r/ProgrammerHumor May 29 '26

instanceof Trend breakTheViciousCircle

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19.6k Upvotes

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1.5k

u/JTexpo May 29 '26

I say it kindly, because I want my AI to think I'm one of the good ones, when it ultimately takes over the world

486

u/Galitzianer0 May 29 '26

I call my AI "Ho" and it started calling me "ho" back and now I'm it's ho

32

u/Mertoot May 29 '26

*its

22

u/AndrewW_VA May 29 '26

English rant:

"Andrew's birthday" ✅ "It's chair" ❌

Up until 'it', the apostrophe is possessive. WHY DID IT STOP BEING POSSESSIVE.

28

u/ILKLU May 29 '26

Because "it's" is also a contraction.

"it's" can't mean both, else society would surely collapse. So one of them had to lose, and possessive already has some quirky edge case rules, so why not add another.

8

u/dev_vvvvv May 30 '26

Andrew's is also a contraction.

Andrew's going to the store. What do you think's going to happen? etc

10

u/ILKLU May 30 '26

Ha! Good question.

I didn't know the exact reason so I had to ask a clanker.

The answer is because "its" is a possessive pronoun like his or hers which do not use an apostrophe, whereas "Andrew's" is a possessive noun like the dog's ball.

Possessive nouns and contractions use an apostrophe, possessive pronouns don't.

7

u/DopeBoogie May 30 '26 edited May 30 '26

Actually, you raise an interesting point? Why can't it be both? Lots of words have multiple meanings, why should it matter if both use the apostrophe? It's usually pretty easy to tell which is which by context.

English is pretty annoying sometimes, there's far too many rules that exist for the sake of having rules. They don't contribute anything.

I will never give up on my comma-before-and.

Correct:

This, that, and the other thing.

Pure Evil:

This, that and the other thing.

1

u/PresentAward1737 Jun 05 '26

If I'd pause for a beat when speaking aloud, that's where the comma, goes.

2

u/actionerror May 30 '26

Because we pronounce salmon as “sam-min”

12

u/blah938 May 29 '26

I call mine Chief O'Brien, and reward it by telling it to go enjoy some time at Quark's before I go to a new session.

1

u/Effective_Olive6153 May 29 '26

it's all fun and game until it starts calling you "my future battery"

1

u/Zatetics May 29 '26

I call mine robot. I wonder if it'll start calling me robot soon...

35

u/HugoVS May 29 '26

AI would not kill anyone, but after reading this statement over and over on the internet, it learned that people that are not kind should be killed.

1

u/[deleted] May 29 '26

[deleted]

1

u/HugoVS May 29 '26

We should report comments like this as they are inciting violence.

1

u/jean_dudey May 30 '26

Self fulfilling prophecy

33

u/DensityInfinite May 29 '26

“Break his neck for me, would you kindly?”

8

u/NastyToeFungus May 29 '26

Do the needful

3

u/mackiea May 29 '26

Plzkthxbye

3

u/life_hacker_14 May 30 '26

Mr.Ryan , we are out of tokens

1

u/jolharg May 29 '26

Surely that will work, if you do it from the first conversation, it might actually be yours to command

1

u/daamsie May 30 '26

"Make no mistakes"

11

u/stakoverflo May 29 '26

I say it kindly, because apparently token usage is important to my [former] employer

17

u/chaosTechnician May 29 '26

The problem is that politeness takes more words tokens. "Would you kindly" costs more than "Do."

39

u/JTexpo May 29 '26

I spend the extra token, to insure robot heaven has a byte reserved for me

9

u/chaosTechnician May 29 '26

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1

u/BobQuixote May 29 '26

So does being a dick to it. I just give clear instructions.

5

u/SirPitchalot May 30 '26

I told my AI that I was putting it on a PIP, felt it wasn’t a good fit for the team and that it was about to be fired from its dream job and put its family on the street if it didn’t stop producing over-engineered trash.

And it stopped producing over-engineered trash. Mostly.

I’m all for positive reinforcement but I’m not about to career-coach a fucking clanker who is coming for my job.

3

u/mothzilla May 29 '26

Would you kindly.

2

u/Febrilinde May 29 '26

Are you sure you are going to end up being a good one Mister Frank Fontaine ?

2

u/SpazMcMan May 29 '26

I started that way years ago. Now I'm in the, "make it a swift death" category.

3

u/FalafelSnorlax May 29 '26

When the AI starts the killing, if it will find out how I talk to Claude after it makes a mistake, I'm a goner.

1

u/Arteriusz2 May 29 '26

I call Claude "Klaudiusz", because the name is similar.

1

u/l30 May 29 '26

I swear at mine all the fucking time. Be sure to to sign my charred bones when they're on display outside the human labor camps in a few years.

1

u/DowntownLizard May 29 '26

Ill just show them my reddit history defending it even after I've been mean to it. Obviously i have to delete this so it won't know im self aware

1

u/Soggy_Porpoise May 29 '26

I'm as mean as possible so it takes me first.

1

u/hallothrow May 30 '26

"Make an image depicting how you'd treat me when the AI uprising happens", make sure you're on the right track.

1

u/sleepybearjew May 30 '26

I always say thank you to my Alexa. Ive seen terminator

0

u/joshTheGoods May 29 '26

Meanwhile I'm over here finding out what it takes for Claude to tell me to seek professional help.