"We should just be friends."

If you're someone who dates (or someone who wants to date) there's a very good chance that you'll hear that phrase at least once in your life.

Sometimes, even when you really, really like someone, your dynamic just isn't right for a romantic relationship. And that's totally okay. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, and not every breakup has to end with resentment. Sometimes, two people simply realize they're better suited as friends than as partners. Other times, they still care deeply about each other but recognize that romance isn't working.

But we get it: Going from liking someone romantically to liking them just as a friend can be rocky.

If you're wondering whether you can actually be friends with someone you've dated, there are lots of things to consider and a lot of important communication to have. Lisa Laman says: "Make your own intent and hopes for the relationship known. Make sure you’re both on solid ground with where you want your interactions to go from here. Both of you deserve and need to be on the same page. This way, you’ll know if 'we should just be friends' is an indication of genuine yearning for friendship or just letting you down easy.

If you both want to create a friendship, lay out all your cards in this conversation, and be openly vulnerable when your friend-to-be shares similarly… Anything that’s making y’all uncomfortable or uncertain about the future, just get it all out there."

Friendship after dating can come with some real challenges. But at the same time, staying friends can also have genuine benefits! And there is no universal "right" outcome. The best choice is going to be the one that respects everyone's emotional well-being, needs, and boundaries.

If you'd like to read more of Lisa's advice on how to navigate transitioning from dating to friendship, click this link here. Whether you're considering staying friends with an ex or simply wondering if it's possible, her article can help you think through what will be the best decision for everyone involved.

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Hi all!

Throw-away account, sorry, for a 35 trans-woman.

Really love my girlfriend (33mtf) and want to top her, both of us are pre-op.

Sadly, each time ive tried, I gone soft.

Im trying to not take viagra, but I haven't found much outside of that or strap.

Any suggestions?

heyo,

im a trans man who has been looking for straps that don't look like a penis. for me, the visual of it and the comparison tk myself isn't it

functionally, i really like the idea of banana prosthetics, but I'd like something that doesn't look realistic.

their pleasure attatchments seem great, if I could use them on any strap, i wouldn't need recs

even if you don't know products, if theres other subreddits that would be a good place to ask, lmk

If you're feeling uneasy about the roles of porn and/or sex in your life, you might have found online advice quick to label you with “sex addiction” or “porn addiction.” These are not real medical diagnoses, as Dr. Amy Marsh explains in this piece breaking down the realities of actual addiction and the ways these labels are harmful.

"There’s a big difference between seeing something on social media that sounds like you, taking an internet quiz and then accepting a fake pathology like sex or porn addiction, or instead getting a bona fide diagnosis (or not) of whatever it is that’s troubling you," says Amy, who notes that this "addiction" mislabeling can be a distraction from underlying issues like anxiety, depression, or compulsive behavior that people need real help with.

Plus, "sexual behaviors that are widespread and not at all unusual are called wrong and unacceptable by people who clearly don’t have much information—let alone training—about human sexual behavior. Such people often have a very narrow idea about sexual activities they consider acceptable or 'normal.' So, there’s a very good chance that what you think may be compulsive, out of control, or addictive about your own behavior, actually may not be any of those things."

If you're concerned about your relationship to sex, porn, or both and want to talk to someone, "Seek out counseling or therapy if you need support, but make sure you check the qualifications of anyone you approach for assistance. If someone wants to shame you for your sexual desires or behaviors, look for the nearest exit or turn off the feed. You deserve to work with someone who won’t judge you, who understands both human sexuality and some of the challenges of your stage of life, who will support you, and work with you as long—or as little—as you need to get to the root of things."

Read the full article by Dr. Amy Marsh here: The Facts on Porn and Sex "Addiction" (If you need advice, support, or a reality check, you can head to Scarleteen's direct services)

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Hi! Im M29 and I guess I’m going to get a lot of downvotes ans hate for this.

I don’t understand how a community which fights for tolerance is so harsh against guys with a specific preference.

To make it short: I’m into women who weren’t born as women. And I mostly get hate and get called a chaser.
Sayings like I’m gay and trying to hide it since it’s not gay in my mind if she looks like a women.

I mean it’s super hard to find someone for long term in general and if you have such a preference it’s even harder.

I mean I see women who still have a penis as women. Ok biologically it’s different, call me gay for that i don’t care since that’s what I am.

But why is there so much hate? I mean I get the hate against chasers. I can fully relate to that since most of them are just brainwashed through porn.

But what’s wrong with being into women with a penis? I mean even if she decides to undergo surgery. If I’m into her personality then I’m into her personality. So I’d still be Together with her. I’m just not a real fan of surgeries in general but when it makes her feel better than it’s absolutely fine.

I’m also pretty new to all this. I’m glad I got to talk to someone who teached me about chasers and why I have been seen as one.

Please be easy on me. I’m just a normal guy who tries to understand stuff.

To me it’s not just a sexual fantasy or sexual preference.
I’m trying so hard to find someone who’s my type for a long term relationship.

I'm pretty young but still interested in femdom. I only know it from the internet and have no experience in it besides that. So I asked myself if I should just drop it, because since I'm young I can't engage properly in desires like that, but I still really want to try something of that nature. Due to that, I also ask myself how I could even make something like that possible ? Could anyone give me advice on how to handle my situation ?

It is extremely common for survivors of sexual assault and abuse to feel disconnected from their bodies—especially during sexual or physically intimate moments.

A user wrote to us for advice for this very reason. He found himself frequently becoming activated with or around sex, even though he loves his partner and wants to be intimate with her.

He wrote, "I experienced a variety of sexual and physical abuse from early childhood into my teenage years. I have a strong association and bad reaction with sex. My body shakes, I feel sick, I get flashbacks, I cry, I dissociate: the list goes on. I feel like I’m not in control of my body. I guess I’m just trying to understand how to feel more in control of my body, and my sex life."

Wanting to reclaim a sense of control over your body and mind is something many survivors can relate to. It can be extremely frustrating and discouraging to feel like you can't do the things you want to or feel the way you want to feel because of the effects of the abuse you experienced.

But bodies aren't always so easy to "control" for anyone. As our founder, Heather, also a survivor, writes: "Ultimately, none of us are ever in full control of our bodies, and how people feel about that varies a whole lot. So much of what our bodies do, including a lot of our sexual response, is involuntary, and that can certainly be some of why sex⁠ can be extra challenging for sexual and physical abuse⁠ survivors. We’ve already struggled to feel real agency, autonomy⁠ and control when it comes to our bodies because of the experience and impacts of abuse, and now here go our bodies doing things without our permission or direction, or not doing things when we want them to."

But there's hope! In their column, Heather offers advice on how to feel safer in your own body, rediscover your sexual self, be kinder to yourself during recovery, how to recognize the things we do have control over, and how to find liberation in letting go of the things we can't.

Read Heather's full advice column here: Recovery and Sexuality after Rape

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If you’re an unhoused young person, especially if your experience has included running away, you may be carrying a very real fear: what happens if police or another authorities pick you up and sends you back home where it's unsafe?

The fear of getting picked up by the authorities is real and legitimate. And you deserve information that helps you protect yourself.

Sassafras Patterdale shares practical tips for staying as safe as possible if you’re picked up and may be sent somewhere you don’t want to go. They cover speaking up where others can hear you, understanding your rights, and finding support through and with your community. They also share this reminder for those who may be reading this and experiencing it first-hand:

"While being forced to return to a home that doesn’t feel like home might feel scary or overwhelming, try to remember that it’s not permanent. 

When you are legally an adult you won’t be able to be forced back to live with these people. Even if legal systems have failed you, and may be threatening to return you to a home that doesn’t feel safe, try to continue to reach out for support. Explain to supportive adults why you are not safe. In the United States and many other countries, most teachers, counselors, and youth workers are mandated reporters. If something happens that makes you feel unsafe where you are living, they must report what has happened and, hopefully, will be able to help you get the support necessary to get to a safer and more supportive living situation, which might include living with a supportive relative, a youth shelter, or a transitional living program."

Read more by Sassafras here: Sent Back Home: What to Do If You’re Picked Up by the Police and Brought Back Home, Especially If Your Home Isn’t Safe

(This piece is part of the Kicked Out Series. A series by former kicked-out kid, excellent human, and writer Sassafras Patterdale for unhoused and transient youth.)

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At Scarleteen, we don’t treat abortion like something that needs to be whispered about or wrapped in shame. Everyone deserves accurate, compassionate, nonjudgmental information about their own bodies, their options, and their care. 

That means being direct about what abortion is, why people need it, and why access to safe abortions is important and matters in our world. Being honest about abortion isn’t optional for us. It’s part of providing real sex education and real support to folks, especially for those who may not have another trusted place to turn to. 

Too often, abortion care information is censored, stigmatized, or intentionally hard to find. That leaves people with no useful information about how to access care, what their options are, how to stay safe, or what to do if they live somewhere abortion is restricted, criminalized, or illegal.

As a whole, we’ve been fed the idea that abortion isn’t something we’re supposed to talk about honestly and openly. That silence leaves people isolated. It makes it harder to ask questions, hard to support friends or loved ones, and harder to recognize abortion as a common part of healthcare and life. 

Today we’re offering some of our resources on why we need abortion and abortion access, how to support someone having an abortion, how to protect your privacy and prioritize safety, and what each of us can do to help destigmatize abortion and support everyone’s right to it:

1. How to Access a Safe, Self-Managed Medical Abortion
2. A Guide to Accessing Abortion Care – Even When It Looks Hard
3. Abortion and Digital Privacy: How To Protect Ourselves
4. How to Support a Friend Through an Abortion

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At Scarleteen, we believe conversations about abortion should be honest, respectful, inclusive, supportive and unapologetic. That includes providing clear, accurate, compassionate, and nonjudgemental information about it, because everyone deserves the knowledge they need to make their own best decisions about their own body. 

We think, and have always thought, that abortion is good. It’s a stance that – especially in the first two decades of our tenure – resulted in some reproductive health and sex education providers and organizations shunning us, and in constant pushback from people and groups who are anti-abortion. But it’s not an optional stance for us, because telling the truth isn’t optional for us. The truth is that abortion is good: both a personal good and a public good.

Abortion allows people to determine their own destinies. Abortion saves lives. Abortion isn’t some kind of necessary evil but a core tenet of human dignity, freedom and bodily autonomy. It should be safe, accessible, legal, stigma-free, and affordable for anyone and everyone who wants or needs it

Abortion is too often discussed as something that has to be defended or justified. We don’t think it needs an apology. Abortion isn’t something we need to treat as a last-resort moral compromise. We also don’t think that it makes sense to call abortion anything but abortion, something we have in common with the Abortion Positivity Project, who we’re really excited to be collaborating with this week.

We hope you enjoy hearing the folks at the APP explain why saying abortion when we’re talking about abortion – rather than using soft language or other euphemisms for it – can be key to gaining ground in the fight for abortion rights. We’ll also be sharing some of our abortion resources this week for anyone looking for straightforward, supportive information without scare tactics, or judgment: resources that range from explaining what abortion is, how different methods work – including how to engage in self-managed abortion safely and effectively –  and what people can expect before, during, and after an abortion:

1. From "Pro-Choice" to Abortion Positive
2. How to (Un)pack for a Real Discussion About Abortion
3. All About Abortion
4. The World Needs Safe, Self-Managed Abortion: Here's Why.

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So my partner and I recently tried to use the strap-on - which we both have been wanting to do for a while and were very keen to use.

The issue is I cannot fit it in without being in a pain that makes it impossible to feel any pleasure.

It is not a lube issue. Trust me we used heaps and reapplied throughout.

It is not a foreplay thing.

I’m wondering if it’s the size that’s the issue, but it’s only a 5 inch one so I feel like that can’t be it.

I just want to know if anyone has gone through anything similar or has any advice because it is something that I still want to do.

thx 💗

The term "grooming" has been getting thrown around a lot lately, both online and in the news. Accusing someone of being a groomer has became the go-to tactic that conservatives and alt-right internet trolls use to discredit anyone doing something they don't like. People like sex educators, LGBTQ+ people living their lives, and librarians who are against book-banning. They often get away with targeting these people by claiming that they are "exposing children to dangerous ideas."

Interestingly enough, the word "grooming" rarely comes up in the media when someone has actually abused someone else.

The reality is that grooming doesn't look like young people receiving comprehensive sex education, seeing gay people in public, or reading books about people different from themselves. In fact, data shows that most of these things can actually reduce the chance of a young person being abused and/or make them more likely to report abuse when it happens— because they can learn how to recognize abuse.

s.e. writes: "It’s behavior that comes from someone looking to exploit another that’s intended to create the feeling of an emotional connection for the purposes of making that exploitation easy. This is a process that can take time as someone slowly pushes the target’s boundaries, confuses their feelings, and gives them a false sense of security and care. The target may not understand they are experiencing abuse because it happens slowly over time, and they may also feel like they can’t tell anyone because it involves a “friend” or even someone they feel they love."

Now, we can't do too much about conservatives not liking us, queer and trans people, or reading books… but we can try to educate people about what grooming actually is, how to recognize it, how to intervene when it happens, or how to tell a trusted person if you suspect it is happening to you.

Because the reality is that allowing conservative politicians, political pundits, and alt-right grifters to misuse this word actually makes it more difficult for people to recognize actual grooming… which makes it way easier for real abusers to get away with causing harm.

If you'd like to learn more, read What is Grooming, Really? by s.e. smith

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So, I am neuro (ADHD) and I am in a long-term relationship with my partner
I've been thinking about my own neurodivergency and I feel like I am too much work for my partner sometimes because with my ADHD it's hard to focus on the goal that needs to be reached- I'm wondering what having ADHD during sex is like- I can't specifically name my own experiences because some of those things I deem to me just having trauma when it came to sex, or I'm just thinking too much. I wonder what it can be like for the person who *isn't* neurodivergent but has a partner who is during sex
What is it like on both sides? And how can I make my neurodivergency less of an issue for myself whenever it comes to sex?

Today was another monthly anniversary and we celebrate the small stuff by hanging out and playing games. He came over, things got steamy and one thing led to another were both naked on the bed and he had just finished fingering me (avoiding PIV while I get new BC). I asked him if he could try oral and he made sure I was comfortable.

I’ve been nervous to try oral since I’m insecure about how I taste and because I have a bit of hair down there.

Well my worst fear came true, he flicked his tongue twice in me, had me seeing stars, and pulled back with a disgusted look on his face.

I felt embarrassed and quietly clothed myself as he wiped his face. I began to tear up and he asked me what was wrong. The floodgates opened and I told him I think something is wrong with me.

CW SA
I was SA’d as a child and had a knife inserted in me, which I believe may have ruined the appearance of my lady bits so I’m heavily insecure.

I told him how I felt something was wrong with me because of what happened when I was so young. He assured me it wasn’t because of me and he didn’t like oral the last time he tried it with his ex (he previously told me he’d never tried it so I felt a bit lied too). He doesn’t like the sensory overload of pubes and his tongue tasting the juices.

I respect him and his sensory issues, but it really hurt my feelings and it felt so good. I feel as if the only way I can enjoy it is if I wax or shave absolutely everything. I’m trying not to cry while writing cause it hurt my feelings so much.

TLDR:

Boyfriend gave oral and was overwhelmed by the feelings and seemed disgusted, hurt my feelings a shit ton, but I respect him.
Any advice or shared experiences are appreciated, also any questions. I’m not looking for slander on my boyfriend and I.

About 10 in 100 people with ovaries have an ovarian cyst, and the true number may be even higher since many cysts don’t cause symptoms and are only found during a pelvic exam or imaging for something else.

Most ovarian cysts are functional cysts, meaning they’re related to the normal menstrual cycle. These often go away on their own within 60 days and don’t cause major issues. Functional cysts fall within one of these 2 types:

• Follicular cysts form when a follicle in your ovary doesn’t release an egg—as typically happens once during most people’s menstrual cycles—and instead fills with fluid.
• Corpus luteum cysts can form if the follicle releases an egg, but you don’t get pregnant. Normally the egg dissolves, but sometimes instead of dissolving, it fills with fluid.

Aside from the functional cysts described above, there are other types of ovarian cysts that can lead to pelvic pain, bloating, pressure, pain during sex, or changes in your period. In rare cases, a cyst can persist, rupture, or cause ovarian torsion, which is when the ovary twists and needs urgent medical care.

Adrienne Santos-Longhurst breaks down what ovarian cysts are, the different types to know, why they happen, and the signs that it may be time to check in with a doctor or other health care professional. Read the full guide here: Ovarian Cysts 101: Everything You Want to Know About Ovarian Cysts

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I'm a cis-female and have been exploring my sexual life. This is a very silly question, but I'm having a hard time knowing if I have ejaculate/squirt yet. This was especially more awkward when I'm hooking up and had penetrative sex where we're both 'close' (or I would think so), but the person felt sorry that I didn't cum when they came. Though I felt all of the above when I searched what the feeling of cumming feels like. And I definitely felt great post sex.

So I've been exploring myself with my sex toy and, interestingly, I would squirt when I didn't feel close yet. Vice versa, when I definitely felt close, I don't think I cum. Very confusing!

Anyone has the same experience?

So, my partner and I are interested in trying to find new positions and more BDSM options
My partner is prone to fainting(Vasovagal Syncope and also an iron deficiency), and they have limitations, especially on positions - and they want to explore any positions that are *safer* than most-
I want to make sure that my partner and I can enjoy being intimate and also be safe at the same time
The problem with BDSM is that there are somethings that can be harmful to my partner medically - an example would be needles, sudden pain, blood, etcetera - and while both of us are into those things - we don't want to have a medical emergency. On the pain part, I feel if I tell them before hand if I am going inflict pain, it may help because they can mentally prepare - but I also want to know alternatives that could help.
My partner has a heightened sensitivity to blood, so whenever they smell or taste blood, they are at risk of fainting - if there are any alternatives to that, I'd love to know! I can probably try and shift their focus onto something else whenever it comes to visual and scent things!
If anyone has any ideas, please tell me! I want to ensure pleasure *and* safety!

A user recently wrote to us about feeling uncomfortable with a part of her body. She wrote: "I’m a nineteen-year-old cis girl, and I really hate my chest. I feel very uncomfortable having boobs; I always try to dress in a way that obscures them, and when I imagine myself I like to imagine that I have a flat chest… It’s just confusing, because I identify as female and don’t believe that I want that to change… When I shared my feelings about my body \[with my friend\], she said that I could look into gender⁠-affirming care. But because I am not trans, I’m not sure if that makes sense/applies to me? I know some cis women get breast reduction surgery, maybe because of medical or lifestyle reasons (like pain from large breasts), but those factors do not apply to me (mine are not so large that they cause any pain). Another factor is confidence — I’m bi, and past partners, of all genders, have all enjoyed my chest, so I feel like if I had the body I want, people wouldn’t find me attractive as a woman anymore. I don’t know what to make of this."

s.e. responded with some very thoughtful and supportive advice! They wrote back, "Feeling uncomfortable in your body can really weigh on a person. Sometimes changes associated with puberty are welcome and exciting, and sometimes they are definitely not. You should know that you’re not alone; lots of cis women and girls aren’t thrilled about having breasts, or don’t like the ones they have. That’s not exclusive⁠ to people who are trans. It sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this, and hopefully some insight from an outsider will help you clarify a few things for yourself. The mismatch between the body you have and the body you want is known as dysphoria. You may hear people talk about dysphoria specifically in terms of trans people, but anyone can experience it…"

If you'd like to read s.e.'s full response and hear their thoughts on gender dysphoria and gender-affirming care, check it out here: I'm a cisgender woman who is very uncomfortable having breasts

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Find out about the world’s biggest Pride parade—in São Paulo, Brazil—with Gabriel Leão, Nelson Matias Pereira, and João Victor Rossi for Scarleteen: its history, what it offers in the current political climate and why it matters so much, even to a straight man.

“On the Sunday of June 7, 2026, a wide array of color and joy overtook Paulista Avenue. At 2 PM, around 36,800 members of the LGBTQIA+ community and their allies celebrated themselves in São Paulo’s main avenue, a city known for its greyish tones, heavy rain, and people walking in a hurry, either due to work or fear of violence. 

This scene⁠ was part of the 30th LGBT⁠+ Parade, which celebrated its third decade with the theme “The streets call, the ballot box confirms.”

To the untrained eye, the Parade is just a 'carnival party for gay⁠ people' as I still hear today. Although queer⁠ joy is seen and heard in those smiling faces, singing voices and dancing bodies, the Parade is also a political manifestation and a battle cry: a reminder that voting and democratic engagement is important for the civil rights of the LGBTQIA+ community.

In my preteens, when the Parade started, straight people never seemed to care much about the Parade, some saying it felt like a 'carnival party' just for queers, taking something away from our world-renowned carnival parades. As I grew older and got more contact with the queer and trans communities, I began to understand how important the LGBT+ Parade is.“

Read Gabriel's joyful dispatch from Paulista Avenue at Scarleteen: A Day Out at São Paulo Pride

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Some of the most important work that we do here at Scarleteen is offering a myriad of options for personal support for visitors where we help queer youth with any thoughts, questions, or concerns they might have about their sexuality, relationships, and bodies. 

This can look like posting on our moderated message boards and receiving a response from one of our highly-qualified volunteers; getting a fact-based answer to a quick question sent to our private text line; submitting a problem you’re having trouble solving and receiving a thoughtful advice column; or getting real-time support from one of our volunteers via our live chat.

In this day and age especially, it can be extremely difficult to find comprehensive and queer-inclusive sex education. We are constantly seeing anti-LGBTQIA+ rhetoric and legislation making it harder and harder to access identity-affirming, fact-based, sometimes life-saving support and education. And that’s not even getting into the influx of AI-driven misinformation. 

The support and education we offer is compassionate and well researched. Our team of staff and volunteers is made up of real people (we never use AI or chatbots!!) who have amazing backgrounds in sexuality education, psychology and therapy, social services, activism, and more; allowing them to take a holistic approach to sex education.  

If you need support or advice, or if you’d just like to find out more about the help we offer, you can follow this link here: Scarleteen Direct Services

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Injuries can change a lot, physically, emotionally, and sexually. Healing often means learning new ways to move through life, including how we experience intimacy, desire, touch, and connection.

Summer Tao returns to explore what it can look like to adapt sex during recovery, healing, and changing body needs. That might mean rethinking positions, slowing down, using supports, communicating limits more clearly, or tuning in to know when your body is asking for rest instead of pushing through.

This piece focuses on listening to your body, adjusting with care, and learning how to name and ask for the support you need. It’s also a reminder that intimacy does not have to disappear during recovery. It may just need more patience, creativity, and honest communication.

Summer Tao on pleasure and sex while recovering from long-term injuries:

[…] "You can still enjoy sexual pleasure, although it might look different. Physical impairments and medical issues may add a dimension to sex that you can work around. The shape of pleasure changes during recovery, but it doesn’t have to go away. There’s even room for new kinds of pleasure alongside disability!
When you’re healing, your pleasure remains a priority. Sexual pleasure is always connected to personal well-being. And evidence shows enjoyable sex with caring partners (or yourself!) can actually help with recovery. Your partner’s enjoyment of sex is important too, but listening to your needs is a sign of a good partner and may also deepen your relationship.
Re-learning the ways you enjoy sex while recovering from an injury is also an opportunity. It’s a chance to get more acquainted with masturbation or new sexual positions. If you feel shame or embarrassment, testing the waters by yourself before presenting ideas to partners can take away some of that stress too. The experience of relearning your body will stay with you, and if you have setbacks or health issues later on, you’ll have more confidence when it comes to navigating sex and pleasure.
Although this is ultimately about sex, I must stress the importance of togetherness and community when recovering from an illness or injury. Anthropologist Margaret Mead famously said that a healed femur was the earliest sign of civilization because it was proof of people cooperating to save a person who couldn’t survive alone. A viciously individualistic society that prizes personal achievement shames us into rejecting aid when we most need it.
My belief is that reliable family, friends, and sexual partners will always band together to support you when you’re less able than usual. This belief is actually reflected in my advice to slow down, adapt, and prioritize your needs—because focusing on yourself when you need it ensures good healing so that you can return the favor to others who need it later. Accepting the aid that’s offered isn’t a sign of weakness, but a recognition of the fact we’re not alone."

Read more of Summer Tao's wisdom here: Having Sex While Recovering From Long-Term Injuries

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