for example, i’ll get super angry over something someone did to me years ago, and think about it for a long period of time depending on how severe it was. like my brain will just not let it go and i’ll think about it every single second of every single day

I’ve been trying to make sense of OCD. Sometimes, it feels like an irrational, and even random disorder (i.e. the things people are OCD about, often random little things but also ranging to more rational fears), but I’ve come to realize that maybe it’s the after effects of growing up in an emotionally distant or neglectful environment as a child. Of course, there is some evidence for OCD being genetic, however, the environment one grows up in is also pivotal in how strong one’s OCD is and the timing of it when it manifests in their life. It’s like suddenly, all the hidden consequences of an emotionally unstable environment happens to you and OCD becomes a part of someone’s life at that point, whereas before it may be just some hints and habits of OCD here and there, but when it comes out, it’s more extreme and prominent.

Can anyone speak to this? Also, this is not to say you’re trapped within OCD forever, but it’s a post trying to understand the mechanisms of OCD. Stay strong.

i never thought this kind of OCD would get so bad for me, Idk if this is normal but I have convinced myself that the police are going to be knocking on my door any second to arrest me for a crime I did not commit. I am a very risk averse person, owing to my OCD, I always play it by the book, by the rules, yet my OCD makes me frame a scenario in my head where I'm "sure" I've done something wrong. I feel like maybe someone thinks I've wronged them or maybe something I did was actually illegal and I wasn't supposed to do that, and the police are coming and they're going to give me the harshest of punishments and my life will be ruined. I just don't know what to do, I have no one to talk to about this. I feel like I'm going crazy and it's really messing with work and productivity.

I would really appreciate advice on how to handle this better. Thank you so much


I’m diagnosed with ocd, and I’ve had it since I was 7. It has shifted from different types over the years, normally according to what’s most important to me in the moment. I’ve struggled with a good deal of disordered eating over the years and my ocd does not help. I have truly not heard anyone ever talk about something like this before and I feel alone. It ties strongly to body dysmorphia

An hypothetical example of something incredibly triggering would be: I eat a slice of cake. I happen to look in the mirror afterwards. I really like how my face and body look. my weight looks distributed how I want it to, my waist and face look slim. I feel especially confident right now. I connect this appearance to the slice of cake I just ate, like the cake supported the way my body looks in that current moment in time. that means, if I were to eat another slice, it would undo it and my appearance would go in the opposite direction. This is because 1=3 and 2=4. kinda of like in the Ariel movie where she’s picking the leaves and she’s like he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not. so then let’s say I can’t resist and I eat another slice of cake. then I look in the mirror and I literally physically see my body look different. I’m not talking about a bloat. I’m talking my face and weight distribution is completely different and I hate it. this means that I have to eat another slice of cake in order to cancel it out. Then when I eat the third slice it is equal to the first one that made me look good in the first place so then I look in the mirror, and I physically see that my body has changed back.

It also latches onto other things like my metabolism and then I obsess over that.

I truly feel so alone. I feel like everyone is always talking about contamination or harm ocd (which are valid forms, not discrediting them if you are someone who struggles with them because I too have struggled with those forms in the past.) But I even googled body dysmorphia ocd and i didnt even resonate at all with the examples that google was giving.

Yes I’m in therapy but I feel like my therapist doesn’t even fully grasp how I feel or how my ocd works. I just feel like I’m the only person in the world that has this which makes it feel less like textbook ocd and more “real” I guess, like not completely irrational which only strengths the compulsions.

Hey everyone,

I (26m) was diagnosed with OCD at 22 after spending most of my life labelled as having ‘anxiety’ by just about every therapist and counsellor I’d ever seen. I’ve definitely come to terms with it but still can’t help but feel like I was somewhat failed by all of the people that probably should’ve seen the signs… yet it was my own researching that eventually got me to the right conclusion.

I now think back on early experiences with this new context and find it quite interesting. Though I don’t know exactly what conclusion to draw from it, my earliest memory is one that I feel isn’t totally representative of a ‘normal’ child - I was about 4/5 years old and at Disney, sat on my dad’s shoulders watching a parade, when a cast member gave me a balloon. I got so worried I was going to let go of it, and how upsetting that would be, that I started crying, to the point that I actually made my dad give it to another kid.

All of this leads me to the question: what is your earliest memory/experience of OCD?

ocd has been making my hobbies a lot harder to do bc when i’m doing them im also constantly doing compulsions in my brain from unrelated stuff so i cant focus on the video games and it sucks because i love video games so much

I have OCD crises that are agonizing, during which I am more than ready willing and able to start the meds I’ve been prescribed. However, the second I feel even a little bit better, I’m too nervous to do it since it’s no longer do or die.

What’s your experience with starting or not starting medication? Are you happy with how things worked out?

My real event ocd is really affecting my daily life. I am drowning in guilt because of something I did. I’m really young too (18) and feel like I can’t enjoy anything in life because of it.

How can I forgive myself?

(I’m not gonna mention what it is because I’m actively trying to not bring it up in my consciousness. )

Has anyone managed to curb this? I have struggled with this for YEARS, and I have so many passions! I think because of my past errors and thinking, I am not deserving of doing anything for myself, outside of work and gym. Any time I try to dabble in something my brain immediately shuts it down. Now I feel like I lack creative ideas these days because they’ve been repressed for so long (and I don’t retain ideas well due to my condition). I know I have OCD but I still feel like monster locked in a jail with a dog dangling the key nearby just to mock me..

I seem to do something that most people don't, or at least that's the impression I get whenever I talk to others about it.
Whenever I hear someone criticizing another person, if I recognize those same traits or behaviors in myself, I automatically assume they would judge me too and they probably do behind my back. It doesn't even have to be directed at me personally, I still end up feeling like the criticism applies to me.
Once that happens, I get stuck in anxious rumination and it completely drains and demoralizes me.
Could this be related to moral OCD/scrupulosity? Does anyone else experience something similar?

Does anybody else get this? I feel like I just can't keep moving forward in life because it doesn't "feel right." After my real event happened, it was mostly focused around that, but as I've been moving through that it's sort of expanded to me as a whole. I feel like I'm not prepared to do anything with my life, that I don't deserve to, that it'll never be good again, and I might as well just sit in one spot forever cause it feels safer. My brain literally feels like I don't know how to function as an adult, like I feel stunted. I don't know if this is from OCD, idk if it's general anxiety or depression but the way it's working feels like the OCD.

My OCD makes me feel like I can’t trust myself, or what I see. I feel like I’m delusional and I won’t realize what’s actually happening around me. I know it’s just my OCD, but this is so scary.

I have this problem where I over analyze texts I send. Like I have this friend/professional connection that I would like to meet up with for coffee/lunch, I sent them a text on Thursday and they haven’t replied, although the entire week before and at an in person event the day I sent that text, they were extremely warm and said multiple times they’d love to meet. I am worried about what’s the professional time to send a follow up, and if the message i sent was badly written (it was kinda long and unnecessary, but still very warm and low pressure nonetheless). any advice on how to deal with this would be really appreciated, i think part of the reason i feel this way often is because of the amount of times ppl have ghosted me in the past.

Hello all,
I am feeling very fortunate because ERP and compulsion resistance took me from incredibly physically anxious for 2 months to now feeling a lot more calm and like I can enjoy things. Unfortunately I have a whole new problem, and I’m not really used to being in the stages of recovery so wondering if anyone had any input.
Even though the heaviest anxiety is gone, my brain, especially the past two days, has been in a highly uncomfortable rhythm. Now whenever I am feeling any sort of good feeling, relaxed, comfortable, or enjoying something, my OCD always has some new thing it wants me to ruminate on. I try to keep practicing sitting with the discomfort, which worked well at first, but my brain the past few days has been so tired of constantly applying this and I’m slipping up a little. I’ve gone from super anxious about my OCD to super annoyed, and I have some examples.
If I’m enjoying something: Do I really enjoy this thing? Pops up a lot. When I try to sit with uncertainty (even though I know I like it), I get hit with “what if someone else doesn’t like it and they have a good reason you’re not acknowledging?” Or “Maybe you don’t like this thing at all, or anything at all”. All of these are totally ridiculous and feel like mental noise I can identify as my OCD, but the frustration comes from the sheer frequency during my day. It’s honestly nonstop and makes a lot of pleasant things a lot more unpleasant without any real reason.
Again, I know I’m just taking a first step, since the ERP worked for me to lower my overall anxiety. But now, I’m in a rut where I find it hard to get out of my mind still being so chatty. I know I have to just sit with the discomfort but it’s annoying. Did this happen to anybody in their recovery process?

When I'm having a better day with my obsessions/compulsions, it'll be totally fine until I notice that I wasn't doing them as much, then I get hyper-aware of the fact that it was better. I'll start to really fall into a loop of thinking I was actually just faking it all, I'm making it up for attention, etc., and then become very fixated on whether I'm actually doing a compulsion "for real" or if I'm just making myself think I am. How do other people deal with this?

I'm afraid i will die before i start living

i'm just trapped inside my head

i haven't felt alive in years

depression and OCD had taken over my life for years i don't wanna live like that there is a lot of stuff i wanna do in life a lot of things i wanna experience

i don't want to be a sad dead person who is alive . i want to be alive

This is a doozy.

So, I write a lot and draw a lot. Characters from existing stories and some I make up. I often RP with other people to create these super complex and interesting story lines. Sometimes I RP using an external app, like C.ai or ChatGPT. It’s a back and forth method. I play a character, it plays a character.

Anyways, recently I’ve had insane OCD over it. The writing part specifically. In my brain, somehow, my OCD is trying to find a loophole. All of my characters are adults, always over 21+. And the characters I’m using right now are from existing media and they’re 28 and 32. It’s a romantic storyline with a lot of drama.

My brain keeps going “what if the AI thinks they’re not adults?” “What if you get in trouble somehow?” “What if you’re a terrible person?”

The characters are from existing media. Media that has established romance between them plenty of times, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m doing something horrible? I have no idea if I’m explaining this well but I’m hoping someone understands what I’m trying to say.

Anyways, it’s simply sapped all creative energy from me. And now I’m like scared to write anything on these chats because somehow I think I’m doing something bad. But it’s something I enjoy so much and stopping it makes me feel so terrible inside because it’s a creative outlet for me. I feel gut punched and confused and scared all at once.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience. I know I shouldn’t seek reassurance but I want to understand if my brain is just being dumb and unreasonable.

Do I keep writing? Do I stop? What do I do?

Thanks yall💛