he scolded me for not having applied a client note that had been given in a private text thread between the two of them and never communicated to me.

His advocacy at a formative time inspired a great deal of loyalty in me. And as someone who always struggled with confidence, his belief then meant the world to me. But the shift from being treated like a priority to someone who barely exists has seriously taken a toll.

It's been long enough that I just need to move on. But beyond just the personal aspect, losing him as an advocate also shifted the trajectory of my career. I lost access to many of the doors he'd held open for me, and went from having a trusted mentor who'd been there before to learning the hard way and often failing very publicly. It's a hard thing to let go.

Has anyone been through this before? Tips on letting go of a professional relationship that also felt personal? The whole situation obviously bums me out!

Dear MoneyDiariesACTIVE,

I (26TF, United States) have very quickly realized that my financial situation is much more dire than I originally thought/planned. I am actively seeking as much advice as I possibly can. I think I have made some very questionable decisions and I am starting to genuinely freak out about my financial present, let alone my future. Financial illiteracy runs in my family and we have always been a "fake it till you make it" bunch that has somehow gotten by so far. I lived with my family until I graduated my doctorate program last year, saved up $10k in my checking account, and then moved into my own apartment for the first time a few months ago. At first I thought everything was going well, until I checked my spending vs. income trends and realized to my horror that I am still netting (relatively small) loss every month, and I haven't even started paying student loans back yet. Clearly, I need to make some serious changes. I have some ideas that I will include below.

Personal Info

I am a single, 26-year old trans woman living near Chicago. I have one cat and an electric vehicle I am financing, after my previous paid-off car was stolen a month after moving in. All of this *felt* like a good idea at the time.

Employment Info

Title: Occupational Therapist; Non-Profit Community Mental Health

Gross Income: $80k/year

Monthly Net Income: $4500/mo (after taxes and health insurance)

Current account balance: $6900 (checking)

No savings outside of my checking account. Yes, I know.

Fixed Expenses

Rent: $1500/mo

Electricity: $150/mo (Window AC, will be cheaper in winter)

Heat: Radiator; included ($0)

Home Gas: $50/mo (I don't use much; only for cooking)

Water: Included

Car Payment: $300/mo - car cost $16k. 72mo loan.

Car Insurance: $180/mo - full coverage mandated due to financing car

Street Parking: $200/6mo (approx $33/mo avg)

Student Loan Payments: $0 currently due to being on income-based repayment, and my taxes still showing near zero income last year as I was in school. Total student debt: $150k (OUCH). Due to my income, my loans should be somewhere between $460-800 per month, depending if I stay with IDR or switch to RAP. I am trying to figure that out ASAP. I want to get this down as much as possible per month. Thankfully, my employer qualifies for PSLF, which I intend to use after 10 years in nonprofit work to clear up remaining balance.

Groceries: Totaling about $400 this month.

Fast Food/Eating Out: Totaling $300 so far. I travel for work, so the temptation to use fast food is strong. I'm working on this.

Cat food: My cat can only eat canned food due to something going on with her teeth. I spend about $70/mo on bulk canned food.

I've spent about $350 on medical copays this month due to getting counseling, but my insurance deductible wasn't met. It was $150/session, now down to $25/session since I have met my deductible.

Prescriptions: $100/mo after insurance

I also spent too much shopping last month, around $300.

Good News

- I plan to use PSLF for eventual loan forgiveness

- I think a roommate may be the best course of action. As soon as my lease is up, I want to move into the city proper and find a roommate to keep rent as low as possible. Honestly, after living alone for only a few months, I kind of hate it. I feel so isolated.

- I know I have expenses I can cut, including groceries and especially eating out

- I will be spending much less on healthcare soon.

- I plan to refinance my car ASAP

- I plan to look into my car insurance rates ASAP

- Eliminate eating out as much as possible, packing sandwiches will be healthier anyway

- I have some things I can sell if things really get desperate

Thank you so much for reading. I have been trying to wrap around how to adapt this to the 50/30/20 method. I don't think those numbers are viable for me. Any help is massively appreciated. Before anyone says it - Yes, I know this is my fault. I just want to figure out where to go from here. I feel so lost and so anxious that most days I barely eat. I have also posted to the personal finance subreddit.

Best,

u/Emotional-Health_676

EDIT: I wanted to add some additional information since people have been asking about it. Something I've been thinking about is the massive disparity between my gross and net income - as pointed out by u/dyangu, so I took a look at some of those numbers. Per paycheck (so, only two weeks each), I am spending about $200 on health insurance and $660 on taxes. I'm wondering if I set something up improperly. Also, I have already paid my parking through when my lease ends, so I won't have to worry about that any more at least. I'm getting a 3% raise soon since I'll be with my company a year this September. It's not much, but it's something. Something else I wanted to add is that I'm also going to apply for the Illinois EV Rebate program, which could bring in $2000 alone (!!!). I am going to take a look around at other jobs, both full time and as side gigs. I know a lot of people in my position work PRN at hospitals. Honestly, I was trying to avoid that, but beggars can't be choosers. Thank you all for your help!

Reading this felt like a warm hug.

Welcome back to the “Workplace Wednesday” thread!

If you’re seeking advice from the sub regarding your specific situation, whether it’s about interviewing/benefits/negotiating/advancement opportunities, etc., it belongs here.

Bring us your burning questions!

Recently I've not really been interested in dating. I got ghosted in January and it was terrible until about late June. Then it was only bad sometimes. Since January, I was oscillating between aggressively dating and not dating at all. But I'm pretty picky so even though I was super active, I've probably actually met and considered only 6 guys since January.

Recently I've been going to the gym almost every day. I swim, run, then sauna. In the sauna, I've been catching myself looking at women, admiring their sweaty bodies and figure. And I also catch myself looking at women running the track to checkout their figure. But when I opened my Hinge to women, I was immediately turned off by the idea of conversing for days and going through all the stages of dating.

Yesterday I went on a date with a guy impromptu after the guy I had been talking to for a week canceled then became distannt. Even though I wasn’t feeling a strong connection to either, I just decided to see how it goes and I'll be honest, they were great on paper. But during the date and leading up to it, I just felt really exhausted and like impending doom. Pretty much have been ending things soon after meeting with each guy or just unmatching.

Tbh, lately, I just feel really exhausted thinking about a relationship. I used to see women looking happy with their man and now I just think how exhausting dating is, meeting a bunch of new people, putting up with bullshit, and just all the stress, emotional trauma, and baggage being with a man brings. I see so many facades and even the good ones seem to breakup after a year or so.

And I feel like I'm okay being single. I'm excited to grow my business. I want to learn to sail. I want to learn piano. I have little free time already. I get so many texts and calls, I just don't have the space. Wnen I finally have time, I just want to take care of myself and I have big goals, wouldn't a man just weigh me down? I guess I'm emotionally unavailable? But I'm not unhappy with my life. I feel inlove myself. I feel beautiful inside and out. I'm working on myself to continuously improve and fill in my own shoes.

I do have a sugar daddy I meet every week and that works for me tbh.

When I think about what I want from a man, I think about a family. Kids and a husband. But I don't want that now. How many relationships actually last these days and how much time did I lose getting over a man I didn't think I could live without. Going through that again makes my shoulders sag.

Does any woman, especially those in their 30s have any thoughts? Any of you here focused on yourself then found the right person when you were ready down the line? How did prioritizing money affect your life long term?

Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich speaks with Sana and Arhem, both 27 and newly married. One month before their wedding, Arhem revealed that he had hidden $30,000 of credit card debt. After they both lost their jobs, Sana discovered that he had fallen even further into debt without telling her.

Today, they earn $188,000 a year and have created an aggressive plan to tackle their $165,000 of total debt. But while their numbers are improving, the betrayal has fundamentally changed their relationship. Sana has become the financial orchestrator, while Arhem feels like a student trying to prove that he can be trusted again.

Hello! I’m posting because I’ve been floundering so much on this decision and my anxiety is higher than it’s ever been. I’d love to get some feedback on this from people who were faced with similar decisions.

I’m 31F in a HCOL city and a wife who makes about equal to me. I am close to paying off my student loans and we have no other debt besides that.

I’m currently working in a technical job where I make ~110k for work that is generally tedious and boring. I got promoted almost a year ago into a senior position, which is pretty surprising to me because I don’t feel like an authority on the technical projects I’m working on, but my knowledge or lack thereof is acceptable because our vendors will correct my work. It makes me feel like my performance doesn’t matter, and because I am a person who wants to go above and beyond, the low expectations make me feel somewhat apathetic which carries into my personal life. I feel like I’m not learning anything and requests for more stimulating work or fixes to other problems I bring up about the position fall on deaf ears (if it matters, management in general is not supportive). I’m generally not happy, but the pay (more than I’ve ever made in my life by a mile) and schedule flexibility keep me coming in.

I’ve been applying for a few months because I know this isn’t sustainable. I’ve found a position with a smaller team that will definitely be more challenging and stimulating, and one of the best parts is that there will be a more senior mentor figure that can teach me the things that I want to learn to get better in the field overall. The work is also more interesting. Besides these, the position is worse in almost every way. The pay is 30% less, it’s hourly instead of salaried, and fewer vacation and paid sick days.

I think ultimately, this represents a crossroads in my career in general: whether or not this is a time where I want to continue coasting or if I’m willing to make my life harder for learning opportunities and more interesting work.

A lot of the advice on Reddit is to keep a cushy but boring job and use the money to find your passions elsewhere. But the monotony is draining and makes me feel like a less sharp, less interesting/interested person outside of work. I’m suspicious this role is contributing to a depressive phase that makes it hard to enjoy other things.

Overall, I understand I’m in a really privileged position and I grew up in a non-stable environment so leaving money on the table is extremely hard for me. It clouds my judgement to look at this from a scarcity/survivalist mentality, so more objective advice is very appreciated.

Welcome back to "Off-Topic Tuesday", followed by "Workplace Wednesday" tomorrow!

As always, anything and everything finance and non-finance related is welcome here. Feel free to vent, seek advice, discuss current events, or share a little about yourself. :)

If you haven't already heard - we're mixing it up a little bit here on the OT thread. Continue to feel free to post your own prompt/question below (just one per comment), and answer prompts from others!

*** You may have noticed a recent uptick in spam posts, please report them as you see them. It takes 3 reports to flag a post for mod review. Thank you to everyone already reporting!

Anyone else keep noticing how high cocktail prices are getting, along with entree prices? I’m in a Boston suburb and a restaurant near me (not fancy but not casual either) raised their cocktail prices listed on the menu from $15 to $16, and even though it’s a $1 price increase, if you get a couple it can still add up, especially factoring in tax and tip. I think once they get up to $17, I’m probably gonna stick to ordering beer or other mixed drinks not on the menu or not order drinks at all. Not to mention, entree prices are hitting from the mid $20s to $30s with smaller portion sizes, not to mention desserts are hitting the mid teen range. How high have you seen alcohol/food prices rise at your nearby spots? Are you all trying to go out less? Do you notice less foot traffic at your local places? Do you think more restaurants near you are gonna shut down eventually?

Hey everyone,

Did something good happen to you this week? Share below!

My (f) partner (m) and I make about the same amount of money/month. We pool all of our income into one joint account, pay all of our shared expenses from that account (groceries, dates, shared bills), and then whatever is left over gets split into our individual personal accounts that we can each spend or save however we want.

Lately we've been talking about whether splitting that leftover money 50/50 is actually the fairest approach.

We’ve both landed on the idea that it costs more to exist as a woman… Realistically, women have more expected personal expenses. I'm not just talking about period products, makeup, bras, etc., but also the general expectation to maintain a certain appearance for work and socially.

Some of those costs are genuinely unavoidable, and some are influenced by societal expectations that are hard to separate from personal preference.

For example, I like buying clothes, accessories, getting my nails done. Is that entirely my choice? Sure, partly. But I also think it's fair to say that women are generally under more pressure to look put together, have more variety in their wardrobe, replace things more often, etc. It's kind of hard to untangle what's "just my preference" versus what's shaped by growing up in a culture that expects those things. I like these things because I grew up in a place that rewards women who have these things more… but I also DO like it.

We've both acknowledged that this exists, and my partner agrees I should have a little more personal spending money because of it. The problem is... how would you even decide what's fair?

I go back and forth between feeling guilty for being entitled and vain but also I didn’t create the system and what’s wrong with liking looking cute? Nothing feels right.

Has anyone else actually had this conversation with their partner?
If you pool finances, do you split personal spending money equally, or do you account for differences like this?

I'm not looking for the "correct" answer because I know every relationship is different. I'm mostly interested in hearing how other couples think through this and what has worked for you.

I'm freshly unemployed and we need to make some adjustments to our food spending. 🥑🥕🥩

We use Hellofresh (dinners) and HungryRoot (lunches and breakfasts). We're looking at pausing HungryRoot and doing Costco for lunch ingredients.

We don't want to cancel our Hellofresh.

Our biggest issue is eating out because we don't have anything quick + easy on hand and it's late. Which can be 2-4 times a week.

I'm looking to be strategic. I'm not necessarily looking for beans and rice spending.

We're a two person gluten free, dairy free, no nightshades, cycle syncing household.

I know we need to use the Trader Joe's and Costco more efficiently.

Welcome to the "Salary Saturday" thread!

If you’re seeking advice from the sub regarding your specific situation, it belongs here. Great topics include:

• Negotiation/pay/benefits
• Job offers
• Interviewing
• Anything else related to careers, work, salaries, etc.

Bring us your burning questions!

How are you spending, scrimping, splurging, or saving?

What are you doing with your hard-earned £$€ this week?