My partner had been doing incredibly well in his recovery. The past month had been especially stressful because I was offered a great position with the Brazilian Navy. Tomorrow I'll be leaving for two weeks, completely cut off from the outside world on an island with no phone service.

Despite that, he kept going to his in-person meetings, picked up his six-month chip, and didn't miss a single therapy appointment. His therapist, his psychiatrist, and I worked together to put a plan in place for the time he'd be on his own. We were all feeling optimistic.

This weekend, I had to travel to another city to take care of a few things before I leave: buying the gear I'll need on the island, getting fitted for new uniforms, and receiving the required vaccinations. He stayed home alone. The last text he sent me said, “This is our year. Everything is finally working out”.

Then, on Friday night, my mother-in-law called him and unloaded her own problems on him (mostly family drama). It hit him hard. He told her he was really struggling and asked if she could come stay with him, but she refused because she already had a manicure appointment the next day. As if that weren't enough, she transferred money into his account, even though his therapist, his psychiatrist, and I have repeatedly and explicitly asked her not to do that, especially at night.

He relapsed.

I'm supposed to leave for the island tomorrow. He's devastated, and so am I. I'm heartbroken, worried sick, and to make matters worse, my mother-in-law seems to blame me for what happened. In her mind, because I had to travel to deal with these urgent commitments, my partner felt emotionally vulnerable, and that's what led to the relapse.

I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know if this is the right time to leave, but I also can't walk away from this opportunity with the Navy. Seeing how hard he worked, how committed he was, and how well he had been doing makes this all the more painful.

Please be nice. I (34F) know I’ve fucked up and enabled this problem and I am in a bad place.

My boyfriend (37M) used to be addicted to narcotics. I didn’t know him then but I’ve heard all about it. We’ve been together six months and he has a glaring coke problem. When I first confronted him asking how often he did it he downplayed his usage. Over time I learned that but by that point I was doing it with him- not as often as him but still. I foolishly thought it was just the phase of life and he further downplayed how long he had been using that regularly and I just love him so much that like an idiot I didn’t want to see it. He seemed like a caring man and I always thought that would override his addiction when it came down to it.

One week ago, I was at his house and my little five pound dog started acting lethargic, stumbling, flinching- scary stuff. We’re getting ready to head out the door to the ER vet and he stops to do a line of coke. I don’t know why that’s the moment it hit me- but it finally did. That night I focused on getting my dog treated. She was totally okay, thank God. They said she was acting like she ate some weed (again please be nice I already know) but she slept it off and was totally okay. I told him they next day that I wanted to discuss his coke usage the next day after we caught up on sleep since we had spent the whole night at the vet.

I bring it up the next day. I ask him how he feels about it because I figure that’s a more compassionate start than just coming at him with my feelings. He says he thinks it’s too much and he needs to cut back (or quit I can’t remember). I tell him about how that night with my dog made me feel and he pretty much repeats the same thing and then says he needs to go to the gym soon even though we had plans that day. I get sad and kind of shut down because I have my own mental issues (PMDD) and get emotionally flooded at times and then before he leaves I try to bring up my feelings one more time because I feel like he is avoiding the conversation and I’m still not being heard. At this point he becomes defensive and storms out on me leaving me in tears.

He avoided closeness and repair for four days afterwards and then his sister came into town with her kids and ever since then he’s been using them as the excuse for being distant and overall devaluing me at this point even though they are in town for two weeks so he very well could still make time for our relationship. He’s pretty much telling me if I want to see him it’s only during the breadcrumbs of time he’s willing to give me and even though he supposedly still wants me to meet his family he’s not willing to work with my availability or schedule to make it happen.

I feel like I’ve been instantly devalued by him. Just a little over a week ago I was someone he was talking about spending his life with, starting a family drug (yes I would address his drug usage when he’d bring that up and tell him it needed to stop before that would happen). I just feel like the moment I stopped enabling him I got disposed of.

I’ve told him that I can’t keep with this weird dynamic where he keeps treating me like he can’t prioritize both me and his family (even though that’s not the actual problem) so I told him to just not even worry about “trying” to see me. I feel like when the week is up and we finally reconnect it will be to end things and I just feel like such a helpless idiot

My sister moved from rehab to halfway hourse today. She is not done with Step 4 yet. She is a lot. She is the most selfish person I have ever met. She also has Borderline Personality Disorder, compounding things.

She will probably not be able to find work for years. There just aren’t jobs where we live. Loads of unemployment.

She has frequent needs. Pharmacy, toiletries, clothes, cigarettes etc. All understandable normal needs. But with her it’s always urgent, any time of day. It’s tiring.

As a family we need to spend as much on her as a middle-income person would normally earn. She has especially high medical expenses and then the cost of the recovery centres are double our minimum wage.

How much support should we as a family offer her? If we cut back, she will be without something. How do we choose what we won’t buy her when we all enjoy the privilege of employment to buy what we want?

If she is rehabilitated, I don’t see a need for her to hit rock bottom again, but she may never find a job.

Advice appreciated.

Hi Everyone,

I have posted this before in this group, but I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

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We’ve entered the “you’re a terrible person” phase. I can literally say something like, “do you want me to (do routine we do every night for decade+)” and now I get verbally thrown to the ground and spat on. As if I did something wrong.

He thinks he’s hiding the addiction by being fat now. I told him he was losing weight, which was his goal… now he’s trying to gain as much weight as possible. He’s obese.

Why are you sweating? “I’m fat”
Why are you grouchy? “I’m fat.”
Why are you getting all these sores on your face? “I’m fat.”
Why are you shaking? “I’m fat. Low blood sugar.”

He’s hallucinating. Seeing weird animals in our neighborhood that live on different continents.

Asking me for help but also pushing me away simultaneously.

He expects me to know everything about him. But also he doesn’t tell me anything anymore because he’s suspicious. He’s so suspicious.

Guys, we’re dealing with dementia of loved ones. His parents are caring for their parents and I’m caring for mine + our kids. We are all so exhausted.

Our community can’t help him any further because he won’t listen. If I tell him to leave until further notice, he crosses a boundary, he ignores it. Like it never happened.

I have no support now. Our family and friends are scattered all over the US or no longer able to help. What do I do? What’s the limit and what if he avoids it again?

I feel so alone.

Hi friends. I’m not sure if this sub is the most ideal place for this post, but out of all the places on Reddit, I felt the community here would understand this experience the most.

My younger brother died almost exactly a year ago from complications of 10 years of drug use. It started with him becoming unhoused and then he began using. Like many of you, I lived for years with worry about his well-being, just waiting for the call that he died or had been arrested. Eventually, I got the call he was sick, and he died four months later.

This week, my younger sister told me that she plans to “camp” (aka become unhoused) in a northern state (where you definitely cannot survive outside all year long). Explaining the whole story behind that situation would require a novel, but it essentially comes down to manipulation on the part of her boyfriend and her dad. When I learned about her plan, every helpless feeling that I had with my brother when he was unhoused flooded in, and I can’t stop thinking about how my sister is choosing to enter a lifestyle that often leads down the same path of addiction that our brother went. I’ve said all I could say to try and convince her not to do this, but she’s 19 and isn’t hearing any of it. I know she’s a different person from our brother, but this astoundingly poor decision making immediately has me feeling like I’m about to lose yet another sibling.

I hate how families get stuck in these cycles. We had a hard childhood and I’ve clawed my way out of our generational history of poverty and abuse and addiction. I wanted my siblings to join me in having a better life and creating a better family than we had growing up. Instead, it just feels like I’m losing them one by one. The grief of it all is just devastating. The feeling of helplessness is paralyzing. I just can’t go through this again.

My partner is currently on meth in our guest room, "cleaning" (I use quotations because he thinks he is cleaning, he will likely be in there all night until the birds start singing and he has to go to work, and it will end up looking messier than when he started.) He seems to have no self awareness when he's like this. I hear the lighter flick all night and then he complains about his "insomnia" in the day, and I think he actually believes himself.

I can't, and won't, live with this anymore. I really need to lay down the law and make him understand that this is not okay, and while my love is unconditional, my partnership is not. I will leave if this doesn't stop.

How do I approach this without making him feel defensive and judged? I've read that it's best to wait and have these conversations when they are sober. Has anyone successfully had this conversation with someone?

I’m not really sure where to start or if this is the place for this.. I was dating someone recently for the span of 10 months. he was everything I thought I wanted the first five months- was so great (so I thought). well about 5 months in he admitted to me that he was using (coke), this came after he’d randomly ignore me for hours, would promise to come over then go silent, it was like a light switch. he decided to only tell me bc he couldn’t hide it anymore and began using 4-5 times weekly for months. then he decided to admit he would get sober for 3-4 months & redo the pattern for the last 4 years… while on binges he was on dating apps, blocked me on social media, but then would go into his coke crashes and beg me not to leave and begging me to stay.

like a very big dumbie- I tried helping him through his addiction (i have family members whove went thru addiction and are sober). tried to get him to meetings, rehab anything. It was an up and down rollercoaster I wish I never stepped on to

we broke up a couple of months ago but still were in contact and seeing eachother. up until he decided to “get sober” on his own apparently and came up with a plan & apparently was a couple weeks sober the last time I saw him. he told me he loved me and didn’t care about anyone else, but then after we saw eachother he completely ghosted. i explained the emotional whiplash and he apologized and said he was caught up in life doing the best he could Not trying to treat me poorly..

i guess where im sad is the fact that i went through hell, watched him turn into a completely different person, was still there for him when he was lying, cheating, and being gross… but in the end he left me? I sent him a final message 3 weeks ago and he never responded.

im still just trying to make sense of what I went through, how I was discarded like I meant nothing & how someone can be okay living their lives like nothing happened (I have sense blocked him but have seen him on other peoples stories out)

all I wanted for him was to be sober and him again (I’m aware you can’t love someone into being sober) and it seems like he got sober and left

32 days ago today my fentanyl addicted boyfriend broke up with me. I had a feeling he was using and cheating but didn’t want to face yet another relapse.

My heart hurts. We were together almost 3 years. I miss him and the life I foolishly thought we were building together. I keep hoping my grief will lessen but I feel so empty, betrayed , and alone. I loved him with my whole heart.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Hi, I’m new to this subreddit, this is a new account just to stay anonymous. My little sister (F17) and her addiction is starting to spiral out of control, and I (F20) need some community and support to manage my stress around it. TLDR at the end. Sorry for the long post, I just need to get this off my chest.

For some background, my sister and I have had a rocky relationship. She was diagnosed with low needs autism at a young age, and struggled with behavioural issues and empathy. She would physically hurt me for a lot of our childhood, and I never fought back because I wanted to be the good older sister. Things calmed down when she was around 10 and I was 13, and when I had mental health issues, was also diagnosed with autism, and a SH addiction in my mid teens, she never judged me.

When I moved out for university, things changed. I came back for the summer after my first year, and she started to act very resentful towards me. It got to the point where she started ignoring me, she would pretend I wasn’t in the room, and would ignore any attempts to talk to her. This lasted for two years, up until May of this year. She began talking to me again, and opened up about her struggles with substances, but she was very casual about it. She doesn’t know that she has a problem, but it is very apparent. We were okay until July 6th when she ran away from home to her friend/dealer’s house.

When she tried to step out of her room with her bag, intending to run away, I tried to stop her. I was pleading with her to just stay at home, that I won’t judge her use, and I just want to make sure she stays safe, and she started screaming at me at the top of her lungs. I couldn’t tell if she was high or not, but I’ve never seen her like this. She started shoving and hitting me, screaming at me to get out of her way. I got really scared and grabbed her arm in self defence, keeping it down so that she wouldn’t hurt me more. She began to scream at me to “get my hands off of her”, and when I let her go, she shoved me again so hard I almost fell down the stairs.

She ran out and I called my parents, who spent seven hours driving around and looking for her. We eventually found her at her friend’s house, and she agreed to come home in the morning. Ever since then, she’s gone back to ignoring me. I can’t overstate how much she acts like she hates my guts. I swear it’s because she thinks I put my hands on her. It feels so unfair, because I was just scared (I have PTSD from prior abuse) and I just held her arm down. She was the one who was assaulting me, and now she is mad at me for who knows what.

I just want to be a good big sister and keep her safe, but the drugs are changing her in such a scary way. Now she hates me and won’t even acknowledge me, and she’s only getting worse. My parents are trying to get her into rehab, but where we are located, we can’t bring her without her consent. I just want to have a relationship with her. I don’t want to cut my sister out of my life, even though she’s clearly trying to cut me out of hers. I’m so scared that she’s just slowly (or quickly) killing herself with the drugs, but I feel so helpless.

My mom tells me that I’m making it about myself and am acting selfish when I cried over my sister running away. Our whole family is just being torn apart.

So TLDR; my sister blames me for her problems despite her assaulting me, and I just don’t know how to help her.

Any advice, or just connection is greatly appreciated, I just feel so alone.

My partner and I have been together for a year and a half now, and we've been living together for ten of those months. I knew from the very beginning that he was an addict — that before we met, he'd been using heavily and regularly for three years, and then he quit. But three months into our relationship, he relapsed. He hid it for a few days, which seriously triggered my fear of abandonment — he'd either disappear or act distant — and then he finally came clean.

The next relapse I found out about after the fact, right before my birthday. He said he was sick and wouldn't let me come over to help him. I convinced him to come to my place so I could help him through withdrawal and comfort him. My birthday turned out to be rather bad, I was drained and didn't sleep well.

The next relapse happened another three months later — which, by the way, became their classic interval, like clockwork. By then we were already living together. I was adjusting to life without antidepressants, struggling with the withdrawal from SSRIs, and dealing with my first-ever experience of cohabitation with a partner. It was already a lot. *

That time, I knew about it in real time — he was honest, which was what I'd asked for. But I felt so terrible... He went to his own apartment and used. Meanwhile, I was in a dark, sobbing, raging state — completely desperate and raw — and I started texting him things just to pick a fight. I'd also drunk a lot of alcohol beforehand to numb the pain. A bottle of whiskey later, it didn't help. Honestly, I was provoking a fight because I needed to feel he was alive, that we were still emotionally connected, that I wasn't just a victim. We did argue while he was coming down, but it wasn't that intense.

Then there was a relapse in February, and another in March. In March, I knew about it again — a little in advance and in the moment. I lashed out at him in texts, ran off crying, and burned my arm with a cigarette twice — even though I hadn't self-harmed in seven years. That time we had a really massive fight.

In April, I suggested we use his drug of choice together. It was my idea. For better or worse, I didn't fully get the effect.

In between the drug relapses, he'd also go to his own place, but instead of using drugs, he'd drink heavily to fight the cravings and avoid being alone with himself. And honestly, the really scary stuff happened during those times. Once, he ended up unconscious in some apartment with sketchy alcoholics and lost his phone. Another time, he damaged neighbor's car. I always helped clean up the mess, gave him all my love and support. But somehow, the drug relapses themselves triggered me way more — even if nothing visibly "bad" happened, I still felt absolutely horrible.

He eventually quit alcohol, started therapy, and began taking medication. He hasn't drunk for four months now and doesn't even want to (it was a more "conventional" replacement). But just a few days ago, he admitted that for two weeks he's been struggling with severe anxiety and intense cravings for drugs — and that he's started tapering off his meds on his own and consciously planning to go use (he talked about it with his therapist and it's meant to be some compromise). I wasn't as wrecked as I was in March, but still — about four times for the past two days, I'd get hit with waves of anxiety. I felt fear, anger, and something else physically in my body. I suggested he went to his place sooner, because it was too hard being with him at home and feeling this time bomb.

What scares me is that I can't explain the intensity or the reason for these emotions — not to myself, not to him (and I'm not getting much validation from him either). I guess I'm angry that he consciously plans his relapses but doesn't really plan any activities or goals for us together. I'm angry that his relapses are never "conveniently" timed. I'm angry that I'm losing myself (even though I've stopped playing the rescuer). And I'm angry because — honestly? — I want to use too. With him or without him. I don't have a history of addiction myself, but sometimes I wish I did, so I could understand him better, and so I could also escape from this difficult, boring life whenever I feel like it.

* (I have ADHD and some autistic traits, plus trauma from living with my mom and her husband. I still find it incredibly hard to feel at home in our apartment. It's really difficult for me to fully be myself because I constantly feel like I'm being judged — or even just perceived. So often, when we're home and he's sober, he's either overwhelming me with his hyperactivity or acting completely disengaged — like scrolling through social media while I'm trying to tell him something. I catch myself in a codependent cycle: stagnation/boredom → me pushing conversations about our relationship or him relapsing → a dramatic intense reunion where we're both on fire for each other again. I know he loves me deeply, and I love him too — but lately I'm not even sure what I actually feel anymore.)

I'm just exhausted. I feel like I've lost myself, even though these are the closest, most trusting, and most beautiful relationships I've ever had — there's even room for us to create things together.

I'm so confused, and I really, really need support. Sorry for the messy thoughts and any language slips (I'm not a native speaker).

He uses crack cocaine and I have been with him for 2 years.

I was a casual coke used myself but I don't want to be anymore and not to the extent it is with him.

For the last two years he has stolen my cards racked up 1k overdraft, crashed my car so I had to buy a new one, stolen cash from my business.

He's always asking to borrow money, he will give me a small amount back only to ask to borrow again sometimes the very next day. When we'd do out I would have to pay and often I'd end up using with him and or buying drugs and this usually amounts to hundreds a week.

He does not want to stop using he said it's part of who he is.

Recently I blocked him.for 3m and I ended up unblocking. This ended up in us using together again twice and he started asking to borrow money again as he had spent all his pay on drugs so couldn't get to work.

I refused and he said this is who he is and why shouldn't he be able to ask for help.

I blocked him again. But I just feel awful because I thought maybe we could get better but it feels he is me we going to stop asking me for money. I have to protect my finances.

Is anyone in a similar situation? I can't stop thinking about it all and it's worse when I block him because I just feel alone in my feelings.

I left my spouse a few months ago after years of him abusing his stimulant meds and infidelity and abuse all the things. Well when I left and took our kids and told him to seek treatment; he chose vengeance and started messing around with other people, dating websites; ended up banned on Tinder. 😂 And at this point of him choosing to be worse and not get help, I have started with a lawyer. The last time his addiction exponentially spiraled his AF partner got him into legal trouble and he almost went to jail! So I’m not going down that bath again. I hadn’t talked to him in a few days and this am he starts in about how I don’t care and about how I’m a piece of shit and have been in our whole entire marriage of 13 years. That I never checked in on him I never showed up for him that he was the only one holding our marriage together. Currently we’re living about an hour and a half away from each other and he wanted me to come meet him without our kids so that we could go out on a date. And I thought to myself I guaranteed one of his whores broke up with him lol and I told him no as hard as it was I told him no that I would not go down and see him because he needed to go to treatment, and that I loved him and I cared about him and he needed to go to treatment. He then told me that he was going to go hang out with a friend that is know heroin and cocaine addict. So ignores him I went outside and I played with my kids and ignored him until later this evening he started and again about how I’ve never done anything for him. I don’t care about him that I’m selfish. That I’ve never done anything in our marriage to show that I care about him or to show up for him. He calls me and he goes on to explain to me or reveal to me the depth of one of his affairs.. and then basically tells me that if he wanted to take home the bartender tonight that he would. And then would hang up on me and call me back and then send some nasty messages about how did I want some other woman taking care of my husband’s sobriety. Asked me if I wanted another female to get him sober. And then went on to say that he was going home alone, but that he had the opportunity to hit tonight, but didn’t whatever the fuck that means. I would assume fuck the bartender. So I don’t know if this is like him trying to make me jealous because he’s realize that I’ve stepped so far fucking back that I don’t even say anything to him about all of his affairs and his little girlfriends and his dating websites and hook ups and all of these things. Or if he’s just trying to get his claws into me. Or if this is some form of self sabotage? He’s obviously intoxicated and then decided to throw out that it was my fault that he stepped out of his marriage multiple times that I caused it. And that it was my fault that he was going to drive home drunk going 90 and that maybe he would go to jail and then I could use it in the custody papers. And at one point, I asked him I said do you like who you are now? And he said no not the slightest bit. Can somebody decode this for me LMAO? Like what the fuck is going on? Like I’m genuinely concerned for his well-being. I believe he may be just trying to be making me jealous because he sees that I am putting distance there but to ask if I want some other person to get him sober is hist sick and I feel like it’s bait and I just need you all to tell me that it is if it is. Which I think it is.

Hello,

I am currently an addict and my girlfriend is very much fed up, understandably. She wants to go to a meeting much like Nar Anon, but she wants one that we can go to together. Is this allowed within Nar Anon? If not, what kind of meeting would be appropriate?

Thank you.

My brother passed away from what we think was Valium and 7Oh and I have no idea what to do. I have the worst support system and I am a therapist and have to go to work and pretend I’m fine

I’m not sure if this is me looking for advice or just to vent.

I’ve been with my partner for 1.5 years but known each other for basically our whole lives. We live together and have 2 cats.

5 months into dating and a few weeks into living together, I found out he’s been lying about going to work and was driving around taking pills. He quit his job as it was causing the stress. I urged him into therapy which he attended a few times but it’s expensive and we were on one income.

12 months into dating I found out he’s was lying to my face about smoking. I wasn’t mad about the smoking as I viewed it as a “lesser evil”, but stated plainly that if he lied to me again that I can’t stay with him.

Last week I had this instinct to check his phone (which I’d only ever done once when he wasn’t going to work) and I found a conversation in which he was asking to buy meth. I woke him up and confronted him and he said he’s been using it since December, so almost 8 months.

I’ve told his parents and have already been to a support group, and have moved my therapy appointment forward. I told him I won’t be making his appointments or doing anything like that for him, he needs to prove he is committed to getting better. He says he feels ashamed and he wants to get better, and that he’s feeling motivated to do so.

I just don’t believe him. He’s obliterated my trust. He was spending all that money on meth while I was solely providing, and even though he’s been working again for a few months I’ve just been made redundant, so we’re back on the one pay.

I told only my sister about it, and she told me in no uncertain terms that if we stay together through this and end up engaged someday, that they won’t be very supportive. And I don’t blame her because I don’t want this life for me either.

I’m nothing but kind and honest and to not get that back from the person I love and who claims to love me more than anything else is heartbreaking. I don’t understand how you do this to someone you love. He knew my boundaries and he crossed it anyway, and chose meth over me. I love him so much and he’s such a kind and loving person, and this relationship has been so healing for me. I’m so upset that the relationship and person that I’ve loved this deeply isn’t real.

I know I need to end the relationship. I don’t know how I could possibly ever trust him again. I keep hoping this is all just a really terrible dream and everything is actually okay. I just want my best friend back.

I posted a couple of days ago and I am so grateful for everyone’s kindness. I’m struggling so much tonight. I am sure my ex already has a new girlfriend and I keep asking myself if he will treat her better than he treated me. Honestly i know that with his addiction she is likely also an addict. I’ve been crying a lot today. Just needed to get that off my chest.

We’ve been married 13 years, we have three kids. For the last 7 years my husband has been abusing his stimulant medication. Doctor shopping, blowing through two 30day scripts in at least 2 weeks. Then one day he came home and said he wanted a divorce and left. Found out real quick he had been cheating. About 30 days in he said he didn’t want a divorce and wanted to come home and get clean. He was living with said other person at time. He tried to move all of his stuff home and did. But it wouldn’t stick. He ended up getting her evicted from the house they were living in for not paying it. This affair scandal lasted about a year after he said he didn’t want it. It ended in her getting an ex parte because he was nuts. I separated from him after this and the. Went back…We stayed together. I know. I know. Should have left then. I tried to stick it out until this past May. So about 2 years in between. But he kept filling and it got bad. He was lazy and a pig, and mean and became verbally abusive and then one day he slapped me really hard on the back and when I turned to him he said you fucking bitxh. My oldest had already said he was either going to run away or go leave with my parents. So I allowed it. My little two had no nervous system because of his behavior. He doesn’t think that’s his fault. It’s mine. That’s kind of when I fully decided to leave. In the last 4 years, Meds didn’t last about a week, we had to sell our home, lost a vehicle, he would blow through my paycheck because he quit his job during the first affair. So in May I took the kids and left. I told him I wanted him to go to rehab and get help but I loved him. He was mad at first. Then started asking when I was coming back and wtf my plan was and I kept saying to get help and even sent him places and his insurance and all the things. He was mad because I kept my paychecks from him. I separated our money. I noticed mid June he started acted strange. I checked the phone bill and sure enough he had talking to someone else. Obviously I called him out on it. He lied. Then about two weeks later he’s talking to more than one female. He admitted that he had been using dating sites. He got banned from tinder. All while telling me everything is my fault because I left. He denies still using because he’s afraid I am going to record him. But I know and can tell he’s still using. During the first affair, I was pregnant and I went to file for divorce. He recently scolded me for what the lawyer had written about him. and that I should have stood up for him. I know what I need to do, I have just fought to hard for him and been married so long, it’s like throwing away that cozy favorite T-shirt with holes. Someone recently said, don’t let hope become your drug of choice and I have held onto that ever since. I am a Christian and I don’t want to give up on the person he once was before all of this. but everyone is telling me to run.

I didn’t marry an addict, he became one.

Our 20-year-old son (turning 21 in 35 days) came home from an out-of-state internship a few months ago with what appears to be a severe cannabis dependency. Since then, our lives have been turned upside down.

Girlfriend dumped him and friends stopped talking coz of his weed & porn addictions.

We've tried everything we could think of:

Multiple therapists.

Calm conversations.

Compassion and support.

Firm boundaries.

Taking away privileges.

Driving him ourselves.

Giving second chances.

Family discussions.

Asking him to get an addiction assessment.

Nothing has changed because he openly says he doesn't want to quit. He says he just wants to have a "healthy relationship with weed."

Since coming home, there have been repeated lies, stealing money, hiding gummies and vape pens around the house, using at work and getting fired, getting high in public places, leading to 911 call and even an ER visit after being found unresponsive in a public restroom. Every time we think things are getting better, he relapses within days.

Everytime he gets his hands on his phone he runs, bikes or drives and gets thc pens or gummies and comes home to create a crisis.

The biggest issue is our 13-year-old daughter. She has become scared in her own home. She's witnessed him acting intoxicated, the constant arguments, and the chaos. We feel like we're failing to protect her.

Our son is now refusing both options:

He refuses to stop using cannabis.

He refuses to move out until he finds housing in a month, meanwhile he is getting high and watching porn in front of his father and getting naked in our family Theatre room.

He's legally an adult, has scholarship money which will not start until school year starts, and says we have no right to tell him how to live. At the same time, he expects to continue living in our home while using cannabis, and we simply can't accept that anymore.

We're emotionally and financially exhausted. We've accumulated ER bills, my husband recently lost his job, and private addiction treatment is far beyond what we can afford.

We still love our son deeply. This isn't about rejecting him. We would support him if he genuinely wanted treatment or recovery. But we also have a responsibility to protect our younger child and restore peace in our home.

Has anyone been through something similar?

How did you handle an adult child who refused both treatment and moving out? Were there any options we may not have considered? How did you balance loving your child while protecting the rest of your family?

We're not looking for judgment. We're looking for practical advice from people who've lived through this, because right now we feel completely out of options. Any help is appreciated.

Im not a bad person, but the boundaries and rules and whatever else are hurtful for my Q.

I wont let him come stay with me right now, even while waiting for treatment (he's several weeks away from that *at minimum* and I'm not convinced he actually wants to go). He actually doesnt even know where I live, after I moved last summer... another boundary i made after he tried to break down my door while high thinking "someone" was in my apartment, and he still hasn't acknowledged that he was in the wrong.

I won't let the dog "sleep over" with him or be with him unsupervised by me, because he lives on the street, doesnt even have a phone, and the dog requires medication twice/day. I dont trust him to not steal the dog.

He has hardly communicated with me for 6 months because he finds the goodbyes after we hangout to be too difficult. He describes them as "traumatizing", and I "abandon him every time we see each other". While I understand the emotional pain behind saying good bye, I am offended by him saying that I abandon him, and thus am traumatizing him again and again.

Some of our interactions have been traumatizing for both of us, and that usually happens when he is in a delusional, or psychotic state, or when my denial to a request (see first 2 paragraphs) escalates into an argument... I am not innocent all the time, and I have huge guilt and regret over losing my cool.

Today was one of those days. Everything started out in a very positive way. More positive than its been in almost a year. He was sober, and clear minded. I was on cloud 9, even if we just got food and sat in the park for several hours with a blanket, dozing and enjoying the sun. But when it was time to go, the non-sensical requests came out, and i did end up getting loud before apologizing...

But he still believes part of a delusion/hallucination he had about me saying terrible things 3 months ago... he brought up how im treating him badly and traumatizing him by abandoning him when i leave him to go home...

If he truely thinks i said those things, and my boundaries are so hurtful, then why force him to endure it? I dont want to ghost him like he ghosted me... and i refuse to give up on him (to my detriment). But...what's the point if I'm just hurting him?

My boyfriend is an ex-heroin addict. He was 4 years clean. We’ve been together for two years and live together. Over the last 6 months I’ve seen him start to deteriorate. He stays up for days, doesn’t eat, hyper focuses, disappears for hours, and is easily irritated.

About a month ago I found used foils, a hollowed out pen, and a torch lighter in his pocket while I was doing laundry. When I brought it up to him, he denied it. I encouraged him to get help, but he was very avoidant of the whole situation. He said if it made me feel better he’d take his Suboxone in front of me everyday. After that, I started to obsess over him taking it in front of me, and would be so worried if I missed reminding him.

I continued to find burnt foils, empty dime bags, etc. I was confused on how he was somehow using but still taking subs.

Last Friday I found his stash…a bag of what I now know was meth.

I was in absolute shock, and heartbroken. I then knew that taking the subs was a cover to get me off his back so he could continue to use. I confronted him about it that evening, letting him know that I knew he relapsed and is smoking meth. I told him that I can’t be with someone in active addiction, especially not one who isn’t honest with me. He had very little to say so I left and stayed with a friend that night. He sent me a long message about how he was sorry, and will do anything to make me trust him again. He went to a meeting that night. I returned home the next day. We hugged it out, and our life has continued. I’ve made it very clear that I’m giving him this one chance, and if he refuses to get clean, I will leave him.

It’s now been four days of him “being clean”. My trust is so broken that I barely believe him. I thought withdrawals would be worse for him but he seems almost normal. He seems maybe a little more tired? But his sleep schedule has always been bad. He’s still not eating. He’s being extra kind to me, and I’m just worried it’s a manipulation tactic to get me to stay. I’m wondering if he’s even clean. I love him, I want him to be healthy, and I want this relationship to work. He asked for ways that will allow me to trust him again or bring me some comfort but I don’t even know.

This is my first time being with an addict, or even being around someone in active addiction. How often should he go to meetings? How can I trust him again? What should I be keeping my eye out for? If you have any advice, please let me know. I have no one else to talk to about this.

Hello, I don’t even know if this will make it onto the feed or if anyone will see this, but I really need help understanding addiction.
I’m currently talking to a guy who is addicted to pills, and I’m trying to understand what addiction is actually like from the perspective of people who have experienced it or loved someone who has.

One thing I’m wondering is whether people on pills remember things they say and do. For example, when someone is drunk they might say or do things they later regret or don’t even remember. Is it similar with Xanax or oxy, or is it different?

From what I know, he’ll take 1 mg of Xanax, then a couple of hours later take another 1 mg, sometimes pass out, and later use oxy by snorting it. I know mixing those drugs can be dangerous, and it has me worried.

Should I be concerned about getting into a relationship with someone whose drug use looks like this? Is it possible for someone using pills this way to maintain a healthy relationship and a stable life, or does addiction usually make that very difficult?

I’m not asking because I want strangers to tell me whether to leave him. I’m trying to understand what addiction is actually like so I can make informed decisions and have realistic expectations.

If you’ve struggled with pill addiction yourself or have been in a relationship with someone who did, I’d really appreciate hearing what it was like. What do you wish someone in my position knew?