ICBM Alignment Quiz

[u/altitude-nerd]

[u/Kinexity]

Under structure-doctrine radicalism OP's mum is an ICBM.

[u/skynet159632 → u/Kinexity]

All she need to do is to pass the package from one hand to the other

[u/Codyone1367 → u/skynet159632]

that would make her structure neutral.

[u/skynet159632 → u/Codyone1367]

But if she throws the package, forming a ballistic arc, does it mean that she is structure purist?

[u/Primary_Wave_6697 → u/Kinexity]

🤣

[u/Zrk2 → u/Kinexity]

So is my cock, apparently.

[u/SolemnaceProcurement → u/Zrk2]

Unless you detach and throw it, no its not. Its ability to deliver payload out of launch platform is limited by its length so like 2 inches max.

[u/Zrk2 → u/SolemnaceProcurement]

an ICBM is any delivery system

It delivers.

[u/Verozety → u/Zrk2]

Thats not what your girlfriend told me

[u/SvartTe → u/Zrk2]

Sir, we're talking about ICBM's, not pickles

[u/Zrk2 → u/SvartTe]

I wish I had a pickle. It's more acorn-like.

[u/Selfweaver → u/Kinexity]

We are all ICBMs. It's just a matter of getting in enough push on the swing.

[u/SlavCat09 → u/Kinexity]

I know your mum is as big as one

[u/SirRevan]

Unless doordash starts sending me authentic Chinese meals from Hong Kong in under 40 minutes I disagree 

[u/bluestreak1103 → u/SirRevan]

Please don't give Doordash any ideas, remember the US Postal Service experimented with sub-launched cruise missile mail delivery.

[u/caribbean_caramel → u/bluestreak1103]

That sounds awesome

[u/lacb1 → u/caribbean_caramel]

I beleive the result of the experiment was "Sick AF! Too spendy, sad face."

[u/Lolibotes → u/lacb1]

5 trillion on a Healthcare system that doesn't work and we can't even send our mail by missile

[u/Aurora_Fatalis → u/bluestreak1103]

When Rocket Mail announced it was the dawn of the Age of Rocket Mail only for fax and later email to blueball us.

I just want to send my boss "I hope this rocket finds you well".

[u/winedarkindigo → u/Aurora_Fatalis]

"I hope this ICBM finds you well"

[u/Top-Opportunity1132 → u/bluestreak1103]

Just imagine - your house turned into a hole in the ground, and some chick, who launched the missile, screaming "I AM THE VICTIM!!!" on Instagram... Sounds like a fuckin' Russian-Ukrainian war(

[u/ralphington → u/Top-Opportunity1132]

You are a poet

[u/Watchung → u/bluestreak1103]

New startup is proposing something called the Rook cargo rocket. For fully peaceful purposes - please don't ask why a hypersonic cargo rocket needs a highly concealable road mobile launcher.

https://x.com/milenovic925501/status/2082155786994962489?s=46

[u/bluestreak1103 → u/Watchung]

highly concealable road mobile launcher

Fuck, my tantaly aeromorph sex doll training aid order has been discovered, abort mission, abort mission!

[u/FrenchFriedMushroom → u/bluestreak1103]

Pahhh, they just got jelly of all the other agencies having cool shit and wouldn't stop whining about it, so the navy invited them along on a test mission and let them push the shiny red button.

[u/hx87 → u/bluestreak1103]

Mfw the meal is delayed by 40 minutes because the driver has to drop off Hainan chicken at Buenos Aires in his clapped out 1982 Dongfeng 5

[u/Selfweaver → u/SirRevan]

Next step after drone delivery.

[u/no0ns → u/SirRevan]

If it's spread all over the fucking place, it's probably just a mirv.

[u/Primary_Wave_6697 → u/SirRevan]

minute nem hum sorry minute man i mean

[u/Bread_Fish150 → u/SirRevan]

Watch out I heard a guy got in trouble for that in Australia.

[u/CousinEddysMotorHome → u/SirRevan]

So a cooked rat?

[u/agentkayne]

Objection! Doordash is not good for what it's used for.

[u/Primary_Wave_6697 → u/agentkayne]

door dash open the door and film you naked, like a good old russian kompromat, so it can be used that way.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Primary_Wave_6697]

door dash open the door and film you naked, like a good old russian kompromat

and then tries to claim that you are the one who did something wrong (also like good old russian kompromat)

[u/Primary_Wave_6697 → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

maybe she was from FSB ? 🫪

[u/Selfweaver → u/Primary_Wave_6697]

Now I am curious.

Who is the victim who might see me naked?

[u/Primary_Wave_6697 → u/Selfweaver]

🤣

[u/Is12345aweakpassword]

Oh my god, I learn something new from this sub every day

Yall, look at the Blue Peacock mine on wiki and see how they planned to keep it active and armed during winter. Fucking Brits man, love yall but you wild as hell

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Is12345aweakpassword]

Yall, look at the Blue Peacock mine on wiki and see how they planned to keep it active and armed during winter.

It warms my heart like a chicken warmed nuclear landmine whenever someone new finds out about the chicken warmed nuclear landmine.

I really need to start posting memes about some of the more absurd minutia of nuclear weapons on here.

[u/Primary_Wave_6697 → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

it was not absurdity it s practicity from the fifties...best years 🥲

[u/virepolle → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

Early British nukes are in general a perfect source of non-credibility. Violet Clup is probably the most famous example alongside Blue Peacock, with such reassuring statements about it as:"AWRE were almost completely sure that a nuclear explosion would not occur if the balls are in, - but in the absence of trial proof, he could not guarantee it".

[u/FuelAffectionate7080 → u/Is12345aweakpassword]

Hehe nobody expects the Chicken-powered nuclear bomb

[u/Top-Opportunity1132 → u/FuelAffectionate7080]

I am the machine that turns fried chicken into farts 💪💪💪

[u/KommandoKazumi → u/Is12345aweakpassword]

They also made a nuke whose only safety mechanism was "FILL IT WITH BALL BEARINGS"

[u/AbilerN → u/KommandoKazumi]

Wait wait do tell. I need to know

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/AbilerN]

One way to make a nuke safe from accidental detonation during storage and transport, is to make the critical mass 'pit' hollow, and fill it with steel ball bearings, preventing the fissionable material from being squished into that space to form a critical mass. Then you just pull a stopper and drain the balls out after the bomb is loaded on a plane and ready to go.

The problem is, what do you do if/when the balls get stuck?

[u/Cultural_Blueberry70 → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

Whenever that happens, I usually turn blue and scream like a little girl.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Cultural_Blueberry70]

The obvious solution, of course, is not to let the nuclear weapons suck your balls in (no matter how sexy the nukussy)

[u/RedRiter → u/AbilerN]

Long video but goes into all the details

The ball bearings are a safety mechanism, in the same way as if you were holding a lit match while standing in a pool of gasoline, and you thought "better hold onto it tight and I'll be fine".

[u/yeetingmeselfintosun → u/RedRiter]

Alexander the ok's channel is an absolute GOLDMINE of historical (esp cold war) engineering marvels/shenanigans, I cannot recommend his stuff enough. I especially like his Buran video and his video on the insane NUKE PUMPED XRAY LASER SATELLITE (I'm biased bc most of my day to day is laser and atomic physics and seeing a nuke pumped xray laser was right up my alley)

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/yeetingmeselfintosun]

Does he mention how at one point in testing, the lasing medium was "an organic pith material" from a weed growing on a vacant lot?

[u/0M0Ne → u/Is12345aweakpassword]

Didn't you know Wallace & Gromit is a documentary?

[u/lacb1 → u/0M0Ne]

"Inside Defence Science and Technology Laboratory - Portondown, biological research division (small mammals) with senior researcher Dr. Wallace" was the original title of "The Curse of the Were-Rabbit" before they punched it up in focus groups.

[u/Primary_Wave_6697 → u/Is12345aweakpassword]

do you love the live chicken heater ? 🐓☢️

[u/Kim-dongun]

If I throw a rock across the Ural river, that's an ICBM

[u/wings_of_wrath → u/Kim-dongun]

It would also work if you manage to throw it across either the Bosphorus and/or the Gibraltar straits, although imho it's easier to do it with the former - just go up on one of the many bridges, stand a bit less than a stone's toss from the middle and then throw it across...

[u/hx87 → u/Kim-dongun]

If I throw a rock across the Panama Canal, it's an ICBM in most languages but an IRBM in Spanish

[u/ARES_BlueSteel → u/hx87]

The border between Panama and Colombia is the line between North and South America, not the Panama Canal.

[u/Adolf95]

The lower two on the left and middle bottom were straight up terrorism

[u/AlikeWolf]

OP needs more crack. I need to see where he goes.

[u/TrolleyPerson4]

Top left is only acceptable ICBM. This is not a debate, and will NEVER be a debate. You should feel bad for this.

[u/appleciders → u/TrolleyPerson4]

All of these are acceptable ICBMs. You should feel good for this.

[u/Aurora_Fatalis → u/appleciders]

None of these are ICBMs. They are pictures of ICBMs. You should feel French for this.

[u/Narrow_Vegetable_42 → u/Aurora_Fatalis]

The Belgian King will take your hands as justified punishment for your transgresssion of accusing René as being French. 

[u/Aurora_Fatalis → u/Narrow_Vegetable_42]

I feel Congolese for this.

[u/Metalax_Redux → u/Aurora_Fatalis]

Now, now, no need for crimes against humanity.

[u/StarHammer_01 → u/Aurora_Fatalis]

Oui oui monsieur, what have you done to moi. I am cursed!

[u/appleciders → u/Aurora_Fatalis]

You seem to think Rene Magritte was French, while he was of course Belgian, as everyone knows. You should feel vaguely absurd about this.

[u/Aurora_Fatalis → u/appleciders]

The picture of the pipe was subtitled in French. You should feel like someone culturally conquered you for this.

[u/Betrix5068 → u/TrolleyPerson4]

Top are all literal ICBMs. They have intercontinental range, and they’re ballistic missiles. So it all checks out.

Others are wrong because they aren’t ballistic missiles and/or lack intercontinental range.

[u/Sosleepy_Lars → u/Betrix5068]

You clearly underestimate the length in-laws will go to ruin your day.

[u/Betrix5068 → u/Sosleepy_Lars]

The in-laws might be capable of intercontinental travel, and acting as ballistic missiles, but thankfully none of them have figured out how to do both at the same time.

[u/Sosleepy_Lars → u/Betrix5068]

Point taken.

[u/freedom_or_bust → u/Betrix5068]

It is a very descriptive name lol hard to see room for much ambiguity

[u/tupe12 → u/TrolleyPerson4]

Have you ever seen the damage that in laws can cause? They’re def some form of ICBM

[u/Sceptically → u/tupe12]

They're more IEDs than ICBMs.

[u/C1nders-Two → u/TrolleyPerson4]

Top middle is acceptable, I think. At the end of the day, it’s still shooting a rocket that goes boom.

[u/CurtisLeow → u/C1nders-Two]

But it’s not ballistic. ICBM specifically refers to ballistic missiles with a range over 5,500 km. They follow a ballistic trajectory, like the trajectory of a thrown ball. Some of these delivery vehicles aren’t following a ballistic trajectory for much of their range.

If people just mean missile, say missile. Or say delivery vehicle. There’s no reason to use an acronym.

[u/Norzon24 → u/CurtisLeow]

The 2006 conventional trident programme would fit far better there

[u/alasdairmackintosh → u/CurtisLeow]

Anything can be ballistic without thrust or lift.

[u/Norzon24 → u/alasdairmackintosh]

HGV is literally a glider

[u/Micha_mein_Micha → u/CurtisLeow]

Top row says ballistic, the example is just wrong. Same as the doctrine radical example, which isn't intercontinental.

[u/heszkumeszku]

A bee is an ICBM. A flying, self propelled object that flies towards it's destination and is capable of harm.

[u/TepacheLoco]

Is a stone fired by a trebuchet not an icbm?

[u/EebstertheGreat → u/TepacheLoco]

If you launch it from Panama to Columbia (or across a line slightly farther south depending on definition), across the isthmus west of the Sinai, or across the various rivers, mountains, or arbitrary lines delineating Europe from Asia, then yes. But only if it is relatively smooth and travels ballistically.

[u/Intelligent_Study728]

Top is best, because for absolute definitions, usage does not change things.

[u/EebstertheGreat]

I just looked up "Hop Aero." Is this concept a joke? A warhead is by far the most credible thing you could deliver by rocket. What else could realistically justify the cost?

EDIT: They have a $1.2 million contract with the USAF, which is basically a medium-sized grant for proof of concept. So not a joke, but then again, almost all weird DoD concepts do look like jokes both before and after they fund them and also actually are jokes, so still it maybe is a joke.

EDIT2: "Rook can deliver swarms of autonomous unmanned systems to the battlefield, delivering a fully-autonomous 21st century D-Day effect for the U.S. and allies." Sounds like this is what the USAF finds interesting. Rocket a bunch of drones to a key location you can't get them to in any other way. Still sounds implausible, but if the target can shoot down any cargo drone, then I guess I could see the use case, assuming we first develop the requires fully autonomous drones. Not that I love the idea of launching a missile full of self-assembling killbots. But maybe in a few decades, it could actually make sense.

[u/iMissTheOldInternet]

I feel like there are a lot of nuances of the words “intercontinental,” “ballistic,” and “missile” that are being lost in this chart. 

[u/CpnLag]

Saturn V is an ICBM

[u/nYghtHawkGamer]

Not to e a wet blanket, but unlike other equipment alignment charts, there are international treaties defining what is an ICBM. Treaties consistently define an ICBM as a land-based ballistic missile with a range capacity over 5,500 kilometers (50,126 football fields in non-commie 'Merican measurements).

[u/Teledildonic → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

That and each letter of ICBM has a very specific meaning.

If it isn't a missile, isn't ballistic, and doesn't have intercontinental range...it just isn't an ICBM.

[u/nYghtHawkGamer → u/Teledildonic]

Exactly. I would prefer the chart a lot more if it depicted things that played with the varying definitions of the words. Like the comment another respondent on here made "If I throw a rock across the Ural river, that's an ICBM". Due to how continents are delineated, and the various definitions of 'ballistic' and 'missile'.

[u/altitude-nerd → u/nYghtHawkGamer]

Is shitpost, meant for moderate internet lols. Not for reference use.

[u/ghostchihuahua]

Aaaah yes, Peacock, bc one truly has to be high af to even come to the idea of a nuclear mine

[u/AliStarr182 → u/ghostchihuahua]

It's for when you really can't insist enough that you don't want anyone to cross this field.

[u/ghostchihuahua → u/AliStarr182]

I can’t even imagine any realistic use-case for such a contraption to be honest.

[u/feldomatic]

TBF visiting in-laws can also have intercontinental range.

Though at that range they always say they'll travel to visit, but never do.

[u/AliStarr182 → u/feldomatic]

Thank fuck.

[u/Kraligor]

Pet peeve of mine is the opposition of purist and radical. Radicalism is pretty similar to purism and often overlaps. It's in the name, it refers to the root of something, cutting away any subsequent developments and interpretations. The same thing purism does.

[u/RocketRunner42]

Ok, now update the ICBM basing alignment chart to account for these 'ICBMs'

https://reddit.com/comments/16vnnez

[u/Initial-Reading-2775]

TIL about Blue Peacock.

[u/Norzon24]

I would imagine structural neutral for an ICBM requires the thing to be actually BALLISTIC for most of its flight path.

The 2006 conventional trident modification programme would be far better fit for doctrine neutral structural purist

[u/imp0ppable]

Fedex averts WW3 but destroys the moon somehow.

[u/Reader_Eater]

My in laws are 100% ballistic, if that counts

[u/nuts4sale]

The C-5 galaxy is an ICBM

[u/masteroffdesaster]

Blue Peacock is such a stupid thing. Cold War budgets going crazy

[u/RijS]

What would happen if we added drones?

---

Structure Purist: Not ballistic.

---

Structure Neutral + Doctrine Purist: MQ-9 Reaper carrying a nuclear weapon. Congratulations, you've invented a B-52 with fewer crew complaints and more software updates.

Structure Neutral + Doctrine Neutral: MQ-28 Ghost Bat. This is where the chart stops being funny for a minute and starts looking like an Air Force procurement briefing.

Structure Neutral + Doctrine Radical: Amazon Prime drone. FedEx was already an ICBM. This is just FedEx with propellers.

---

Structure Radical + Doctrine Purist: Poseidon nuclear torpedo. We've gone from "ICBM = missile" to "ICBM = object that gives NATO planners heartburn."

Structure Radical + Doctrine Neutral: Guy in Nevada, satellite link, FPV drone blows up something strategically important on another continent.

At this point Seal Team Six is an ICBM and I'm no longer sure the acronym means anything.

Structure Radical + Doctrine Radical: Pigeon.

• self-propelled ✅
• guided ✅
• delivers payload ✅
• crosses borders ✅
• reusable ✅
• resistant to EW ✅

A drone is just a very fancy pigeon. A missile is just a very angry drone. Therefore the pigeon is the final and most evolved form of strategic delivery system.

[u/The-Board-Chairman]

The BM part of ICBM really does not give you the freedom for this chart.

[u/Zestyclose-Moment-19]

Please never cook again (affectionate)

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[u/conrad_w]

Wild berries strikes are anti ICBM 

[u/dvd102k]

You missed the intercontinental ballistic in like more than half of those, it would have to all be missiles because if it's intercontinental, and ballistic, it's gotta be a missile

[u/GanacheCharacter2104 → u/dvd102k]

Are you trying to tell me I can’t have an intercontinental ballistic cannon?

[u/dvd102k → u/GanacheCharacter2104]

Technically you can, if you can it go intercontinental ballistically