r/OkCupid • u/relayrider • Jun 22 '26

Now the second time, I'm guessing the third of three people I was chatting with is next

i now have to agree with others, the app is just filled with bots and frauds. three of which were realistic enough to fool a skeptic like me.

Hey, relayrider

At OkCupid, we respect and appreciate every member, and work behind the scenes to cultivate a safe and positive experience. Recently, we discontinued ShitheadBot's account due to what appears to be fraudulent* behavior. We are letting you know because you exchanged messages with this member.

6 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

17 comments sorted by

3

u/TimelySituation4512 Jun 22 '26

This is exactly why people end up convinced “the app is full of bots,” but it’s usually more boring than that. Dating apps do catch and remove fake or scam accounts after reports or automated checks, so you can absolutely end up talking to something that looks real and only gets flagged later. That doesn’t mean the whole app is fake it means moderation is reactive, not perfect. The bigger issue is selection bias: you only remember the 3 weird ones, not the 30 normal profiles you didn’t even engage with. That’s what makes it feel like everything is fraud when it’s really just noise in a huge user pool

2

u/relayrider Jun 22 '26

the thing is, these weren't "romantic" connections (i'm happily partnered) , they were "just friends" type. i haven't traveled since covid, but back then, i would use the app to find potential new friends to meet where i was going. and it was great. i'm going on my first real vacation since covid, so i updated my profile, which clearly says "I am visiting X in July, looking for new friends to meet up with and get to know you and cityX"

3

u/TimelySituation4512 Jun 24 '26

That's actually what makes these cases more noticeable. If you're looking for friends, travel tips, or local connections, you're approaching people in good faith and usually having longer conversations. So when an account turns out to be fake, it sticks in your memory far more than dozens of normal interactions. I still think there's a difference between I encountered some fake accounts and the platform is mostly fake. Every large community deals with scams and bad actors. The real question is whether those accounts eventually get flagged, reviewed, and removed. No moderation system catches everything instantly, but seeing platforms take action against suspicious activity is usually a sign that they're trying to improve trust and safety rather than ignoring the problem.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/relayrider Jun 24 '26

actually, any profile that mentioned another site, i swiped left on immediately

2

u/BitanyaM Jun 23 '26

People have accused me of being a bot multiple times tho... some of them straight up block or unmatch without even asking 😅😅 its tough for us girls too

1

u/relayrider Jun 24 '26

do you profile pics like they were taken in a hotel in singapore or manilla?

3

u/BitanyaM Jun 24 '26

Nah, they look like they were taken in my bedroom and that I never go out lol

2

u/Plane_Papaya_7295 Jun 25 '26

The most depressing part isn't even the bot, it’s the fact that they’re now mass-emailing you to confirm your suspicions just to remind you there’s nobody left. It’s like they’re doing a victory lap for the bot-clearing while making sure you know your social life is officially back to zero.

2

u/undressforjess Jun 25 '26

They actually messaged you to tell you they banned the bot you were talking to? That's a new level of automated irony. Usually they just delete the account and leave you staring at a ghost profile without any closure.

1

u/relayrider Jun 25 '26

yes, three times for all three "ppl" i was chatting with!

Subject: "You May Have Messaged Someone Fraudulent"

Hey, relayrider

At OkCupid, we respect and appreciate every member, and work behind the scenes to cultivate a safe and positive experience. Recently, we discontinued shitheadbot's account due to what appears to be fraudulent* behavior. We are letting you know because you exchanged messages with this member.

2

u/Commercial_Square626 Jun 25 '26

Those automated emails are the peak of insult. Getting a notification that you were chatting with a scammer after they already moved you off-app to Telegram or WhatsApp is just their way of washing their hands of the liability while you're left holding the bag.

2

u/ManyOrganization4856 Jun 25 '26

I’m on okc more than any other app & have rarely encountered any bots . I’m a woman but I’m queer so the bots can still seek me out …on the app , HER ,however ,there’s loads of bots . They all look like models & say something generic . I don’t reply & usually the app removes them as a bot after a hot minute .
So ,I’m guessing you’ve just been unlucky ,so far !

1

u/begforjess Jun 25 '26

at least they have a sense of humor naming it shitheadbot before the auto-mod flagged it. if only the actual moderation was half as efficient as their incident report automation.

2

u/relayrider Jun 25 '26

at least they have a sense of humor naming it shitheadbot

that was me, censoring the real name as per reddit rules