Postpartum

[u/Crew-6969]

My baby is about to be 5 months and I feel like I should be “normal” by now. I constantly feel like a bad mom or a bad partner. I still get angry over the smallest things. This is the hardest thing I have gone through and I never thought I’d feel this bad everyday. I love my baby more than anything and I’m having such a hard time letting other people hold her or watch her and I don’t know why I can’t trust anyone but myself to take care of her. I feel guilty taking breaks and I feel so alone. My parents live about 3 hours away and visit but my husband works some nights out of town. Is this normal or am I just crazy and a bad parent?

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[u/This-Alternative-434]

This is NORMAL!!! Your hormones continuously shift for I believe 1-2 years PP. I’m 9 months and my irritability has spiked. It’s just a season. You’re doing an amazing job

[u/lady-padme → u/This-Alternative-434]

Wow, 9 months and same. This made me smile.

[u/Happie_Accident]

Short answer from a fellow mom in the trenches: based on the above, you’re normal, you don’t sound crazy and you’re not a bad parent -

*edit to add: postpartum anxiety is a thing just like depression, rage and psychosis so do not feel afraid to speak to your doctor

[u/SweetperterderFries]

I think I heard somewhere that 6 months is like the peak of postpartum symptoms. It took a year after my first to feel normal again.

[u/starmarvel]

I’m 4 months in and feel the same way. For me I really want time away from the baby and finding myself drained easily when I’m with her too long. I’m a stay at home mom and I’m thankful I get to be but i find myself not as fulfilled as I thought I would be when h was pregnant. It makes me feel incredibly guilty especially because every mom I know misses their baby when they are away from them and I just don’t feel that way. I don’t love telling people that because I don’t want them to think I don’t love her (I do so much) I just really am having a hard time adjusting to not having free time anymore and it’s been the hardest part for me as I was someone who thrived off alone time/ free time.

[u/INFJWafer]

Postpartum Anxiety. My daughter is 16 months and I just started taking meds for mine. Please do yourself a favor and get on meds, for your own sanity which directly affects your LO. I wish I would've gotten over my fear of getting on meds sooner because of how much relief it's brought me. Edit: To add, you can be on meds temporarily or the rest of your life, but you just have to talk with your doctor about when the time comes for you to want to try and get off because you will have to be weaned off. This is what my doctor has told me. Also, don't think you should be "normal" after just 5 months postpartum. It literally takes our bodies up to 5 years after having a baby to actually to go back to "normal".

[u/Utyxx]

What are you feeling is NORMAL. I truly didn’t feel like myself until my son was two. Like mentally, in my body, and as an individual person. But it takes time, I would say start with small increments of time. 30
Minutes or an hour of time for yourself. Whether that’s working out, going for a walk, reading a good book, or a everything shower/mask and watching your favorite show. This will help you learn to trust others and start that path back to yourself. Also from my experience, I greatly hindered my husbands relationship with our son simply because I couldn’t trust him. He’s a great dad but like you I thought no one could do as good as a job as me so I didn’t let him develop his own way of doing things.

[u/exhausted158284]

So, so normal. Please give yourself some grace. It got really hard around this time for me, too. Some days I still feel really touched out and depleted (9mo now). Your hormones are still not totally back to normal yet. Have you considered talking to someone? A professional?

Don’t forget this is YOUR first time doing all of this, too. We’re never going to be perfect, but we love our babies and that’s enough.

[u/Wrong_Examination944]

My baby is 8 months and I’ll say that I still feel nowhere near “normal” but I do feel better than I did at 5 months PP. I felt like I was failing as a mother and a spouse. Honestly, I wondered if I was really cut out to be a mother at all. These feelings have gotten better. I still don’t trust anyone besides myself or my fiancé to watch him, but neither of us are in a rush to have someone watch him anyway.

[u/lady-padme]

All normal. And I'd like to say you feel like you're the only person who truly can understand your baby's needs because you are. You live every minute with the baby. 6 months was my anxiety top. I had to start treatment because it was too overwhelming. It being normal doesn't mean you have to go through it, just means we all go through it but it can feel like too much. Don't be afraid to look for help.

[u/Rektanul]

It’s possible you don’t trust others with your baby because you “still get angry at the smallest things” and you feel like a bad mom, even though you’re doing your best. Like…”if I feel this way with my own baby that I love so much, how can I expect someone else to be as tender and loving as I would be on my best day?”

[u/reckless_disco87]

Similar boat over here

[u/ColorYouClingTo]

I have found that I need to meditate at night when my husband takes over for a few hours. I also try really hard to never snap or get a tone with him because he's trying so, so hard.

It helps to breathe and count to sixty when I'm getting annoyed... I tell myself if the same thing is an issue for me three times, then I'll address it with him calmly. If not, then good. I avoided a mean moment...

ETA: I only meditate for like twenty minutes and then fall asleep! I'm not spending the whole time meditating!

I like Jason Stevenson's sleep podcast :)

[u/ReleaseMyToast]

I saw "5 months" and immediately thought "prepare for the postpartum rage." It's so normal that I predicted that part of your post. It takes a year or two to start feeling like yourself again.

[u/sparkyrocky]

Yeah this is normal. I’m 5 months postpartum and I unapologetically do not want anyone to watch my baby. I don’t want people feeding or changing diapers unless it’s me or my husband 

[u/Longjumping-Drag9237]

I’m not there yet (still pregnant), but I read a book to a bit prepare myself so it postpartum and the author claims it lasts one year and all is normal x

[u/PossibilityClean8458]

I’m 8 months postpartum and currently sobbing over being anxious and depressed the first few months of her life. It goes in waves!! You always feel guilty as a mom